Disclaimer: I do not own Sirius or Lily, or James or Remus…do you get the picture? They're all J.K. Rowling's fabulous creations. I am merely toying with them to amuse myself.

This is a little experimental fic, basically Sirius's train of thought the night before Lily and James get married. I'd be interested in opinions on it – constructive opinions please! Also, please let me know if the rating's OK – I'm never sure! Thanks.


The Night Before

So, I'm in love with Lily.

There, I said it. That wasn't so bad, was it? Sure, my heart is pounding, my palms are sweating and I think I'm going to throw up at any moment, but it was a lot less painless than I thought it might be.

Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is that there's no getting away from it. I, Sirius Black, am completely, hopelessly, utterly in love with Lily Evans.

However I'm guessing this probably isn't the best time for me to realise that.

Let me clarify that last statement. What I mean is, I doubt that there is ever a good time to realise you're in love with your best friend's girlfriend, but the night before their wedding most certainly does not fall into that category. It really is most inconvenient timing.

Do you think it would be all right, say, if James was on his deathbed and was gazing up at me with tear-filled eyes, clutching my hand tightly and begging me hoarsely to look after his beloved girl? Would my confession be welcomed in that case?

Wait - scratch that. Am starting to imagine that very scenario with a hint of smile on my face. It is not good to picture your best friend's death under any circumstances, never mind be pleased about the idea.

Sirius, get a grip! Breathe.

I don't think she knows. How could she know?

All right, so Remus knows. Apparently he noticed that I stared at her in dumbstruck awe every time she entered the room. Well, he's a very observant chap, so frankly I'd expect nothing less of him. But Lily…Lily is clueless - certainly when it comes to the fact that I adore her, anyway. Hopefully.

Oh my God. I have to give a speech tomorrow. I have to publicly wish them every happiness together while silently cursing the fact that James got there first. It's really not fair, you know.

I love her. I could make her happy.

But then, James also has these thoughts. And he is my best friend. How can I begrudge him her love? His happiness?

Because it should be mine, that's why!

Woah. Come on, brain, let's not go there, all right?

Ah, saved by the doorbell. That was close.


Lily's here.

Why is Lily here?

She can't know about my feelings for her, there's just no way she can.

Can she?

Remus wouldn't have said anything, would he?

No, of course not. He likes me. He definitely does not want James to kill me.

She's smiling, anyway. God, I love her smile. It just lights up her whole face. Look how her eyes are all crinkled up at the corners. I think that might just be the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Her teeth are great, so white and even. Her lips are so full…I bet they'd be soft and sweet against my own – brain, stop that!

What is she doing? Why is she moving closer? Why does she have that uncertain look in her eyes, as if she's scared?

Why did she just kiss me?

Wait a minute…

She just kissed me.

Brain, don't you dare think about how much I enjoyed it! At least, not until she's gone and we're alone. Then you can replay that moment as much as you like. I won't mind in the slightest, trust me.

No, no, no…Lily, don't go. You don't have to go. It's all right. Of course I'm not angry. Here, come here…that's better. Ssh. Please don't cry. It's going to be okay, I promise.

Or at least it will be if she stops looking up at me like that. Stop it! I want to kiss her when she looks at me like that…

I mean it. I'll kiss her…

Does she actually want me to kiss her? Is that what's going on here?

Okay…here goes…

Wow. Her lips are incredibly soft. And that sticky goo she's wearing is really very tasty…reminds me of peach. Or mango. Or peach…hang on, let me check…yup, definitely mango.

James is one lucky man.

Oh God. Why'd I have to think of him?

Yes, of course she can kiss me again…and again…and oh, yes, again!

I think I love her.

Wait, what's she doing? Those are my buttons…okay, she's unfastening them. I see that now. Well, two can play at that game…hey, this is pretty tricky…help. I can't believe she let me take her shirt off. And now she's kissing me again. Wow. This is terrific. If I'm dreaming, please don't let me wake up.

Should I try for the bra now?

All right. I'm going in…and one-handed, no less.

You know, I don't think I am dreaming. If I was, I'm sure this would be so much easier. I'd be whisking this thing off with a minimum of fuss, not flapping around ineffectively.

Who knew a little bit of lace could be so challenging?

A-ha! Success!

God, her skin is smooth. I could touch it all night. And fingers crossed, I will. Ooh…she seems to like that…and that…let me just kiss here…excellent, another positive response!

I am on fire tonight! If the boys could see me now…

…James would be killing me and Remus would be trying to stop him. Perhaps not, eh?

Yes, have her kiss me again. Wipe away that most unpleasant of thoughts…thanks.

Let her want to stay with me. Please. Just one night, that's all I'm asking for here. Is that too much to ask for?

Wait, where is she taking me now? Where…the bedroom?


Okay then.

Deep breath, and one more kiss for luck?

Excellent. That was the best yet.

But they say practice makes perfect, don't they?

See? I always knew they were onto something with that…

Well, I made it through the doorway without being struck down. Should I lie down?…She wants me to lie down?…Fine, then I'll lie down…

Oh God, she's terrific. I love her.

She's so gentle…she's trembling. I know she's excited…hey, a man can tell these things, all right? But I think she's nervous too. And I know I'm nervous.

But it's going to be all right. I promise.

That's right – she should touch me there. I like that…very much!

Too much. If I don't want this to be over in about three seconds, I'd better stop her from touching me there again.

There, that's better. The danger has passed. And she seems to be enjoying this much more anyway…I never thought she'd make this much noise…not that I've considered this scenario in any great detail, of course!

Brain, are you listening? I'm going to stop thinking now…am just going to touch this beautiful body before me…and feel everything I've ever stopped myself feeling before…and love every inch of her over and over again…

I'll think about James in the morning.

Ooh, don't stop! Never stop doing that!

I'll worry about everything in the morning.

The morning after the night before was made for worrying.

And weddings.

Oh God.