Alright, just gonna put it out there that I have just recently started reading the Deadpool comics. However, I have seen that Wolverine movie (horrible what they did to Deadpool) and have done a sufficient amount of research on him to hopefully produce something of value.
Also, I think that the lack of Deadpool fanfictions is just horrible and should be fixed.
So usual disclaimer: I don't own Deadpool or any of the X-Men. I own my own character who will be introduced if you keep reading. Rate & Review as usual!
This is white box
This is yellowbox
Wolverine cringed at the all too familiar voice that echoed through the halls of his school. He glanced over at Storm, his partner in running the mansion, who shrugged and rolled her eyes.
"Hey, he's closer to you than he is to me. You should go find him before he starts terrorizing the students." she said. Wolverine growled to himself and stood up from his desk, grumbling as he made his way into the courtyard of the mansion. As he walked, he heard his students chatter excitedly about the red clad loudmouth who had just barged into the mansion and had already managed to create a scene. He had heard something about the "creepy red guy demanding tacos" pretty much from every student he walked by.
"Ugh! Out of this whole huge place do you mean to tell me there's not a single taco for me to eat?!" the masked man shouted.
"I told you we should've stopped at Samantha's before coming all the way out here!"
"But that would've taken too long!"
"Yeah, but at least we would've had tacos and wouldn't have to ask all of these special kids for one."
"Hehe, you guys called them special." the red clad man giggled to himself.
"Damnit, Deadpool! I told you that if you're going to visit bring your own damn food!" Wolverine shouted, running past a group of students.
"Ah! Logan finally!" Deadpool exclaimed happily, rushing over to meet his longtime...ally? Would that be the right word?
"You've gotta tell me where you keep your tacos! I don't think I can go on much longer without them!" he whined. Wolverine pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, feeling a migraine coming on. They always seemed to happen when Deadpool was around.
"Deadpool for the last time you can't keep eating all of our-"
"Hey! Who's that!? I've never seen her around! You think she'll know where the tacos are?" Deadpool asked, peeking around Wolverine's shoulder. Wolverine glanced behind him, seeing a familiar black clad figure float through the crowds of people like a shadow. He felt a sinking feeling in his gut. That person was Raven, probably on one of her rare trips to the kitchen in order to make...you guessed it...tacos. The problem was she was alarmed easily, often with near deadly consequences.
"Deadpool, you really should leave her alone. She doesn't know where the-"
It was too late. The Merc with a Mouth, and the world's shortest attention span, was already on his way to her.
"Damnit, Deadpool!" Wolverine cursed, trying to make his way through the throngs of people, but to no avail. He was already too far away.
"Hey lady! Laaaaaady!" Deadpool called after the hoodie clad woman.
"Damnit, what's her problem?"
"Maybe we should be louder."
"Good idea." Deadpool said to himself before shouting as loud as his lungs would let him "HEY LAAAAAAAADY!"
She still kept walking, making her way through the crowds of people with remarkable ease. Her hood was up, but he could see a long dark cord trailing from inside and into her pocket.
"Ah, so she's got one of those..."Deadpool struggled for the word.
"Yeah! That thing!" he exclaimed.
"I hate those things! None of the ladies can ever hear our awesome pickup lines with those things in!"
"Yeah. And more importantly, they can't tell us where the hell the freaking tacos are!" Deadpool screamed in agony. Suddenly, the gears in his fucked up head started turning.
"Well, I've already tried the polite way...let's try the impolite way." he said mischeivecusly to himself.
"Hey, lady!" he yelled, reaching out and grabbing the young woman's wrist. Without warning and with shocking speed, the woman grabbed the man's hand and pressed the pressure points in his wrist in order for him to release her. Then she spun him around and pinned him to the wall...or at least tried to. Deadpool could tell what she was trying to do and countered, knocking the feet out from under her and pinning her to the ground, thoroughly amused by the look of shock on her face, as if nobody ever managed to counter her before. With one swift movement, he yanked the cords out of her ears.
"Ya know, if you keep listening to your tunes this loud, you're gonna go deaf." he warned her. The black haired girl narrowed her eyes and struggled against the man. She hadn't had to defend herself from a serious opponent in such a long time, she must've gotten rusty.
"Now, with that out of the way, could you tell me where the tacos are?" he asked. The girl blinked up at him, completely shocked. Did he know she was going to make some tacos? But how? Was he a mutant? She had never seen him around before. And even if she didn't see him, she Definately would've at least heard him.
"What's wrong?" he asked "Cat got your tongue?"
She blinked up at him, not sure how to communicate her handicap to the strange man. Suddenly, his weight was lifted off of her by none other than Wolverine.
"Raven, you alright? Did this guy hurt you?" he asked.
"Ohhhh, so your name is Raven? Very nice. Dark, but sexy. I like it!" her assailant exclaimed with glee. Raven felt her cheeks heat up as she stood up, brushing her clothes off.
She nodded to Wolverine, keeping her dark eyes fixed on the floor. Satisfied with her response, Wolverine dropped Deadpool onto the floor.
"Ow!" he cried in mock hurt, looking up with a pleading expression through his mask at the black haired woman "C'mon, lady, I'm sorry! I just want to know where the tacos are! Please! I'll do anything."
Wolverine rolled his eyes and prepared to grab Deadpool by his collar and haul him out of the mansion.
"Look, bub, she doesn't want to-"
Raven smacked Wolverine's hand out of the way, looking at him as if trying to communicate her desire to him.
"Really? You WANT him to go with you for tacos?" the new headmaster asked, astonished. Ever since she arrived at the mansion over 6 months ago, she had refused any outside contact other than himself. Now, she was willing to take this loudmouth down to the kitchen to share her favorite food with him.
Raven nodded, wordlessly, a rare shadow if a smile crossing her usually frowning face. Deadpool's eyes lit up as he jumped up with a newfound energy.
"Ha! In your face, fuzzball!" he taunted Wolverine, who glared dangerously in response. He gulped nervously and hid behind Raven, who closed her eyes and held a hand up to her lips to hide the smile that cracked her features.
"Now, come, lady! Onward to tacos!" the red clad Merc shouted. Raven gave Wolverine an apologetic look before walking away, leading a cheering and dancing Deadpool to the kitchen. Wolverine shook his head and sighed. Out of all the people to make a breakthrough with the reclusive young girl, he would never would've guessed that Deadpool would be the one to do it.
Oh well, at least it gave him less to worry about.
"Sooooooo, Raven right? I'm Deadpool. Merc with a Mouth and god among men. Yeah, I'm pretty much a big deal." he chattered away as they walked. The students stared at the pair strangely, never seeing the dark haired girl with anyone but Wolverine before, as they walked into their classrooms.
Raven blushed softly. She had heard stories about the Merc with a Mouth when she was still in business. In fact, she even stole a couple of contracts from him on some occasions. These were things she wished she could say.
She touched her throat tentatively with the tips of her fingers, recalling the foul memory of how she became a mute with a shudder. That was something she would be more than happy to keep from the talkative man.
"You don't talk much, do ya?" he asked her, breaking her from her thoughts. She shook her head in response, furrowing her brow to figure out how to communicate her handicap to him once more.
She pointed to her throat and then held it as if she was in pain. Deadpool's eyes widened and he nodded.
"Ohhhh...so you have like strep or something?" he asked. Raven would've sighed if she could make a noise, but since she couldnt she just rolled her eyes instead. It was a good enough for her...at least for now.
"It won't get in my tacos will it? I really don't wanna have strep in my tacos...not that it will matter very much...I'd just rather not have anything gross in my tacos." Deadpool continued. She rolled her eyes again. It wasn't like she would spit in the tacos. Even if she did have strep, she couldn't think of any way for the tacos to be infected.
The halls were empty now and quiet...well they would've been if it wasn't for Deadpool's constant yammering.
"So, how long have ya known Wolverine? I've known him since like forever! Do you know any other of the X-pals? Do you have any mutations? How many tacos can you eat? I can eat like 100!" he chattered, not even caring if Raven answered one of his questions or not. She kinda liked it. His voice was friendly and he had a sharp wit. Plus, he didn't seem to run out of things to say, very unlike Wolverine; who seemed just about as talkative as she was. At least he had the ability to talk.
She led him into the kitchen and immediately began to work on making the tacos.
Deadpool whistled in admiration as he inspected the vast and empty kitchen.
"Wow. This place is awesome!" he cheered, opening up one of the large stainless steel fridges "They've got enough food here to feed an army!"
"And to think Wolverine didn't want to share with us!"
"I know! What's the deal with that?!" he exclaimed. Raven stopped and looked at him strangely, wondering who he was talking to.
"Oh, I wasn't talking to you. I got a bunch of assholes in my head." he explained, tapping his head. Instead of being shocked, she just gave him a small smile and resumed her taco making.
After a while, Deadpool sat on the stainless steel table, inhaling the scent of the taco meat as it cooked in the frying pan just inches away.
"Mmmmm...that smells so good." he cooed. Raven smiled. It was her mother's recipe she was using; she had found it when she was going through her things when her and her family moved as a kid.
She scooped up some of the meat and held it out to Deadpool, offering him to try it. He snatched the spoon greedily and turned so she couldn't see him lift up his mask to eat the delicious meat.
"Oh...my...God...this...is...AMAZING!" the Merc with a Mouth exclaimed, holding up the spotless spoon in triumph. Raven's face cracked into a smile once again as she turned off the stove to let the meat simmer for a bit.
"You must be some kind of taco wizard! Tell me, which Taco god or demon did you sell your soul to in order to create such a fantastic treat?!" he asked her excitedly. A small blush appeared on her cheeks and she shrugged. It was tacos...the same kind of tacos she had been making for years since she couldn't really go out and order one herself.
"Oh right...you can't talk..." he muttered, realizing her silence again. Her smile. Faded and she set about ladling the taco meat into the crunchy, prepared shells. She noticed out of her peripherals that her new companion was staring at her. His mask prevented her from reading his emotions, which frustrated her only slightly.
"I've been wondering...what are you hiding underneath that gigantic hoodie of yours?" he asked, snatching a couple of tacos and turning around to eat them. Raven frowned. She could've asked him the same thing about his mask...in fact she wanted to. It wasn't like she was hiding anything underneath her hoodie...the extra fabric just made her feel comfortable. It was enough that nobody's attention was drawn to her body and it also made her feel as if she could slip into a dark abyss like she had dreamed of since she discovered her healing factor all those years ago. She shuddered again; yet another memory she wished to forget.
"Hahaha...nevermind...you probably are hiding the fact that you have a flat chest...it's ok...I know a lot of pretty lesbians who have flat chests." he commented. Raven's eyes narrowed to slits and she slapped him across the face with everything she had, causing him to fall right out of his seated position and onto the floor.
"Ow! Jeeze! Easy, lady, I was just kidding!" Deadpool whined, rubbing his cheek. Raven blinked, stunned at what had just happened. It had been 6 months since she had touched another human being. The sudden contact added an extra tingling sensation to her open palm as it remained frozen in midair.
"Hey, you alright?" he asked, standing up.
"Great, you broke her."
"Maybe there's a reset button on her somewhere?"
"Better fix her before Wolverine comes back and claws our faces off."
"You mean MY face, asshole." Deadpool muttered before snapping his fingers in front of Raven's stunned face.
"Hey? Hey, sweetcheeks? You alright?" he asked. Her black eyes flashed to his face, causing him to jump in surprise. Without warning, she shoved past him, putting her headphones back into her ears and sprinting out the door; and past Storm who had just been walking in to check up on the pair.
"You really shouldn't worry too much about her." Storm informed him "She's kinda...strange..."
"Kinda? You can say that again!"
"Not like we're one to talk."
"True. What's her deal anyways?" Deadpool asked. Storm shrugged.
"I really wish I knew. All I know is she was living with Gambit in Louisiana for a bit before he made a deal with Professor Xavier to send her here for some type of medical treatment. But he died before she could make it here." she explained.
"Medical treatment? She seems fine to me." he responded, rubbing the cheek she had just slapped earlier. Storm shook her head, sadly.
"I know. She doesn't spend enough time outside with people in order for anyone to notice anything physically wrong. Plus, she refuses to see a doctor...she wont even go near the hospital wing." she sighed "We don't even know if she's a mutant or not. All we know is she prefers to go by Raven and she can't speak."
"And she makes the best tacos ever!" Deadpool added, holding up one of the tacos "Have you tried one?"
Storm shook her head and held up a hand.
"No. I just ate...anyways...Logan told me about how she actually volunteered to take you here and make you tacos and we were hoping that she would open up to you..."
If Deadpool had doggie ears they'd be perked up right now.
"Wait, so are you telling me that the X-Men need MY help to crack this kid?" Deadpool asked. Storm sighed and shook her head.
"We don't really NEED you to but-"
"Say no more! Dr. Pool is on the case!" Deadpool exclaimed, snatching the plate of tacos and running out of the kitchen.
"Hey! Her room is on the fourth floor! Room 416!" Storm shouted at the red clad anti-hero as he sprinted down the empty halls. She smirked and rolled her eyes. Deadpool really was one of a kind, maybe he could get some information out of the silent girl.
Raven laid in her bed staring at the ceiling fan that spun relentlessly above her. She drummed her fingertips on her now rumbling stomach, regretting not at least grabbing one taco. She could still feel the soft fabric of that man's mask on her palm. What was his name again? Deadpool? What kind of name was that? If only she could ask.
A couple of loud knocks broke her out of her thoughts, making her jump in surprise.
"Hey, yo, Raven?" a familiar voice called to her from the other side of the thick mahogany door "This better be your room...I don't think I can handle walking in on another teenage gropefest."
Raven inhaled, bringing the delicious scent of tacos into her nasal passages. This guy really could read her mind.
She approached the door, silently as always. She gripped the cool brass handle, twisted it, and opened the door just a crack; just enough for her to see none other than Deadpool himself holding what remained of her tacos. "Phew! Thank God!" he exclaimed, a satisfied and relieved expression clear through his mask "I swear if you were another one of those horny teenagers I really would've just shot myself in the face."
Raven raised an eyebrow, not really caring about his ordeal in getting to her room, but more concerned with the fact that there was only one measly little taco on the plate. She recalled making at least 15.
"Oh! Right! Sorry about eating all of your tacos." he apologized, rubbing the back of his head "They were just sooooooo good I just couldn't resist."
Raven's eyes narrowed and she snatched the last taco from the plate. It was better than not eating at all, right?
She went to slam the door in the red clad man's face, when she was stopped by a gloved hand.
Her eyes flashed angrily up to Deadpool's white ones. Couldn't this guy see she wanted to be alone? What was his deal anyways?
"Now, is that any way to treat the man who brought you the last of the world's most delicious tacos?" he taunted her. Raven felt her temper spike within her. The reason there was only one left was because he ate them all! Besides, she did all the hard work! Where was her thanks?
"How about a tour of your room as payment?" Deadpool suggested, trying to maneuver around the shorter girl "I'd just love to get a peek at where short, dark, and sexy sleeps."
Raven used all of her strength to shove him out of her room with one hand, nimbly locking her door behind her all while keeping her taco balanced in her free hand.
"Ah so I see we have something in common." Deadpool said rather hoarsely due to the fact her arm was crushing his windpipe "We're both good with our hands."
He gave her a suggestive wink and wiggled his fingers in a sexual way, making her blush furiously and let him drop to the floor like a dead bug. She took a bite of her taco, giving him one last look before walking down the hall.
"Damn. This is gonna be harder than I thought." Deadpool mumbled as his eyes followed the dark haired girl as she ran down the hallway.
"Is it just me or did anyone else get aroused when she pinned us up against the wall?"
"It would've been better if she wasn't wearing that gigantic hoodie."
"Or anything at all! Hehe!"
"I agree! Hehe, maybe if we get close enough to her, she'll let us see her naked." Deadpool told himself.
"Excellent! Now, onward to naked breasts!"
"Tallyho!" Deadpool cheered before sprinting down the hall after Raven.
When he finally caught up to her, he noticed that she had her headphones back in her ears and her music on full blast. This would not do at all, especially since the possibility of seeing naked breasts was at stake.
He reached over and yanked the wires out of her ears roughly.
"I shouldn't have to keep telling a grown woman how rude it is to listen to music so loud when there's guests." he said, making sure to keep the headphones along with the iPod itself out of her grasping hands "Now what are you listening to."
Deadpool pressed the lock button on the device and the screen lit up.
"Ah, Linkin Park. Not bad...kinda angry, though dontcha think?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at the device "Now let's see what else you have on here."
Raven immediately cursed not setting a password on her most precious device; she just never had a reason to before now.
Deadpool unlocked the iPod with ease and began scrolling through the songs.
"Jeeze! No wonder you're living here with Fluffy!" he exclaimed as he continued to scroll "You've pretty much sunk every last penny into the music on this thing." he gave her a mischievous wink "Unless someone is a naughty girl who pirates her music online."
Raven felt her face heat up in embarrassment. It wasn't completely uncommon for people to pirate music offline, so why did his pointing it out make her so embarrassed? Oh well, not a priority. What is a priority is getting that iPod back before he finds-
"No way! This is my jam!" Deadpool exclaimed, yanking the headphones out of the device so it would play on its speakers, loud enough for the whole hall to hear.
"I'm a Barbie girl! In a barbie world! Life in plastic! It's fantastic!" he sung, dancing ahead of her down the hall. Raven stared after him, completely mortified. She had downloaded that song when it first came out; aka waaaaaay before any of the series of unfortunate events happened that made her tastes in music (as well as her personality) go completely AWOL.
"Aw, c'mon! It's a classic! And it's totally manly for me to sing it because, let's face it, I'm awesome!" Deadpool shouted over his shoulder as he continued to dance and sing down the hallway. Raven's eyes narrowed and she ran to catch up to the dancing man. She snatched her iPod out of his hands and turned it off, shoving the device deep within her pocket.
"Good! Now, I won't have to tell you to keep that thing off next time I come by to see you will I?" Deadpool asked. Raven's eyes widened. Could that have been his plan all along? No way, there was no chance. This guy was to insane to come up with any type of plan...wasn't he?
She nodded, still a bit dumbfounded by what just happened.
"Now, I have a contract to go take care of. You think you can remember everything that I, the great Dr. Pool, have taught you thus far?" he asked. She nodded, still unsure of exactly how to respond or act in this situation.
"Great! See ya whenever, darkness." he gave her a mischievous wink "I mean, Raven."
And with that, he sprinted down the hall, presumably to the exit. Raven watched him leave, wishing that he would stay. The feeling she had in her heart was an unfamiliar one, but not one that she had no idea about. It would seem that she had just developed a tiny crush on the Merc with a Mouth. Why him? She had no idea. He was loud, crude, and obviously batshit crazy. Plus, she didn't even know what he looked like under that mask of his, not that his looks mattered all that much to her.
"Well, well, fancy seeing you out here." a sweet southern voice said from behind her. Raven turned to see Rogue standing behind her with one hand on her hip. She had seen Rogue around the campus before, but had never talked to her, or rather Rogue had never talked to her.
Raven turned to run away, but was stopped by Rogue's hand on her wrist. She noticed that Rogue made sure to grab her by the sleeve so she wouldn't hurt her. In return, Raven decided not to counter against her. Plus, she knew Rogue had powers almost identical to hers (minus the fact that Raven could control when she could use her powers), so that made them like...mutant sisters or something?
"Don't be afraid!" Rogue said in a soothing voice "I've been trying to talk to you since you got here. I thought you needed a bit of female contact, since well...you know the only people who's talked to you so far is Wolverine...and apparently Deadpool."
Raven felt her cheeks heat up at the mention of his name. Rogue's eyes widened.
"Oh no...don't tell me...you LIKE him?" Rogue exclaimed. Raven blushed even deeper and nodded, sheepishly. Rogue looked less than pleased.
"Raven, I know we aren't even really friends, but as a woman to another woman, I'd recommend keeping your distance." she advised "Deadpool really isn't...well...I mean...he has been in relationships before, but...I don't know if you and him would be..."
Raven raised an eyebrow, wondering what exactly Rogue was getting at. Rogue made eye contact with Raven, suddenly realizing how futile her warnings were.
"Look, this is the most I've seen of you in six months. And if Deadpool is the reason for that, then I don't think that's particularly a bad thing." she continued "And if you need any help or just someone to talk to, I'm your girl."
Raven shrugged. She supposed it was good that she got out of her room. However, she highly doubted Deadpool would be interested in her much more with how she was currently dressed and the fact she couldn't talk. At least one of those things was fixable. However, what did he like...that was the question. And she was confident she could find the answer without human contact.
Raven smiled sweetly and the southern girl before running back towards her room.
She flung open the door and threw herself onto her bed. She reached for her faithful black laptop and opened it. While the device was loading, she though about how she would phrase the question. It wasn't like Deadpool was completely unknown. Someone out there was bound to know what he liked his lady to look like.
She wordlessly tapped her question into the anonymous question box and hit enter before she could second guess herself. Without another word, she snapped the laptop shut and slid it underneath her pillow before turning off the light and digging under the covers. She tossed herself to her left and stared out her window and at the clear night sky.
Her mind raced with thoughts of the red clad mercenary as her eyes grew heavy and everything faded to black.
Raven felt a presence next to her. Her eyes shot open to meet the white ones of an all too happy Deadpool. He laid to her left, cockily posed in a way she had only seen magicians pull off after a difficult trick. Getting into her room without her noticing certainly was a difficult trick.
"Hey there, silent and sexy. Mind if I sleep with you tonight? I get serious nighttime anxiety." he said, with a wink, "But I doubt we'll be doing much sleeping."
Raven felt her face heat up as he inched closer to her, his arm wrapping itself around her waist and pulling her onto his body. Upon this close contact, she could feel every part of him; his well toned chest, his bulging biceps, his incredibly well endowed and hardened lower member. Every part of him made her heart race. Every inch drove her wild.
"So what do ya say?" he asked her, his breath hot against her cheek "You gonna let me in or what?"
Raven tried to avert her gaze from his, her fingers tracing up and down his body. It was a difficult decision. How could anyone accept who she was and what she used to do? How could anyone accept her now? Even though he was no poster child of normalcy, could he accept her? Would he?
"So what's it gonna be?" he whispered into her ear, his hands traveling up her hoodie, underneath her black tank top and onto her breasts. Goosebumps traveled down her spine and her mouth opened in a silent moan.
"You gonna let me in or not?" he persisted. Her own hands traveled up his body and to the bottom of his mask. She rolled it up slowly, much slower than she had ever done anything in her life. The pale skin of his neck was visible and soon a well defined chin could also be seen. Her prize was still further up. Just a little bit more and-
Ohhhhh, cliffhanger in the first chapter? That's a good sign. Haha! Alright, let me know what you think!
Music used (in order):
What You Want by Evanescence
Papercut by Linkin Park
Barbie Girl by Aqua