Something new and silly I've been working on. Thanks to my usual suspects for pre-reading and beta-ing. Lolo84, MapleStyle, and Capricorn75. I couldn't do this without them. Now, please sit back and enjoy this story of an awkward boy. I am happy to introduce: Awk-ward :)
I swear to God, I need to move out! Since I'm only fifteen, I'm going to have to settle for getting a friggin' lock on my bedroom door – which I'm buying tomorrow, just so you know.
Tonight was, by far, the most embarrassing night of my life. It all started at dinner when my brother was being an ass. Technically he's my step-brother, but it's sort of complicated.
Why don't I start at the beginning?
So, I'm fifteen. I live at home with my parents and siblings, but this is where the complicated part starts. My mom, Esme, was married to my dad, Anthony Masen. When I was one, he died backcountry skiing when an avalanche swept down the mountain. While In grief counseling, she met Carlisle Cullen during a support group session. He was father to two-year old Jasper and one-year old Rosalie. His wife had died in a car accident, which is why he was at the counseling session. Still following?
Mom and Carlisle hit it off right away. Their young ages, similar situations, and grief united them. Two years later they got married, and eventually decided to reproduce. Enter my little brother, Jake. Yes, I just made a face at them 'reproducing'. Gross. Sex per se isn't gross but the fact that they do it, is.
We've been a family for so long I really don't consider anyone a 'step' or 'half' sibling, except in the case of Rosalie- and then I like to call her my evil step-sister, just to piss her off. Sometimes I call Jake a dog because he's seven and follows me around like a stray mutt. Oh, and tonight I referred to Jasper as a fucking jerk.
I think I need to back up a bit to explain what exactly went down leading to the single most embarrassing moment of my life.
See, I kind of have a crush on Rosalie's best friend. Where Rose is high maintenance and perpetually PMS-ing, Bella Swan is her exact opposite. Why she is best friend's with my sister is beyond me. Opposites attract, I guess.
Bella has always been Rosalie's friend – like since they were nine or something. I guess she's my friend, too, but first and foremost, she's my sister's bestie. I tease Bella and Rosalie equally. Rose will flip me off or call me an ass; Bella's cheeks turn pink, stretching up to the tips of her ears. Super cute.
The feelings I have for Bella are new, and the crush is small. It's not like I jerk off to lewd thoughts of her in my head all day and night. Don't be ridiculous. It's more like once a day, and mostly at night and usually in the shower (in case you were wondering).
Bella had always been 'just Bella' and then one day...I don't know, something changed.
We – Jasper, his girlfriend Alice, Rosalie, Bella and I – were hanging out one night, watching a movie. Correction, Rose, Bella and I were watching a movie, while Jasper and Alice were sucking face.
I kept smelling something nice and discovered that every time Bella twirled her fingers in her hair, the scent wafted over to me. Glancing at her, I noticed how smooth her bare legs looked stretched out in front of her. Then I couldn't help but to admire her breasts, which certainly weren't that big the summer before. Trust me, I would've noticed. Soon, it was those breasts I was thinking about when I jerked off.
Anyway, on the drive home from school today, it was only Jasper and me because Rosalie was staying after to work on some project. My guess was she was watching the football team practice because she has the hots for Emmett McCarty. I thought I'd take advantage of our time alone and get some advice from my brother. Big mistake; I should have known better.
"So, I, um, was wondering, if you, uh, had any suggestions on, uh…"
"Fuck, Edward, just spit it out, man."
"Sorry. I like this girl and I don't know if she likes me. And I don't know what I should do about it."
Jasper laughed, fucking laughed at me. Asshole.
"Ask her out."
"On what – a date? I can't drive – what am I going to do, ask Mom to drive me?"
"You can meet at the movies or whatever. If you ask and she gives a lame excuse, like she's washing her hair or something, then she's not interested."
I shrugged. "I guess."
"So, who is she? Anyone I know?"
My cheeks flamed red and I turned up the car stereo to avoid answering the question.
"It's Bella, isn't it?"
"Wh-what? Bella Swan? Rosalie's best friend, the police chief's daughter, Bella? Of course it isn't her. God, no! Ridiculous." I added a hearty snort to make my point.
"Wow. You're totally in love with her."
"I'm not in love with her—"
"But you do like her."
"No, I don't."
"You totally jerk off to her, don't you?"
"It's okay, I was still jerking off at fifteen. I'm not now, though. Sucker!"
If he wasn't driving I would have punched him in the arm, hard. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the window for the rest of the ride home. I should never have said anything.
Back at home, my parents were in the kitchen cooking dinner together. Well, 'cooking' wasn't exactly accurate. They were making out. Barf.
"I think I've lost my appetite. Must you do that all the time?" I yanked open the fridge and pulled out the carton of OJ, taking a long swig.
"Must you do that all the time?" My mom chastised as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
"I think drinking from the juice container is a lot less disgusting than sucking face all the time. Aren't you a little old for that?"
My dad snorted as he wrapped his arms around Mom and nuzzled her neck. "Nope. Trust me, it never gets old."
That was disgusting.
"I'll never make out in front of my kids."
"Kids, huh? Is there some girl you're interested in that you haven't told us about?" Dad loved to tease.
Right then, Jasper sauntered into the kitchen and added his two cents.
"Try the police chief's daughter."
I wanted to fucking kill him.
My mom grinned. "Aww! You have a crush on Isabella?"
"I do not. She's not my type."
"What is your type – Mike Newton?"
"Yeah, Jazz, Newton's totally my type." I spoke with a lisp to make my point. It's called sarcasm and I'm quite fluent in it.
As I glared at him, I caught my parents exchanging a look I couldn't quite figure out. I fully understood after dinner though when my they called me into the living room for a talk. Little did I know that it would turn into 'The Talk'.
Lord help me.
Mom started us off.
"You're 15 now, Edward. 15-year olds tend to think about sex."
"A lot," Dad interjected.
"And thinking turns into wanting, and—"
My cheeks were already flaming.
"Oh God, please don't do this."
"Believe me – this is just as awkward for your father and me."
"Uh, yeah, I doubt that."
"We probably should have had this talk a while ago. In any case, we're having it now."
I covered my hands with my face and prayed it was quick and painless.
"Have you had sexual relations before?"
My mother asking if I'd had 'sexual relations' made me want to throw up. This was not going to be painless.
"Like with another person? No!" I wished my voice hadn't sounded like a prepubescent boy. Wait, I was one. Shit.
Pretty sure it was Mom who gave a happy sigh as Dad continued.
"Obviously you've masturbated before, and that feels good, doesn't it?"
Was he expecting me to reply?
"Never mind, we all know the answer to that. I'm encouraging you to continue masturbating; there's no harm in that. As for your relationship with Bella—"
"There is no 'relationship' with Bella. God!"
"Okay, sorry. In any relationship, you must respect boundaries. Taking a girl on a date doesn't mean she owes you anything – not a kiss, or anything more…intimate. It's hard, heh heh, to be a gentleman sometimes. Trust me."
"But always be respectful. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I get it. Can I go?"
Mom shook her head. "So, do you actually have feelings for Bella?"
"I don't think she's my type."
"What is your type?"
Right then, I should have been honest and told them, hell yes, she's totally my type. Instead I remained tight-lipped, and simply shrugged.
"Your mom and I want you to know that whatever you decide in life, we will support you. If you were perhaps interested in say….men, we'd still love you."
I was completely oblivious to what he was insinuating.
"Great, thanks, I can go now? Wait a sec, did you say … ewww! No! I'm not interested in men!"
My mom patted my hand. "It's okay, Edward, if you are."
"We've always known you were … different … from your brother."
"Different? Yeah we're different. We have different fathers! That's not what you're talking about though, is it?"
They both shrugged as I asked.
"I'm no different than Jasper! I like boobs, and porn and all that stuff. When I jerk off— never mind." I scrubbed my hands over my embarrassed face. Even though I'd pretty much just bared my most intimate thoughts, my parents still didn't look convinced.
"Listen, I may not be having sex all the time like Jasper, but I want to, okay? With a girl." I thought it was really important to clarify that point.
"J-Jasper's having s-sex? All the time?" Mom stuttered over her words.
I grinned and nodded. My brother was going to kill me, but it's a dog eat dog world - and I was trying to save my own ass.
"Can I go now?"
"Yes, and send your brother down here."
"Edward, remember what we said. If you're interested in boys, we'll still love you."
"Dad! I'm not gay!" I stomped off to my room.
Jasper knocked on my door a while later. As soon as I let him in, he tackled me to the ground.
"Get off me!"
"Eat shit and die, Edward. Why'd you tell Mom and Dad that Alice and I were having sex?"
"Well, you are, aren't you?"
"No, we're not."
I managed to push him off me and stood up. "Yeah, right, you're not having sex. I'm not stupid." I rolled my eyes. "You told me in the car you don't jerk off anymore."
"I have Alice to do it for me, idiot. There's a lot of other fun things to do besides fucking, baby bro. One day, you'll understand." He patted my head all condescending like as he went to leave then stopped in the doorway.
"I'm supposed to ask you – brother to brother – if you're gay. Mom and Dad think you'll tell me honestly."
"Are you kidding me? No! Hell no! I'm not gay! I don't like dick. I like Bella, okay? I've jerked off to pictures of her in my head the last three nights."
Jasper held his hand up. "Need to know basis. God, that's disgusting. Do you not have a filter?"
I shrugged and gave him the middle finger as he left my room.
Later that night, I was studying for a biology test when there was a quiet knock on my door and my dad let himself in.
"Is this a bad time?"
I shook my head no and set my book down as my dad sat on the edge of my bed.
"I'm sorry if I offended you in any way tonight. That wasn't my intention."
I shrugged. There was no way I was opening up that can of worms again.
"I once kissed another guy."
I wrinkled my nose. Dad gave a nervous laugh.
"It was at a frat party. These two pretty girls told us that it was hot to watch two guys kiss. I think all guys have a fantasy of watching two girls make out."
Ain't that the truth!
"I figured maybe it was just as hot for girls to watch guys. One thing let to another and, well, the girls didn't find it hot. They laughed hysterically and neither Garrett nor I scored that night. The point is, when I kissed Gar, it wasn't awful. So if you are gay—"
"For the love of God, I'm. Not. Gay." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.
"Okay, okay. Sorry."
We sat awkwardly for a few minutes as I picked imaginary lint off my blanket.
"Anyway, I wanted to tell you that no matter what, we love you. I'm sorry if we offended you tonight. There's no parenting handbook that tells you exactly what to do all the time. Maybe you can be a writer when you grow up and pen that book."
"The first sentence will be 'don't call your son gay when he's clearly not."
"Point taken." Dad got up and ruffled my hair. "You need a haircut and your rooms stinks. Good night, Son."
After he left my room, I studied for a while and then, well, I got distracted. I tossed my biology textbook aside, pulled open my nightstand drawer and reached for the bottle of lotion I'd 'borrowed' from Rosalie. Kicking off the blankets, I pumped lotion into my right hand before I wrapped it around my hard-on, thoughts of Bella in my head.
Long, brown hair that smelled ridiculously good. Tight ass. Perky boobs. I wondered what her pussy looked like. I'd never actually seen one in real life, but that didn't stop me from imagining.
Apparently I was so lost in the images of Bella, I didn't hear the quiet rap on my bedroom door. Funny, because I clearly heard my mom's gasp and subsequent screech as she dropped an armful of my clean laundry on the floor. I scrambled for my quilt to cover myself, knowing full well Mom had gotten an eyeful already.
Of course, Dad, Jasper, and Rosalie all came running in to see what was the matter. Thank God Jake sleeps like the dead.
"What's going on?" Dad looked genuinely concerned.
"Uh, nothing. I was bringing Edward his laundry and I, uh, thought I saw a spider. And then I dropped the clothes."
I snatched up my bio textbook and held it open for them to see.
"I was studying. You know, test tomorrow."
Jasper chuckled. "You're up late studying the male reproductive system? Explains why you're pitching a tent."
For fuck's sake, that's the page I opened up to? I doubted it could get any worse.
I was wrong.
"Is that my lotion on your nightstand?" Rosalie quirked her eyebrow. "Why do you have it?"
SHUT UP JASPER!
Kill me now.
"Okay, everyone, let's all go back to bed and let Edward finish. Studying, I mean."
I guess I could have thanked my dad for getting everyone out of my room but all I wanted to do was die – curl up into a ball, combust into flames, and die. After I got off would've been better but at that point, I'd take anything.
Mom blushed; Jasper laughed hysterically. Rosalie once again asked for her lotion back as Dad suggested she let me keep it. He left my room with a concerned look on his face. So much for dispelling any notion of me being gay.
You see why I want to move out, or at the very least get a lock on my bedroom door?
Like I often did, I pulled my journal out from its hiding spot and scribbled out a poem. Journal, not diary - just wanted to make that clear. Yeah, it's sort of nerdy but it's nice to have a place I can vent, ya know?
Tonight I got caught jerking off
All because I didn't hear my mother knock.
Now my sister wants her lotion back
But I need when I have the urge to whack.
And damn it, I didn't even get to finish
But now my boner has now diminished.
Fuck my life
And all its strife.
My real life's been busy with 2 big kids, a puppy and Baby Emma
Which leaves me with little time to write – a real delimma
But finally I'm ready to post
I hope it keeps you engrossed.
I'm on Twitter and Facebook as well
Add me - that would be swell.
Thanks for reading; I hope you'll review
This little story of mine that's new.