So, here's something new and fresh...maybe...I don't know...I've seen lots of one-shot collections for GrimmIchi, but I don't think I've ever seen one like

This is going to be ten one-shots long...not all of them will be as long as this first one...I'll admit, I got kinda carried away with this one, and it ended up being definitely over the desired word count for this, but *shrugs* I digress...

Anyway, I decided to do this a while ago...Panic! at the Disco and My Chemical Romance are two of my favorite bands, and GrimmIchi is my OTP, so it works...

These are not songfics, just to clarify, so you don't have to like P!atD or MCR to enjoy these stories...though if you don't that makes me sad, but alas, to each his own...they're all really excellent songs, though, so check them out if you'd like:)

This author's note is entirely too long. Please enjoy the first entry of Panic! at GrimmIchi's Chemical Romance ^_^

Title: Ichi Smiles
Sarah Smiles by Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Romance/Angst
POV: first person-Grimmjow

Velvet lips and the eyes to pull me in

We both know you'd already win

Umm, you're original sin

You fooled me once with your eyes now, honey

You fooled me twice with your lies...

Original sin. Two words to describe Ichigo Kurosaki. He's three years older than me and my older brother Starrk's best friend. I've known him since I was twelve and loved him since I was fourteen. He's tall, but I've outgrown him since I turned seventeen. His body is lithe but solid, his muscles defined but not over exaggerated. His skin is like alabaster, with a glorious sun-kissed tinge to it that makes him practically glow in the sunlight. His eyes are a gorgeous shade of cinnamon and they absolutely smolder when he's angry. I would know since I annoy him sometimes just to see them change. His lips are like velvet, full and almost always pulled into a scowl. I can make him smile though; and when he does, his entire face is illuminated. I swear he's a fucking celestial being. Better yet, a demigod. Yeah, let's go with that. His most defining feature would definitely have to be his hair; it's a vibrant shade of orange. It used to be short and it would defy the laws of gravity by standing up in all kinds of directions, but it's different now that he's started university. He let it grow out and now it hangs down a little past his shoulders with the bangs covering his eyes.

So now that you have an idea of how abso-bloody-lutely gorgeous he is, let me tell you a little about his personality. He's temperamental and borderline overprotective when it comes to people he's close to. He is the epitome of 'kick ass and take names', and he takes shit from no one, me included. You'd sooner find your ass on the end of his right foot than messing with someone he cares about. He's also extremely intelligent. He's currently studying to become a molecular chemist. Yeah, fancy, huh? He tutored me in trigonometry and I came out number one in my class that year. He's really funny too, ridiculously funny to be exact. He's got a different sense of humor and those who don't understand it say he doesn't have one at all. But I understand; I'm fluent in both sarcasm and irony, just like him. He's almost too charming to be real sometimes; I swear he could talk a man in the Sahara out of his last drop of water. He's gotten me out of a lot of trouble with that charm and into some too. But he's always there to take the heat with me when we do get into trouble. I guess I'd call him my best friend, but I can't. I don't want to be just his friend. No, I want so much more than that.

I fell in love with Ichigo a little while after I entered high school. I was used to being targeted because of my strange appearance, but it got way worse once I got there. You know what they say: high school ruins everything. Usually, I handled whatever came my way on my own. I'm not weak by any standards; don't get it twisted. I just happened to be fourteen years old when I was cornered by a group of ten or twelve delinquents. I was (and still am) such a cocky bastard that I thought I could take them all on on my own. Oh, how wrong I was. I took down about six of them before one of them suckerpunched me and threw me off. The rest took the opportunity to attack all at once and they overpowered me. I thought I was dead for sure, but then I saw a flash of orange; the sun reflected off of Ichigo's hair making him look like he had a halo.

"The hell you think you're doing, Grimmjow?" he asked nonchalantly, as he landed a punch in the center of the leader's face. I didn't respond and Ichigo finished the rest of them off before helping me to my feet.

"Thanks, Ichigo." He looked at me with those eyes, pulling me in.

"I think you did alright, strong guy," he joked. Then he smiled.

That was all she wrote. I was in love.

I've known my sexual preference since I was about eight. You might find that hard to believe, but when I was young and I said I hated girls, I meant it. I don't hate women, per se, I actually enjoy being around them. But I will cut off my own left nut before I touch a woman past a hug. I just don't find them attractive; never have, never will. I'd like to think I'm extremely attractive to them though, based on the looks I get. I swear I get the hungry eyes from women everywhere I go. It's really fucking creepy. I'm attractive to my own sex too, but I've only had one real boyfriend. His name was Ulquiorra, and he's really awesome, but he's not Ichigo. He understands how I feel and he's actually my best friend now. I haven't dated anyone else, though I've had lots of one night stands, a lot more than what a seventeen-year-old should have. None of them amounted to jackshit compared to Ichigo. No one does. And I'd be with him in a heartbeat if he ever said he wanted me too. Except that's never going to happen. Why you ask? It's really simple.

Ichigo is straight.

I'm pathetic, right? A week from turning eighteen years old, and the only person I've ever loved and will ever love will never want me because I'm the same gender. I don't really base my opinions on love on genitalia. Usually, people fall in love with a person, not with what's between said person's legs. So when it comes to love, I don't think gender should be the deciding factor. It shouldn't be the sole reason for not being with someone, but I'm positive it's the only reason Ichigo isn't with me. Well, there's the age difference, but fuck that. Age ain't nothing but a number, and I'll be a grown ass man this time next week. Anyway, my age has nothing to do with Ichigo. Only the fact that I'm a dude.

I bet you're wondering if Ichigo knows how I feel about him. To answer that question, yes, he most certainly does. He knows exactly how I feel. I just don't think he's aware of how deep my feelings really are. Either that or he just doesn't care. I was fifteen when I told him. He was a senior that year, and I wanted him to know how I felt before he left for university. So on the last day of school, I told him to meet me by Starrk's truck before they all went to celebrate their graduation.

"Ichigo, I like you," I said, looking him square in the eye. He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. Then, he ruffled my sky blue locks like I was some fucking toddler.

"I like you too, Grimmjow. You might as well be my best friend," he said. He didn't understand what I meant. I pushed his hand away. He looked confused; he was so obtuse. I sighed.

"That's not what I mean, Ichi. I mean that I like you, like you. I want to be with you." I saw something flash across those eyes for a split second, then they returned to normal and he sighed.

"Grimm, you know I'm straight, right?" He asked the question so reluctantly that it was almost as if he didn't want to ask it. I just nodded. "So what did you accomplish by telling me this?"

"I just wanted you to know how I feel," I said, with a shrug. Ichigo sighed again and ran a hand across his face.

"Well, thanks, I guess. I'm flattered. And don't worry, nothing has to change just because I can't return your feelings. We'll still be cool." He ruffled my hair again, and I struggled to not flinch.

"Guess so," I said.

That's how it went. He was right. Nothing changed between us at all.

He's coming home for summer break today and because my brother is a lazy asshole, I have to go pick him up from the airport. I haven't seen him in a few months, but we talk everyday. He tells me about all the shit he gets into at university with his friend Shinji. That guy seems nuts, but he's probably really cool to be around based on what Ichigo's told me. He's supposed to be coming with Ichigo too, to meet Starrk.

Ichigo also tells me about his relationships. It's mostly to ask for advice, but I don't know why he bothers. It's not like I've ever had a real relationship, let alone a heterosexual one. And I hate it when he talks about the girls he meets. Like his current girlfriend, Haineko. He sent me a picture of her and I called her a slut. He didn't like it, and I don't care. I don't know why he's even dating her. Her gigantic boobs look scary as fuck to me.

Anyway, I'm waiting for him now and his flight is about twenty minutes late. I'm not a very patient person, so I'm getting fidgety. I hate staying in one place for long periods of time. I'm relieved to see his bright orange hair as he waves to me. I smile and wave back. He approaches me with a shorter blond guy in tow who I assume is Shinji. He's talking to Ichigo animatedly until his gaze falls on me. It's almost comical how abruptly his conversation stops.

"Sweet Jesus, pictures do him no justice!" the blonde exclaims. Ichigo laughs and I feel stirring in my chest. His laugh always does that to me.

"Oh yeah, he's a regulation hottie, didn't you know it?" he says, in that soft liquid sin he calls a voice. I just smirk at the two of them.

"Well, if your brother's half as hot as you, I can't wait to meet him. Shinji Hirako, nice to meet you." Shinji extends his hand and I shake it.

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. Nice to meet you too. You guys cool with going straight to the house?" I ask. Ichigo nods, but it seems Shinji has other ideas.

"I want to hang out for a bit if that's okay with you, Grimmjow. I've never been to New York City before." he says. I look at Ichigo who sighs.

"Fine, but let's drop our shit at Grimmjow's first, okay? I kinda want to take a shower." he says. Immediately I imagine him in my house, in my shower, all naked and wet. Yeah, I'm okay with him taking a shower.

"Alright. Car's this way." I turn to walk away but I hear one of them clearing their throat so I turn back around. "What?"

"You should totally carry my bags for me." Shinji says. I raise an eyebrow and look at Ichigo who just chuckles. Then Shinji tries to pull a puppy dog face and I have to admit it's a pretty good one. "Please, Grimm-Grimm?"

"The fuck? Fine, I'll carry your damn bags as long as you promise to never call me that again. Like ever." I say. Shinji and Ichigo laugh out loud. I sigh and pick up the blonde's bags.

"Thanks so much, strong guy." Ichigo says, cheekily. I glare at him before turning to head to the car.

Of all the places in New York City, the blonde chooses to go to fucking Starbucks for lunch. I hate Starbucks; five fucking dollars for a cup of coffee, and I have to sit and watch fucking hipsters type their manuscripts like they can't do that shit at home. But no they can't because they're too busy sitting in Starbucks drinking their Slimquick and listening to their indie music, typing away because working on that shit at home is too mainstream. Fucktards. No one cares about a harrowing romance between a faggoty vampire and a high school girl who's equally faggoty. Hello, chain wallet, that's been done before. And horribly, might I add.

I listen to Shinji babble about something or the other while Ichigo nods. I turn around when I feel someone tapping on my shoulder. I glare at some random hipster who looks at me with his huge golden eyes. I fight the urge to punch him in the face as I scrutinize his stupid beanie that covers his black hair. And since when do guys wear pigtails? I hope the distaste shows on my face.

"What?" I ask, irritably. Ichigo laughs behind his hand. He knows how I feel about hipsters.

"Umm, you look like an intellectual. Would you mind checking out my manuscript? I'm supposed to be getting published, but I want to make sure it's not too mainstream."

I feel my eyebrow twitch like it always does before I rant. I see Ichigo lean towards Shinji and he whispers,

"It's about to go down."

"Listen to me you little, shit. I have three statements. Number one: it's fucking ninety-two degrees outside, so take off that damn beanie. Number two: if you're publishing your piece of shit manuscript, obviously you want to be mainstream, so shut the fuck up. Number three: I'd rather rip my own eyeballs out, cook them with a side of rice, and eat them, than read your fucking manuscript. Now, do me a favor and go try to discover the new AWOLNATION before anyone else does."

Ichigo and Shinji explode in laughter and the little hipster turns red before storming away. Ugh. Good fucking riddance.

"Too fucking rich, man," Ichigo says, through chuckles. I, however, do not find it funny at all. But I like seeing Ichigo smile.

"You're hilarious and cute. Why are you single again?" Shinji asks, propping his chin on his hand. I shrug and look right at Ichigo as I say,

"Guess I just haven't found the right guy." Ichigo shifts uncomfortably in his chair and doesn't meet my gaze. Shinji looks at him and raises an eyebrow. The awkward silence that has descended on us is broken when Ichigo's phone vibrates on the table. He picks it up and smirks when he reads what I assume is a text message. Shinji gets constipation face as he glances at the screen.

"I'll be right back, you guys," Ichigo says. Once he's gone, I let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" the blonde asks.

"Your face just now. The fuck was up with that?" Shinji sighs.

"If I tell you, you have to promise to keep your mouth shut about it. Ichigo would be really miffed since I'm gonna say something about his girlfriend he won't want to hear."

"Yeah, yeah. What is it?" Shinji leans towards me as if he's about to reveal the secrets of life to me.

"His girlfriend is a slut."

"Well, that's not a secret."

"A slut that has herpes." I wait for him to laugh and say 'just kidding' but he doesn't so I guess he's serious.

Ichigo doesn't really have a set type of woman that he dates. From what I've seen, it's pretty much whoever asks. You know, except me. He once dated this black chick who was like ten years older than him. I mean, she was hot or whatever, but she was creepy. And old.

"You're serious, aren't you?" I ask. Shinji leans back in his chair and sighs.

"Oh, I am so serious. But Ichigo never listens to me when it comes to his relationships. The only person he seems to hear out is you. But I don't know why he bothers since it's so blatantly obvious that you're in love with him."

I should probably flip shit and deny it, but it'd be pointless. It is extremely obvious how I feel about Ichigo, so I'm not surprised that Shinji figured it out so quickly.

"Unrequited love's a bitch, huh, Grimmjow?" Shinji stares at me with his pensive brown eyes. I just shrug.

"He's the only person I've ever been in love with and the only person I'll ever be in love with. I know he's straight, but I can't change my feelings. So I've accepted it."

"You're pretty mature for a seventeen-year-old."

"Guess so."

We're silent until Ichigo comes back.

"Are you guys ready to go yet? I got jet lag like a motherfucker." He puts his phone in the pocket of his too-tight jeans. I want to tell him what Shinji said so bad, but now isn't the time. I stand and Shinji does the same.

"Yeah, let's go," I say.

"Starrk! Get your lazy ass out here!" Ichigo and Shinji sit down on the couch. I sit in one of the armchairs and turn on the TV. A few minutes later, Starrk comes into the living room. "By God, he's wearing clothes!"

I make fun of Starrk a lot, mostly because we're so close. He's the complete opposite of me, the epitome of laid back. He's almost always asleep, and when he's awake, he's half-asleep. Some of that stems from a case of narcolepsy, but most of it is laziness. He does give good advice when he bothers to be alert; he was the first person I told about my feelings for Ichigo. He didn't judge me or make fun of me, even though he could have. I guess he's the closest thing to a father that I've got.

"Shut up, you pretentious little shit," he mumbles. He hugs Ichigo before directing his languid gaze at Shinji, who's trying to pretend like he's not about to cream his pants at the sight of Starrk. Starrk seems completely awake now, and he smiles at Shinji. "You must be Shinji. Ichigo's told me all about you, except he left out the part about you being gorgeous." Shinji giggles as Starrk kisses his hand. Fucking giggles like a girl. Ichigo and I both roll our eyes at the exchange.

"Alright, since you lovebirds are hitting it off, I'm gonna go take a nap. Mind if I take your bed, Grimmjow?" Ichigo asks. Oh, if only he realized how much I didn't mind having him in my bed.

"No, go ahead."

"Thanks." Ichigo disappears around the corner and Starrk takes the spot on the couch that he'd previously occupied.

"So, little brother, have you decided what we're gonna do for your birthday next week?" he asks. I stare at the television, and scratch my chin. I need to shave.

"Well, I was thinking of having a small get together, you know, with just Ulqui, Nnoi, and Nel, but you know how that goes. Can't ever get a moment by myself. I can almost guarantee it'll turn into a fucking house party anyway."

It's been a plague since I joined the soccer team. I mean, I know that I'm attractive and all, but I guess weight training and all the other shit that goes into being a part of a competitive sports team just add on to the craze. And by craze, I mean fangirls who take "get away from me, I'm gay!" as "just try a little harder, I love vaginas, really, I do!"

"Yeah, you're probably right. Let's just call it what it's going to be then, huh?" Starrk says, leaning back on the couch. Lazy motherfucker.

"I guess." I get off the couch and head into the kitchen for a snack. I grab some hot fries and a soda and sit down at the table. I can hear Shinji's giggling from the living room. Ugh, what a girl. I pull out my cell and dial Ulquiorra's number.

"Hello, Grimmjow," he answers, in a bored tone. He's actually pretty excited to hear from me, if you can believe it.

"Hey, Ulqui."

"You sound distressed. I take it he has arrived." Pensive little jackass.

"Yeah. He's asleep in my room." Ulquiorra doesn't say anything. "I know, I know. You've told me before, but I can't help it. I love him." Silence. "Fine, let's change the subject. I'm having a party next week for my birthday. You'll be there, right?"

"Of course."

"Alright. You coming over later?"

"Sure. I'd like to meet this Ichigo Kurosaki. I will be there around eight. Goodbye." Ulquiorra hangs up before I can say anything else. He hasn't met Ichigo because he transferred to our school junior year and Ichigo had already graduated. We dated for about a year. I never talked about Ulquiorra to Ichigo. It was one of the things that Ulqui and I argued about. Well, I argued and Ulqui just wouldn't talk to me for days at a time.

I don't really know why Ulqui always gives me the silent treatment whenever the subject of our conversation switches to Ichigo. I guess it's because we're friends and he doesn't like to see me pining for someone who's never going to want me. "A poisonous relationship", is what he calls my friendship with Ichigo. He thinks he's so damn smart. I finish off my snack and head for my room.

"Where you going, Grimm?" Starrk asks. I turn towards him. He has his arm thrown over Shinji's shoulder and he's staring at me with this know-it-all smirk.

"If you must know, jackass, I'm going to my room to get some clothes."

"Uh-huh." Shinji decides it's hilarious to add his two fucking cent.

"Fuck both of you," I say, before going down the hallway. I open the door to my room, keeping as quiet as possible since Ichigo is sleeping. Once I'm inside, I pause just to look at him. He's the most beautiful creature ever to walk the face of the earth, I swear.

He opted to sleep on top of the covers instead of actually getting in the bed. His left arm is covering his eyes, while the right rests on his slender abdomen. The long fingers of his right hand are gripping his shirt. He always does that; it's an unconscious thing he does in his sleep. This action causes his tight white t-shirt to ride up with each shallow breath that he takes. Good grief.

I force myself to look away and go to my closet for clothes. Once I have some, I leave the room and go to the bathroom for a shower. And yes, it's gonna be a cold one.

The doorbell rings and I pull myself off of the couch where I've been sleeping to open the door. It's probably Ulquiorra. I'm right.

"Grimmjow," he says, as he walks in. He's a guy of few words.

"Hey, Ulqui." Ulquiorra goes into the living room and sits down.

"Where is he?"

"He's still asleep, I think. You seriously came here just to see what Ichigo looks like? I've shown you pictures, Ulqui."

"I did not come here to see what he looks like. I came to meet him. Your idiocy astounds me sometimes, Grimmjow." I roll my eyes before sitting down next to him. We sit in silence for a while before it starts to suffocate me.

"Hey, Ulqui. You really think I'm stupid? You know, for staying friends with him for this long?" I ask seriously. Ulquiorra seems to ponder the inquiry for a long moment before he speaks. That's what I like about him; he thinks before he talks.

"I do not think you are stupid for remaining a friend to him. I actually think it is quite wise. If you love him as much as you've said you do, then it's only logical that you'd want to stay by his side, even if it's only as his friend. The closeness is enough for you, correct?"

"That's why you're my best friend, Ulqui," I say, wrapping an arm around his slender shoulders. He shrugs me off of him and rolls his large green eyes.

"Yes," is his only response. "So where is your brother?"

"I don't know. Guess he went out with Ichigo's friend, Shinji. They seem to like each other a lot," I respond with a shrug. Ulquiorra nods. It's silent again as I change the channel to our favorite show, Tattoo Nightmares. A few episodes later, and Ichigo walks into the room yawning and stretching. He looks at Ulquiorra inquisitively, tilting his head to the right like he always does when he's thinking.

"Hello," he says, and by God his voice sounds amazing even when he's just waking up.

"Hello," Ulquiorra returns, monotonously. For a while, he just stares at Ichigo. I guess I should formally introduce them.

"Ichi, this is Ulquiorra, Ulqui, this is Ichigo." Ichigo extends his hand and Ulquiorra shakes it.

"Nice to meet you, Ulquiorra. Grimmjow's never mentioned you before. Which is weird since he usually tells me everything," Ichigo says. Ulquiorra's face remains stoic as he responds,


"So, did Starrk and Shinji go out somewhere or something?" Ichigo asks, sitting next to me on the couch. I nod as a response. The next few minutes are quiet as we watch some guy with an awful communism/Iranian flag tattoo get that disgusting thing covered. Ichigo leaves to go to the bathroom and Ulquiorra finally decides to talk again.

"He's beautiful," is the first thing he says. I nod. "Astonishingly beautiful. And he seems rather easy to be around. He didn't try to force me to speak to him like your friend Renji."

"Well, that was cause Renji likes you. I told you that already. But I take it you like Ichigo?" I ask. I'm seriously hoping he does. I watch as a microscopic smile materializes on Ulquiorra's face.


Waking up to a kiss and you're on your way

I really hoped that you would stay

But you left and went your own way...

It seems as if whoever's watching the movie reel called "my life" fast-forwarded through the week and skipped to my eighteenth birthday. You know, I thought turning eighteen would be some life-changing shit, but it's not. I don't feel any different; I actually feel like not doing shit, but alas, here I am at a house party being thrown in my honor and being thoroughly not enjoyed by me. The music's too fucking loud, people are touching me and breathing my air, and it smells like sweat and I-can't-hold-my-liquor puke. But I can see that some people are actually enjoying themselves, so I'm content to just keep to myself and nurse the Corona that Starrk provided me before he disappeared with Shinji.

"Why the long face, Seabiscuit?" my friend, Nel asks with mischief in her sparkling grey eyes. I take another swig of my beer before I respond,

"You wanna get cut?" Nel laughs hysterically before hugging me tightly.

"I got you three Deadpool comics and pair of custom-made X-men Converse," she says. I smile down at her.

"Thanks for ruining the surprise."

"Ichigo's friend Shinji is a riot! He was dancing around singing, 'joy to the hoe she fucked my man, that's why she got herpes'! I swear, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard!" Nel laughs and so do I. And then I start to really think about it.

Of course I know the song is from some viral video from YouTube, but that's not what's important. The important thing is, this party's been going on for hours and I haven't seen Ichigo once. I shove my beer into Nel's hand and start to push through the crowd. I roll my eyes as girls, and some guys, grab my crotch and my ass. Fucking perverts. Once I make it to the hallway, I head for my bedroom, hoping to God or some other deity that may or may not exist that I'm right about Ichigo being upset.

I open my bedroom door and point to it to let the couple who've made themselves comfortable on my bed know that that shit just is not happening. Once they've cleared out, I open the door to my closet. Of course he's there.

He's sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest with his head resting on his arms. His phone is in a deathgrip in his right hand. Quite a few empty alcohol containers are scattered on the floor around him and I can almost feel the sadness pouring off of him.


"I'm unloveable," he says, quietly. It's muffled, but I can hear it clearly.

"Ichigo, that's not true. C'mon, get up." He shakes his head slowly and doesn't move. I grip his arm and tug at him gently. He unfolds himself and stands up; I catch him as he almost falls back down. His eyes are glossy, with tears or intoxication, I'm not sure which. He stares up at me for what seems like an eternity. It's like they're magnets; I can almost feel myself being pulled in deeper than what I am. I hate to see him sad; I hate to see anything other than fire and passion in those eyes.

"She fucked Shinji's ex. That's why he never liked her. I didn't listen to him. I should've listened to him and you. I'm sorry..." He trails off and I gasp as he wraps his arms around my waist, practically squeezing the air out of my lungs. "I didn't like her that much anyway. I don't know why I stayed with her as long as I did. Maybe I'm just an idiot."

I embrace him in return, brushing his soft orange hair with my fingers. After a little while, he lifts his head and gazes up at me.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Dance with me?"

Oh, I see where this is headed. Ichigo takes my hand and pulls me out of the room. I should be resisting now, shouldn't I? I shouldn't be letting him lead me through the hallway and through the crowd, should I? I can hear the faint tune of Prince's When Doves Cry, but I'm too numb to register what's happening right now. I should be screaming "HELL NO!" as Ichigo turns his back to me and wraps my arms around his slender waist. Instead, I feel myself hardening as he grinds his all too perfect ass against my pelvis.

"Grimmjow..." he whispers huskily in my ear. His voice is too much for me to handle. I'm not in control of myself anymore; I'm sure of it because I feel his soft warm skin under my fingertips as I run my hand under his shirt. He shudders under my touch. "Grimmjow..."

How could you just leave me standing, alone in a world that's so cold...

Ichigo turns around and wraps his arms around my neck. My eyes close on their own accord as he threads his fingers through my hair and sucks on my neck gently.

"I-Ichigo...what are you doing?" I ask. My brain isn't foggy enough to not be coherent. I guess the same can't be said for Ichigo. I inhale sharply as his tongue slides up my neck and along my jawline.

"Grimmjow...kiss me..."

Maybe I'm having some sort of hallucination. Ichigo Kurosaki, my brother's straight-as-hell best friend, is practically purring my name as his hands touch every inch of my skin that's available to him. Maybe I shouldn't be questioning it as much as I am. Maybe I should be questioning it a little bit more. I'm pretty sure this is what they had in mind when they were thinking up a definition for the word confused, though.

"Kiss me, Grimmjow..." Ichigo purrs once more. He pushes his soft, velvet lips against mine, testing the waters. I don't respond at first. How the hell am I supposed to respond to this shit?

His eyes connect with mine again. Those eyes. They speak far more than he ever does.

I bring my lips to his tentatively. The kiss begins as a slow, almost languorous dance of our mouths, but soon it escalates. Ichigo's grip on my hair tightens as he pushes himself flush against me, causing me to groan into the kiss. My tongue has developed a mind of its own and swipes along Ichigo's bottom lip. He responds by immediately opening his mouth and allowing his tongue to slide against mine. After a little while he pulls away and looks at me again. The intensity of his smoldering gaze is the most alluring thing I've ever seen. Then he opens his mouth and says three words that are enough to make me die right here and now,

"I want you..."

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna explode. I take Ichigo's hand and lead him through the crowd. I catch Ulquiorra's eye; he doesn't look like he approves of what I'm about to do. I can see a faint shake of his head as if he's saying "don't do this", but I don't think I could stop myself if I wanted to. I look away from Ulquiorra as Ichigo and I disappear down the hallway. I don't have time to analyze what's happening anymore. All I've ever wanted is currently in my bed, giving me the most sensual look possible as he removes his shirt. Once he's tossed it on the floor, he smiles at me.

"What are you waiting for, Grimm?" My senses kick into overdrive as I pull my own shirt over my head. Ichigo's eyes dance over my bare chest and I feel my cheeks heat up. I've never been one to blush, because that's some girly shit, but Ichigo kind of has that effect on me. I climb onto the bed with him and he immediately pulls me in for a kiss. His hands make their way from my hair and travel slowly down my abdomen, as his tongue battles mine for dominance. After a while, Ichigo tugs the buckle of my belt, and I snap out of my arousal induced haze for a second.

"Ichi, are you sure about this?" I ask. I don't want to be something he'll regret. I want to be someone he'll remember and possibly love. Ichigo smiles again.

"I've always wanted you, Grimmjow. Ever since that day two years ago, when you told me how you felt. I was too scared to admit that though. But I'm not now," he says. I don't know if he's for real or if it's just the liquor talking, but he's saying everything that I've always wanted to hear.

I kiss him again as he unbuckles my belt and pulls at my jeans. I take them off and Ichigo follows suit. Once we're both only left in our underwear, I reach over to my nightstand for some lubricant and a condom. I'm pretty sure this is going to be Ichigo's first time with another guy, and having another man ejaculate inside you can be a little off-putting. Trust me.

Changing our positions so that I'm hovering over Ichigo, I slide his boxers off slowly. He lifts his hips to allow me to remove them. Once they're gone, I can't help but to look at his member. It's long and thick and laying hard against his stomach with precum leaking from the tip. Reaching over his head, I pull one of my pillows from under him and position it under his lower back. I open the bottle of lube and douse three of my fingers with it. I look up at Ichigo questioningly. He gives me a small nod.

"I'm ready, Grimm."

I nod in return before circling his entrance with the first of my fingers. I take his length into my mouth as the finger breaches the initial wall of muscle. He hisses from pain or pleasure, I'm not sure which. His grip on my hair tightens as he bucks into my mouth slightly. I take that as a cue to add a second finger. His breath hitches as I begin to scissor the appendages. Ichigo wiggles a little, and I remove him from my mouth.

"You okay, Ichi?" I ask. He nods, and I go back to my previous actions, adding the third finger to accompany the other two. After a while, Ichigo's breath is coming in short pants as he writhes underneath me. I can feel his member throb inside my mouth, and I pull away just before he releases.

"What the hell, Grimm?" he asks breathlessly. I just shake my head as a response. I lack the words to describe what's about to happen. All I know is that I want Ichigo's first release by me to be from me inside him. Sitting back on my haunches, I pull my underwear down and then toss them aside once I pull them off all the way. I tear open the condom and roll it on before situating myself at Ichigo's prepared entrance. He grasps my shoulders and squeezes his eyes shut as I slowly enter him. It's like Heaven sprinkled in Hell as I try to push against his resistance. His breath quickens as tears form in his eyes. I brush them away.

"Try to relax Ichi," I say in a soothing voice. Ichigo nods and exhales slowly. I push in deeper, meeting much less resistance than before. Once I'm fully seated inside him, I almost sigh. I'm content to wait for him to adjust before I try to move; it seems Ichigo isn't as patient as I am. His hips move ever so slightly, and I swear it's taking everything in me to keep from cumming right here and now. Ichigo finally opens his eyes again when I start to move inside him. They're as beautiful as ever. He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me down so that my forehead is resting against his. "I love you..."

He doesn't say anything back, and trust me, I wasn't expecting him to. It felt amazing to say it though. And I'll say it as many times as I need to for him to understand just how much I really love him.

"Grimmjow...faster..." Ichigo moans quietly. I comply and speed up the movement of my hips. His nails dig into my shoulders as his back arches and a long drawn-out moan pours from his lips. I assume I found his prostate. I continue my movement at the quicker pace that I've set. Ichigo raises his hips to meet my thrusts. Soon, his body trembles and his release paints his taut abdomen. I follow soon after, filling the condom with my seed. I pull out and get up to throw the condom away. When I come back, Ichigo's eyes bore into mine.

"What is it, Ichigo?" I ask.

"Say it again," he responds. I'm confused for a second as I climb back into the bed. He turns his back to me and pulls my arm around his waist. "Please, Grimmjow. Tell me again." I know what he's talking about now.

"I love you, Ichigo." He sighs and all is quiet in the room. I hear his breathing even out and I know he's fallen asleep. I can't seem to do the same though.

I can't help but wonder if what I just allowed to happen is wrong. Ichigo is the only person I've ever wanted. It's not enough just sleeping with him, though. I want so much more than his body. I want him to love me just as much as I love him. Is it too much to ask him to love me too? I guess I'll just have to wait until morning to figure it out.

I open my eyes slowly feeling the small pulse of my headache. I don't have to look to know that I'm alone. Of course he ran. I knew he would. I feel anger and hurt bubble in my chest. I feel used. I know it's my own fault though. I know that I had every opportunity to tell Ichigo no, but I didn't. Whatever happens after this is of my own doing.

I climb out of the bed reluctantly and go into the bathroom. Once I shower and brush my teeth, I dry off and go back to my bedroom. I dress as slowly as possible and open my door. My eyes widen as I see Ichigo standing there with his fist poised to knock. He looks shocked for a moment, and then he lowers his gaze, a slight pink spreading over the bridge of his nose.

"Can I come in?" he asks softly. I step aside and let him walk in. He sits down on the bed, while I opt to stand. "I'm sorry, Grimmjow. I know what I did was wrong."

I remain silent and wait for him to continue.

"I don't know what came over me, and I can't remember exactly what I said to you. I do remember a little of what we did, mostly of because of how much my ass hurts."

"You said you've wanted me since the day I told you about how I feel. My feelings haven't changed, if you haven't noticed, Ichigo," I say, definitively. Ichigo casts his eyes downward.

"Well, that part was definitely true. I was just too scared of what everyone would think of me if I chose to be with you. This is new for me. I've never been attracted to guys, and I don't think I am now. I'm sure that it's just you. I can't say that I'll be able to love you like you love me just yet, but I do feel something for you, Grimmjow. I always have. Can we just...take things one step at a time from here on out, and see where this goes?"

I ponder this for an infinitesimal amount of time before I pull him from the bed and hug him tightly. I think I might cry.

"I love you, Ichigo. I always will, so I'll wait as long as you need me to." He takes a bit to respond to my embrace, but once he does, it's practically bone-crushing.

I don't know how long I'll have to wait for Ichigo, but it doesn't really matter. I know for a fact that it's my destiny to be with him. Gender doesn't matter, just like race or religion or any other barriers that society tries to establish. I know my feelings for Ichigo are real, and I know that he feels the same, even if he can't express it with words yet. That's all that really matters in the end.

So this marks the beginning of Panic! at GrimmIchi's Chemical Romance...seriously, I'm ashamed of how long it took me to come up with that title -_-

I have almost all of the one-shots written, so expect an update every week or every other week...hope you all listen to the song? You'll love it, I promise:)