A/N: I don't own twilight.
Alright, I know this is bad, but I had to write something angsty for my own sake, sorry it wasn't carefully thought out, and untouched by my beta. It was a bit rushed.
"W-what happened?" I asked myself. "Ah!" I yelped as I opened my eyes. I closed them back up straight after. Hang over. There was no doubt about it. I sighed, and opened one eye only slightly, to take in my surroundings. I…I was in my sub room. How did I get here? It wasn't Friday yet. Did Master come and get me? How did he know where I was? What the fuck happened last night?
"Wh—" I started, and then stopped myself. I was so confused.
Carefully, I rolled over, and hesitantly set my feet on the ground. Thankfully Master didn't chain me, like he usually does. I kept my eyes closed and navigated the room in a stumble the best I could. I finally felt something soft; the curtains. I carefully, without lifted my lids, pulled them both shut, and turned around to face opposite. I could finally open my eyes.
I squinted at first, groaning. Everything hurt. I tried my best to ignore the pain as I practically crawled to the bathroom across the room. As soon as I was in, I grabbed on to the sink, and pulled myself up to the mirror. I looked like shit. But then, I always did, in my own eyes. I don't know what Master saw in me.
With a sigh, I turned the nob for the faucet, and let the cold water run over my hands. I then took my drenched hands, and rubbed my face. I needed to wake up. As I ran my hands over my lips, I began to have flash backs. Kissing. I was kissing someone. But…Master wasn't with me last night…
Oh my god. My eyes widened. I dropped to my knees. Another flash back. I was being pushed against a wall.
"No, No No," I repeated, shaking my head as if to shake off the memory. Another flash back.
"No NO NO! STOP! RED!" Iremembered myself screaming. What? I shook my head. I had been touched. Not by Master. I betrayed him. I betrayed him. I betrayed him. Another flash back.
"C'mon Bella, we're best frrriends," I remembered a familiar voice slur. Oh my god! Jacob.
This can't be. I immediately reached to feel my sex. I felt the same chastity belt that Master always had me wear. Only he had the key. It was not relieving like I thought it would be.
I hate betrayed my Master in the worst way. I hadn't even asked to go to that party. My breaths got shallow.
I hate Jacob, I hate Jacob. I hate Jacob. I hate myself. I hate myself. I don't deserve Master. I betrayed him. I betrayed him. I hate myself I hate myself. I hate myself. I HATE MYSELF!
I didn't realize I was saying it out loud until I stopped to gasp for breath. As soon as I could breathe, I kept going. I felt nothing but self-loathing and shame.
"I hate myself I hate myself. I'm worthless, I hate myself, I hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE MYSELF!" I screamed. I heard fast footsteps. Master didn't deserve to see something so ugly. I was worthless. I didn't deserve Master's eyes. I quickly crawled over to the door and slammed it shut with as much force as possible. I locked it just as I heard Master's hand on the knob.
"Isabella! Open this door! What are you doing?" He shouted. I hadn't realized tears had fallen until I instinctively reached up to wipe them.
"I h-hate myself, I hate m-myself, I-I hate mys-self!" I repeated, sobs racking my body. I needed punishment. I was disgusting. I betrayed the most important person in the world, I betrayed someone so special, who placed his collar on my undeserving neck.
I hate myself. I need punishment. I need punishment.
I continued to sob as I forced myself off of the ground to reach the cabinet. I pulled the first thing I could think of out. Master continued to bang on the door, now kicking. He was strong, it wouldn't take him long. I fumbled with the razor in my shaky hand until I finally broke the blades from there confinement. They flew everywhere, but it only took me a second to find one. I was gasping for air, my lips beginning to turn numb.
"I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself," I cried as I began to slash my arm. I wasn't a pain-slut, and I deserved it. I deserved every bit of it. I didn't care if I cut too deep. I knew that I was getting there as blood dripped to the floor.
"I am worthless, I am worthless. I HATE MYSELF!" I shrieked. I never stopped slashing my skin, but only moved to my leg.
BANG! The door came crashing down. I couldn't look at him. I deserved nothing of him. But I selfishly wore his collar, even at that moment.
"ISABELLA! What the hell are you doing?!" He roared. I just continued sobbing, as he snatching the blade from my hand.
"I h-a-ate myself, I-I hate my-yself!" I cried. He reached out to me, and I flinched away. "Don't touch me! I don't deserve you!" I began to see spots; I knew I would pass out soon. He dropped to his knees, and grabbed me into his arms, allowing blood to run down his shirtless torso. I kicked and screamed.
"NO!" I shrieked. I beat at his chest.
I DON'T DESERVE HIS TOUCH! I screamed to myself.
"I don't deserve you, I don't deserve you! I hate myself!" I sobbed, I couldn't breathe. I continued to kick and scream, which only made his hold on me tighten. He let one arm go to fling the cabinet open. He grabbed a wash cloth and then pinned me to the floor, pressing it to my arm. My leg wasn't as bad.
"Bella, Bella, Bella, calm down," He begged. "Calm down, baby."
"No, no, no-ho no!" I cried. I didn't deserve him. I was his, and I was touched. I didn't even fight as hard as I should have.
"Bella, calm down now, or I will call an ambulance," He threatened. He couldn't!
"Please, don't!" I begged through my sobbing.
"Hush, my pet, hush," He cooed as I began to calm down. Black began to clear from my vision. "Sh-sh-shhh," He hushed me, pulling me to him, once again. I was out of energy, so I allowed myself to succumb into his embrace.
I was having a break down. And Master, no matter how undeserving I was, was the only one that could help me through it.
"I hate myself, I hate myself, I'm worthless, I don't deserve you, I don't deserve you, I don't deserve you," I continued to whimper through his coos. My breathing wasn't back to normal, but it was better. Black spots no longer clouded my vision.
"Isabella, hush, hush, hush, we will talk about whatever it is, hush," He murmured. My whimpers got quieter and quieter as he held me in his arms, until I was nothing but mouthing the words.
"Isabella, what is going on?" He demanded when we had both calm down enough. As I glanced up at his eyes in shame, I noticed that they were red-rimmed. I had made him cry. How selfish of me.
He deserved the truth. I don't care how uncomfortable this was, it wasn't about me. It was about Master.
I felt my eyes well up again with the tears I thought had ran out, as I uttered,
"I cheated on you," I felt the tears begin to fall. He tensed up.
"WHAT?!" He demanded, causing me to flinch. He shut his eyes and took a calming breath.
"What happened," He forced out in a shaky voice through clenched teeth.
"I-I went to Alice's party without your permission," I started in a shaky voice, my lip quivering. "An-and I had a few drinks," His jaw clenched. "H-he came up to me Master, and, h-he pushed me against the wall. I didn't fight h-hard enough," I couldn't stop the sobs, no matter how hard I tried. Master deserved a straight answer, not pathetic blubbering. But I selfishly kept feeling sorry for myself.
His eyes immediately snapped open, shocked.
"I-I'm so sorry M-Master." I quietly sobbed. "I st-still had my chastity belt on." I added quietly, informing him that I hadn't been penetrated. "His lips t-tasted so d-dirty. I'm s-so so-sorry Master."
I couldn't stop myself from full on sobbing. I sucked in shaky gasps between, trying to calm myself.
"Who is he? He the fuck violated you?" He demanded, beginning to shake in rage. His face turned red.
"I-It was my f-fault, I w-went to the p—"
"IT WASN'T FUCKING YOUR FAULT! NOW WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BASTARD?" He yelled, making the walls shake. Even though I still believed it was my fault, I didn't want to out Jacob. I had to though. Master was much more important.
"Jacob," I whispered. He shot up, with me still in his arms.
"HE IS NEVER TO COME NEAR YOU AGAIN!" He roared, stalking out of the bathroom.
"He better BELIEVE that he is getting charged. But not before I rearrange his fucking FACE!" He growled, outraged. He practically threw me onto his bed, stomping to the closet, and yanking a shirt on. He then went to my section, and pulled the first outfit he touched off of the hanger. He threw it onto the bed and then pulled his sweats off, replacing them with some jeans.
I continued to sob, curling my naked form into a ball. It was my fault. It was my responsibility to stay untouched when Master was away, and I failed even that.
"Isabella, this is not your fault, I'm taking care of it. You are mine, not his, and that bastard is going to learn that pretty soon," He hissed, pulling me into sitting position so that he could remove the cloth that still stuck to my arm. Even though he was in a state of rage, he was still very gentle with me. His chest expanded rapidly as he attempted to calm himself. He stalked away to his master bath to wet the rag, and then returned to the bed to clean the almost nearly dried blood from my arm and leg. It stung, but I didn't mind.
I deserve it.
"And you are never to cut again. Isabella, you could have killed yourself! You almost took yourself away from me! Do you know what would have happened? I would have had to, too." His jaw clenched as he held his tears back. He stretched out my legs as he gentle pulled my pants up my legs.
"No, Master" I forced out breathlessly. "I don't deserve you. It was my fault." I whimpered.
"IT WASN'T YOUR FUCKING FAULT! I am your Dominant, and what I say is fucking law for you. Now, you better not even THINK from this moment on that it is your fault." He asserted in his dominant voice. I was tied. It wasn't my fault. What he says is law. It wasn't my fault.
"Even by federal government standards, it isn't your fucking fault." He added, pulling my arms through the sleeves of my shirt.
"It isn't my fault." It was the truth, because he said so. From then on, I no longer believed it was my fault, because he said not to. So it legally couldn't be my fault. My heart felt lighter, and my sobs gradually stopped. It wasn't my fault.
I might continue with this, it is meant to be a two-shot, maybe even a bit longer, it depends on the response, or if I need to write something angsty again. Sorry if it seems a bit exaggerated, though some D/s and M/s relationships can get pretty fucking deep, so it depends. Should I finish? I might post a sweet lemon if I do finish, I think that would be somewhat appropriate. Review! (Again, sorry it isn't very good, it was for my own sake, but I decided to post it.)