(Notes: This is from the ep Exit Strategies)
Disclaimer: see previous chapter


Well, here I am again facing death. How many times have I been on his doorstep? So many times that I've now lost count.

I shudder at the thought of what is inside me. I can feel them moving but they say the medicine still works and it's all in my imagination.

I always knew I'd die this way, but I'll admit that I have dreamt of being old in my deathbed next to my gorgeous wife, surrounded by our kids and grandkids. Or failing that, going out in a blaze of glory.

Who am I kidding! The rest of my family and half the freakin' mud foots on Earth died this way so why shouldn't I? Hell, I wouldn't want to feel left out!

I, the annoying smartass survived while I watched everyone I loved die horribly. And what did I do? That's right, nothing. I got as far away as possible and tried to block out the memories. Rev would say it was the Devine's plan for me to stay alive. So why did everyone else die? Did the Devine hate them? Was twenty-six years of guilt and pain also part of their almighty plan?

I can feel the coldness of the gun pressing against my leg. I could end it all. All I have to do is point and press. How hard could it be?

Andromeda. I've actually started to call it home. There are people here that care about me. But I never let them in, they haven't seen the 'real' me. I hate the pain of when they leave.

I don't want them to see what I've seen. I can see it all. They'll be huddled around me on Med Deck crying, watching me die in agony, as the... things eat my life away. It makes you cold, numb and haunts your dreams each night after you've witnessed it. I don't want that to be the last memory of me.

I don't want to see the sorrow in their eyes. I don't want that to be the last thing I see.
They say the will find a cure. But I don't believe them. There is no cure, once you've got'em, they're here to stay and your condemned to a painful death.

I don't have to see any of it. This is better. They won't miss me. Tyr says I'm a coward and where there's life there's hope, yeah right. Rommie treats me differently now and Dylan has seen it all before and won't notice. Trance... I don't know what she will think, Rev will know that I am at 'peace' and Beka... she's the only one that may miss me.

It's better that I end it now... for their sake.

"Alright, Stinky, Turdbrain, up against the stomach wall."

I grip the gun. It feels like ice in my hands. I'm trembling like mad. Focus. This is for their sake. Just point and press. No biggie. How hard could it be?

"Harper what are you doing?"

Just point and press. Just point and press. Just point. And press...