Her eyes sparkle. Her hair shines. Her smile flashes, and I can't help but smile in return. I love her, I know that, but it's the same way I love Adam. Well, it's different because she's a girl, but still, we're brother and sister. It doesn't matter that we're not biologically related, we were raised together. Statistically speaking, the chances of any other type of affection between us is very slim. Actually, it's more likely that we will be attracted to people the opposite of each other. So there was no way that I could like Bree.
His eyes sparkles. His hair shines. His smile flashes, and I can't help but smile in return. I just want him to be happy because he's my brother, you know? When you're raised with a person, even if you're not really related to them, you love them. In a nice, family way, definitely not in a creepy, incest way. There was no way that I could like Chase.
Even if the whole brother-sister dynamic wasn't a problem, there's other issues that would be. For one thing, I'm not her type. She likes overly affectionate guys; I guard my feelings. She likes to be smarter than her boyfriend; I'm the smartest teen on the planet. Also, I'm younger than she is. She would never go for a guy who is younger than her, and she shouldn't need to. She's so amazing, she makes me feel inferior. At least, she does when I'm not around her. When I'm talking to her, or even just in her presence, I feel... safe. Like I could do anything, but if I fail, she'll be there to comfort me, right before she makes fun of me for my size. We have a great relationship, as siblings. It would be weird as anything else.
Any type of relationship between us just wouldn't work out, even if we weren't siblings. I mean, come on. He's younger than me, and I'm totally not his type. He's into Danielle, that blond girl with blue eyes. I've got brown eyes and brown hair. How boring is that! Plus, he is so intelligent, I always feel stupid around him. The people you love aren't supposed to make you feel stupid, they're supposed to make you feel amazing. I mean, aren't they? You're not supposed to feel warm and fuzzy, and safe. You're supposed to feel like you could shoot up to the stars. I know I can count on Chase for anything, but being around him doesn't give me butterflies in my stomach, or make me feel like I'm about to barf. That's how I felt around Ethan and Owen. Don't get me wrong; Chase and I are pretty close, even though I tease him all the time, but we aren't anything more.
There are a lot of things I love about her. She's very pretty, prettier than most girls in school. And when she focuses, she's actually really smart. She could get all As if she applied herself, but she spends time with her friends instead of studying. She has adapted to high school easily, and she's got lots of friends, unlike me. She gets asked to go to things all the time with her friends, while I just have Adam and Leo to hang out with. Also, she's really innocent and honest. She pretends to be worldly and experienced to be cool, but underneath she is sweet and sensitive. And have you ever seen her try to lie? She's horrible at it! Even Adam is better at lying than her. She's so sweet, even when she doesn't want to be. I remember there was that one time she was jealous of the amount of time Adam was spending with her boyfriend, and she tried to take revenge. She cracked like glass under the pressure though, and made it up to him. Also, she's a great sister, although she teases me non-stop. Yeah, I know I'm dorky and short. I don't need to be reminded of it over and over.
I love a lot of things about Chase, besides the fact that he can be really stuck-up. He's actually really cute, as far as guys go, and his genius is incredible. He could probably beat most of the world in an IQ test without trouble, and even though I tease him about it, I think that that gift is really cool. In fact, I may be a little jealous of him. He's so talented, and all I can do is run fast. What good does that do? Chase's bionics can help all the time, but he's afraid to use them sometimes. He's got a really strong conscience too, something that I also wish I had. I'm sure that if he were in a relationship, he wouldn't ever take it too far. That was why I had to break up with Ethan. He tried to kiss me on our second date, and I kind of freaked out on him and ran away. Later, when I still wouldn't let him kiss me, he got angry, so I broke up with him. Chase, Adam, and Leo all comforted me then, but Chase got me flowers and chocolates, because "according to his database, that was what girls liked best when feeling depressed." He is so dorky, but in a cute kind of way. I know I tease him more than I should, but that's my only way to keep him away, and the only way I'm better than him. For all his intelligence, his sarcasm skills are way worse than mine. If I didn't tease him, then we would get way too close. Every relationship needs something wrong with it, right?
Sometimes she can get really annoying. She's always texting, and she doesn't spend nearly as much time with Adam and me as she used to. Her friends, who aren't even very good people, are apparently more important. And she isn't very smart most of the time. She makes stupid decisions, and can be very silly. And she won't stop teasing me! It's so infuriating!
He can get really obnoxious with all his super smarts, and his bossiness, and his holier-than-thou attitude. And he's probably cost me at least ten friends in one semester because of his dorkness. I mean, can the guy at least try to act normally? And he never leaves me alone! I always have to be as conscientious as him, or I'm not good enough. I don't even know if he respects me. It's so infuriating!
Even though she makes me mad, I wouldn't ever be able to leave her. She is a huge part of my life, as my friend, teammate, and sister.
Even though I can't stand him sometimes, my life wouldn't be the same without him. He's my brother, my team leader, and my friend, not to mention a great person to study with.
No one is as close to me as she is.
I'm not really as open with anyone else as I am with him.
The thought of her being with a guy with such a poor character as Owen makes me sick. She deserves better, someone like...
It kind of disturbs me to think of him being with Danielle. I've only been in school for a short time and I already know that Danielle is not a good person at all. He deserves someone better, someone like...
Me? No, someone better than me, not me. I don't feel that way about her. I can't!
Me. Wait, what? No, no no no. If he dates anyone, it's going to be someone way smarter than me. I don't deserve him, and I don't feel like that. Do I?
Do I? I shouldn't. Every single bit of knowledge I have, every scrap of research says that I shouldn't. Well, except for that trashy internet quiz "Do You Have a Crush?" It said that I was head over heels for her, but it had no credible sources, so it must be inaccurate. I just had a very strong, brotherly affection for her. Besides, I'm her annoying little brother.
I can't. I just broke up with Owen, I shouldn't move on that fast. I really liked Owen; I'm not shallow enough to just jump to another guy right away. Besides, he doesn't even notice me half the time. I'm his annoying sister; he can't like me.
Even if I do like her like that, I won't be able to tell her. She would get creeped out, and probably tell everybody that I was an incestuous weirdo. Or, she would not tell anyone and ignore me for the rest of my life.
Even if I do like him like that, it's not like I would be able to tell him. He'd start spouting facts at me about why it was wrong, or he would just straight up hate me.
She's taking over my thoughts, and I don't even know what to feel. What am I going to do?
He's driving me crazy, and I have no idea why. What am I going to do?
Oh no, here she comes. I've got to find something to work on. Ah, here we go. Mission reports. They're the worst part of the job, but they're important, and I need something to focus on. She's texting someone; probably Kaitlyn.
The door to the lab just opened, and wouldn't you know it, Chase is in there. I need to look like I'm busy so I don't have to talk to him. Oh, I'll act like I'm texting. Looks like he's doing paperwork, so he probably won't pay attention to me.
I look up at her; she's focused on her phone."Hey Bree," I greet her. "Oh, hey Chase," she responds casually. Just when I'm about to ask how she's doing, her phone rings. She presses a button, and frowns at the device.
I sneak a quick peek at him. There he is, working diligently on his papers. He's so focused. Did he even notice me come in? I see his head start to rise and I look down just in the nick of time. "Hey Bree," he says. He did notice! "Oh, hi Chase," I reply, desperately trying to sound casual. Just as the silence is getting awkward, my phone buzzes. I just got a text from Sam, a new kid in my class. He is asking me to meet him at Starbucks and to be his girlfriend. I don't really want to date him, but I shouldn't just reject him because my feelings are all mixed up. Maybe I should give this guy a shot. "Hey Chase," I start to ask. Bree, what are you doing! You can't ask him for his opinion on a guy. But I had always come to Chase for advice before, I guess it was kind of instinctual. After a second, he looks up from his paperwork and smiles at me. "Yeah?" I can't answer for a second. He almost never smiles at me. "Um... Oh, there's this new guy at school; his name is Sam. Do you know him?"
"Hey Chase? She starts to ask. I half wish that she would ignore me, but am also half glad that she is actually talking to me instead of calling me 'bozo' again. The glad half wins out, and I look up and smile at her. "Yeah?" I reply. She looks taken aback, but I don't know why. She stumbles over her words, and it's strangely endearing. "Um... Oh, there's this new guy at school; his name is Sam. Do you know him?" Yeah, I know him. He'd been checking Bree out all day, even when I asked him to stop. His eyes had been where they shouldn't more times than I could count. "Yes, I know him. Why?" She bites her lip before answering, and something clutches in the pit of my stomach. "Well, he asked me out, and I don't know what to say. He seems nice, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, you know. What do you think?" She's asking my advice on something, like she actually wants to hear it! If only it wasn't to know if she should date some pervert out of sympathy. Chase, what are you thinking? You're never this judgmental. I know I can't answer her question without bias, so I reply "If it will make you happy." Her eyes narrow, and I know that she's not satisfied with my answer. "What do you really think?" She asks, while slowly walking closer to me. "That is what I really think," I plead, trying to avert a crisis. "You're lying to me, Chase," she says. She's genuinely angry now, and almost right in front of me. I'm sinking back in my chair, subconsciously looking for somewhere to hide. Bree's anger is nothing to laugh about. "No, I'm not," I protest feebly. That's another reason why you can't tell her, my mind says. You're not even man enough to stand up to her. She's right in front of me now, and her beautiful face is far too close to mine. "Yes, you are. Now tell me the truth!" Not man enough? a low, gravelly voice in my head taunts. We'll see about that.
Chase's cheerful expression darkens when I mention Sam, and he answers "Yes, I know him. Why?" I want to ask him even less now, since it's obvious he doesn't like the guy, but my mouth betrays me, and I tell him anyway. He seems to shrink a little and replies "If it will make you happy." Chase has never been a good liar, and right now he's as transparent as the crop tops the cool girls wear. "What do you really think?" I ask. To ramp up the intimidation factor, I start stalking towards him, slowly and creepily. He starts cringing into his chair almost immediately. He tries to stammer out that he's telling the truth, but it's obvious that he's just trying to appease me. I start to get really annoyed. I was brave enough to ask him; he should be brave enough to answer. "You're lying to me, Chase." I could see legit fear in his eyes now. Good. He protests again, and I can tell he's desperate. "Yes, you are. Now tell me the truth!" At my words, something changes. His eyes darken from rich hazel to steely gray-brown. His mouth opens, and his voice is deeper and rougher. "You want the truth?" He chuckles. "I'll tell you the truth." I gasp in fear. Spike is back.
Chase is such a weakling. I can take care of this. There's that hot girl he loves. She asked Chase for advice on whether she should date the new kid. Ha! She's my girl, not anyone else's. She says she wants the truth, so I'll give her the truth. "You shouldn't get within ten feet of that pervert. He just wants to get in your pants." I could see that she was afraid, and Chase almost got out because of it, but I shut him down. If he gets out now, he'd never do anything because of his precious conscience, and I'd have to watch him wuss out every time she asked 'So, what do you think of my boyfriend?' I walk closer and she backs away until she hits a wall. I rest one hand against the wall next to her and smirk. "So I think that you should be with me instead." She starts to gasp, but I've already claimedher lips. And what do you know? She's kissing me back. Looks like innocent little Bree isn't quite so innocent after all. Damn, she's good.
What had just happened? I feel amazing. My eyes are closed, and my lips... are decidedly not. My eyes fly open, and I see Bree, right in front of me, and I'm kissing her, hard. I jump back, and for a second I can't speak. She's leaning against the wall, with her eyes still closed and the tips of her fingers resting on her flushed lips. She looks... brokenly beautiful. I'm not used to seeing her so vulnerable, and it suddenly occurs to me that it's my fault. "Bree, I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I promise! Oh, Bree, I can't believe I... I'm so so sorry!" "Spike," she whispers. "You turned into Spike." I mentally resolve to make Mr. Davenport remove my commando app by any means necessary.
I've seen Spike, but I've never had his anger directed towards me before. He really is intimidating, and he knows it. He slowly stands up, moving with the subdued power of a panther. "You shouldn't get within ten feet of that pervert. He just wants to get in your pants," he says, while stalking towards me. I don't have much more space behind me before I run into the wall, and I'm scared. Wait, if Spike thinks that Sam wants in my pants, then that means Chase thought so too. The only reason he wouldn't tell me is because my brother thought I liked the new kid. My heart melts a little; Chase does care. But I'm not facing Chase, I'm facing Spike, and he's getting too close for comfort. I take a step back, and I'm trapped between him and the wall. I have a desk to my right, and before I can dash to the left Spike places his hand there. He smirks at me, and says " So I think that you should be with me instead." Be with… I gasp in surprise, and start to protest, but his lips catch my words before they can escape. My eyes open wide for a second, and I see a blissful expression on my brother's face. His hands are at my hips, and before I know it, my hands are in his hair, pulling him closer. My eyes flutter closed, and I kiss him back with all my heart. It feels so good, and all the passion I've ever felt I try to pour into our kiss, because I could tell that he is doing the same.
Without warning, he jumps back, and my eyes open to see him looking at himself with such loathing it breaks my heart. I close my eyes again and tentatively rest my fingertips on my mouth, trying to recreate the sensation of his lips on mine. He is silent for a second, but then he starts apologizing, like I knew he would. "Bree, I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I promise! Oh, Bree, I can't believe I... I'm so so sorry!" He doesn't know... Oh that's right, he forgets everything that he does as Spike. "Spike," I whisper, afraid that my voice will crack if I try anything louder. "You turned into Spike." I open my eyes again, and he looks so... broken, like he will never be the same. And knowing Chase, he probably won't. I mean, kissing his sister? He'll probably kill himself from the shame at worst, and get Spike removed and a memory wipe for the two of us at best. "Chase?" I say, and try to reach out and touch him. He flinches away at the contact, and turns his back to me. "Chase, that was..." I try to communicate to him, tell him that it isn't his fault, but he cuts me off. "Disgusting, I know. I'll leave now, and I'll make sure that this whole incident get taken care of. Security cameras, memory wipes, everything. It'll be like it never happened."
I can't believe what I've done. I kissed Bree. My sister, Bree. She opens her eyes again, and I can't decipher the look in her eyes. I know that she's disgusted, and the best I can hope for is that she'll still let me be a part of her life. She reaches out to touch me, but I turn away. She's so innocent, she shouldn't touch a monster like me. That's all I am now, a disgusting monster; a freak. Everything that Spike feels, I feel, and she knows that. She'll know that I like her like that. She can't touch me, and I shouldn't be around her. She starts to talk, saying "Chase, that was..." but I interrupt. I know what she's about to say anyway. "Disgusting, I know. I'll leave now, and I'll make sure that this whole incident gets taken care of. Security cameras, memory wipes, everything. It'll be like it never happened." Hopefully that will be enough; she won't hate me for what she doesn't know, and I can still be near her without being so... sick.
Now I realize that I've felt for her in this revolting way for a long time, months at least. "You know what, I'll do you one better. Once your memory is wiped, I'll leave, and it won't ever be a problem. No chance of triggered memories." Sometimes when people's memories are wiped, certain people, places, or events trigger their memories and they come back. So as long as I was out of Bree's life, the chances of her remembering were very slim. That would be best for everyone; she would forget, and I could possibly cure this disease. "Chase, no! That's not what I was going to say!" Bree protested. I turn back around, and I see her eyes. They're glistening, and red-rimmed, and I feel like I have a dagger in my heart. I did that to her, and now she's going to pity me? "No, Bree, it's okay. I'll take care of it, and it won't be a problem. You'll be happy, and I'll be gone, and everything will be okay." My voice cracks, and I know that I have to get out. I start to walk away, but she speeds in front of me. "Chase, stop!" I can't look her in the eyes. "I wasn't going to say anything that you're thinking. I thought... well, I thought that it was wonderful." I look up at her, and the first thing I register is desperation. I can't continue the eye contact, so my eyes meet the floor again. "Bree, you're not making this easy for me. Why are you saying this? Is it to get me to stay? If that's what you really want, then I'll stay," It'll be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can do it for her. It's the least I can do, to make it up to her, "but please don't do this to me." "Do what?" She asks. "Tell the truth?"
I knew it! He's freaking out. He does have a good reason. I start to speak my mind again, but he starts speaking first. "You know what, I'll do you one better. Once your memory is wiped, I'll leave, and it won't ever be a problem. No chance of triggered memories." I gasp. He, he can't leave! Because somehow I know that if he leaves he won't come back. I want him to be part of my life, even if it is just as my brother. At some point, I start to cry, and as I call out to him, my voice breaks. "Chase, no! That's not what I meant." It's not his fault that Spike took over. He turns around, and I try to show him that I don't think of him the way that he thinks of himself. "No, Bree, it's okay. I'll take care of it, and it won't be a problem." At least my voice isn't the only one breaking. "You'll be happy, and I'll be gone, and everything will be okay." I'm sure that I can see unshed tears in his eyes as well. He turns back and starts to walk away. I can't let him leave. I need him! I super speed in front of him, blocking his way to the exit. "Chase, stop!" He stares at the floor. Well, at least that makes my job easier; eye contact would make my confession even more awkward. But I can tell he's beating himself up on the inside. "I wasn't going to say anything that you're thinking," I say. "I thought…" Come on, Bree, you can do this. For Chase. "Well, I thought that it was wonderful." Finally he looks up at me, and he looks like he's drowning and I'm the only person who can save him. It scares me. He sighs and looks back down at the ground. "Bree, you're not making this easy for me." Oh, so I guess it's just sunshine and rainbows for me, then? "Why are you saying this? Is it to get me to stay? If that's what you really want, then I'll stay." Thank goodness! "but please don't do this to me." He's practically begging, and it's so unlike him. Even when he's not Spike, he's confident. I can't stand this any longer. "Do what? Tell the truth?" He looks up again; this time, surprised. "How much do you remember of… it, Chase?" He blushes so cute! and mumbles "Just a few seconds." "We..." Oh come on, just say it. "kissed for twenty seconds, probably more. And I didn't just stand there, Chase. I… kissed you back."
"I… kissed you back." I can't even breathe. She, she kissed me? After Spike kissed her? "What?" I whisper, unable to get enough air in my lungs to speak any louder. Her face is bright red as she replies. "I thought I would never get another chance." Is she saying what I think she's saying? "So, you…" "Yeah." I sink to the floor and lean up against one of the desks. I close my eyes, and sink my head into my hands. "How long have you known?" I ask quietly. She sits down next to me, sitting Indian style on the concrete floor. "Um, since you kissed me, basically. I mean, I've suspected for a while now, but…" Her words trail off into silence. I sigh. "So, where does that leave us?" I ask, afraid of the answer.
There. I told him. He looks shocked, his face pale and eyes wide. "What?" he whispers. I know that he is really asking 'Why?' so I suck it up and reply "I thought I would never get another chance." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know that they're true. But I also know that I'm implying so much more. I really do like him… like that. He knows it; I can tell. "So, you…" he starts to ask, but I cut him off. "Yeah." I really can't hear the words out loud yet. He sits down and leans back against a desk. He looks defeated, and if we weren't in this situation I would probably take distinct pleasure in the fact that I had broken him. But we aren't in another situation, and I am almost as broken as he is. I sit next to him, and he asks "How long have you known?" It almost sounds like he's asking me 'How long have you had cancer?' or something like that, instead of 'How long have you had feelings?', but this is almost more serious. I mean, just look at him. "Um, since you kissed me, basically. I mean, I've suspected for a while now, but..." I don't really know what to add. A silence falls between us, interrupted only by the beeping of the various machines in the lab surrounding us. He sighs and asks "So, where does that leave us?" He looks over at me, and I can tell that he's desperate for an answer. "I don't know," I reply, knowing that I can't lie to him. "It's possibly just a phase, right?" he says, his voice shaking. It hurts to hear him say that, but he's probably right. I mean, he almost always is. "Yeah," I agree. "And it's not like we could ever be, you know, together. Not in the regular way, at least." He laughs, a bitter dry sound. "'Regular' is the last word I would ever use to describe us, Bree."
I think that Bree is as lost as I am, but, being the kind-hearted soul that she is, she doesn't focus on herself. I tell her that this feeling that we share is just a faze, and she agrees, saying that we couldn't be together, something I already knew. I think that we both know that we're lying to each other, though. I'm pretty sure that the two of us are not that shallow, and I know that we don't go around kissing people for the heck of it. "Not in the regular way, at least," she adds. Regular? Us? I laugh. "'Regular' is the last word I would use to describe us, Bree. We're bionic, built to save the world. We couldn't be normal if we tried."
"I know," she replies, and I look up at her to see her chin quivering and her eyes watering. I hold an arm out to her, and she snuggles against my side. I wrap my arm around her, and she starts crying. I'm surprised, because Bree doesn't really like when other people touch her, and she doesn't cry. But I still hold her close, since that's clearly what she wants. She cries for a while, and the sound of her sobs almost makes me start crying. But I don't, because men don't cry and Bree needs me to be strong. After a while, she chokes out "I just want to be like everybody else, you know? To not have to worry about whether people will see my bionics, or whether I'll be able to get my homework done because of missions. To not have to guard a secret from every guy I'm in a relationship with." I don't know what to say, so I stay quiet. Her sobs quiet down, and she says "To not be in love with someone I can't be with." Involuntarily, I inhale sharply, and she smiles at me before resting her head on my shoulder. "I've never felt like this for Ethan and Owen, Chase. What else could it be?" I start brushing my hand through her hair, and say "Well, I've never dated a girl, but I did like Danielle, and this feels completely different. So, I guess, I'm in love with you, too." I'm in love with my sister. The voices inside my head are shouting You're a freak! You're disgusting. You're a monster. You're pulling her down with you. But she still loves me back.
It makes my duty even harder. "Isn't this a predicament?" she questions wryly. I nod, even though she can't she it.
"You have no idea how much I hate myself for loving you." I speak honestly, knowing that it will be my last chance. She just embraces me more tightly. I stop brushing her hair and rest my hand on the back of her head. Using my other hand, I gently raise her chin and get her to look at me. She has never looked as beautiful as she does in this moment, showing so much strength beneath her tears. "And Bree?" I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I kiss her again, and activate my memory erasing technology. She passes out in my arms, and I know when she wakes, she won't remember any of this.
I carry her gently to her new room that she demanded from Mr. Davenport and lay her gently on the bed. I lean over to kiss her forehead, but I stop myself. You can't touch her now, I tell myself, and walk out of the room, not allowing myself to look back.
Man, I feel so strange, like I should be sad, but I have no idea why. Nothing bad happened at school, and apparently I passed out my bed as soon as I got back. That's funny; I got a lot of sleep last night. I had a lovely dream, about a cute guy with hazel eyes, but during my cat nap, I didn't dream at all. "Hey Bree!" Leo calls. "Dinner's ready! Mom made pot roast." Hmm, sounds delicious. "I'll be down in just a second," I yell back. I take a quick glance at myself in the mirror, and my eyes look like I've been crying. Huh, I must have had a nightmare or something. As I focus on my red-rimmed eyes, a thought flashes through my head.'Chase, no!' It comes with a flash of blinding pain, and I cry out. Chase himself rushes into my room. "Bree, are you ok?" he asks. The pain is gone as fast as it came, and I smile at him. "Yeah, I'm fine," I reply. "It was just a weird headache or something." He smiles back, a small smile, and says "Good. Now come on, let's go to dinner." I smirk and say "Race you!" As I flash into the kitchen, I hear him call "No fair!" Some things never change.