Chapter 4 Loss and Love

As we made our way to my aunts we encountered many of the undead, they were swarming on that little block. We approached the house but circled around and cut the engine so we wouldn't attract THEM. My uncle, my brother, Denise and I prepared to step out of the HumV so we gathered our weapons. My uncle's weapon of choice was an assault rifle. My brother and Denise stuck to what they had on 'em. Me I reloaded my pistols and strapped my base ball bat to my back with a shot gun holster.

"Chio take care of everybody while we're gone okay." My brother said as he and Denise stepped out.

Chio nodded "I'd die before I let anything happen to the kids." My brother smiled but I glared at her.

"You won't have to die if you're careful Chio," I hissed at her and her glare hit me like a bucket of ice water. "I just don't want anyone else dying so don't say that okay?" I tried to console for my discretion and it worked her dark eyes softened and she smiled at me.

"I should be telling you that not the other way around." She hugged me and kissed my forehead as I stepped out to face Hell on Earth again.

We were quiet and didn't attract any attention to ourselves as we walked through my aunt's neighborhood, thank God. We approached the door and to our dismay it was slightly opened a red hand print stained the corner of the white entry way.

"No..No" My uncle whispered as he came to the realization that we came too late. All of our hopes came crashing down around us, but I couldn't leave without knowing for sure.

I pushed the door open with the barrel of my gun, it creaked slightly but not loud enough to get unwanted attention. I looked over the edge of the door and the coast was clear.

"Looks empty," I said taking a step into the silent edifice. There really seemed to be on one in sight at all until I heard the shallow breathing from the living room down the hall.

I pushed on ward expecting to see the walking corpses of my Tia Lucy, Irma, and Lupe feasting on my cousin Ange, or some horrific scene where my family had been slaughtered; but what I found was nothing. I found absolutely nothing, and that gave me a shred of hope as I walked deeper into the house.

"Hello," I whispered, "is anyone here?" I heard a creak from down the corridor that led to my aunts' room. "Tias, are you guys here?" I motioned for the others to follow me deeper into the house.

"Tania," Denise called are you sure we should be calling out like that?" I nodded back at her. She tried to sound indifferent but her voice betrayed her, it cracked with fear.

"If some of THEM come in all we have to do is be quiet and they won't notice us. They can only hear so we should be fine." I pushed open my Tias' room slowly and it made a high pitched squeak as it inched away from my line of sight.

"Nothing," My said my brother, "how can there be nothing? No blood stains or bodies no signs of a struggle…There's nothing."

We couldn't believe it where could they be then it dawned on me. "What if they were out of the house when this all started, you know how the liked to go to the mall." Panic began to surface in my families.

"Let's go back to the HumV then," My uncle said sullenly as he glanced at my Tias' picture. They stood hugging one and other smiling, their dear older sister Hermila with them on the Bay Bridge. My grandma, my great aunts were gone.

"Yeah we should get back," My brother said pulling me from my revere, I nodded and made my way back to the front of the house.

"HEY!" Denise called over to us I found something!" I glared at her and shed her through gritted teeth. "Oh sorry," she whispered, "well I found this on the kitchen counter." She held out a small digital recorder out for us to see. "I think it has a message on it do you wanna listen to it?"

I rolled my eyes at her "No we don't we want to burn it." My voice dripped with sarcasm as I reached for it but my brother beat me to it.

"No need to be rude you little shit," he retorted about my attitude.

I clenched my teeth straining to keep quiet, I'm known for a short temper and couldn't hold back, I snapped back at him. "Well I'm sorry I tried to brighten my day with a little sarcasm! I just thought I deserved it since I had to smash the FUCKING head of the woman who pretty much raised me MY FUCKING BAD!"

Everyone was silent then and as I turned for the door I noticed THEY were shambling our way. "Well Fuck." I face palmed as I realized it was my big mouth's fault. I Turned back to them and signaled for them to get to the back room, it had an entire wall made of glass with an exit to the back yard.

My brother glared at me and ushered Denise in the direction of the room. He knew what I intended to do right now, and I knew he hated the idea. "Just go already." I whispered at him, he looked me over and left. When I saw the door close behind him I pulled out my bat and stepped farther into the quiet of the empty house.

I thought it was funny how I had to keep going to houses that held fond family memories and stain them red with the blood of THEM. I grinned as the first undead corpse appeared in the door way. The neighbor girl, she was only a year or so older than me, and would always try to hit on my family. Uncles, cousins, even the taco kid that would help his dad serve at our parties. She looked liked a half eaten whore but then again she was. Her short black hair caked on her face with dry blood half a breast exposed and short shorts still hugged her love handles. "Well this is a treat." Was all I could muster when she hobbled my way. I sauntered her way and measured the distance between us with my bat, raised it over my head and crashed it into her skull splattering her blood on the walls and undead behind her.

"Well time to get to work." I said and grinned as I began to plow through the undead, as they tried to grab me. Such a deep red covered the floor and believe it or not I almost slipped on the blood slick floor once…or maybe three times. I got at least ten of THEM to lie lifeless on the tiled floor of the house and two more on the side walk as I made my way to the HumV and thank God my family was all there and man were they surprised.

"Hey we should go, the neighborhood is really shitty here." I chuckled but I wasn't even given a pity laugh. "Tough crowd." I sighed and leaned on the headrest of my seat as I tried to let sleep sweep over me, but it never came.

We drove off the stereo of the monster car blaring, 'On to the next house.' I thought as we drove deeper into the fray. All hoping to find someone else, someone we knew and cared for to be alive and fighting. We had no such luck as we drove to all of our families' homes, At least the ones that lived in San Jose.

"We should stop somewhere to rest its getting dark out and we've all had so much to take in." My mom looked over at me and squeezed my hand I smiled my usual I'm-Fine-I-Promise-Smile. Surprisingly she knew it was total bullshit for once, maybe learning some things about her made her pay a bit more attention now.

"Yeah," I said squeezing her hand back hiding my eyes with my bangs. "Mom's right we all need some rest before we can travel somewhere safer." My brother nodded and drove to the Wal-Mart that was a few blocks ahead. The parking lot was packed and there were plenty Hummers the same size as ours, because come on its California, so we were able to spend a peaceful night in the new world, which meant we heard screams and skidding wheels but nothing bothered us. So we said our goodnights when things got quiet and slept.

The morning light diluted by the tinted windows of our vehicle obscured my vision but that could have been the tears that spilled from my eyes. 'Why am I crying?' I thought, I really didn't know until I realized the happening of the past 12 hours. It was like a damn busted open because my tears flowed thick and hot down my face as loud sobs racked my body.

I cried uncontrollably as yesterdays event played out in my mind. My sobs grew louder waking my brother. 'Why him, why did he have to see me like this," I thought as I shook with each wave of sobs.

"Hey Tania, don't cry little sister." He scooted over to me, I was directly behind him, and he held me close to his chest as I continued to weep. "Its okay brother's here for you okay you cry all you need love." That was the first time he had ever called me that, the first time he'd done anything to comfort me really. So I cried harder my cries muffled by his chest.

I held tightly to his shirt balling it in my fist as my burst of emotion racked my body with sobs and cries of fear, anger, and guilt. My brother smoothed my hair as I wept into his chest. "Tania," he whispered in my ear. "It's alright now big brother's here okay, I'm so sorry you had to do those things yesterday." I could hear his voice crack when he spoke.

More hot tears burned my eyes and cheeks as they spilled over. 'Please don't be sorry brother' I thought wrapping my arms around him. 'I'm fine okay, please don't cry.' I wanted to say but my voice betrayed me.

"I love you Tania you know that right? Big brother has always loved you okay." His voice cracked again as he whispered in my ear. "I love you so much Tania maybe more than a big brother should." My eyes widened as I felt a drop of moisture hit the top of my head.

When I looked up I was met with my brother's tears. 'Oh God no brother, please please don't cry over me.' I thought but I only whimpered unable to speak as tears continued to streak down my face. My brother's hand wiped away a few hot tears and then he leaned down and kissed away a few more as they made their way down my face.

"Tania," he breathed kissing a tear that hung at the edge of my lips. "Please stop crying it breaks me love." I sobbed as he uttered those words and clung to him again burying my face in his shirt, only to have him pick it back up to face him. "My sweet little sister I love you." He whispered leaning down and planting a small chaste kiss on my lips.

I touched my lips not believing what was happening. Ceasar smiled down at me, and kissed me again, this time he lingered on my lips a bit longer. My tears had stopped by now, but I still shook like a leaf. He held me close again smoothing out my hair to calm me down. "There there Tania it's okay now." I looked up at him as I realized we now sat in his chair and I was nestled in his lap.

"Brother," I muttered my voice only a whisper but he placed a long finger over my lips to silence me. I quieted down and sat there with him as he held me close. It was the first time he'd shown so much affection to me, I couldn't believe it. I thought maybe I was still dreaming, but oh how I hoped I was awake that my big brother loved me like that.

I know it was wrong but I loved my brother like a man, not family and I think he admitted that he felt the same I think. I wanted to ask but I felt I would be hushed again or maybe told to move away. I didn't want to that so I stayed quiet.

"Hey Tania," he murmured I looked up at his smiling face, how I loved that glinting white smile. "You know I love you right?" I nodded and snuggled closer. "Do you trust me then?" I nodded again my head resting against his heart. I could hear how it sped up if only by a fraction. "Then close your eyes and keep them closed okay." I obliged, and his calloused hand was once again lifting my head to meet his. My eyes stayed closed as he held my head up and his lips cam e down on mine.

His lips parted and a warm wet appendage poked at my own as if knocking on the door. I opened said door and in he went, he explored me as though searching for something. His lips moving rhythmically to his heart, I panted and wrapped my fingers around his head hoping to draw him as close as possible.

'This is so wrong we shouldn't so this," I thought but I really didn't care at all. I had hoped for this as I watched him grow into the fine man he is today. I moaned and he answered with a sort of carnal growl. 'My brother wants me' is all that raced through my mind and I felt like we were the only two people who ever existed.

He broke away from me panting, his eyes looked darker, and his pupils were wider almost over shadowing the caramel irises. "Brother," I whimpered but he hushed me again looking back at our sleeping family Denise was now behind us holding Jacob close. Our mom and sister mirrored her holding their kids as well.

"We should sleep a bit more okay. It's still only 7A.M." I nodded and laid my head on his chest again. He leaned back and closed his eyes and I did the same.

"I love you too brother, I always have." I mumbled as sleep swept me into unconsciousness.