A somewhat short yet quick update because I'm trying to get this out of my system so I can work on other things, having this story cock block my other stories irritates me.

It's also my new years gift to you all, happy New Year everybody.

Fic o the day: Twisted Reflections by vendetta543 A Dark Souls / Familiar of Zero Cross. Pretty badass but it takes a few chapters to really get up to speed.

Song/vid of the day: Arrange #189 C-Clays (Rock Vocal) Pretty badass song.

Instead of a "word/s" of the day. I am going to shamelessly plug my other stories, because I am a shameless bastard.

Sage of the Elements: Naruto, multi element bloodline Naruto. Large Harem and growing.

Of Soul's Swords and...: Soul CaliburXFate/Stay Night. Post UBW Shirou in the SC universe. Harem, girls already chosen.

Itachi: Familiar of Zero: NarutoXFamilair of Zero. Itachi as Louise's familiar. Itachi as a sensei. Possible Harem.

A Guardians Wish: BleachXSekirei. Fullbring Ichigo. Large Flock/Harem.

Sensha-do Shinobi: NarutoXGirls und Panzer. Nanna and Katyusha in the Elemental Nations. Alternate Earth History. Possible OTT. On Hold, but planning further chapters.

Lots of Harem-y goodness. If you're interested in any of those, then go give them a look see.

Do it.

For great justice!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Fate or Fullmetal alchemist franchises

-ooo-

"Talking"

'Thinking'

Narrator

-ooo-

Chapter 3: Why so serious?

Shirou lay flat, twitching from head to toe in his living room. Having been the recipient of a most enthusiastic hug of thanks.

The manly tears being shed by his servant Saber as she partook of the feast he had prepared... well, his cracked spine was the cracked spine of a job well done... ow...

-ooo-

Archer was Happy. Why, you may ask? Well, given that this particular instance of Archer was in fact one Shirou Emiya. A cursed, world weary and defeatist Shirou Emiya who had sold his soul to Alaya for the paltry wish of a few hundred innocent souls to be saved. Clearly a most idiotic move on anyone's part. But Shirou did as Shirou did and no one could fault him for it... except for Rin, Rin could fault him for it... and crush his nuts under her swift heel of tsundere vengeance.

But that wasn't important right now. What was important was that he had returned from the Throne of Hero's, mind and memories intact so he could clearly remember his plan to void himself out of existence by killing his younger self, thereby creating a paradox that would cause him to cease to exist.

His plan was perfect, fool proof.

Too bad he underestimated the craftiness, audacity and sheer pig headedness of true fools.

Which WOULD come back to bite him in the ass, to the amusement of all.

-ooo-

Medusa on the other hand was not a happy Gorgon. No, within the first five minutes of her summoning as servant Rider she had been stripped of her rightful master -Damn sexy little minx that she is, NO! Bad lesbian tendencies!- And given to a... she hesitated to call him a man.

Toad. There, that was an appropriate name for him.

The toad approached her true master with an evil leer in his eyes. "Know your place you bitch. *Slap* Now strip!"

Ok, the boy had just jumped to the top of her shit list. No one treats breasts as perky as those like tha -Hrk- Needless to say her urge to kill was rising and if it wasn't for the command seal in the boy's book... well, he would be lacking the organ with which he was using to violate her true master.

Oh, but without a doubt there would be a reckoning!

-ooo-

Caster was a VERY unhappy woman right now. She had just destroyed her 'master.' A title which she spat at every time the word came up in her mind. The damned bastard had the audacity to use his command seals so that he could violate her.

Unfortunately for him, when he had used his final command seal...

Well, the world was better off not knowing what she had done to him. Needless to say he would never do it again.

She walked wearily through the streets, silently hoping but somehow knowing she wouldn't find happiness in this life or the next. It was a fools errand to believe in hope.

But again, true fools are always up for the task.

-ooo-

Berserker was a very GRAAA HRAAA ARRRR OOOOO

Needless to say Berserker wasn't very much of anything at the moment, except rage, lots and lots of rage.

Ilya on the other hand was very, VERY happy.

"I'm gonna kill Onii-chan!" The girl squealed in happiness. "Oh I wonder if I should wear my strangling gloves." She held the questionably S&M items in question up to the light, taking great delight in shining them with leather cleaner. "Oh I cant wait!"

-ooo-

Lancer sat crying in a corner as Kirei casually juggled several black keys in front of him, the man whistling a jaunty tune as he did so.

-ooo -

Zouken Matou peered intently at the morning newspaper as he took heed of nature's call. The unearthly stench wilted a vase of flowers that had been set in there by Sakura and the paint in several places began to peel.

Needless to say the ancient magus was very pleased with his stench, it was a respectable stench, easily first class in its horrific odor.

Idly, he toyed with the thought of bottling it and using it as a biological weapon, a thought that was quickly scrapped, though kept on the back burner if he was bored enough to use it to torment Sakura. Ah, the simple joys in life.

-ooo-

Gilgamesh...

Well, he was doing something, I'm not quite sure what he's doing... *Consults script*

Um...

*Slams script closed* Oh God... I knew he subdued lions in the mythos, but dammit they never said what he did with them...

Uhg...

"What!?" Gil growled, basking in the afterglow. "Can't you see we're busy, close the damn door."

Yeah... I'm just gonna... go...

-ooo-

Shirou sat across from Saber, who had just finished her meal and was looking rather content and -dare he say it?- Cute. The little blushies on her cheeks only compounded this opinion.

"Ahh, that was magnificent." A small, cute little burp escaped her lips. It seems that good food and a friendly atmosphere had loosened the woman up a little bit. She covered her mouth with a hand. "Excuse me, my stomach merely speaks for itself, the food was exquisite."

Yeah, because putting away twelve portions of food in the span of time it takes a human to finish one means you can actually 'taste' the food you're eating. Shirou would have been the first to say that the girl had resembled a vacuum more than anything else in that orgy of chaos and gluttony.

Weakness to food indeed.

He was just glad he had the food to spare and loved cooking just as much as he did helping people.

"Now that we have eaten our fill." Saber's eyes sharpened. "What are your plans for the Holy Grail War Master?"

Shirou blinked, that was a quick one-eighty. Oh well. "Seeing as I didn't even know this war even existed until about an hour ago... Hmm..." Shirou rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think I'll just stop the other masters from hurting innocents in this war, I don't really care about the grail, it doesn't have the power to grant the wish that I want anyway."

Saber started in surprise. "Not enough power...? What sort of wish could you possibly want?"

Shirou smiled. "I wish for world peace, a state where everyone, no matter their differences can live peacefully with each other." A snarl escaped his lips then. "And that damn artifact would force everyone to get along. It's not peace if it's done by force. Besides, I doubt that corrupt thing could grant anyone's wish now."

Saber frowned at that. "What do you mean?"

The sword magus didn't answer, merely opened the operation log to the last entry and tossed it to her. Saber grabbed it midair and started reading, the further she went down the further her eyes widened until finally she was as pale as a sheet.

"My father words say that you fought with him in the last war and that you had a wish that you wanted to make on the grail, sad to say but you won't be making it." Shirou's eyes narrowed. "My father left me with a task to complete and if you attempt to use the grail then I WILL stop you. Status as a servant be damned, I already blew Lancer to pieces don't tempt me into doing the same to you."

Saber stared numbly at the paper then to Shirou and back again. She had wondered why her previous Master had destroyed the grail before he could make his wish... to think that the grail would be a malignant thing? A cursed object that would cause only destruction? A small shuddering breath escaped her.

Shirou chuckled mirthlessly. "We're quite a pair huh?" Saber glanced up. "Both unable to have their greatest wishes granted despite a cursed mythical object able to do just that being a prize of the war we're currently fighting."

Saber seemed to deflate at that, her good mood at the good food gone. "I don't see how you're so calm about this. My entire reason for being here is gone."

"Many would say the same about me." Saber blinked and found Shirou at the table next to her, sipping on a cup of tea... when did he make that? "I've been told that it's pointless to try and save people, that human nature will always win out in the end and that people are naturally evil, will naturally cause harm to others." Shirou's eyes hardened. "Yet I persevere, I continue to fight for my dream. You on the other hand clearly want to change something about your life that has already happened. You're not planning for the future, you're wallowing in the past, regretting something that has long since passed."

Saber attempted to speak then but Shirou silenced her with a glare. "You are DEAD, Arturia." Said woman's teeth clicked shut, the use of her real name silencing her faster than any hand could. "You've been dead for near to fifteen hundred years and yet you try to change some regret of the past. Knowing you and your legend it could be to change your past so that you never were betrayed, that your kingdom was never usurped, or worst of all, that you never became king in the first place." With each accusation Saber flinched, the last one being the largest.

"Do you know what your wish would do to the world as it is? Do you know how much your legend and deeds have shaped the world?" Saber remained silent. "Figures. Saber, if you never became king then Britain could have easily ceased to exist in it's current form. Britain once controlled close to a quarter of the planet, that kind of far reaching influence changed the face of our world. Would you be happy to know that the billions currently living would cease to exist? Would you be willing to destroy the countless legends of others just so you can relive yours?"

The woman's silence continued as she stared uncertainly at the boy who had just shook her very foundation to their core. Good, if she was going to act like a spoiled brat the entire time then she needed a good telling off.

"And what of your knights?" That got the woman's attention. "You can't have the legend of Arthur without his knights of the Round. Those men fought, bled and died for you and are remembered even to this day as knight's one and all. Would you spit in the face of their accomplishments? Would you deny them their honor on the throne of hero's simply because you regret? Well newsflash for you, there are countless hero's throughout history who have been betrayed, who have had their throne usurped, who have wished they never had become rulers. What made them true hero's were that they never gave up, they continued fighting to the last."

Saber looked away, a small amount of pain in her eyes. "I..."

Shirou stood to tower over the smaller woman. "Tell me saber did you truly continue fighting until your death? Your legend shows you fighting Mordred in a duel, dying at each other's hands. Did you actually die like that? Were you as much a coward then as you are now?"

Saber's eyes widened, almost immediately she was on her feet as well, glaring holes in her master. "You cross a line!" Saber's hand clenched, the sound of leather squeaking was almost overbearing in the dead silent room.

"Do I?" Shirou growled. "You who claim the title of King of Knights, running from her regrets instead of facing them head on. Show me that I'm not wrong, Coward."

The fist that glanced off his cheek wasn't entirely unexpected, but it still hurt like hell. Idly, he noted a missing tooth, though with a bit of time Avalon would grow it back. Kiritsugu had told him about the sheath a few years after he started his magus training. Shirou had always wondered how the man had come across the artifact, but after these latest events, well that little mystery was effectively solved.

"I will not be called a coward, not even by my own master!" Saber growled. "You want me to face my regrets? Fine, get your things together, we're going out."

Shirou heard the front door slam open, destroying yet another of his doorframes in the process.

'Step 1: Getting her to admit her short comings. Check.' Shirou felt a bit bad about manipulating the girls feelings like that but it had to be done. If things had continued then they would be at odds and Shirou refused to use his command seals on his Servant to get her to comply with him. His father had to do so to get Saber to destroy the grail in the first place, there was no way in hell he was going to do that to her again.

"Hurry up! I don't have all day!"

'Then again...' He stared down at his seals for a moment before shaking his head. 'Nah, she just needs a bit of humor in her life, I bet she hasn't laughed since she became king.' Shirou grabbed his shoes and rushed out the door, to find the woman impatiently tapping away at the asphalt, asphalt which was being dented with each tap he noted silently. 'Ok, yeah. New goal, stop messing with her and make her laugh. Operation "Why so Serious?" is a go!'

-ooo-

Mood whiplash much?

Yes indeed. I will let you laugh about things, then sock you right in the feels, it's how I roll.

Decided to end this one a bit shorter than the others.