(based off of Chandler's storyline in 2x07 [TOW Ross Finds Out])

Joey's cleaning out the fridge when Chandler comes home from work. "Hey, I started cleanin' up like you asked me to," Joey says, his mouth half-full and his hand stuck in a tube of Pringles.

"You're eating," Chandler notices.

Joey rolls his eyes and makes a "So?" gesture with his free hand. "Are you really surprised?" Chandler shrugs and literally collapses onto the couch like his bones disappeared, letting out some sort of distressed grunt. Joey shoves more chips into his mouth. "I figured I'd start with the fridge 'cause if you're goin' shoppin' tomorrow—"

Chandler barks a laugh. "Yeah, that's not happening."

"Why not?"

"Monica," Chandler says, as if that explains everything. Joey lifts an eyebrow, urging him to elaborate. "I can't feel my legs."

It takes a moment for Joey to put these clues together. "'Cause of the whole work-out thing?"

"She's insane! The woman is insane!" Chandler's gesticulating wildly, even while lying down on the couch. "It's before work, it's after work, it's during work! She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk, and now they won't bring me my mail anymore."

Joey huffs a laugh under his breath, because Chandler wouldn't appreciate finding amusement in his pain. "I'm sorry, babe. You want me to say somethin' to her?"

"No, no, it's okay," Chandler answers a little too quickly, struggling to sit up. "I mean, that's good, right? No pain, no gain?" He winces at the simple motion of shrugging.

Joey comes over and takes his hand, pulling Chandler to his chest and into his arms. "That's the spirit!" He kisses Chandler's forehead, and Chandler smiles in that way of his when he's trying very hard not to smile. Joey can't help but kiss him again, this time on his mouth. All of the tension in Chandler's body melts away like liquid, and he's reaching up to pull Joey closer, his fingers snarled in the material of Joey's t-shirt. "Hey, maybe you'll get real flexible so we can try different stuff in bed," Joey says around the kiss.

"How much different can it get?" Chandler jokes. He's got that weird half-smile thing going on that Joey hasn't learned to decipher yet. Joey lets his hands settle on Chandler's hips, squeezing the soft flesh there in appreciation. Chandler winces again and extricates himself from Joey's embrace. "Let me get a hot shower first before we do anything, okay?"

Joey nods. "Sure! I'll finish up the fridge."

"I'm not gonna be in there that long, Joe," Chandler says, flashing a quick smile before heading down the hall to the shower.

Joey busies himself with cleaning out the fridge, and he's pretty proud of himself when Chandler's out of the shower. Of course, the only things left are bottles of extra-preserved condiments, half a carton of eggs, and enough milk for maybe one box of macaroni and cheese,but he's not going to focus on that right now.

Chandler seems to be proud of him too. "Well, now I know what we need at the store: everything."

"Forget about it." Joey gives him a dismissive hand wave and shuts the door with his heel before moving over to Chandler and sticking his hands in his robe. "Right now you need some Joey love." Chandler makes a face, but Joey's nudging him in the direction of his bedroom. Joey backs him up against the mattress and covers Chandler's mouth with his own, his hands traveling down the slight curve of his spine and over his ass. Then he gets his hands underneath Chandler's thighs and lifts, hoisting him up and dropping him back down on the bed, his legs spread so Joey can fit between them.

Chandler bites back a noise of pain before Joey makes quick work of his robe, then Chandler's lying bare before him. Joey licks his lips, drops to his knees to properly worship his skin with kisses, starting with the soft pudge of Chandler's stomach. Chandler squirms, grabs a fistful of Joey's hair while Joey drags his teeth over the hard angle of a hip bone. He runs his tongue over the lines that lead to Chandler's cock, and the damp heat of his breath makes Chandler squirm even more, his legs shifting over the sheets.

"You want me there?" Joey asks around an exhale, causing Chandler to fidget more. His toes curl as he draws his knees up a little. Joey suckles at the tender skin of Chandler's inner thigh before he says, "Oh, I know what you want..." He grins, nipping at his thighs before kissing over the sore spots. Chandler's grip on his hair tightens and slackens as Joey pays tribute to the body he loves. He slides a hand under Chandler's knee, brings his leg up to hook it over his shoulder. Chandler grunts, his mouth scrunched up in a way that would be ridiculously cute if he wasn't in pain. "Does it hurt?"

Chandler nods. "I'm still sore, Joe. I'm sorry."

"You sure? I was gonna do that thing you like." Joey wiggles his tongue in case Chandler has no idea what he's talking about.

There's a twitch of a smile there. "I can't really..." He trails off, makes a motion with his fingers to demonstrate hitching his legs over Joey's shoulders.

"So there's nothing I can do for ya?" Chandler shakes his head. "To ya?"

That one gets a smile, but Chandler's still shaking his head. "Sorry, Joe. I'm gonna have to sit this one out."

"Really?" Joey's not going to let this one go so easily; there's gotta be some way he can get Chandler off tonight that won't hurt too much. "Not even if you get on top?"

"Did you forget the part about the butt clenches?"

"So, nothin'?"

Chandler sits up, though not without effort, to kiss Joey's pouty mouth. "If you're touching me, my legs are gonna want to wrap around you no matter what. But, hey"—Chandler pushes at the edges of Joey's t-shirt, his fingers breaching the waistband of his boxers and fanning out in the trail of hair there—"I can take care of you."

Joey's hips move to meet Chandler's touch, but he grabs Chandler's wrist and pulls his hand out of his pants. "Aw, c'mon, it wouldn't be fair if you didn't get to have fun too."

Chandler scoffs. "Ah, fun's overrated anyway." He flashes another winning smile. Somehow, Joey finds the inner fortitude to refuse the offer. "Really? You're turning down the opportunity to put your dick in my mouth?" Joey squeezes his thighs together; Chandler's squirmy little moans from earlier got him all worked up, and the idea of making Chandler come apart from the hot stab of his tongue made Joey almost painfully hard; it's cruel for Chandler to poke at that by mentioning blowjobs. Chandler blinks, his eyes wide. "At least tell me you're hungry? Because I don't know how to live in a world where Joey Tribbiani turns down sex and food."

Joey laughs, kisses the corner of Chandler's mouth where his joy rounds his cheek. "You wanna go see what Monica's got to eat?"


Joey lets Chandler go ahead to Monica and Rachel's so he can jerk himself off to completion in the bathroom. He has no idea how he's going to handle not being allowed to make Chandler come, and even less of an idea how long this whole thing is going to last. He doesn't mind jerking off—on the contrary, actually—but there's just something so much more fulfilling in watching Chandler squirm and bite his lip and curl his toes.

When Joey makes it across the hall, Chandler, Julie, and Ross are engrossed in an episode of JAG while Phoebe helps Monica with dinner. He squeezes next to Chandler on the couch and slaps his thigh. Chandler bites back swears, his hands clenched into fists.

"What's wrong with Chandler?" Julie asks.

"He's just sore," Joey answers with a chuckle.

"I started working out," Chandler adds a little too quickly, as if Julie might interpret that "sore" comment the wrong way. Joey still doesn't understand why Chandler's so secretive about their relationship. Clearly, anyone with eyes can see that they're a little more than friends.

Julie gives Chandler a sympathetic "I feel your pain" sort of smile and hands him his beer when he strains to reach for it. Joey feels a pang of jealousy before realizing how ridiculous that is.

When he gets hungry, he goes into the kitchen to see what Monica's cooking. "What'cha makin'?"

"Baked potatoes."

Joey reaches to dip his finger in the open tub of sour cream until Monica smacks his hand away. "Ow. Hey, how come Rachel's not here?"

She wipes her hands on a dish towel. "I set her up on a date with a friend of mine."

"Whoa, you got other friends besides us?" His entire world view might be shifting right now. Monica gives him a look. Joey shrugs, leans against the kitchen counter in an attempt to be nonchalant. "So, Mon', I was just thinkin', maybe you ought'a take it easy on Chandler. Trust me, he gets plenty of exercise." Joey doesn't say the "with me" part of that sentence, but he still hears it there.

"I would if he'd let me!" Monica says.

"What do you mean?"

Monica drops her voice to a whisper. "Chandler's the one making me push him!"

This is news to Joey. "Did he say why?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing beyond the whole 'no pain, no gain' cliché."

Joey tosses a suspicious glance at Chandler, who's carefully trying to prop his leg up on the coffee table. "Interesting."

Chandler doesn't eat much during dinner, opting to surreptitiously hand his half-full plate to Joey. Joey doesn't argue—because, hey, free food—but he's suspicious as hell of Chandler's motivations here.

"Alright, spill," Joey says when they get back to their apartment, sliding his arms around Chandler's waist where they fit perfectly. Chandler sort of squirms in his embrace. "What's goin' on with you lately?"

Chandler turns his head to look at him, and Joey plants a kiss on his cheek before letting him go. "What are you talking about?"

"How come you're complainin' about Monica workin' you out too hard, but she says you're the one makin' her do it?"

Chandler tries a laugh, his mouth doing that weird half-smile thing. "Clearly, she's lying."

Joey rolls his eyes. "Why? Why would she lie?"

Chandler shrugs wildly. "I don't know! To make my life miserable?"

"Then how come you barely ate anything tonight?" Chandler doesn't answer. "Come to think of it, the last couple'a nights you've been givin' me most of your food. What's up, man?"

Chandler sighs and rubs the back of his neck, looking at everything else in the apartment but Joey. "Nothing, I just..." When he looks up, Joey makes his best serious face. Chandler shrinks into a nearby chair. "Okay, I'm sorry, you're right—I'm the one overdoing it, not Monica." He looks away again, fidgets with the hem of his sweatshirt. "I just...I think you'll break up with me if I gain too much weight."

Joey feels his heart break in his chest as the accusation digs under his skin. He doesn't know why he's so bothered by it; it's not as if his dating history's given off the best impression here. But he's still devastated that Chandler could think that way. "You really think I'm that shallow?" Joey shakes his head. "Don't answer that." He comes closer to kneel at Chandler's feet. "I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like that. That's never gonna happen, okay?"

Chandler doesn't look convinced, his mouth pulled into a tight line.

"What if it was the other way around? Would you break up with me if I gained weight?"

Chandler stares at him like he's just asked the stupidest question ever asked by a human being. "No! Of course not."

"Good, 'cause I'm still hungry, and I'm totally orderin' a pizza in a minute."

The corners of Chandler's mouth twitch into a smile.

"But, hey, don't feel like you have to do this for me, alright? 'Cause I will love you no matter what," Joey says, and Chandler reaches out to get Joey's mouth on his own. His fingers weave through Joey's hair, crushing him closer. Joey glides a hand over the length of Chandler's thigh, and he licks into his mouth and makes Chandler moan around the kiss.

"You really mean it?" Chandler asks, sort of breathless when he pulls back.

"'Course! You're always gonna be perfect to me."

Chandler smiles wider and pulls him in again for a quick peck on the lips. "Why don't you order that pizza now?" he says, tracing a fingertip along Joey's neck. Joey feels himself shiver involuntarily. "And we can fool around while we wait."

Joey lifts his eyebrows. "I thought you were too sore to do anything."

"Not what I've got in mind," Chandler teases, his hand tugging at the waist of Joey's jeans before Joey's on his feet rushing to the phone. "And if you don't get mine with extra cheese, I am so not swallowing for you."