A Twisted Epilogue

"God, I can't believe we're actually going to this," I whined as I put the finishing touches on my makeup.

"It's our ten year reunion, just try to have a good time," he said with a chuckle as he came up behind me to fix his tie. "I really don't know how you and your parents all lived here with only one bathroom for so long. Doesn't your dad get like, explosive diarrhea? I'm surprised you and your mom ever got to use the bathroom at all."

"Ugh, do we really need to go there?" I asked disgusted.

"Why does he still own this place anyway? He hasn't lived here in over five years so you would think he'd sell it."

"Oh, you know him. He's sentimental. I grew up here, so…" I let my sentence trail off.

"Well, he could at least rent it out, or something."

"Good thing he didn't, because then we'd have to rent a hotel room," I said with more attitude than I intended.

"Whoa, I knew you were nervous about tonight, but jeesh. Bite my head off, why don't you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not nervous. I don't get nervous anymore. I'm just…not looking forward to it. I haven't seen any of these people since…well, since before all that shit that happened senior year. I didn't even graduate with them so this is all just…"

"But I did graduate with them," he cut me off. "And since you are my wife, you're coming with me. Besides, these people were once your friends…You might actually enjoy catching up with them."

"Doubt it."

"Hey, wait a minute, you saw a lot of people when your dad retired, remember?"

"Those were mostly old people, tonight it's going to be their kids…the ones who actually witnessed my meltdown firsthand. It's not something I want to relive every time someone gives me a pitiful look."

He laughed again. "It's been over ten years. Time to get over it. You just need to remember what we're actually doing there."

"Showing off how amazing our lives turned out?" I asked sarcastically.

He thought about it for a minute, and then shrugged. "We're still both hot as hell, so that's something."

I laughed. "Something, indeed." Suddenly I felt that new familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach, the kind that had nothing to do with emotions, and I couldn't help but smile to myself and rub my tummy tenderly. I wondered if my growing bulge would be noticeable; I sincerely hoped not. I didn't want that type of attention that night, and even worse, it would mean I would need to take leave sooner, and I wasn't ready to put my job on the backburner just yet. I had too much left I wanted to do.

"Ready?" I asked as I grabbed my purse.

"You look…amazing," he said as he gave me the once over.

God, he just irritated the hell out of me at times. "Yeah. Can we go before I change my mind?"

"Whatever you're pissed at, it's not my fault so stop taking it out on me," he said evenly.

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from snapping back at him. "Don't be a bitch, don't be a bitch," I chanted to myself.

He just laughed again. "Good to see you're fighting back against your nature."

Okay, that did it. "I am not a bitch!" I spat as threw a pillow at his head.

"I know, sorry," he chuckled as he unsuccessfully dodged my attack. "It was a joke."

"Funny. Just…do us both a favor and don't speak until we get to the school," I warned him.

"Fine. Good idea."

Just as I predicted, Jessica and Mike jumped us the moment we stepped into the Forks' High gym, and the guys betrayed me by escaping to where most of the husbands were convened, while Jess dragged me right to our old group of girlfriends. It was like we had all just gone to sleep for the past ten years, and then we just picked right up where we left off. It was annoying as all hell.

"Isn't this amazing being back together again," Jess cheered. "It's like…exactly how I always pictured we'd all end up."

"We should get together more often," Lauren agreed. "Bella, I have to say, I wasn't sure if you were even going to make it tonight. None of us had heard from you in so long."

"I was so excited when you friended me of Facebook a couple weeks ago," Jess added. "Catching up online has been the best. Don't you just love social networking. What took you so long to get on?"

"Uh…I'm just really bad with all that technology stuff," I admitted.

"I think it's so amazing that we all ended up exactly where we always knew we would," Rebecca squealed. "I'm with Freddy, Jess and Mike are together, Lauren and Steven, and Bella, after senior year, I have to admit, I honestly didn't think you'd actually marry…"

"Oh my god," Jessica said suddenly, cutting Rebecca off. We all turned to look at who she was seeing, and I could have sworn we all gasped at the same time. "Wow. How is it even possible that he's even more gorgeous than he was in high school?"

"Bella, I can't believe you used to fuck him," Lauren said in awe. "What the hell were you thinking letting that god of a man go?"

I sighed longingly. "I wish I knew."

"Hey, I thought I heard something about you guys dating in college?" Jess asked me curiously.

"We did, but…I don't know, I guess when everything settled down we just realized that our relationship was mostly just…physical."

"I'd take a purely physical relationship with Edward Cullen any day," Lauren said absently.

I bit my lower lip as the memories of Edward's perfect body invaded my mind, causing an intense yearning deep inside my gut that shot straight to my groin. Fuck, they were right, Edward Cullen was the sexiest man that ever lived.

"But…Jacob is still hot," Jessica said to me, as if she was trying to make my decision to leave Edward for him not seem so bad.

"Yeah, if you like receding hairlines," Rebecca snickered.

"Jacob is a great guy," I defended him. "Looks aren't everything."

"You're right, Bella. Looks aren't everything…just mostly everything," Lauren teased.

"Passion can only last so long, and if there's nothing else there then a relationship can't survive," I argued…perhaps trying to convince myself even more than them. "Jacob is my best friend, and yes, someday Edward Cullen's looks will fade as well."

Why the hell was I even trying to convince those bitches of anything?

"You're absolutely right," Rebecca agreed with me unexpectedly. "I personally love my husband, and I'll never regret marrying him, but…a girl still needs her vagina stimulated, which is why we have an open marriage," she told us before handing Jessica her purse. "Hold this for me, I'm going to finally suck Edward Masen-Whatever the Fuck His Name Is' - cock."

I scrunched my face disturbed. "None of you even liked him in high school. You all talked shit about him, and called him weird."

"Doesn't mean she didn't try to suck his cock," Lauren laughed.

We all watched as Rebecca made her way towards Edward Cullen, and even from that distance we could all tell she was making a complete idiot of herself. Surprisingly, Edward glanced at me, and I could have sworn he smirked, and then the two of them walked together towards the gym exit, which lead into the school halls.

"Does that bother you?" Jess asked me carefully. "I mean, you were with him for a while, right? Does it make you mad that your old friend is going after your ex like that?"

"I haven't talked to her since senior year. I really don't give a fuck what she does or with whom. Look, if Jake asks where I went, just tell him I needed some fresh air," I said before walking towards the very same exit Edward and Rebecca had left in. The halls lead to the bathrooms, so I hoped people assumed that was where I headed, because I absolutely refused to admit that I was jealous of that whore.

When I walked through the door, I was surprised to see Edward standing there alone, leaning against the wall casually as if he was waiting for me.

"Hey…" I said awkwardly. "Where's Rebecca?"

Edward chuckled darkly. "I think she's powdering her nose, or some shit like that. Can you believe she actually propositioned me? What a fucking skank."

I shrugged. "Being married to someone you aren't physically attracted to can make people desperate."

"You sound like you know from experience."

"Everyone has to make a decision on what's more important to them - Sex, or everything else."

"I think you can have both," he disagreed. "She said she has an open marriage…is that something you're familiar with?"

I swallowed roughly. "My husband would never allow such a thing."

Edward smiled seductively. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him. We were really good together, Bella. Don't you remember?"

"How could I forget?" I murmured, realizing that he had somehow moved closer without me noticing, and had me practically pinned there against the wall.

"Are you still good at keeping secrets?" he asked with his intoxicating breath washing over me.

"Even if I was, I'm sure Rebecca will be back any minute now…or someone else will walk through here to use the bathrooms."

He smiled mischievously. "No, I told her those bathrooms were locked, so she went outside through that door right over there, and then I locked it….I also locked those doors," he said while gesturing to the ones that led back to the gym.

"How…sneaky of you," I said as my breathing deepened and sped with aching anticipation.

"God, you're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he murmured. "You make all the other bitches here look like the dogs they are."

The throbbing in my core finally broke through my shallow resistance, and I grabbed a hold of him and pulled him into me forcefully. His lips were everything they ever were, and I wondered how the hell I ever managed to convince anyone that I wasn't so desperate for him.

He pushed his body into mine, and then lifted my leg over his hip so he could better reach my panties. He didn't hesitate to slip his fingers right inside of me, which only made me whimper with desire.

"Edward," I breathed. "Just fuck me."

He laughed once out of his nose, and then lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I didn't notice him unbutton his pants or move my underwear to the side, but I could never miss the amazing feeling of him pushing his way inside of me. He was seriously like a drug to me, and it had been far too long since my last hit.

He pounded into me vehemently, and I only begged him to go harder. But no matter how incredible it felt, I still wished I was strong enough to resist him because the moment it was over, I immediately became disappointed with myself.

"What?" he laughed as he refastened his pants and worked on catching his breath. "Don't feel guilty; you can just tell your husband that I forced you. He'll understand."

I shook my head at him and tried not to smile. But just to convey my utter annoyance by his all-around sexiness, I surprised him by stepping into him and biting him hard on the neck.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he asked with another laugh.

"You're seriously going to fuck everything up for me. I told you not to come tonight."

"Pfft. I graduated with these people. Did you?"

I huffed. "No."

"Well then, I have more of a right to be here than you do."

"Whatever. Just…don't come near me again," I warned him while straightening out my dress.

"Hey sweetheart, you followed me out here!" Edward called after me cockily. "It's not my fault you can't stay away."

I just shook my head and then went back into the gym.

I walked around for a few minutes until I spotted Jacob, and then I returned to my place by his side.

"Oh, there you are love bug, I've been looking for you," Jake said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. "You remember my old friend Laurent, right?"

"Of course," I said with a forced smile while holding out my hand to shake his. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, very long. I was so excited to learn you two had gotten married. I always liked you guys together. It's nice when love conquers all, and all that jazz."

"There's no fighting fate," I agreed.

"So, I just invited Laurent and his girlfriend out for some drinks. Want to take off?"

"Oh, yeah that sounds great," I said as enthusiastically as possible.

"Well it looks like you're going to need to go virginal," Laurent said, gesturing towards my abdomen.

"Huh?" I asked, momentarily forgetting about my pregnancy. "Oh, right. Sorry, we weren't really talking about it publically yet." Jacob looked at me confused, so I rubbed my belly. "It's okay sweetheart, I think Laurent won't announce our baby, or anything."

"Uh…Oh, yeah, the…pregnancy. Well, it's just, we wanted it to be a surprise," Jake said, struggling to recover the conversation. Fucking amateur.

"Well, my apologies," Laurent said sincerely. "Shall we go? I've had enough of playing catchup with all these people."

"Me too," I concurred. "They all want to fucking reminisce like those four years were the best of their lives. It's actually pathetic. Why did we even come here tonight, honey?" I asked Jacob.

He just raised his shoulders. "At least we'll know better than to come to the twenty year reunion."

"Definitely," Laurent said with a loud laugh.

So the four of us went to the local dive bar, and thankfully it didn't take too long to move the conversation to business. After a couple drinks we got Laurent singing like a fucking bird, and all I could do was smirk at Jacob. It was too easy.

"Laurent Williams; you are under arrest for embezzlement and fraud," I announced.

Needless to say, Laurent was shocked as I continued to read him his rights, and Jake pulled out his handcuffs.

I had never really worked on an undercover job with Jake before, but I guess we did okay together. I was just glad there were no more unrequited feelings between us. I suppose finding real love was the cure for all the craziness, because when Jake found Leah, he was finally able to move past his delusions of us ending up together.

"Dude, what the hell!" Jake yelled at me after our backup arrived. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant. You nearly made me blow our cover."

I laughed once. "How could Laurent figure it out so quickly, but you spent most of afternoon with me and still didn't even know?"

"Well I…I…You should have still told me!"

"Whatever. Everything went fine, so what are you crying about?"

"I can't believe Edward lets you work undercover when you're pregnant."

"Like he could stop me," I joked. "Come on, it's not like Laurent is dangerous. I never take the riskier cases, plus now that I'm pregnant I get to go undercover for a whole new kind of crime."

"And what's that?" Jake asked disturbed.

"Dirt bag OBGYNs. This one guy has five complaints against him, but there's no evidence. I can't wait to get that fucker behind bars."

Jake just shook his head at me. "I'm sure glad you're not my wife."

"Hey, I resent that. Hell, if you had it your way, I would have been."

He shuttered. "Thank god for Cullen. If he didn't steal you away from me I would have already died by now from a fucking aneurism. I don't know how Edward's still walking around after being married to you for so long."

"Eh, he's a lawyer; if anyone can handle me, it's him."

"I guess."

After we gave our preliminary reports, Jake drove me back to the reunion, where I texted my real husband and asked him to meet me outside. It only took two minutes for him to emerge from the building with Alice trailing behind him.

"Hey, I didn't know you were here tonight," I said while hugging my favorite sister in law.

"Edward didn't feel like hanging alone, so Jazz dropped me off," she explained.

"Why didn't he stay?"

"You know he's not a party person. So how did the stakeout go? I can't believe you even attempted an undercover job at your own high school reunion."

"If anyone can pull off that shit, it's Bella," Edward assured her while wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a kiss. "She's a fucking rock star."

We went to Edward's car, but as we walked Alice decided to voice her ridiculous questions about what I did for a living. "So…what if you were on a case, and you had to get intimate with a mark?"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't take cases like that. And you make it sound like all I do is undercover stuff. I'm perfectly happy doing desk work as well."

"Liar," Edward teased me. "You're already in a bad mood from the prospect of going on maternity leave."

"Excuse me, I have been waiting to have your baby for over a decade now. I'm happy to take the time off for him."

"It's going to be a boy!" Alice shrieked.

"We don't know yet. But I just have a feeling," I told her while I rubbed my stomach adoringly.

"I hope it's a girl," Edward told her. "I already have a pain in my ass little shit that looks like me, I don't need another one."

"Oh yeah, mom told me what Riley did last month," Alice giggled. "Gotta give it to him, he's one smart cookie."

"He's far too young to be thinking about girls in that way, let alone sneaking out in the middle of the night to see one," I told her.

"I don't know about that, a guy is never too young to be going after what he wants," Edward disputed. "I was talking about him constantly hitting me up for money. As if Esme doesn't give him enough already."

"Well it is hard to say no to that face," I said dotingly. I really did love that kid.

"The fuck it is!" Edward retorted. "You say no to this face all the time, and we have the same fucking face."

"When do I ever tell you no?" I asked, playfully offended.

"Just the other day. I tried to get all romantic, and you flat out turned me down."

"I was working. You really need to stop crashing my job."

He laughed. "You didn't seem to mind tonight."

"You can thank all those bitches in heat for that one. It's not my fault that I had to go prove to all of them that you still belong to me."

"You didn't prove anything. They all think you're Mrs. Black…That is quite disturbing, by the way. In fact, I think this was your most fucked up case thus far."

"Well it was just a good thing we decided to cut all ties with the people around here years ago; otherwise I never would have been able to pull it off."

"Uh…our parents still live here," Alice jumped in. "Isn't it odd that none of their associates knows you two are married?"

"Carlisle and Esme don't do the whole gossip scene," Edward explained. "And nobody ever gave enough of a shit about me to ask how I've been anyway. When we visit, we rarely go into town, but I am actually surprised there wasn't a single person who knows the truth. I mean, people cared about Black around here, you'd think they'd at least know the truth about him."

"He left town not long after my dad retired too," I told them. "We all left, so we weren't on anyone's radar until I started facebooking people a couple weeks ago to plant our backstories. I'll tell you what though, all those skanks were sure salivating over you."

"They always have," Edward said unsurprised. "I'm just too much sexy for this fucking town."

I giggled. "That's for sure."

"Oh, don't make me puke!" Alice interjected.

"What is with you and Emmett hating our PDA so much?" I asked her annoyed.

"It's not just the PDA, it's the fucking cheesiness of it all. You guys act like you're in some poorly written romance novel."

Edward laughed. "Our story wouldn't be considered romance, more like horror."

"Hey!" I protested. "We are very romantic."

"Name one romantic thing we do?" he challenged me.

I scooted closer to him, and began kissing and nipping at his delicious neck as he drove. "This is pretty romantic, right? If Alice wasn't here I'd get into your lap."

He abruptly slammed on the breaks. "Alice, get the fuck out of my car!"

"Oh, shut up," she replied.

"Not kidding."

"Neither am I. I'm not getting out of the car in the middle of nowhere."

"Edward, I think we can wait until we get to the Cullens. We did just have sex at the reunion a few hours ago," I reminded him.

"Yeah, and that was a long fucking time ago," he argued.

I agreed with him completely, it did seem like a long time ago, but I wasn't going to let him abandon his sister on the side of the road. "Just take us home."

He looked over his shoulder and gave Alice the most hysterically deathly glare I had ever seen, and when she stuck her tongue out at him he grudgingly finished the drive to the Cullen house.

Of course, when we got to the house, Riley automatically bombarded me with questions - he kind of seemed to idolize me because of my job, but Edward refused to let anyone sidetrack us…

"She's not telling you anything. You're not supposed to know anyway. It's late, you should be in bed, and we're turning in as well," Edward told his little brother, and didn't give him a chance to argue before he dragged me upstairs to the guestroom we were using. "Why are you letting Black stay in your dad's house again?" he asked me when we got inside. "We could be there alone right now if it wasn't for him."

"He doesn't have anywhere else to stay. I'm just glad I don't have to spend any more time there with him for the sake of appearance. That hour before the reunion was already too much time."

"Did Maggie see you guys leaving like you thought she would?" Edward asked curiously.

"Unfortunately. If she wasn't friends with Laurent I wouldn't have cared."

"Well, has your cover been blown now, or will you be playing Mrs. Black again in the future?"

"God, I hope I'm done with it. It was bad enough to get a glimpse into the life I could have had, I certainly don't want to be forced into it for a minute longer. I'm just glad Forks doesn't have too many criminals on the FBI's watch list. Believe it or not, I am looking forward to maternity leave. I think a break is just what I need. I may just never want to go back."

"Oh, you will too. You love that undercover shit more than anything. You're welcome for that, by the way."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on, we all know I was your first mark. If it wasn't for me, you would have never lived up to your fullest potential."

"My first mark? You make me sound like a scam artist."

He laughed. "What's the difference?"

"Uh, I do it with the law on my side. And I have my limits. Just be grateful you were the first and only mark that I ever fucked."

"See! You admitted I was a mark! It was a scam that brought us together, and you grew up to be a legal scam artist…Just like what I've always said."

I rolled my eyes. "You know, the only person I've ever known who was better at scamming people than I am…was you. We were an incredible team for a while, too bad you sold out and turned to the other side of law."

"You are just jealous because I make more money on one case than you make all year."

I pouted jokingly. "I'm not the only one in my field that dislikes lawyers. At least before I wasn't embarrassed to say what my husband does for a living."

"You're embarrassed? You're not the one who has to say their spouse is a fucking scam artist."

"I'm not a scam artist!"

"Yeah, well I can't exactly say you do undercover work, now can I?"

"For crying out loud, I do more than undercover work. In fact, I rarely get a case anymore. Most of the time I'm at a desk doing fucking paperwork."

"And that's why I actually tell people you're a secretary."

"I bet you like telling people that, don't you?" I said with a grin as I started kissing his chin and unbuttoning his pants. "That whole sexy secretary thing really turns you on, huh?"

"You obviously forget what my real secretary looks like…Marla Hooch is all the secretarial sexiness that I can handle."

"Tammy is not that bad," I said as I kissed down his neck.

"She looks like she belongs in the Adams' Family," he rebutted feebly, and then we both seemed to wonder why the hell we were still even talking at all.


A few months later, I successfully took down two disgusting OBGYNs who were taking advantage of their positions, and then I committed myself to spend the rest of my pregnancy behind a desk. It was painfully boring work, but the moment my beautiful baby girl came into the world, I knew it was all worth it.

Edward and I named our daughter Carlie Rae Cullen – Carlie after our dad's combined names, and Rae, which was my way to honor someone who was a wonderful mother, but also a very flawed woman who had tragically died far too soon. With Edward's help I had finally accepted that my mother's affair did not define her as a person, and I sincerely missed her with all my heart.

As for Edward's mother, there was no forgiveness ever dished out from him or his brother, but that was okay too. Neither of them let their bitterness for her affect their lives, and that was the most important thing.

With our beautiful perfect daughter, Edward and I knew we had reached our highest point together. We created an incredible life, and it was something we'd never take for granted for as long as we lived.

With everything we had been through, all the ups and downs and in-betweens, I think what surprised me the most was that those radioactive butterflies that attacked my system every time I looked at Edward, never went away. My passion for him never lessened, and my love only grew. It really was possible to have both of those things last forever, and I was more than grateful that my first ever mark, would also be my last. Somehow, someway, I turned myself into a woman that he could love, and that was the best scam I could ever possibly pull - but then again, perhaps it wasn't a scam at all. Perhaps I really was Edward's perfect person…I know he was definitely mine.

The End