A/N: WOW. O-O" The other day I opened my inbox and got kinda blown away by all the FF mail I received... I guess people like this story? ^O^"
Anyway, thank you so much to those who reviewed~ It made me so happy to know that this fic made you happy/smile/laugh/roll on the floor! XD
Soft. It was all Levi could think in his half-awake state, frowning a bit as the bright sunlight fell on his eyes. With a quiet groan, he pulled the softness closer to his body, burying his face into the top of it. So soft... and warm. If only he could stay like this forever, with this warm softness pressed against him-
The sudden noise rudely jolted him out of his peaceful slumber.
"LEVI! I can't believe you're still not up at this time! You lazy-" There was a loud gasp. "AAAAAAAAAAAH! OH MY GOODNESS!"
Levi managed to drag himself up into a sitting position, feeling rather disoriented. "The hell... H-Hanji?" The sight of the bespectacled woman slowly came into focus, her eyes huge behind her lens and her hands covering her mouth in shock.
"Y-you little shirmp you!" Hanji cackled wickedly, her glasses sparkling with mirth. "While I was spending all of this time worrying about your well-being, you were enjoying yourself, weren't you, Levi~"
"What?" Shaking the last spells of sleep from his head, Levi sat up straighter and glanced around. To his horror, the "warm softness" was none other than Eren, who was rising beside him, his eyes tired and confused. Catching sight of Levi, however, he immediately brightened.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Hanji let out another scream at the sight of Eren, causing the poor teen to nearly jump in surprise. "LEVI! How could you!? He looks so young and innocent! IS HE A MINOR? Levi, you should have known better~" Despite her words, the woman was still giggling in a manner that had Levi's eyebrow twitching.
"Hanji," He began in a calmly dangerous tone, massaging his forehead with one hand, "I will give you ten seconds to get the fuck out of my house. Now LEAVE."
"But Levi! I've never known you to be one for cuddling after sex~! He's so cute! What's his name!? You topped, Levi, didn't you, you monster shrimp-"
"It's not like that, you fucking weirdo! Get out NOW before I skin you alive!"
"All right, all right, I'm leaving! I'll give you alone time with your cute little uke!" Hanji quickly dashed out of the bedroom, but not before turning back and saying, "Say, I know we've just met, but could you tell me how Levi-"
Once her footsteps faded away, Levi tried to resist the urge to bury his face in his hands as he recalled the events of the night before.
Eren was halfway through his lasagna, having become surprisingly good at using the fork (which he still referred as a dinglehopper, despite Levi's firm corrections), when he suddenly paused and touched his throat.
"Hm?" Levi looked up inquisitively from his own plate. "What?" He asked as the teen reached for his notebook.
My throat feels dry.
"Oh... right, I forgot to get us something to drink..." Levi walked over to the cabinet and rummaged for some cups. "I'll get you some water."
He set a cup in front of Eren before taking a long sip from his own glass. As he drank, Levi felt a pair of eyes on him and glanced up irritably. "...Ah, come on. You do know how to drink water, right?"
Eren nodded slowly, taking his cup with both hands and starting to carefully drink. He soon drained the glass, looking quite satisfied as he set it down.
Yes! Thank you, Levi!
Eren suddenly yawned silently, stretching his arms out as he did. Oh great. Now the brat was sleepy...
"Hang on... you can sleep on the couch, I guess..." Levi reluctantly walked over to Eren as the boy nodded and slowly started to stand.
Thankfully, Eren's condition was seeming to improve. He could now stand and even walk a little, with Levi's help, of course.
After covering the brunet with some spare blankets, the black-haired man turned around, eager to get his own well-deserved rest, when-
Snatch! A tan hand suddenly darted out and latched onto his arm, causing Levi to blink in surprise. He swiveled around to Eren, who seemed just as shocked by his own action.
"..." Eren hastily released Levi's arm, shrinking back onto the couch and turning away, as if to say "Nothing..."
Unfortunately, Levi knew better than that. "...You shitty brat. You don't want me to leave you, do you?"
Eren simply buried himself deeper into the couch, as if protesting against Levi's words.
Levi put a hand to his forehead, gritting his teeth in frustration. After several seconds of considering the situation, then deciding he did not care anymore, Levi jerked his head up, scowling deeply at Eren. "Fine... FINE! I had to carry you, partially bathe you, clothe you, educate you, feed you... at this point, it doesn't matter anymore! We might as well sleep in the same bed! ...my god that sounded so wrong..."
Still grumbling, he bent down to pick up Eren again and carry him to Levi's bedroom.
Now thoroughly confused, Eren paused before picking up his notebook and writing.
Who was that, Levi?
"...I'll tell you later..." Levi mumbled, getting off the bed.
What was she talking about, Levi? I didnt understand alot of what she said.
"...There's a damn space between 'a' and 'lot', brat. She... made a misunderstanding."
Eren tilted his head, still not comprehending Levi's words. Levi sighed. "Listen, Eren, if she or anyone asks, DON'T say that we... ...well, we slept together."
"..." Eren started to write-
"Don't, don't, I know we did, but, sleeping together... it can also mean having sex." Levi explained frankly, hoping dearly that he would not have to clarify the last word. "And we did NOT have sex."
To his relief, Eren's mouth opened in a slight "O" shape as he nodded his head in understanding.
But what should I say when people ask me?
"...just say that nothing happened, and that it's the damn truth."
That is confusing though. How can the same words have different meanings?
"It's complicated." Levi replied shortly. "Now, let's just get on with the day and I'll introduce you to her properly once I've gotten this mess straightened out."
Several hours later...
After Levi opened the door, Erwin gave him a brief nod before looking curiously behind him. "Levi, I heard-"
"There he is, the monster shrimp!" Hanji brightly popped up behind him. "Get him, police chief! Arrest this NEET for having sex with a-"
Levi rolled his eyes. "For the LAST fucking time, Hanji, NOTHING happened. He's mentally like a damn five-year-old and you know I don't go for that shit. Just look at him. He practically oozes smiles and rainbows and all that other crap..." He motioned towards Eren, who, sitting on the couch, smiled nervously and held up his notebook.
Hello! My name is Eren Yeager! It is nice to meet you!
Erwin returned the smile warmly, stepping inside and extending a hand towards the teenager. "Hello, Eren. My name is Erwin Smith. I'm the police chief of this town. It's nice to meet you-"
The blond was roughly pushed to the side as Hanji leapt forward, grasping both of Eren's hands eagerly, practically salivating in excitement. "It's a pleasure, a pleasure, Eren! I'm known as Dr. Zoe to the town, but you can just call me Dr. Hanji!"
A bit taken aback at Hanji's approach, the brunet nodded. He freed one of his hands to write on his notebook.
Chief Erwin and Dr. Hanji, are you Levis friends? Without waiting for a reply, Eren flipped to another page.
Levi says mean things, but hes still very kind! He carried me in from the beach and gave me a place to stay! He even taught me the right way to use a dinglehopper!
"Er... I beg your pardon?"
"Levi did WHAT?"
"Tch. Don't say anymore than necessary, you shitty brat."
Ignoring Levi's comment, Eren continued to write, a determined look on his face.
So, please dont think he did anything bad to me, Dr. Hanji.
Hanji stared at the notebook page before biting her lip and dancing in place like an insane fangirl. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~! He's so CUUUUUUUUUUTE! Oh, Levi, I can now understand why you cuddled with him! I would h-"
BAM! A large, hard-cover book collided with the doctor's face, missing her glasses by a millimeter and effectively cutting off the rest of her squealing. "If there was any choice, I wouldn't let you near Eren for his own safety, but unfortunately, you're the only doctor in this damn town."
A loud barking from Bean prevented any further conversation as another large sheepdog nosed its way into Levi's living room.
"Oh! Sonny!" Hanji exclaimed, hurrying over to the sheepdog's side. "Forgive me! I was so distracted because of Eren that I forgot about you!"
"God damn it, Hanji, did you have to bring him!? That mutt's even worse than Bean!"
Eren's head darted back and forth between the two identical canines, before hurriedly scribbling in his notebook.
There are 2 Beans!
Hanji laughed. "No, Eren, this is Bean's brother, Sonny! They look a lot alike, but Sonny is a lot less energetic than Bean! Would you like to play with them?"
Eren bobbed his head up and down, already sliding off the couch towards the dogs.
"Not in the living room!" Levi quickly intervened, holding an arm out to stop the brunet. "If you have to play with those mutts, go to the kitchen! That place is easier to clean..."
Eren flashed him a dazzling smile before nodding and hobbling off with Bean and Sonny.
Levi raised an eyebrow as he went. "His walking's improved a lot..." He remarked to Erwin and Hanji once the brat had exited the living room.
Hanji smirked. "Are you sure that he wasn't having trouble for a different reason, Levi?"
"Hanji, DROP IT ALREADY."
Before a squabble could commence, Erwin spoke up. "I'm assuming that this Eren is the reason why you called us here on our day off, Levi?"
The black-haired man nodded, slowly sinking down into the couch. "I need that brat out of here, Erwin, but I have no clue where the fuck he came from."
"How exactly did you come by him?"
Levi groaned. "Don't get me started on that..."
"I'm afraid we must..."
Much to Erwin and Hanji's surprise, the clean freak soon launched into a rare rant, complaining about all that had happened the other day, from having to carry Eren home to the "dinglehopper" incident.
"He didn't know how to use the toilet, a FUCKING toilet for hell's sake!"
"Levi, that's the fifth time you've said that..."
"Well, I think it's a pretty fucking big deal! Don't you!?"
"Of... of course, but-" Erwin was once again interrupted by Hanji's evil-sounding laughter. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~"
"..." The two men stared at her before Levi finally spoke up monotonously.
"Oi, crazy person."
At that, Hanji quickly bit back her chuckles. "Ahaha, sorry, guys, but isn't it obvious why Eren acts like he does?"
"Eren's... a MERMAID!" The doctor declared happily.
Levi turned his head to the side disdainfully. "What was Harvard thinking, really, accepting that thing into its medical school-"
"Oh come ON! Doesn't it all make sense!?" Hanji implored, wringing her hands desperately. "He had trouble walking, can't talk, didn't know how to use a toilet, and thinks that forks are dinglehoppers! Coincidence? I think not, my dear grumpy shrimp, I think not!"
"Hanji, I know this is asking a lot from you, but be reasonable for once. There are no such things as mermaids!" Levi deadpanned, his narrow eyes glaring daggers.
"But doesn't it all just scream mermaid to you!?" Hanji paused. "On second thought, he would actually be a merman, a former merman, at that, but that's not the point!"
"No, it is not the point." Levi agreed, throwing an arm over the couch lazily. "The point is that he is not a mermaid, or merman, and has never been one. He is just a very confused child that needs help."
"You said that he claimed to know how to read and write, but ended up breaking half of your pencil supply because he used too much force! You know how I think Eren used to write!? He must have written with rocks against rock underwater! It's crude, and requires a lot of force, and that's why his writing is so big and messy!"
"How would mermaids even be able to read and write in the first place? Or understand English, for that matter!"
Hanji shrugged, not deterred. "I'm pretty sure even a merperson would be able to pick up the language if they hung around the docks enough... you even said how he found drinking water weird! That's because he's never had to drink water, Levi! He was dressed in rags when you found him, wasn't he!?"
"Rags which I need to burn sometime today, thank you for reminding me."
"You also said he was making gestures at his throat and the sea! Eren was probably trying to explain that he gave up his voice to leave the ocean!"
"...Like I said before, he is just a-"
"Aah-aah-aah, the fact that you're trying to repeat yourself means you have no more comebacks! Admit it already, Levi, you've fallen for a fish~!"
"God damn it, Hanji!"
"For a guy who used to write fiction for a living, you're pretty against this theory..."
"There are several things wrong with that statement. One, I wrote realistic fiction, not fantasy. Two, are you aware of the meaning of fiction? It means 'not real'. This just happens to be real life. Go figure!"
"Erwin, you believe me, don't you?" The police chief tried not to wince as Hanji fixed her pleading brown eyes on him.
"Don't insult Erwin! He'd never believe in that kind of shit!" Levi snapped, crossing his legs.
"Why doesn't Hanji give the boy an examination?" Erwin hastily suggested in a tone meant to calm the two down. "For all we know, Eren might have suffered some sort of trauma or abuse that caused him to lose his voice."
"Exactly." Levi said dryly, still glowering at Hanji.
"Fine!" With a huff, the doctor skipped out of the room, swinging a large black bag that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. "Eren! Let me give you a quick checkup~! I promise it won't hurt!"
Levi resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. If he didn't know Hanji better, he'd insist on being there in case she tried to traumatize the poor boy, but Hanji wouldn't fool around when it came to her patients. At least, Levi hoped so.
"Do you want me to report him as a missing person?" Erwin questioned once Hanji was gone from the room.
"...I just want you to find his relatives. His family. His guardians. His tribe. Anyone..."
Erwin nodded obediently. "I'll see what I can do. But... just to give you a heads up, this is a pretty rural area, Levi. If I can't find anything..."
"You'll find something. I am not going to watch over him for the rest of my life!"
"No one is saying you will..." The blond man reassured, sitting on a chair across Levi. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I can't help think about what Hanji has been saying... There is something that seems to be... strange about the boy."
"I'm pretty sure there's some things strange about Hanji as well, Erwin."
Erwin sighed. "You know what I mean..." He gazed in the direction of the sea. "Unusual events occur here. Unexplainable incidents."
"You're taking Hanji's side, aren't you?"
"I'm not taking either of your sides. I'm just telling you to keep an open mind."
"Mermaids, Erwin, mermaids."
"...I... I agree it is a dubious topic..." The police chief hastily changed the subject. "On the other hand, Levi, it's the first time I've ever seen you treat someone in such a manner."
Levi gave him the weirdest expression he could muster. "Don't you get started on that too, Erwin. I treat everyone in the same manner."
Erwin could not help smiling again. "But Levi, I can't recall you being so... affected by another person..."
His former high school classmate snorted derisively. "He is a disgusting brat. You know I don't go for those types."
"You don't seem to go for any kind of type..." Erwin murmured, still grinning, much to Levi's annoyance. "I wonder, though, perhaps Eren suffers from some sort of amnesia that reverted him to the mind state of a toddler... It would explain why he doesn't understand certain things..."
Levi immediately shook his head. "Nah. He can actually hold his shit in and he knows what sex is."
"...and... if I may ask, how did such a subject come up in our conversation?"
"He didn't understand what Hanji was misunderstanding earlier."
They remained sitting for a short while before Levi abruptly stood up. "Hanji must be done with his check-up already."
The two walked the short distance to the kitchen, Levi entering first. "So, Hanji, how is h-" The writer instantly froze as he took in the scene before him, shock slowly contorting his facial features.
"Ah, Levi, you're here!" Hanji chirped cheerfully, turning away form Eren. "Doesn't he look absolutely adorable!?"
Eren was sitting on the edge of the kitchen table, grinning shyly at Levi. Usually, Levi would throw a fit about how horribly unsanitary it was to have a butt on the kitchen table, but the fact that Eren was clothed in a maid dress temporarily sent his mind shutting down.
"...sorry." Levi suddenly apologized, his eyes not leaving Eren. "I must have entered the wrong room." With that, he promptly slammed the door shut, leaving Hanji and Eren staring at the closed entrance for several seconds.
Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing a very angry short person. "HANJI ZOE! WHY THE FUCK IS HE WEARING THAT, THAT, THAT, THAT, THAT THING!?"
"You like it!" Hanji exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "I knew you would!"
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET THAT THING FROM?"
The doctor smiled evilly, her eyes invisible from the glare of her glasses. "I have my secrets, eheeheehee..."
Choosing to temporarily ignore her, Levi stormed into the room. "Eren!" He cried in an uncharacteristically wild manner, placing his hands on the boy's bare shoulders (it was a very revealing maid dress). "I'm so sorry! I should have known better than to leave you alone with that abdominal excuse of a woman! Don't worry! You can take it off now!"
Taken aback, Eren blinked at him for several seconds before reaching for his notebook and writing. As he showed the page to Levi, the man froze once again, his body rigid in horror upon reading the words.
But Levi, I like it!
"...No... no... no... Eren, you're really confused now... Hanji brainwashed you... snap out of it, now..."
Still puzzled, the brunet began scribbling again.
I dont know what youre talking about, Levi, but I really do like it! Its a lot better than pants! My legs feel more free!
To emphasize his message, Eren swung his legs in the air several times. Feeling a slight breeze caused by Eren's movement, Levi glanced down, saw the lacy skirt, and quickly jerked his gaze back up. "You... you..."
"You know, Levi, for someone who seems against Eren wearing that maid dress, you sure are pretty close to him..." Hanji observed slyly, holding back snickers as a bemused Erwin took in the whole situation.
As if he suddenly realized how many antigens he was possibly coming into contact with, Levi hastily let go of Eren's shoulders, and was about to back away when Hanji strolled casually up to the pair.
"Oh dear, my hand slipped~" She drawled dramatically before slapping Eren's back, causing the boy to crash into Levi's arms.
"Ah-" Caught unawares, Levi fell to the ground. "Urgh..." He looked up to see Eren's surprised eyes staring back at him, the cross-dressing boy splayed awkwardly on Levi's lap.
Keeping a stone-faced expression, Levi stood up and then helped Eren stand as well, his movements stiffer than a wooden doll. He then looked toward to Hanji and Erwin, the former unsuccessfully attempting to hold back giggles while the corner of the latter's mouth twitched.
"...NOT. A. WORD." Levi spat out in a warning tone, turning his back to Eren.
There was short silence until Levi heard the sound of unbuckling. Horrified, he turned again and found Eren starting to take off the dress off. "What. The fuck. Are you. Doing!?"
The boy held up his notebook, a sheepish expression on his face.
It makes you angry, Levi, so I decided to take it off.
"Oh. Good. Just... do it another room. You don't change your clothes in front of other people."
Eren's hand twitched, as if he was going to write a response, but the teenager decided against it, and exited the room, picking up Levi's spare clothes which had been lying on the floor. Bean and Sonny, who both hadn't understood a thing, lumbered after him.
Once Eren was out of ear shot, Hanji finally let her giggles loose, collapsing to the ground in mirth as she pounded the floor with her fist.
Levi simply gave her look of deep disgust.
"OH LEVI~~~~ THAT WAS PRICELESS! PRICELESS!"
"I have to admit, Levi..." Erwin began, the corner of his mouth continuing to twitch, "that was the first time I've ever seen you looking so uncomfortable..."
"Stop. Stop it. Both of you. Stop it. Just stop it." Seething in rage, Levi pulled out a chair and sat down in it with far more force than necessary. "So did you actually check if he was hurt or not or did you spend the whole time making him crossdress?"
Hanji's laughter slowly subsided, the doctor giving a few hiccups before picking herself off of Levi's floor. "Ahahahaha... oh, of course not, Levi... I gave him a full checkup! We finished early, though, so I decided to have a little fun~!"
Erwin coughed loudly into his fist before turning to Hanji with a serious expression. "So... what's your report, Hanji?"
The doctor drew herself a chair before speaking, a grin still present on her face. "Well, Erwin, Levi, from what I can tell here, Eren is fine. There doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with his throat or his legs..."
"Then he might have had some sort of psychological trauma..." Levi mused, voicing Erwin's suggestion from earlier.
"I did take that in account," Hanji acknowledged, pushing up her glasses in a rare professional manner. "But Eren doesn't show any key signs of psychological trauma..."
"Moving on to his legs..." the doctor continued, crossing her arms, "His legs are a little... weird."
"His legs aren't injured, Levi. In fact, they're fine."
"Then care to explain why he can only hobble around like a one year old?"
"Because he's not used to walking on them. It's as if Eren's legs have just recovered from a long-term injury... but the thing wrong with that explanation is that there's no sign of any long-term injury. In fact, there isn't a single mar on his legs."
Hanji paused, looking like she was about to crack a joke, but stopped at a warning look from Erwin. "It's what's weird about his legs..."
Levi frowned, a little confused. "I don't get it. So he spent his life in a big air bubble? What's so weird about that?"
"It's weird, Levi, because the rest of Eren's body has its fair share of scars and markings and what not. So... why does only the top of his body have scars while his legs are... well, flawless? It doesn't make sense..."
"He spent his life with his legs in a big air bubble." Levi said in a bored tone. Inside, however, he found himself recalling the first time he watched Eren trying and failing to stand...
It was as if he never stood before.
The thought passed through his mind before Levi could stop it, but he quickly dismissed it. "Maybe the brat's foreign or from some distant water tribe of caveman... are you sure about the no-physical/psychological trauma thing?"
Hanji shrugged. "Pretty sure. I guess we could go to the hospital in town tomorrow and I could give him a more thorough examination (Ooh, that sounds pretty kinky, heehee). You could even give Eren a tour afterwards!"
Pretending not to hear the last suggestion, Levi nodded curtly. "All right. I'll bring him in early, before you'll get any patients."
"I'll come as well." Erwin volunteered. "I can't have you biting each other's heads off."
Levi gave both of them a nod. "...thanks."
They stood together quietly for a few moments until a crash was heard from the other room. Before Hanji or Erwin could say anything, Levi swiftly headed over in the sound's direction, his lips pursed in dread.
He found Eren lying on the ground, tangled in Levi's pants. Apparently, the brat had been struggling with the piece of clothing for the last fifteen minutes.
LEVI! HELP ME!
"...Tch. Damn brat."
...Yes, Eren knows to use commas, but doesn't know how to use apostrophes... I'm not exactly sure how that works but I think commas are a lot more simpler than apostrophes, right? ^-^""
Sorry for putting Tsukkomi!Levi in, but I just couldn't resist. X)
Reviews make me mentally dance around like a crazy person~