...Ahem... to my lovely audience: I am deeply sorry for taking so long updating this story and my other stories. I've recently been job searching and handling real life stuff so I haven't had much time to write on things. So I apologize to those who've had to wait a long time for this, financial security comes first unfortunately.

But I've worked out a somewhat comfortable time frame to work on my stories... so I might be able to update things at a more reasonable speed if all works out well.

Speaking of my stories, this one in particular.

You know what ladies and gents? *Holds up FSN Routes script* You see this? *Throws script into a fire* Fuck it. From this point forward, all three fate stay night canons are basically railed by a giant anaconda. Why you may ask? That script you saw? Everything between the front and back cover was empty. Why? Because I cannot for the life of me find a transcript of the game's dialogue and the happenings per each day of each route. And I sure as hell ain't reinstalling the game and playing through all three routes again, that would take forever for one and I don't feel like following any of the routes to the letter for two. So this is going to be a wonderful little mishmash of what I can remember of all three routes, shoehorned into a story because why the hell not? Too many stories follow one route or another up until a point of divergence. How bout this? MY ENTIRE ROUTE IS A DIVERGENCE THAT TAKE'S REFUGE IN AUDACITY.

And on that note, let's begin.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Fate or Fullmetal alchemist franchises

-ooo-

"Talking"

'Thinking'

Narrator

-ooo-

Chapter 4

"Why are we out here again?"

"We're patrolling."

"Is there any point to this?"

"No."

"Then why are we doing it?"

"Because I have a mighty need to find something and stab it repeatedly so that I may vent my frustrations on it." Saber glared over her shoulder in irritation. "Pray that we find something or else I will be using you for such a task."

Shirou sighed. "...At least your honest about it..." He idly scanned the surrounding area with his nose, walking behind Arturia as they made their rounds around the neighborhood. "You really need to learn how to have fun, relax some."

A grunt answered him.

Shirou rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you're such a stiff, didn't you have any hobbies at all?"

"No, I did not have time for such meaningless things."

"Hobbies are not meaningless." Shirou growled. "My manga have helped make me the man I am today. I'd appreciate it if you did not insult my inspiration thank you very much."

Saber turned on her heels and stared hard at Shirou. "You waste your time reading silly children's books and claim them to be an inspiration?" She nearly seethed at such a thing. "Fiction does not replace the experience of real life!"

Shirou drew back, outrage on his face. "Just because they look childish doesn't mean they're for children, many of those books are targeted towards adults." A few in particular flashed through his mind and he coughed into his hand. "Especially the... ahem X-rated ones."

Saber's eyebrow twitched.

Shirou stood straighter as he stared his servant down. "And I'll have you know I've learned things in those books that have helped me with my magecraft on countless occasions, magecraft which I used to blow Lancer to tiny bits might I add!"

Now that got Arturia's attention. She froze, staring at Shirou like he was stupid. "You used magic... from children's books... to kill Lancer?"

Shirou frowned at the odd look. "Not word for word, but the spells in those books gave me my inspiration for my spells..." He leaned back ever so slightly. "...Why?"

Arturia opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, she tried to speak several more times but failed just as quickly. Weary with trying to describe how hideously idiotic that sentence was the Saber turned on her heels just as swiftly as before and proceeded to distance herself from the crazy as quickly as possible.

Her retreat was easily stopped by the sound of a small girl giggling happily.

"Oh? Onii-chan actually summoned something already? Huhuhu! Patience pays off after all!"

Little girl... little girl wearing a purple overcoat and hat... little girl wearing a purple overcoat and hat with white hair and red eyes...

'My sister is kinda cute.' Shirou blinked, then his face screwed up. 'What the fuck brain? ...Wait.' The sword magus' eyes widened. 'SISTER!?' He stared the little girl up and down for several moments as she was all but dancing in her glee. He pulled out a picture from his pocket and held it up up to stare between the two.

Yep, sister.

Shit...

"Ilya." That stopped the girl in her tracks. "Ilya is that really you?"

Red eyes glared down at him, her place further up the street giving her a slight height advantage. "Onii-chan, I've waited for this day for years." She held up her hand and a gian- no a humongous figure appeared behind her, which wielded a very, very large slab of rock as - what appeared to be- a sword...axe... thing...

"WAIT!" Shirou pleaded, if that was a servant then this was going to get really dangerous really quickly.

Ilya's hand froze, though her eyes never left her brother's. "What?"

Thinking quickly Shirou fell back to Edwards tried and true method of handling unexpected situations. "Please Ilya, our father didn't abandon you, if you'll give me a chance I can show you the proof." Make bullshit up to reason with the target, if the target does not want to reason then liberally apply fist and or explosions where necessary until the target is willing to reason.

...

On second thought, that was a terrible idea; Just try to reason with her. If that fails then tactically advance in the opposite direction.

This time Ilya's entire body froze, including her breathing as her eyes dilated slightly in surprise. Then a frown broke through the ice and settled firmly on her face. "What are you talking about?" She asked suspiciously, if the situation wasn't so tense Shirou would have pointed out how cute the almost-pout was on the little girls face.

Ok, she's willing to reason, open up with gentle words. "From your words and actions it stands to reason that you have a grudge against me. Correct?" A nod. "Our father is the only reason that you could possibly hate me since I've never met you, in fact, up until a half dozen or so hours ago I didn't even know you existed. From there I imagine you hated him for supposedly abandoning you to take care of me. With me so far?"

If anything the little girl looked even more confused. Good, keep her off balance so that she can't focus on murder. "Um... something like that." But then a particular part of that sentence drew another question from her. "Wait... what do you mean you didn't know I existed?" And there was the outrage.

Shirou held the picture out for her to see. On it was a picture of Kiritsugu, his wife Irisviel and Ilya as a child. "This picture along with a few others were in a notebook my father left in our workshop under a pile of boxes next to a summoning circle. In that notebook it talked about his time during the fourth grail war, including you. Up until that point he had never mentioned you."

If anything that enraged the girl more. "Why would papa not tell you about me?" The girls fist clenched, and the hulking figure behind her let out a threatening growl.

Saber gripped the handle of her sword tighter, preparing for a fight if it came to that.

"I don't know." Shirou shrugged, eying the giant cautiously. "My guess is that he didn't want me involved with him trying to rescue you."

Ilya's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "R-rescue!?"

Shirou nodded. "Dad would disappear for weeks or sometimes months at a time and when he came back he'd be depressed for several days... I could see he was sad, like he'd failed at something." Seeing the girl's hesitance Shirou continued. "He even did this when his illness was acting up; rain, sleet or shine he would leave to go and, if my hunch is correct, try and free you."

Now there was a bit of indecisiveness. "He... he was sick?"

Another nod from our hero. "During the fourth grail war dad found out that the holy grail had been cursed at some point in one of the previous wars and tried to stop it, as a result the grail lashed out, cursing him with a terminal illness as well as causing the Fuyuki Fire that killed five hundred people. I was one of those caught in that fire, if it hadn't been for dad I would have died that day." A small grimace crossed his face. "I think he felt responsible for what happened to me, so he adopted me to make up for causing me so much pain." Shirou placed the picture back into his pocket. "In dad's notebook he left me a message, in it he explained a few things as well as leaving the task of rescuing you to me before he died. He loved you Ilya and he did everything within his limited power to save you."

The girl stood there, a bone deep chill settling in. "Papa... loved me... but grandpa said..." Her face scrunched in confusion and pain. "Lies..." The girl grimaced and held her head as a pain shot through it. "It cant be, grandpa wouldn't lie to me."

"Would your father lie to you?" Shirou interjected, startling the girl out of her muttering. "Your grandpa didn't even care for your mother, simply calling her a vessel for the grail. He 'created' your mother like the rest of the Einzbern Homunculi, it was your mother and our father that gave birth to you, no matter how you were conceived, your mother birthed you naturally and my father loved you, that is without doubt!"

Ilya shook her head, holding it in pain "Shut up! You're lying, nothing but lies!" And that was all the slack that Berserker needed. With an inhuman roar the Hero of Greece closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye. Thankfully, Saber was prepared for such a thing and blocked the attack, barely.

"Such strength." Arturia ground her teeth, letting loose a Prana Burst to lurch the great stone axe-blade that the beast used to the side so that she could score a hit to it's chest. Blood splattered as Saber drew a thin line from Berserkers chest.

Berserker merely roared in anger and continued on, using it's fist as a battering ram to slam into Saber's raised guard, launching the servant down the street into a concrete wall, which turned the wall into so much rubble.

Shirou looked from the wall, then to Berserker, then back to the wall. He gulped. Berserker roared, launching himself forward at inhuman speeds to crush the little ant that dared to cause his summoner such pain.

His charge met two walls of blades, the first slamming into him at professional pitcher throwing speeds, which subsequently blew up with the force of a low rank Noble Phantasm.

It barely slowed him down.

The second wall was much thicker, consisting of dozens of swords whose blades were the size and thickness of a small sedan.

That barely slowed him down as well.

But barely was enough as the Mad Servant broke through the steel wall to find that his target was nowhere to be found. An almost comical look of confusion crossed the beasts face before his reverted mind concluded that his target had made a run for it. With a howl that could break window panes the beast gave chase.

Saber meanwhile, angrily pulled herself from the rubble of the destroyed wall, a large knot throbbing painfully on her head. "I. Am going. To stab things!" The swordswoman snarled, using a prana burst to blast off in the direction that Shirou and Berserker had run off to.

-ooo-

"Crap crap crap!" Shirou ducked through alley after alley, quickly putting ground between himself and the giant that was having difficulty finding the slippery magus through the twisting and winding streets. A howl sounded off a distance away and Shirou slowed as he came out of an alley. Leaning against the alley wall, the sword magus took a few gulps of air; Reinforced running always did take his breath away after heavy use. He raised an arm up to inspect a deep slice that was leaking blood at a regular pace, a gift from a rather close run in with a wrought iron fence that had nearly ripped his arm off. Taking a few moments to bandage the would, Shirou let out a deep sigh.

After catching his breath, Shirou crept out of the shadows of the alley, glancing behind him to make sure that the giant heroic spirit wasn't sneaking up on him.

Another howl rang out, a bit closer than before.

Of course, the mad Servant probably wouldn't be sneaking up on him anyway. Taking another step, Shirou's foot caught something bulky in his path and forced him off balance. The Sword Magus fought hard to keep himself from stumbling, a fight that ended in the something's favor as Shirou faceplanted into the asphalt.

"Ow... What'd I trip over?" Shirou rubbed his forehead, the red scrape mark smarting painfully. Glancing back, rather than finding a something, he instead found a someone. He frowned. "What the heck are you doing out this late at night?" He asked himself as he reoriented into a kneeling position over her.

The someone happened to be a woman, a very beautiful woman... a very beautiful woman... with elf ears... and a rather large prana signature if his nose had anything to say about it. Flinching back in surprise, the sword magus realized that the being in front of him was actually another heroic spirit.

For an instant, the man's hand clenched, a dozen of his strongest blades loading up in his mind.

That instant passed as he noted the woman's heaving breath. With a slight twitch the swords dispersed, leaving a fleeting tingle in the back of his skull. In response to the small flicker of Shirou's prana, the woman's head snapped up lethargically, as if she were physically exhausted.

For another tense moment gaunt blue eyes met fiery golden brown, countless emotions passing between the two as they read the life story of the other through a mutual connection of suffering. One, the betrayed and unwilling betrayer, suffering the life of a tool. The other, suffering the loss of their entire existence, having to reforge themselves from a borrowed dream.

It was in that mere moment that something seemed to click and the Servant known as Caster reached a hand out to Shirou, fingers landing on his off hand, which contained his Command seals. Liquid hot fire ran up the magus' arm as her grabbed the offending limb. Shirou's eyes widened when he noticed that several more command seals burned themselves further up along his forearm and an even bigger drain on his Od flared to life. In response to that he subconsciously snapped his fingers, muttering 'trace on' as the hammer in the back of his mind slammed home, wordlessly creating an alchemic circle on his body to shunt more Mana forged prana through several of his circuits. It was a temporary fix that set those circuits on fire but it stabilized what he already had to deal with supporting Saber's rather prodigious drain.

Caster's eyebrows rose as she felt an inflow of Prana into her system. Her eyes widened further when she noted the Command Seals that he already wielded. "Fascinating." The woman muttered just loud enough for Shirou to hear. A small smirk formed on the woman's lips as she reached a hand out to her new master, a smirk which turned to frown as she felt the hard muscles on his body... She wasn't that turned on by muscular men... but this one had a lean athletic body rather than the bulky frame of a body builder... not to mention that the look in his eyes spoke of cold calculation and the will to keep his emotions hidden if need be, something that greatly interested her.

Shirou cleared his throat, quickly getting to his feet to help the woman to hers. "Are you alright?" Shirou asked slowly, keeping his features schooled as his mind frantically tried to come up with an explanation for what had just happened.

If anything the Caster's newly returned smirk grew wider. "Better, now that I have someone to give me prana. Tell me..." She waved her hand a bit.

"Shirou." He answered her.

"Master Shirou... how do you have two sets of command seals on your arm?"

Shirou hesitated for a moment in telling this woman that he was already bound to a saber, but quickly squashed the discomfort away. "I am bound to the Servant Saber... and apparently I'm also now bound to you, miss?" He turned the end of his words into a question as he shifted from one foot to the other.

"Fascinating..." Caster muttered again. "The ability to patron two heroic spirits... one of which being a knight class... nevermind that such a thing should be impossible..." Her eyes narrowed as she noticed a small patch of prana along the base of Shirou's spine. "No... there's something I'm missing... you're using some form of conversion magecraft to convert ambient mana into prana more efficiently than doing it with your own circuits... such a thing." She blinked in surprise. "In such a mana rich land, you would have an almost limitless source of power... only limited to your capability to channel such force...hmmm."

Shirou sweatdropped at being ignored by someone who was, theoretically at least, his new partner in this war. "Umm... could you answer my question please?"

Madea blinked, coming out of her thoughts. Frowning slightly to remember what the young man had said. "I suppose we should get the formalities out of the way first." The Caster stood up straighter, tapping her staff's tip upon the ground. "I am the servant Caster, upon the wings of fate I have answered thy desires and ask of thee, wilst thou be my master?"

Shirou deadpanned, holding up the still bloody command seals.

Caster cleared her throat. "Ahem... yes, I suppose the question was redundant at this point but formalities always are."

"Riiiight..." Shirou fidgeted slightly. "Now what?"

"RAHHHHHHHH!"

Shirou blinked and the house behind Caster disappeared, replaced with an enraged Berserker. "Run now, questions later." He nodded sagely, grabbing Casters hand and pulling her into a bridal carry so he could run faster.

"I don't need you to carry me." Caster remarked blandly. "I'm most likely faster than you are." She glanced over her shoulder at Berserker who was a bit to close for comfort and gaining at massive speeds. "I can't say I don't like it though..." She mumbled quietly, feeling quite comfortable in her new master's embrace. With that strange thought in mind, she set about making sure she stayed in that position for as long as possible, using her wand to apply a layer of grease to the ground behind them.

Berserker, being the mostly mindless killing machine that he was, decided against dodging the, to his instincts, harmless liquid. Instead, he plowed fearlessly through it like a battering ram.

Shirou turned the next corner, running fast enough to ride along the head high concrete walls at the end of the street before he settled back onto the pavement.

Berserker... slid head-first into said concrete wall.

"RAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh he is pissed! He is pissed at us!" Shirou yelled, voice rising slightly in panic. He took a quick peak behind him and paled at seeing the incoming swipe of a very large sword-axe. "Shit!" There was only one way to escape now that the creature had gotten so close. "Luck don't fail me now." Shirou muttered, leaping into the air as he projected a dozen Zanbatou edge first in the path of the sword-axe, while at the same time conjuring one beneath his feet and praying this worked.

"GRAHHHHH!" With a vicious howl and scrape of steel, the sword axe, smashed into the Zanbatou. In response, the Zanbatou cracked under the pressure and gave ground to the blade that they tried to match.

Shirou gripped the handle of the Zanbatou he was riding as the other Zanbatou slammed into the bottom, the force behind the strike sending him and by extension Caster rocketing up into the air from the upward swing of the Mad Servant.

"Impressive improvisational planning." Caster remarked, staring down at the city below. "Didn't really think through the landing part though, did you?"

Shirou's eyebrow twitched. Normally, he would answer that remark with a string of angry curses followed by a sarcastic retort and finish off with a quick prayer to whatever deity might be listening to help him.

"FUCK! SHIT! DAMMIT! Thank you for flying Air Shirou, we would like to remind you that sarcasm is solely the responsibility of the pilot and we regret to inform you that we seem to be experiencing some major turbulence, please keep your seats in their upright position, your mouths shut and make sure to hold onto something sturdy, because this is going to be a bumpy ride."

Much like the way Scar performed his alchemy, Shirou stopped at step two... mainly because Alaya and Gaia can fuck off...

"Fuck this gay Earth!" Shirou howled, a completely insane idea forming in his mind. Figuring that a hairbrained idea was better than no idea, he began layering Zanbatou after Zanbatou like a stair case to the ground

*Squue-e-e-e-eak* The rubber sole of his shoes protested as he rode the face of the blades down to the ground, the noise skipping momentarily between each small drop to the next blade.

Shirou hit the ground hard, tucking into a roll while at the same time holding caster closer to his body, taking the full brunt of the fall on his back and rolling with it. Bouncing up to his feet, Shirou took a moment to catch his breath.

... annnnnnnd sister again...

Shirou glanced around and found to his annoyance that he was back where he started this little farce of a chase at. Ok, things had to stop, now! Setting Caster down, the woman pouting the entire way, Shirou dashed for his sister, who was still shivering in a small ball where he had last seen her. Getting behind her, the Magus formed a blade and pressed it against her neck.

Ilya froze as she felt steal against her throat.

"Alright, that is enough!" Shirou growled, picking up the feather-light girl by the back of her coat with one hand. He turned her around and held her up to face height. "I am getting sick of that big bastard chasing after me, get a hold of yourself and control your servant!"

Swallowing heavily, Ilya calmed down as much as she could, the cold steel on her flesh and the fair bit of air under her feet calming her far faster than the words ever could.

"GRAHHHHH!" And then Berserker made it his civic duty to turn another house into the next Michael Bay trailer.

"Berserker!" Ilya called out loudly, a small bit of panic in her voice, the knife dug a bit deeper, causing her to yelp and a fine line of blood to form on her neck.

"Father also told me to kill you if you ever became a heartless monster." Shirou hissed in her ear. "I don't want to hurt you Ilya. Please, don't force my hand." Shirou glanced up at the hulking Heroic spirit who looked conflicted about how to protect his master when there was a knife blade to her neck, the small part of his mind that was still rational held the raging anger in check for the time being.

"Let this go for today." Shirou mumbled quietly, his voice taking on a soothing tone. "Go home and find out for yourself if the things I've said are true, question your grandfather himself if you have to." He reached a hand around the girl to hug her from behind. "Know first and foremost that I care about you Ilya. It was one of our fathers last wishes that I save you and I will not fail him, even if I have to save you from yourself!" Shirou could feel the apprehension in Ilya's body, feel the tense muscles that trembled in his grasp. "Think, blast it! If you find out that I was lying then all you've lost is a day or two away from your revenge, time easily made up for the next time we meet." He sighed, holding her tighter. "But If I am right and everything I've said is the truth, then would you really risk the life of the one remaining blood relative that actually gives a damn about you, on the words of some old fool who treats you as tool more than a granddaughter?"

Taking a risk, Shirou let Ilya go, leaping back to put distance between himself and the girl.

Berserker Growled like a rabid animal and took one step forward. "Stop." The behemoth froze, glancing down at Ilya who had spoken the word.

Caster, who thought it best to stay back and assist her new master if necessary, was silently congratulating Shirou's cunning. Instill doubt in a person and they will seethe on it for days to come. Doubt, in the end, crumbles even the sturdiest of walls. The woman frowned moments later; It was also a double edged sword. If the girl found that Shirou was lying, then she would come back even more determined to end the teen. The Caster sniffed hautily, the brat would find that task more difficult next time around if she had anything to say about it. She was already taking a liking to her new master after all and excluding the muscles he was everything she was looking for in a man. In fact, that earlier declaration about killing his own sister was so deliciously arousing that she would probably need to change her undergarments when they returned to her masters place of residence.

Meanwhile, it appeared that the wall of Ilya's will crumbled to nothing as she slumped, clenching and unclenching her hands in impotent anger. She didn't know who to direct her anger at now, she was an arrow without a target, Shirou needed to seed a final incentive in the girls mind.

"You've lived as a tool under that man's words for too long Ilya." Shirou spoke calmly now that the threat of bodily harm had decreased somewhat. "If you want to be happy then don't let others decide your life for you." Fire formed in Shirou's eyes. "With Berserker by your side, freedom should be simple for you. It is my greatest shame that I couldn't break you out of that castle myself but..." Shirou glanced to the side, a pained expression on his face. "I'll make up the time lost in some way, whatever way you want to spend your time, I'll be there for you."

And there was the surprise, Ilya's eyes widened as she looked up into Shirou's own. That kind of promise was a lifetime commitment, he was willing to spend the rest of his life trying to make her happy. If she asked him to be her slave to make up for his failures he more than likely would ask when, where, and should he bring a gimp suit? ... Such was the conviction in his voice. That, more than anything, had Ilya reconsidering her thoughts on revenge. Such was the charismatic charm and the unyielding will of steel that radiated out from the man known as Shirou Emiya.

"...Berserker." Ilya whispered quietly. "Come, it's time we left." The giant stiffened, lowering down to a kneel while at the same time placing a hand palm side up for the girl to climb onto. As soon as she was on, the giant stood erect, glowering at those around him. Ilya, for her part, was staring at Shirou with an unreadable expression. "If I find that you were lying to me Onii-chan..." She let the words hang as an unspoken threat of violence as Berserker turned and disappeared in a burst of speed towards the Einsburn castle outside of town.

Shirou waited a few moments for the magical signature of his sister to leave the area, then fell on his ass with a sigh. "Whew that was close." The magus shook his head, feeling the presence of Caster behind him, he looked up into her eyes. "What?" There was a curiosity there as she stared at her master's form.

In response she reached a hand down to his arm where the bloody bandages were still wrapped and ran a delicate touch over it. Instead of a sharp his of pain, the blade magus felt goosebumps rise on his skin. Looking down, he found that the bandages were being cut off with that finger to reveal smooth skin underneath.

"That strange prana." Caster mumbled, staring at the healed wound curiously. "Fascinating..." Seeing her masters confused face, she elaborated. "Earlier I felt a strange magic coming from your arm while you were carrying me. It stemmed from the wound here." She eyed the smooth skin. "Well, the wound that used to be here." Caster placed her hand firmly on Shirou's chest and sent a pulse of her magic through his body. With a frown, Caster pulled back and tilted her head rather cutely if it hadn't been for the cloak giving her features an ominous look. "Strange, you have something lodged inside of you... Something that's healing your injuries... hmmm..." A flash of something in Casters eyes made the woman cackle like the evil witch that she was. "Ufufufuf... now this is fortuitous. I think we should get you home master, I have...plans for you."

Shirou gulped audiably.

*Clang*

The master and servant's attention was diverted for a moment as a heavily armored figure landed near them.

"Where is berserker?" Saber growled, somewhat out of breath, covered from head to toe in debris and a angry/manic glint in her eyes.

"Um..." Shirou began. "He left with his master..."

A tick mark formed on Saber's head, though it disappeared for a moment as she stared at the Caster in front of her. "Who is this..." Her eyes sharpened. "And why does she feel like a Heroic Spirit."

"Ah.." Shirou cleared his throat. "This is Caster... and she's... well." He held his hand up, showing off the new set of Command Seals on his arm. "She's part of the team..."

Saber froze, her jaw working for several moments as she tried and failed to come up with a reasonable response to that information. After several moments of none forthcoming, she turned on her heels and walked back towards the Emiya compound.

"Wait! Where are you going Saber?" Shirou called out, getting to his feet quickly and following the spirit. Caster, looking rather amused, followed behind the two of them.

"I need a drink." Saber spoke tonelessly. "And perhaps something to eat."

Shirou opened his mouth to say something, but closed it moments later as he felt the tension in Arturia's stance. Perhaps she just needed to relax some? All this stress and these recent revelations were probably driving her a bit nutty... maybe a movie would help her unwind? But which on- ... Shirou snorted under his breath, which got a rather pronounced twitch from Saber. Oh, he had the perfect one...

-ooo-

Sorry again for not updating recently, like I said at the top, couldn't help it.