AN: I feel like sharing my METH love. :D
This one is being inspired by the song Nothing by The Script. I hope you like it. If you think of a song or a movie that might be a good inspiration for a METH one shot just let me know...I'll see if it inspires me. Also big Kudos to SOA Loving mom for beta'ing this story.
Disclaimer: I don't own the walking dead or the characters (unless Michael Rooker is interested but let's face it that's a WHOLE different story lol)
Read and Review thanks my lovelies
Beth was in her bed tossing and turning. It was almost time for her to sneak off and go meet Merle like she had been doing almost every night for the past month, but not tonight, she sighed in exasperation and turned once more facing the wall. She needed to be strong, she had to be. She couldn't believe how hard it was not to tip toe to his room and join him under his cover...It was like a physiological need, being with Merle Dixon, feeling his hard muscles, his burning skin, his callous hand on her soft skin...it seem to be just as important as the air that she breathed.
"Stop Bethy, you have to stop. It's enough now, you can't go keep going on like that." She whispered to herself, putting her pillow on her face.
She never intended for it to happen, she had been terrified by the man when he first came, especially after what he had done to Glenn and his sister but her father always told her she had to give the benefit of the doubt to people. One day, a couple of months ago, she had decided to talk to him as she brought him some food in the tower. She almost peed herself that day being alone with him, but he was not at all what she expected him to be he was so different when he was alone, not soft or anything like that, but human.
After that day, Beth went almost every day to the tower during his shift and just chatted...The man was not big on chit chats but the little things she could see she liked. He was funny, much smarter than he let people see, it was like he actually enjoyed people thinking the worse of him.
Two weeks later, he had challenged her to kiss him and she did. She enjoyed that kiss so much that she went for a second one as soon as he let her go. She had kissed Jimmy before, but kissing Merle Dixon was like an explosion of the senses...it was a complete contradiction of the senses, it was soft and rough, sweet and sour...Beth was addicted, just looking at his lips made her warm all over.
Merle and her discussed and they decided to keep what was going on between them a secret, the others would never understand, they would most likely kick him out if her daddy didn't kill him before. Hershel Greene might be a Christian but he also had his limit and Beth had to agree that he would never approve for a man twice her age being with her.
Beth had lost her innocent to Merle two weeks after they first kiss, he had given her a lot of outs before he made her his. He had been gentle, gentler than she thought he could ever be, he treated her like she was glass and he loved her that night...Loved her more than she thought it was possible. She knew it was only physical love, desire and passion and she knew it was the only thing he could offer and she accepted it greedily.
When they lay together that night, tired but satisfied she couldn't help but tell him she loved him and she knew that it was now or never, in this world we could die anytime and she didn't want to regret. 'You never regret sharing 'I love you' when you mean it' her mother told her once. And she truly loved that man, out of nowhere he had snuck into her heart and for the past month he had made a web around her heart so strong that she couldn't avoid it, she was not sure she even wanted to.
He had simply kissed the top of her head, holding her a bit tighter but she wasn't mad, she knew he didn't love her and probably never would. He had told her before they got physical that he couldn't and wouldn't love anyone. He also made it clear that it could never become more serious than that between them, he was not commitment material, that if she wanted a husband, a father for her children, or even a boyfriend he was not the right choice. He also told her it was one of the reasons they couldn't go public...ever.
She had accepted, she told him it was fine that she could be satisfied with that.
Stupid girl she thought now rolling her eyes. This is where she knew that even if she was 19 in a world that is a lot like hell, she had been naive that day. She wanted him so much; she convinced herself that she could put aside all she believed in. She forgot about god, about her need to be loved. The more they were together, the more she wanted him, for the past month there was not a day when they were not making love, not a day where she didn't think deep, deep down that it was going to be the day that he would realize he loved her too, that she was worth fighting his brother and her father for, but that day never came and never would.
She saw him helping Karen in the garden today, he was using his million dollar smile on her, he had put a strand of her hair behind her ear, seeing that hurt Beth beyond words, but she had no right to be hurt or mad, he never promised her to be faithful, he never promised her anything in fact, it was just her own stupidity that led her to think she at least meant something to him.
She went back to her cell and cried, and cried, and cried some more, until she had no more tears to shed. This was when she decided to call it quit, she couldn't keep doing that to herself and it was unfair for her to expect him to become something he was not. As much as she loved him, she had to admit it was time to stop , for both their sakes and for her own mental health.
It was just much harder than she thought; she knew he was in his bed right now, probably waiting for her completely naked.
She closed her eyes and prayed, she prayed for god to give her the strength to walk away from Merle Dixon, the man that was like her drug, cursing through her veins...The man that was as venomous for her heart as heroin.
For the first time in years, Merle was woken up by his brother, nudging him roughly.
"The fuck Merle, ya think yer the stupid sleepin beauty? Shit we need to be gone in 30 minutes."
Merle growled and kicked his brother. "Shut the fuck up little brother. How many times did I need to get your pussy ass out of bed before uh?"
Daryl chuckled. "Yeah...I forgot yer getting old sometimes. How old are ya now? 46?"
"I'll show ya an old man can break yer pretty boy face. Jest fuck off now, I'll meet ya by the truck in 30 minutes."
Daryl shook his head and left laughing.
Merle was in a fool mood, and he was glad he was going on a run with Daryl; he could take his frustration on the fugly flesh-eating mofo out here. He had waiting for her girl for hours but she never came, he couldn't go to her room she was just beside her pa and Carol...He had no excuse to be on this side of the block. He couldn't believe she stood him up, he shouldn't care...they were casual after all.
He dressed quickly, he had the choice...either getting some food or go talk to the girl and right now, finding out why she bailed on him seemed more important than food.
As he walked to her cell, he was trying to calm himself, he didn't need to show her how angry he was, maybe she had a good excuse, maybe she couldn't sneak out... he actually hated to admit it but he kind of missed her.
He was approaching her cell when he heard her sing, he stopped a few second just to hear her sing and it seem to tame his anger. Merle was born angry, he was always feeling the deep coal of anger burning in his stomach, the only things that used to tame that beast within him was meth, alcohol and sex...sometimes all the three at once, but he also discovered recently that this angelic voice had the same effect on him, not that he would ever admit that.
He frowned once he realized what the lyrics of the song were but it was not a happy song that was sure...
"And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."
Nothing for a baby but he guessed that no matter what she sang, with a voice like hers the little girl was probably in heaven.
He leaned against her cell door, and saw she was putting Judith in her crib.
"Hey Sugar, that was one hell of a song." He said putting his cheeky grin in place.
"Oh...Merle Hi." Her heart was thundering in her chest. She looked away pretending to put some order in her room. Seeing him leaning so casually made it harder on her, she just loved him so damn much. "Yes, it's just a song of my favorite musical. Les Miserables? You know."
He nodded. "Victor Hugo yes I do. I quite enjoyed this book."
She nodded, she was not even surprised he read the book...She had learned not to underestimate him, he had much more culture than they all thought.
He sighed, he could see she was not going to address her standing him up last night. "What happened last night Sugar? I missed you."
"Nothing, I just..."
"You what?" He asked taking a step in, there was a little voice in him that said he was not going to like what was brewing.
"I'm sorry, you were right." She said staying on the other side of the crib, like to set a barrier between them.
"You need to be more specific sweetheart, I'm always right." He said trying to make a joke.
She smiled a little, but it was a sad smile and it hurt a part in his chest he didn't even know he had. "About me, about us."
Merle looked around to make sure nobody was there.
"What d'ya mean?"
"I love you, I do but you're not what I need. I realized I want someone who wants to be with me for real, someone who needs me in his life ...someone who would go crazy when I am out of his world."
"I told you from the start." He started with a gruff voice, he was furious...was she actually breaking up with him? "What d'ya want me to say girly? What d'ya want to hear? Want me to tell ya that I can be yer fuckin prince charming"? He asked his voice as cold as ice
She smiled more sincerely now. "Oh no, I'm not blaming you, Merle I promise. You've been nothing but honest from the start, I'm the one who lied, to you...to myself and for that I'm sorry...It was not very Christian of me."
Merle scoffed. "Don't play the good Christian now, we did plenty of things that are not Christian you and I, and if I remember correctly you were begging for more."
Beth blushed beet red, and shook her head as to shake image of what they did away. "I am not playing the Christian. Just apologizing for lying to both of us. You are right, it doesn't work for me and-"
"Do I even have my say in this shit?"
"No, it was never a relationship, it was always unrequited. Don't worry you're not the bad guy."
"Merle let's go!"
"Shut the fuck up little brother! You said 30 fuckin minutes."
"Ya got a watch?" Snorted Daryl.
Merle growled throwing him a murdering look. He wanted to go, and yet part of him wanted to stay and make things better but as always his pride won. "Ya know what girly yer right, I don't need this shit...Ya was a great distraction, time to move on." He turned without another word to meet his brother.
As he walked out and sat in the truck he didn't like the feeling he had gnawing at him deep in his gut, it was something strange, not painful per say but it was making it hard to breathe.
He should have been relieved she called it quit now, that he didn't have to do it...He was not the bad guy, she was the one that walked away but it didn't make him feel better...not for a second.
He knew he was starting to get mixed filling about the little vixen, it was more than the attraction he had for her tight little body and her innocence and lack expertise that he liked, it had been her too...Beth the young woman.
He had tried to flirt with one of the stupid woman from Woodbury yesterday, she was not bright but she was hot enough with big tits and a tight ass but even if it was working, even if he knew he could have taken her right there in the garden he didn't even feel like it... He kept comparing her to Beth and she was nothing like her.
"Earth to Merle? Seriously bro what the fuck are ya on? Ya said ya stop with drugs."
"What?" Merle looked around; they were parked by a small shopping centre.
"Ya were spaced out during the whole fucking drive. I can't have ya out there with me if ya don't get yer head out of yer ass. I need ya to watch my back not to be a fuckin dead weight."
"I ain't taken no shit! Like I would risk ya like that, fuck little brother I had yer back more than once."
"So what's up? ya can talk to me ya know. "
"Oh I can? Oh thank ya little brother! Why don't we have a girl night tonight, I'll tell ya bout my problems, y'all tell me yers and we can paint our toenails and shit and who knows if yer lucky enough ya might grow a fuckin vagina so ya can stick a fuckin tampon in it."
Daryl mumbled something under his breath, and got out of the truck." I'll go to the baby store go wherever jest try to bring useful shit for everybody not jest for yer ass."
Daryl should have known better than antagonized an already uber pissed Merle, he flipped him the bird and walked in the first store he could find.
It was a small convenient store, the cigarettes were gone but Merle knew better than to stop at that. He did his fair share of break-in in this kind of stores before, he knew what to look for and where to find them. He went by the magazine stand and pulled it from against the wall...It was not easy to do with the lack of sleep and only one hand.
He laughed when he saw what was behind, 5 cartons of cigarettes, a bottle of cheap vodka, and four mini bottles of whisky. He looked around, making sure his brother was not there and slipped the vodka in his backpack... that was clearly not something he intended to share with anyone. He put the 4 mini bottles in his pockets and continued to look around taking a handful of things before putting them in the truck.
He took a small bottle and drank it at once, hoping it would help to numb the dull pain in his chest, he turned around to find a walker only millimetres from him, he quickly grabbed him by the throat and stabbed him through the eyes with his arm piece. Man Daryl had been right, he was sloppy, he almost got his face eat up and it was all because of this damn girl.
He growled, and walked in the second store not knowing what it was, he chuckled...it was a jewellery store and they still had a lot of shit here.
Maggie was a piece of work; maybe if he had some fine jewellery he could get the Chinaman to play his slave every now and then. He reached in his pocket and drunk a second bottle before starting to looked at the shit they had. He took a couple of necklaces, a couple of ring and he stopped by a pendant, it was a gold heart with angel wings attached to it, it would be the perfect present for Beth and then he wanted to punch himself for just thinking that.
He walked away angrily, the fucking bitch didn't deserve a second thought, she was not giving a second thought on walking away why should he?
He went to the pharmacy and took everything he could find behind the counter, there was not much left, he didn't know if the date were good or what all the medication was about but the ol'farmer would know. He found a few boxes of condom and put them in his backpack with the bottle of vodka, tonight he would make the Woodbury bitch scream his name over and over again and he hoped the little witch hears it and remember how good it was to be the one in his arms.
He drank the third bottle and his head spin a bit.
"Uh…." he looked down at the bottle. "It ain't 3 midget bottles that will take me down."
"Merle we're good?" Asked Daryl, coming in the drugstore.
"Yep, got some cigs too."
Daryl frowned. "Yer drunk?"
Merle snorted, and drank the forth bottle. "Ya think a tiny shit like that will take me down?"
"Nah, but ya didn't get any food bro, at least eat that." He said extending an energy bar.
Merle shook his head. "We done here?"
The truck was quite full; it had been a good trip not that Merle did much.
"Stop!" Said Merle when Daryl started to revert
"Why? What?" He looked around startled.
"Damn fuckin hell!" He growled getting out of the truck, he was a bit drunker than he thought, and lost his footing falling heavily on the floor. He looked up and started to laugh, it was not a happy laugh it was one full of despair.
"What the fuck is wrong with ya?" Asked Daryl, running to his side to pull him up.
Merle was laughing ever harder; Daryl looked around and saw a walker turn his head toward him.
"Shut up Merle, shut it! Yer fucking drunk and I can't deal with yer drunk ass and fuckin walkers at the same time." He grabbed is hand and pulled him up, "Come on ya drunk fuck."
"I need to go there first," said Merle pointing at the jewellery store; "I have something to take for her. I need to make it right."
Daryl sighed and helped his brother to the store where he snatched the heart pendant and put it in his pocket.
Daryl stayed quiet until they were halfway back to the prison. "Who did ya take that for?"
"Ya know I didn't see it comin, and then she jest tell me we're done. I don't wanna it to be over. I should but I don't"
Daryl frowned, "is it the woman from Woodbury….Karen?"
Merle shook his head "Come on little bother that bitch wouldn't even be a fuckin blink on my radar, she's just a hole to fill. Nah … She is a little vixen ya know, her big blue eyes, her blond hair, her angel voice…fuck I was an idiot, I didn't stand a chance."
"Beth!" Daryl swayed a little on the road. "Ya have a thing for the girl? Fuck Merle no! Please, please tell me ya didn't do anythin stupid."
"Wanna know if we did it?"
"Yes! No! Fuck Merle why did ya have to go after the kid? She is like 20 years younger than ya, ya could be her dad…. Oh god Hershel, he's gonna kill ya."
"I'm 27 years older and don't worry, she didn't want me anymore…tired of ol'Merle dick."
Daryl made a gagging sound. "I don't wanna know nothin brother but jest be happy that she found her fuckin brain and called it quit before people found out. I like the group, I like the prison….I don't wanna leave brother, but seriously of all the women around ya had to choose Beth?" Daryl shook his head.
"I know if I give her that she'll forget what she said and…"
"No, no bro! Now ya listen to me, ya leave her alone. Ya know she deserved something different than ya. Beth…her family ain't like us, she wanna husband and kids and all the shit. She wants romance…ya can't give her that, yer better without her. Jest…I have some whiskey in my room, just have a few more drinks…It'll help ya forget her."
"No, for me bro, just walk away, respect her choice and keep yer fuckin dick in yer fuckin pants do ya hear me? Cuz if ya do anythin I won't stand between them and ya."
"Yea I kind of figure that," Merle replied showing his prostetic…."Ya forgave lots."
Daryl parked, and stormed into the prison.
"What happened?" Asked Rick, coming toward the truck.
"Ah officer friendly. Dontcha worry I didn't hurt yer little boyfriend, he just got his panties up in a bunch."
"Are you drunk?"
"Nope, just buzzed but I will be drunk before the night is done."
"I don't want trouble, if you get drunk I don't want you in the common room tonight, are we clear?"
"Sure we are officer friendly, dontcha worry." He reached at the back and pulled his backpack along with a box of granola bars. "I'll be on my way."
Merle looked at the side and saw Hershel, Beth and Karen's boy sitting at a table together. The kid was laughing a something Hershel said and he was sitting close to Beth…Way too close.
Merle wanted to go there and break that kid face, he had a crush on his angel he knew that…but he was such a queer, he wouldn't be able to keep her satisfied, to keep her safe. He was the one that should be at the table not him.
Merle went back to his cell, he ate two bars and started to drink his cheap vodka, it tasted like rubbing alcohol but right now he didn't care, he just wanted to forget everything, how she was, how she made him feel, what she made him feel.
But it didn't have the effect he wanted, the more he drank the more he realized that he had fought and lost, the little witch put a spell on him and he was hers.
After one too many he realized he needed her, he never needed anyone but he needed her. He couldn't let the little queer getting too close to her. Hell, thinking of anybody else putting their lips on her body gave him craving of murders.
She wanted him to fight, he was gonna fight even if he had to fight her along the way. The sun had set; it was probably around dinner time.
"Beth! Bethany! Bethy!" He shouted her name all over the prison, making his way to the common room.
When he walked in, the room was already silent. They were all looking at him going from angry to terrified and Beth, his Bethy looked mortified.
"Merle I told you…." Started Rick taking a step toward him.
"Shut the fuck up officer friendly I ain't here to create trouble k? I jest have to talk to my angel." He turned to Beth. He knew he was as drunk as a skunk, he knew his words slurred but he knew she would listen; he could turn it all around. "Oh my Bethy, what did ya do to me? Yer stuck here" he said tapping his forehead, "yer stuck here," he tapped his chest. "Fuck woman what did ya do to me uh? Yer vixen lips poisoned me with every kiss ya gave me."
"Merle, son I think you better go now." Said Hershel, standing in front of Beth.
"No daddy it's okay…" She rested her hand on her father arm, and took a couple of step to stand in front of Merle.
"See, she wanna talk to me ol' man." Merle reached in his pocket and got the necklace out. "I hear ya woman, ya wanna a man that fight for ya…See I am. It was never bout sex….Well" he gave her his wolfish grin. "I love the sex with ya, but somewhere in between ya sneak into my heart, shit woman look what a pansy you made me." He extended the necklace to her.
"Sex? He is delusional. I'm gonna break your face you old sick pervert" Maggie shouted, but Glenn restrained her.
Beth took the necklace and put it on, the eyes full of tears. "Merle…you don't have to."
"Ya wanna a man for whom yer the world, yer my world baby…I wanna fight for ya, want me to? Yer under my skin Angel. Wanna get married? Okay fine. Say we're okay, say yer forgive me and come with me, just lay with me."
"Beth no, this is not right! Tell him he is crazy." Maggie shouted.
Beth turned toward her sister. "I love him Maggie, okay? I have never been happier, he is not perfect but he is mine."
"And she is mine got it? If any of ya try to even lay a finger on her I'll cut yer dick and shove it down yer throat and it includes ya queer boy." He added pointing to Noah. "Let's go Angel" he took Beth hand. "Come lay with me."
Beth turned to her father with pleading eyes. "Please daddy you have to understand, I love him."
"You are insane! All of you" Maggie shouted.
Hershel shook his head. "Just go with him, it's way too late and he is way too drunk but tomorrow…Tomorrow we'll have a discussion."
"Just go now Beth I just…" He sighed. "I just can't deal with you right now."
"Can I call you daddy too?" Asked Merle, wrapping his arm around her neck.
Beth nudged him and tried to pull him out. "Come on Dixon, if you want me to sleep with you it's now or never." He nodded and followed her out. She could feel all their eyes on her back. "You know tomorrow we'll have hell to pay right?"
He shrugged. "Come what may. I don't care anymore, ya wanted me all the way, ya got me now sugar and believe me I am one piece of work."
Beth chuckled "I know that but I want all of you."
Merle laid heavily on the bed, and pat the mattress. "Come on sugar, yer man is waiting."
Beth grinned and laid beside him, he spooned her and circled her waist with she stump, pulling her closer.
"My Beth," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "You sweetheart, are my one and only." He added and was snoring within a minute
Beth closed her eyes, and rested her hand on his arm. She knew tomorrow was going to be a nightmare but right now she was lying in a bed with the man she loved, a broken man that loved her too and for now it was enough.