Zoro didn't even like cellphones. The only reason he had one was for work and even then he had never really had to use it. He wasn't into paying angry birds or any of that popular crap. It was a phone, it was for calling and of course, much as Sanji would kill him for admitting, the flirty text here in there. Except that Zoro's fingers didn't favor such tiny keys.

So when his cellphone had made an unfortunate fate that left it unable to work anymore, Zoro wasn't really concerned. It wasn't like people needed to reach him, he had a home phone. Sanji however wasn't going to let it go. He insisted Zoro get a new phone, explaining that it was important that he be able to reach him anytime, anywhere. Zoro didn't know why, probably some pansy girlfriend – er boyfriend reason of wanting to be able to get his attention.

So after countless fights, Zoro gave in. He let Sanji pick him out a phone and decided he would use it, even if it was ten times more intimidating then his last. Really? Who needed a touch screen? But he just shrugged it off. As long as there was an accept or decline button, he'd be fine. It was just a phone after all, what's the worst that could happen?

The first time he had heard the noise though, Zoro wasn't sure if he was fully awake or not. His brows furrowed and he raised his head away from his pillow, glancing around for the source of the sound. Had he just heard... surely not? The thought made his cheeks slightly warm. What was he doing thinking of that randomly? Was he trying to get himself excited?

He glanced over at his alarm clock, which he used instead of the alarm feature his new phone was suppose to have. Phones were phones, clocks were clocks. End of story. He still had a little time before work, so what was he doing awake? His body tingled as the noise ranged out again.

Zoro's eyes widen as he glanced at his phone. He had only had it a few days but he knew enough that it wasn't suppose to be making that noise. He swallowed thickly, grabbing it. It was all to real and familiar. Had it recorded it sometime when he had been at Sanji's the night before last? How did he make it stop?

It's screen lit up with a good morning text message from Sanji, but Zoro ignored it, unlocking the home screen. He checked the photos and any where else he figured some kind of recording could be. He let out a sigh of relief when he couldn't find any such thing saved. Maybe he had been imagining it. He let out a huff and scratched at his head. Damn Cook, always on his mind and now waking him out of his sleep.

It didn't cross his mind again until later in the day when he had arrived at work. He was bending over a sheathed katana, cleaning its outer exterior as it was going to be put out in display later that day. He hadn't even noticed when his museum college, a man with an exceptionally long nose named Ussop who worked in a different section of the facility, specializing in slingshots and artillery.

He was grinning when he came into Zoro's office, wishing him a good morning.

"Hey Zoro. How are ya?" He asked, leaning down to meet Zoro's eyes as he cleaned the bottom.

Zoro scowled, dropping his cleaning untensil and standing up straight, Ussop followed. He huffed a little.

"I'm fine Ussop, what do you want?" His usual pleasant mood.

Ussop gave a slight shrug. "Oh nothing, I just wanted to know what you were doing this weekend. You know every year I have this legendary party for new years and if you and Sanji are free-"

Zoro's face went pale when a sound erupted from his pant pocket. A sound familiar to his ears, reminding him fondly of times he shared with a particular blonde, but not a sound he should ever have associated with the work place. Or allow Ussop to hear. Ussop's cheeks redden as his eyes grew big and he stared at Zoro, baffled.

"Was that.." He began, his voice a little shakey. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or what.

Zoro's hand instantly flew to his pocket and got out the phone, staring at it infuriated. So he had heard it this morning. It was this stupid thing! His gaze moved back up just in time to see Ussop backing up and towards his office door.

"No Ussop wait! I can explain that wasn't-"
"N-No that's fine Zoro. I get it. You and Sanji are probably busy anyway. Bye!"

Zoro let out a growl and slammed his phone onto the table, scratching at his head. Oh he was going to kill the cook. This was all his doing, there was no other way. Damn him for picking this phone, which withstood his strength enough to have its screen still lit up and the dirty winky smiley from a certain ero cook. He was going to kill him after he found out how to turn the shitty phone off.

Thing's progressed little for the Marimo though, as he failed more and more at trying to change the settings to the phone or turning it off in general. He had actually failed enough to make it louder, making the people in the lunch room staring at him awkwardly as he threw the thing into his bento box which was made by a so screwed cook before he hurried out.

It only continued to get worse too. The cook would begin spamming him text messages about what he needed to pick up on the way to his apartment that night, or reminders. He even had to ask if the lunch Zoro hadn't been able to really enjoy was alright. Having heard so many of the blondes moans in the ear was nothing but a curse to the swordsman, having to rush off and into the bathroom a few times just to hide anyone from knowing the affects it may or may not occasionally have on him.

It wasn't until later, before his shift was over that he found some company in the presence of the museums head archeologist, Robin. She came in with an amused expression, having been the only one to not only enjoy Zoro's misfortune but felt nice enough to address it.

"I hear that you are having some difficulties with your new phone Zoro." She hummed at the doorway, starling the swordsman who was on some app he had no idea how he'd gotten to.

"Robin no I just-" He was interrupted by the same noise again.

Robin chuckled at it. "You know, we usually do not allow such things in the office."

Zoro glared down at his phone and away from his boss. There was nothing more humiliating, but nothing he could really do. Robin and Sanji were exceptionally close friends. If anything she was probably inflating that blonde's ego on how his prank was going.

"I know that." He couldn't help but snap in return. "It's just this damn cook messed with my phone and-"
"Zoro." She purred back, turning to leave. "None of that in the work place."

Zoro yelled in frustration and tried throwing the phone yet again to make it stop. His heart sank though when it did the opposite, it kept repeating itself.

In conclusion Zoro did not have a great time on his way home from the office. The fact that his phone, sitting on the passenger seat of his car kept going off and itching at his senses, didn't help. That and when he tried getting out of his car to run into the corner store to get things for the cook he absolutely hated at this point, their were awkward stares after him regarding to the echo coming from his vechile.

"Shut up!" He just hissed, running into the store quickly.

He was so relieved to finally pull up into the blondes driveway. Zoro practically kicked in the door, following the trail of smoke in a rush and entering the kitchen. He tossed the phone, replying Sanji's moans onto the counter, his face extremely flustered and annoyed.

The cook, who was turned towards his stove, stopped what he was doing for the moment, taking a second to listen to the sound filling his kitchen among the usual boiling and sizzling. He turned around cooly, looking at Zoro with his eyebrow raised. He took out the cigarette that had been resting in the corner of his mouth and strode to the kitchen's island, taking the phone and looking down, amused at the anthem that kept sounding.

Zoro was huffing while he watched him.

"Geez Marimo." Sanji sighed, tapping on the screen of the phone and changing some things. The repeated message came to a stop. "Control your phone."

Zoro's scowl darkened and he gripped on the opposite side of the island.

"You." He said darkly. "Did you think that'd be funny cook?!"

Sanji snorted, bringing his cigarette back to his lips. "Thought it'd make you finally reply to your texts." was his only explanation.

Zoro gripped the counter so hard his knuckles were turning white.

"Do you have any idea how humiliating that is hearing that everywhere I went!? I couldn't fucking think straight!"

Before Sanji could reply though another familiar sound rang out and Sanji glanced down at the pocket of his apron. Zoro's jaw dropped. That sound.. was like his sound, but instead of Sanji's voice.. it was Zoro's moan. The cook, had his moaning as a ring tone. How even...?

"Ah, Nami-swan texted me!" Cooed Sanji, checking his phone. He replied to her text before his eye traveled back to Zoro, still satisfied. "Sorry Marimo, what was it you were saying?"


Author's Note: eww unbeta'd. Was inspired to write this after re-watching the Sherlock series. Im not sure if I will get around to adding Zoro pouncing Sanji at the end of this or not but still. Hope you enjoyed 3