The lost child

Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns Law and Order SVU and the characters. I only own this idea for the story and the new characters.

Summary: Olivia has always wanted a child, but she has given up hope. Also she struggles with the memories of her own traumatic childhood. Maybe she needs a kid who can help her face her own demons, and in this way they can help each other. This story is about an unlikely bond between a lost child and Olivia Benson, who remembers what it was like to feel lost.

Chapter 1: childhood demons

Olivia Benson awoke with a shock, gasping for air.

Where am I, was her first thought.

Then it all came back: I'm in my apartment, Manhattan, New York. It's the middle of the night. You're a grown woman in your 30's with a succesful career, independent and strong...

...

Yeah, who am I kidding...

She hated these dreams, these flashbacks. They always left her breathless when she woke up. They left her feeling like that little girl again she once was, helpless and lonely.

Images of her dream came flooding back.

'Momma please don't..

I'll make diner for us both.

You don't have to worry, I promise it'll be good.

Just stay here, please...

Momma!'

Trying desperately to think of something else, she threw her covers back as she rolled onto her back. She looked up at the ceiling and could almost hear her mothers voice...

'Yeah, sure you can come in.'

The little girl heard her mother giggling, almost like a little girl would. But she knew it was the alcohol talking.

Ten year old Olivia looked up at the ceiling and tried to make up a story in her head.

She tried to drown out the sounds of her mother... and some man she didn't even know. Tomorrow he'd be gone and her momma would be lying on the floor, passed out or crying. Maybe even with a black eye or two.

Best thing for her to do now was just keep still..

She got up from bed. Not a chance she would fall back asleep now. She put on a sweatshirt while walking towards the kitchen.

Coffee. That would keep her up.

The next morning the little girl found her mother crying, and half passed out on her bed.

There was vomit on the floor.

'Don't worry momma, I'll take care of it..'

With the biggest mug she could find in the whole of New York City filled with strong black coffee she lay down on her couch and turned on the TV.

Nothing good was on, really. Just the news, a spanish soap opera and some movie about a little girl. She was shaking her head she tried to focus on CNN.

Young Olivia picked up a blanket and put it over her mother,

who had fallen into a deep alcoholic sleep again,

softly whispering: 'I love you, Momma'

A few hours later, after watching an all-night-marathon of Sex and the City, the sun had started to come up, and Olivia knew one thing for sure: Her sex life sucked.

Then there was a knock on her door. Suprised, Olivia looked at her clock. Who would come calling at half passed six in the morning?

She picked up her baseball bat.

'Who is it?', she asked suspiciously.

'It's me, Elliot'

Opening the door, Olivia let him in.

'What are you doing here this early?', she demanded.

'Don't you look classy,' Elliot grinned at her clothes and eyeing the bat: 'You think I was gonna drag you into some alley?'

'You're funny' she replied, stonefaced.

'So tell me what you're doing on my doorstep at 6 in the morning.'

He sighed and looked down.

'El, are you okay?' she asked more softly now.

'Hmm, any chance of a cup of coffee?'

She smiled at him. 'Sure'

Elliot made his way to the couch and sat down. Olivia watched him as he buried his head in his hands.

'Can't believe you made a comment on my looks', she called from the kitchen, 'You look like hell.'

'I was just working on this case, paperwork. Finished up at 2 last night. I just couldn't face Kathy and the kids, not with my head filled with those images.', he sighed.

She handed him his coffee.

'The case got to you, huh.'

Elliot nodded and rubbed his eyes, 'I guess..'

Olivia watched him for a while. She really was concerned.

'Well, you get some rest here, or watch Sex and the City or whatever. I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed', she said as she squeezed his shoulder.

'Liv?'

Yea?' She turned around

'Why are you up?'

'Everyone has their demons, Elliot', she said, after a while, then turning away.

Laying down on the couch, he nodded.

He understood what she meant.

A few hours later they left the apartment for work.

Olivia had to drag him away from Sex and the City, who knew!

'Wait! I just forgot my wallet.'

She quickly ran back inside and grabbed her stuff.

The young brunette stuffed her self-made lunch into her little pink bagpack.

'Momma, I'm leaving for school now!'

There was no reply.

'Bye, Momma', she said softly and carefully closed the door behind her.

'Got it!' Liv called out and she slammed her door shut, as she ran down the hall.

Any sort of review or tips would be amazing, thanks!