Just a quick story that I wrote one night as I lay awake thinking about the romance between Hawke and Anders and how tragic it really was. So here we go.
No More Goodbyes
"There is one more thing I need of you my love, and I can't tell you why."
"Why are you talking like this?"
"Do you believe me love? Do you believe that mages deserve to be free of the Templar's grasp?"
"Who's telling me this? Justice? Or you?"
I remember the feel of his lips on mine as he held me.
"I don't want to see you lose yourself, to the Templars or Justice."
"Don't despair for me, love. This is what I was born to do."
"Whatever your plan, there is still time to stop it. You will not get justice by becoming what everyone fears."
I remember his anger, no, I remember Justice's anger.
"I'm still a man, you can't keep teasing me and expect me to hold out forever."
I reached up and ran my fingers along his jaw, and watched as his eyes closed as my fingers carressed his skin. "Shut up and kiss me."
I remember how he would always lose himself as he kissed me, as if nothing else mattered. As if I was the only thing that he cared about.
"The time has come to act, there can be no half measures."
"Anders… What have you done?"
"I told you I would break your heart, just know that it breaks mine to do it."
I remember how his eyes glowed as Justice took over, and how the glowing lines etched themselves onto his skin.
"I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to do this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."
I remember the explosion, the tears in the eyes of all.
"Being with you, loving you… I thought it would make a difference, but he's too strong."
I remember the way he worshipped me and the way he held me in his arms.
"I love you."
I remember his words whispered in my ear.
"I will stand by Anders."
I remember the tears that gathered in my eyes when Aveline told me not to. I always listened to Aveline. Always.
"Please don't do this Anders. Don't make me do this! Please..." I cried and he looked away.
"For what it's worth, I'm glad it's you. It was nice to be happy, for awhile."
"I still love you Anders, I'll never stop loving you."
I remember the tears that streaked his face. It was me, it was always me. I was the monster, not him. And now he's dead. And it was my blade that ended the life of the man i will love forevermore. I taste salt and realize that as I got lost in the memories, I had started to cry. Isabela is gone. Fenris is gone. Merrill is gone. Sebastian is gone. Varric is gone. Aveline is gone. Carver is dead. Bethany is dead. Mother is dead. I have nothing left to live for. As I close my eyes and take one final breath, I smile. Maybe it's better this way.