Author: Zimbing
Rating: PG-13 I think, only one slight naughty word
Archive: Sure! Just email to tell me where
Summary: Haper's thoughts after The Widening Gyre.
Spoilers: Well duh yeah to The Widening Gyre and season 2
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own anything to do with Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda although it would be really cool if I did...
Notes: Ok thought of this while I was lying in my bed at 1am. Don't ask how. One minute it wasn't there then plot bunnies attacked me and POOF! there it was! I know it sucks but hey, it was annoying me tell I wrote it =)



I lie here on the med deck bed. Still. Unmoving apart from an occasional breath, blink and involuntary shudder.

Whether I close my eyes or not, they're there. Masts of shaggy brown, teeth dripping with blood. Screaming, howling, sinking their teeth into my skin...

I hear someone approaching. Beka. I lie still.

I'm probably scaring her cause I've never been so still...well that's not true, there was that one time after my parents were killed by those ubers...I don't want to think about that, sufficed to say, Beka has never seen me so still.

She's use to me swinging all over the place especially on the Maru. What was it she use to call me? Oh yeah, Monkey Boy. * Silent laugh * I think I set a new record after the first time she called me that - fastest I've ever got through the Maru.

That time was shortly after Trance had joined the's been 3 years already?

She's standing by my side now, a couple of feet away. She's fidgeting, unsure of what to say or do. I guess it's a first for everyone cause I've never seen her do that.

"Harper...Seamus, I'm sorry."

She's sorry? What's she done?

If it's anyone's fault it's mine's. If I hadn't been so nosey, this never would have happened. But no, I had to find out what the back up was like. What's that phrase again...curiosity killed the dog ...erm... cat, yeah that's it and I'm the cat.

I'm the cat this time. That makes a change.

My curiosity killed my cousins. If I hadn't have wanted to see what was in that cave so bad we may never have been attacked by magog.

I tried to help. Honest.... The only help I gave them was giving them the lethal injection.

Their eyes wide, full of pain, yet they were unable to utter a word. Their look still haunts my dreams.

I did help them. I saved them from the agony of magog larvae moving through their insides and bursting through their stomach, screaming, ravenous for food...

Shit, I'm going to die like that. It's gonna be painful and...

"I don't want to die like this", I whisper.

Suddenly, arms encircle me. Beka whispers in my ear that everything will work out fine just like good old times, and that I have my medicine to keep them dormant.

The inhaler. It feels like a lead weight around my neck. It's not a life-saver, it's a ticking death clock, telling me how long I've got till I meet Mort.

There's wetness on my cheek. Tears? Mine? I've not shed a tear since I was a kid. I learnt earlier on that to show weakness gave you a date with an uber.

"Close your eyes and go to sleep", a soothing voice whispers.

I close my eyes and they're there. Screaming, shrieking, clawing, biting, infesting...

My eyes shoot open. She's still there, like a guardian angel.

She brings a chair over, sits, takes my hand and strokes my hair.

"You remember that time when we first took Trance to Infinity Atoll..." she begins.

I listen. It's her voice I hear not screams. My eyes droop close and I dream my night away of how we dyed Rev green...