So...yeah. Hello. Waves sheepishly. I'm back...bitches I hope anyway. Trying to get the old muse fired up so I can finish what I start and what is better than a one shot? A smutty one shot you say? I am all over that! I hope you enjoy. I am more than a little rusty writing these characters (who belong to someone else mind you). I hope you enjoy. Tell me if you do. Don't even think about being shy. All mistakes are mine so I apologize beforehand.


Butch (...)Please

Maura watched with a queasy stomach as Frost shoved the last congealed fry from the rather large basket into his mouth. He wiped greasy fingers on a napkin before reaching for the vanilla shake, slurping loudly.

She was actually impressed and disgusted at the same time.

"That was enough calories to put on at least a pound."

He slurped again before adding. "It was damn good though."

"I'm sure. Don't they say calories are tasty?" Maura asked.

Frost flashed a smile. "They do."

Jane snorted as she drained her Coke. It was the middle of the day after all. It was the first sound she made in several minutes, but her presence was felt. Even though she was silent, her stare was filled with a plethora of words, she had yet to say. It was pregnant with a heavy intensity that was beginning to singe Maura with just a glance. A prolonged look resulted in Goosebumps, tachycardia, and a slight shortness of breath that had nothing to do with convalescing. Maura almost let a sigh escape but was able to catch it just in time.

Jane was brooding.

Jane was moody.

Jane was being Jane but tuned up to an exponential degree. Maura was convinced it had been the longest two weeks of her life. She almost regretted having the surgery…almost but not quite. Maura had saved a life…an ungrateful life, but she did regardless. As a result, there was to be no strenuous activity for up to a month.

This included coitus, which, even when it was gentle, it was…athletic. This and this alone was directly responsible for the irritability. Jane wouldn't admit it, but Maura knew the detective. The stare had been her first clue. The briefest kisses were desperate and heated, and the way Jane clutched at her during the night, made Maura feel like she was trying to crawl inside her. Maura had been waiting patiently for Jane to start a dialogue because that was what one did with Jane.

Wait.

Patiently.

Still, Maura knew she was fraying at the edges. She in no way possessed an infinite amount of said patience, and what was remaining was being sorely tested. As a result, Maura needed to refuel. After only the third day of being able to walk without being winded, Maura decided a reward was in order- lunch at the Robber around people who weren't brooding or moody.

People like Barry Frost.

He was an odd man but amusing and loyal.

"I think I'm gonna get mozzarella sticks. You can share Jane." Frost paused and smiled slowly, flashing bright white teeth. "You look hungry." His eyes twinkled.

Well, she wanted entertainment.

Maura bit the inside of her cheek to keep her smile at bay…to keep the sigh at bay. She peered in Jane's direction, seeing the storm brewing in her expression.

Jane slammed the cup down on the table and stood. "I'm going to the bathroom," she growled and glared.

"Barold." Maura admonished.

His smile widened. "Maura."

"Stop it."

"She dishes it out just as much. It's what we do." He countered.

They both looked up as Korsak slid in beside Frost. He threw a battered looking satchel on the floor beside him. "What? What do we do?"

"Tease Jane." Frost answered.

Korsak chuckled. "Maybe she should start lifting cars."

"What?"

"Pardon?" Maua asked as Frost inquired as well.

Korsak rolled his eyes. "Babies…the both of you. Wives tale or something…it's supposed to help blue balls."

Frost sputtered with laughter.

"That would most likely cause a hernia." Maura added.

He slammed his hand on the table and laughed even harder.

Maura released the sigh. "How did you know-"

"You had major surgery Maura, and we've been around you guys enough to know that there's some pretty hefty fireworks between you. In fact, it's damned embarrassing to be in the same room at times. Plus, she's been trying to tear both of us another asshole. Put two and two together and it equals—"

"Jane with blue balls?" Frost added with glee.

"Yep," Korsak answered.

"Maybe the both of you could dispense with the teasing? I think she's-"

"Ready to pop?" Frost finished for her.

Korsak groaned. "That was bad."

"Whatever old man."

"This isn't helping. I just wanted an outing with stimulating-"

"That's what she said!" Korsak interrupted as the men exploded in laughter.

Maura frowned. This was getting a tad irritating. "I would greatly appreciate being able to finish a sentence."

The laughter died almost abruptly.

Korsak cleared his throat. "Sorry, Maura."

"I've missed being at the office and being around the three of you. I was hoping to engage in some sort of normalcy." Before she could finish her thought and plea, Jane returned.

Jane slid in beside Maura and muttered. "Look at that the duo is complete. It's Jake and the Fatman."

"Hey!" Korsak yelled. Then asked, "Which one am I?"

"The Fatman." Jane and Frost deadpanned simultaneously.

Maura watched the display with confusion. The reference shot over her head by more than a mile. Before Maura could open her mouth to ask, Jane caressed her knee, squeezing slightly and whispered, "Cop show…late eighties …early nineties."

Her heart lurched in her chest and something fluttered in her stomach. There was something all encompassing that took over her at times, knowing that someone had gotten to know her so well…that someone wanted to get to know her so well idiosyncrasies and all. Maura covered Jane's hand with her own, threading their fingers. "Thank you," Maura muttered.

Jane smirked in return.

Maura held tight to Jane's appendage keeping it in position.

"Alright Farrah," Korsak said in retaliation.

Jane rolled her eyes.

"Nah, she's more of a Sabrina." Frost countered.

Korsak eyed Frost. "It was supposed to be an insult. Who wants to be Farrah…or Jill whatever her name was?"

"Ah, I see what you did there."

"So, does that make you Bosley, Korsak ? Because there were no African American cops on TV back in the 70's." Jane's smile was wide.

Korsak chuckled. "She got you there, kid."

Frost scowled. " I can't help it that America was more racist back then. Thank you so much, Jane, for bringing it up." He paused. "Wait! There was Huggybear—"

"Nope!" Korsak interrupted.

"Criminal." Jane added.

Maura grinned at the banter. It felt good to see everyone so lively and conversational.

"Shaft!" Frost cried.

"He was an aberration not the norm." Jane stated.

He scoffed. "A what now? You sound like your girlfriend."

Frost and Korsak exchanged glances.

"Speaking of which…" Korsak pointed a lazy finger in Frost's direction before reflecting on himself. "We know this has been a hard time for you, so Frost and I put our heads together and got you a little something."

Apparently, it was the perfect segue.

Warning bells went off in Maura's head. Her eyes widened. She gripped Jane's hand tightly.

Korsak reached for his satchel.

It was like a train wreck. Maura could see it coming but there was only inches before impact.

He threw a container of Vaseline on the table.

They all peered at it. Korsak and Frost roared with laughter, and Jane's faced darkened with red.

Maura blinked. She tried to always be honest with herself because at times, especially around this group, she found herself confused with their Ebonics, slang and such. This…she understood loud and clear.

Jane growled; jerked the container off the table; and popped it open. She peered into it as if expecting to find something different inside. Her face scrunched in disgust. "Even though I have bigger balls than both of you on most days, I'm not a man!"

The men in question howled. It was a strange type of laughter, high pitched and breathy.

Then as quickly as the flush and Jane's anger appeared, a smirk took its place.

Maura was fascinated. She reminded herself again that she was indeed longing for a break in the monotony. This was going to be interesting.

Jane squeezed her hand, and Maura had all the validation she needed. This was going to be good.

"Why were you late Korsak?"

He wiped his eyes as he continued chuckling. "Huh?"

"Oh, you heard me."

"Had to finish up some paperwork."

"Bullshit! What kind of practical joke is this? Bringing me a used jar of Vaseline? You got your spooge rag in there too?" Jane dropped the jar as if it was on fire. Her expression was utterly serious

Frost coughed as his laughter trailed to a stop. "Say what now?"

Korsak peered from Jane to Frost and back again. He pointed at his ex partner accusingly. "She's making this shit up! You know—"

"Come on! They have cameras in stores. No one is going to let someone take a big ass handful of grease out of jar and not replace it." Jane gasped. Dark eyes were alive and shining. "You didn't do it in the car did you? You didn't even wash your hands!"

"Man, that's nasty."

Korsak's face was beet red, heading toward purple. He glared at Frost. "I can't believe you're falling for this! Did you hit your head or something?"

Frost held up his hands in surrender and shook his head. "Look, a man has to do what a man has to do, but don't advertise."

"And I touched it!" Jane added.

Maura felt as if she were at the U.S. Open, and she had actually been there a few times. It was enthralling. Each word out of Jane's mouth was an ace while Korsak and Frost fell on their faces trying to return.

Jane grabbed a napkin and wrapped it around the jar before tossing it in Frost's direction. "Look for yourself."

Frost jumped back. "Oh hell no! I don't want to touch it!"

Korsak grabbed for it. "For fuck's sake. She is full of shit!" He unwrapped the jar and thrust it toward Frost's face. "See!"

Frost's eyes widened, and his grin was the largest Maura had ever seen it.

The whole situation came together in that instant for Maura. She smiled. The smile turned into laughter. She glanced at Frost. "You knew that she was making it all up?"

He nodded.

"Both of you turned it around on him." Maura added rhetorically.

"Like I said. That's what we do."

Korsak groaned and threw the napkin at Frost then glared at Jane. "I've always said something was really wrong with today's generation."

Jane smirked then laughed.

A warmth settled in Maura's gut. It always did to see Jane in her element. She was beautiful when she smoldered with intensity, but at times, she made Maura breathless when she laughed. Maura gave Jane's hand a squeeze.

It was enough to get her attention.

Their eyes met as Maura tried to transmit what she thinking without words.

Brown eyes glittered and darkened.

Maura was sure that she was heard loud, clear….and then some. She sucked in a surprised breath as the hand on her thigh inched upward. Her stomach knotted even with their audience present.

The sound that did escape was enough to alert Jane to her unconscious actions. She snatched her hand away, but her gaze remained.

A throat cleared.

"I think I'm done."

All eyes turned to Frost as he made the announcement. "Why don't you get your food to go, old man. I need your help with something back at the station."

"No you don't!" A few seconds later, Korsak jumped up as if someone hit him. His brow was furrowed as he peered around the table, and then it cleared. "Oh, that thing you were talking about earlier?"

Frost nodded vehemently.

"I'll just get delivery then." Korsak added.

Frost stood and muttered, "Good idea." He glanced at Jane then his gaze slid over to Maura. "Keep it real, ladies."

Jane eyed them both. Her forehead was scrunched in confusion, but she didn't offer any commentary. She waved in their general direction as they filed out of the booth. When they were alone, she looked and Maura. "They are just so very special."

"Mmm." Maura smiled.

Jane bit her lip.

There was sudden thumping underneath the table.

Searching for the source of the noise, Maura peered underneath to see Jane's leg nearly vibrating. She sighed once more, and just like that, her remaining patience diminished completely. "There are ways around this, you know?"

Jane's eyebrows shot up on her forehead. "Excuse me?"

Maura decided that she was all in. "This self-imposed celibacy doesn't have to be. Studies show that masturbation is healthy even in relationships."

Jane gasped.

Maura continued. "I would be more than happy to help with that or lend a hand in some other capacity." She finished seductively.

Jane's sudden swallow was audible. "Really? I can't believe we're talking about this! I'm fine. I'm not some sex crazed—"

"But, it's one of the best ways we communicate."

Jane sputtered. "I talk! We talk all the time."

Maura raised a brow. "You are a do-er."

"What?" Jane's voice went up an octave. "Do you even know what that is?!"

"I do."

"What is it?" Jane asked sardonically.

Really, she was trying to get better at the slang and colloquialisms. "Do you want examples or the definition?" Maura inquired.

Shrugging, Jane answered, "Surprise me."

"When you're inside me, I can tell if you've had a good day or a bad one." Maura could feel herself heat from within at just the thought of it. Her stomach quivered, and the throbbing between her legs reminded her that Jane wasn't the only one being deprived.

Eyes that were already dark went black completely as Jane's pupils blew. She licked her lips. "W-what?"

Closing the rapidly heating space between them, Maura whispered. "When you first kiss me, I know if you want it hard and fast or slow and tortuous."

Jane's chest began to heave. She leaned in further. "Yeah?"

Maura had no idea where to rest her gaze. It gravitated between Jane's lips and her eyes. "Yess," she hissed. Feeling as if now was the time to go in for the kill, Maura added, "There's something about watching you orgasm that is very satisfying."

Dark brows scrunched. "What? No! That's too one sided for me."

Maura's mouth dropped open and the incredulity of it all. "You do it to me quite often."

"That's different."

"It is not!"

"Yes! It is. It's a butch thing…I guess." Jane waved it away as if it lacked importance.

Startled by the statement and at once indignant, Maura countered, "That is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard, and that is saying a lot considering the company I keep."

Jane's eyes narrowed. "Did you just insult me?"

"Yes! I did… just as you did me."

"I didn't. How was that an insult?"

Maura's blood boiled for a different reason all together. "If you don't know, I'm not the one to tell you."

Jane scoffed. "All this is moot. I'm fine."

There went that hand wave again. Maura suddenly felt the urge to chop it off. She had the tools to do it too.

"Is that so? I didn't get a jar of Vaseline from our friends. Do you think they gave it to you as a hair product?"

Jane flushed red.

"I'm not one for colloquialisms, but bear with a wounded paw. I would say that was accurate when describing your attitude as of late."

"What did they tell you?!"

"I believe you already know. I'm sure I don't get the same treatment as they do, but you've been especially grouchy to me as of late as well."

"I have not." Jane denied.

"You nearly beheaded me when I informed you that you forgot to bring sugar from the grocery."

Something flashed in Jane's eyes. She opened her mouth to retaliate no doubt, but her pants began to ring. Stuffing her hand into her slacks, she retrieved her phone and hit the required buttons angrily. "Rizzoli!" After a few seconds, "Yeah, I'll be there when I get there!"

She hung up the phone.

Their eyes met. A blond brow moved upward followed by a slow, sarcastic smile. A sense of smugness settled over her. It was dense enough to be felt. "This would be rhetorical, but I believe that was an adequate example of your behavior."

Standing up, Jane clawed at the air between them. "This… discussion is over."

Maura peered up at Jane, knowing defiance was etched in her every feature.

"Do you hear me, Maura?"

"I hear you," Maura answered softly.

"Good." Jane nodded. "Now, let me get you home."


Maura entered the living area with plenty on her mind. During the ride home, Jane did her best to discuss every topic except for the prevalent one. Maura nodded in some places, and she laughed in others, lulling Jane into a false sense of security as a plan formed. It took definite shape by the time they kissed good bye. Never one to stand idle, Maura turned Jane's attempt at a chaste peck on the lips to a moment full of hitched breathing and soft whimpers.

In her mind, it was already Maura …1 and Jane…0.

She was rarely wrong, and this time she was going to take the utmost pleasure in proving it. Maura had no doubt that part of Jane's issue was a 'butch thing', but the vast majority of it was more of a Jane thing.

After all, Jane needed her even if she wouldn't admit it, and if Maura's plan came to fruition, Jane was going to admit it and so much more before the night was done.

Maura grinned as she eased down on the sofa. She was completely, unequivocally entertained.


Should I keep going?