I'm probably just as offended by you guys not asking for an update just as much as you are for having to wait this long for one! **ugly-cry face**

Just kidding. I am sorry it has taken so long. No valid excuse, just laziness. It's a disease I tell you!

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all my bitches.

Bird's POV

"Since we're being all honest and shit I guess I should tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

"I have a twin sister named Maria."

"You lying sack of shit!" Sarge laughs before attacking my inner thighs with his strong fingers, tickling me until I beg for mercy.

"OK OK! Your right. I'm a liar NOW STOP!"

Sarge relents with the harsh tickles and starts to massage where he just assaulted me.

"Oh god, that feels good. I'm pretty sure my hamstrings are torn to shreds thanks to your circuit on steroids." I moan. Luckily or unluckily I'm no longer in my towel. Sarge was kind enough to lend me a pair of boxer briefs along with the extra large Seattle Seahawks muscle shirt he threw at me earlier. It's a rather sexy look, what with my tits basically hanging out of the sliced off sleeves.

"Is this where it hurts most?" Sarge asks, his voice slightly husky. A definite 180 from his tone during our serious conversation about Psycho Maria. Seriously, bitch be cray. Can't say that I wouldn't stalk him either though. Okay yeah I guess I can say that considering I hated the sexy asshole not 2 days ago.

"Um actually a little higher is where I'm aching the most." Edward's eyes leave where he is kneading my leg and stare deeply into mine.

"A little higher?" He asks with an arched Private.

I smile wide and shake my head yes. He proceeds to move his hands up my inner thighs, his thumbs on the inside and the rest of his fingers groping the tops. I can't help but moan at how great it feels. I'm almost tempted to have him keep massaging my torn up muscles instead of tricking him to the promise land. But then he moans at my moan and my vagina takes over my brain and threatens my life.

"How about here?" he asks, eyes all hooded and shit. I lift my head from the pillow and look down at him, his face is so close to Miss Cooter she's practically drooling on him.

"Yeah, ummm, maybe a little higher." I squeak.

He smirks before removing his hands all together and replacing them on my hips, his thumbs still rubbing though so I can't complain too much.

"Uh not that high you little butt-nutt." I complain.

"What did you just call me?" Sarge asks with a chuckle.

"Shut up, why'd you go so high?!" I whine. Seriously, it's almost embarrassing how I sound right now.

"Show me where you need it then." Sarge demands. His hands grab mine and the look in his eyes leave no room for questions.

I move my hands lower, slowly to make sure that he is on the same page as I am. I don't want to be labeled a molester or anything. When his fingers are about to graze me where I need him most his breathing starts picking up, and his hands release mine before traveling the rest of the way himself.

Without giving me time to adjust to the sensitivity his thumb is on me. Rubbing hard and fast while his other hand grabs my left leg and spreads it up and out.

"FUCK!" I cry out my hands slapping the bed behind me and my hips trying to decide if they want to thrust forward or retreat back. "Oh God, Mmmm." I whimper.

"Fuck, the sounds you make drive me crazy." Edwards growls before his mouth descends to my thigh that he just lifted, licking and biting his way up.

"Edward, fuck, I'm already going to come." I whimper, my left hand going to his hair while the other continues trying to grab on for dear life somewhere above my head.

"Good." He growls again and then he stops his assault on my clit, but before I can protest he is yanking the boxer briefs down my legs and then spreading my legs open roughly. His mouth is covering me and sucking and then I'm gone. Screaming ridiculously loud while I come, both hands in his hair now shamelessly grinding into him. I'd be embarrassed if it didn't sound like he was enjoying it so much. He finally stops the torture and rests his forehead on my lower belly while I try to calm my breathing.

"Holy shit, that was fucking crazy Sarge." I giggle.

"I'm pretty sure that's the fastest I've ever made anyone come before Bird."

I smack the back of his head because I don't want him talking about that shit while his face is 2 inches above my cooter.

"Yeah well, it wasn't the fastest someone has ever made me come." I say indignantly. It's a lie but he made my feel slightly insecure. It's only fit that I make him feel the same way.

His face snaps up and the glare he gives me makes me give in and tell the truth.

"Ok ok, it is the fastest." I say quietly, but with a small smile on my face.

"Speaking of Bird," He sits up and lays next to me while I pull my shirt down to cover myself, feeling a tad bit shy for some reason. "You have yet to tell me about your past boyfriends."

"Oh yeah, that's going to take ALL day, we should start tomorrow." I say quickly before turning over and reaching to shut off The Lava Lamp. Sarge smacks my ass before I can reach far enough though.

"Ow! What was that for?" I cry.

"It's only fair we have this conversation now. There is no room for argument." Sarge is back and Smexy Edward is gone.

"Excuse me? This isn't class time Sarge. I was going to tell you but now I'm really going to make you wait." I cross my arms and close my eyes real tight so his face can't intimidate me into telling him everything from boyfriends to my shoe size.

"Why the hell are you always so stubborn Bird?! Just fucking tell me!" Sarge demands.

"NO!"

Sarge rolls over on top of me, pinning my arms above my head before I can start to shove him off. I go to knee him in the stomach but his legs are faster than my brain and he's managed to pry them in between mine so he's resting with our private parts touching... again.

"Is this the only way to get you to comply?" He asks roughly while grinding into me once.

"Fuck.. um I think so." I answer then shake my head no. "I don't have to comply to anything."

"We'll see about that." He challenges.

Right before I can decide to either give in or have an orgasm inducing truth session, the bedroom door swings up.

"Alright you sluts it's time for damage control!" Emmett shouts, not even flinching at the scene before him when he turns the light on.

"GET THE FUCK OUT EMMETT!" Sarge hollers and I whimper because this side of him in addition to my naked bits being so close to his barely clothed bits is almost too much for my ovaries to handle. Sarge looks at me quickly before covering my mouth and continuing to yell at Emmett who is now rummaging through one of Sarge's desk drawers.

"You got any mints in here Ed?"

"Emmett I swear to God I am not kidding, if you even so much as look in this direction before you leave my FUCKING room I will kick your ass."

I look down and see Emmett has frozen in place and his head has tilted up to the ceiling.

"Are y0u indecent Bellsy?" Emmett asks.

"Erm, slightly?" I try to respond but Sarge's hand is still covering my mouth. I pull his hand off before repeating myself.

"Oh shit, so glad I didn't see that. Your practically my sister!" He cries, still not making a move to leave.

"Yeah that'd be weird huh." I laugh awkwardly. Sarge has grabbed the sides of my shirt with his now free hands and is trying to pull it over the sides of my thighs, every movement still has him grinding into me and I can feel him growing harder.

"Yeah fucking weird now get the fuck out!" Sarge's holler has Emmett slamming the desk drawer shut and hightailing it out of the room before closing the door behind him.

After a few seconds of Sarge and I staring at each other Emmett breaks the silence.

"So, you guys dressed yet?" he asks sweetly.

I suppress a giggle while Sarge looks murderous. He sits up and adjusts himself before hopping off the bed and pulling some gym shorts on. Instead of staring at him shamelessly like I want to, I also pull my boxer briefs back on.

"Ok get your ass in here." Sarge hollers.

Emmett comes in and sits right next to me on the bed while Sarge just stands by his dresser, staring at him.

"Ok like I said. It's time for damage control. I spoke to Ali and she has calmed down, but I think you should go talk to her Eddie."

I can tell Edward is pissed off at the situation, but I also know he is going to go talk to her. Even without his release. What a good big brother. I get up to take a drink of my water from my water bottle while Sarge and Emmett have their little stare down.

Mid-Drink, Sarge decides to speak.

"Your sitting in my come Emmett." Two things happen at once. Emmett jumps up and tries to take his shorts off as fast as he can while I choke on my fucking water. And I don't mean a little coughing from laughing while drinking at the same time. No I mean full on drowning on a teaspoon full of water in my esophagus choking.

Hunched over and coughing I see Emmett finally manages to get his shorts off and runs out of the room while cursing Edward's life.

Laughing loudly Edward comes over to me and starts patting my back while I try to catch my breath. When I finally manage to get some oxygen I look at Edward accusingly.

"You didn't come earlier."

"No I didn't." His smile fades and he shoots a fleeting glare at the door. "Thanks to that Dick."

"I can help you real quick." I say while standing up straight and wiping the tears and drool off my face from my choking fit.

He gives me a placating grin and a pat on the head before saying "Later, I gotta talk to Alice. It's time she knows and I don't want her trying to cock block me tomorrow."

"Good idea." I smile brightly. Then I shift from foot to foot because I'm not sure what to do now.

"So I have no problem with you sleeping in here with me, but I don't know when I'll be back in here and I don't want you to get in trouble if you're caught in here alone."

"Oh yeah, no I understand. Maybe I should try sleeping in my designated bed anyways." I say with a small smile. I hope I sound confident but really I'm scared shitless of not only walking back their alone, but of Whoree Loree trying to kill me in my sleep.

"Alright well, I'll see you in" he looks at his watch "4 hours. Don't be late Bird."

"4 hours?! Fuck that's like no sleep at all. How am I suppose to function?" I cry.

"I guess you shouldn't have been screwing around." Sarge says with a straight face before walking out of his room.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

I make it to my room safe and sound and with out my fucking shower stuff. I'm still in Sarge's clothes and my boobies are -3 degrees. Seriously, the nips can cut glass.

I tip toe to my room before taking a deep breath and trying to open the door as quietly as possible. After I'm inside I try to shut the door as equally quiet. Of course I'm a fuck up and manage to scrape the corner of the door across my pinky toe and cry out loudly.

Another wounded cry is made from behind me and then I'm being slammed into the door, an arm pressed into the back of my neck. Now, being a cop's daughter I know how to reverse that shit so I elbow the offender in the gut so they release me. I hear a cry of pain by what is suppose to be a girl but definitely sounds like a man so I turn around and try figure out who the fuck it is as best as I can in the darkness. Who I see makes my blood run cold.

"James?! What the fuck are you doing in here?!" I yell. He's trying to respond but I definitely knocked the breath out of him so he's only wheezing his answer.

"What did you do to him?!" A holler from what I assume is the top bunk and then a loud thump hits the ground sounds, letting me know someone just got off the top bunk. I'm backing my way to the door knowing this was a bad idea.

"I didn't do anything! He attacked me first!" I yell.

"He was only protecting me! Are you ok Jamesey?" I now know that Whoree Loree is the other person in this room.

"Well what the fuck is he doing in here?"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing in here?! The sleeping arrangements have been adjusted. You are no longer welcome in here."

"Are you serious?! Where the hell am I suppose to sleep?" I cry. I guess all the butt buddies have been paired off.

"Outside, in the hall, who really gives a shit. Just leave." She's a real bitch.

"She can stay in here with us." It seems Jamesey has his voice back.

"Erm... that's ok." I trail off quietly while Loree is screeching to high heaven at the mere suggestion.

"JAMESEY! NO! Then I can't do that thing that you like so much." She says to him suggestively and that is my cue to get the hell out of dodge.

"OH oh ok, right, sorry Bella."

"Hey trust me it's cool. I let you guys get back to whatever it was that I interrupted."

"Yeah you do that." Whoree Loree says with her usual bitchy attitude.

I leave that room as fast as I can and stand in the hallway for a good minute before finally giving up on trying to figure out where to sleep and scream at the top of my lungs for Jakey.

"JAKEY! JAKEY I NEED YOU!"

I hear movement and mumbles from every room in the area when a door at the end of the hall swings open.

"Bells what the fuck is going on?!" He sounds worried and I sorta feel bad for scaring him.

"I need a place to sleep!" I cry and run over to him. I end up smacking right into him before trying to hug him as tightly to me as possible.

"This has been an awful last five minutes. I need my BFF." I sniffle.

"Oh stop with the dramatics and get your ass in here. You can have top bunk."

"Yay thanks!" I run in the room and proceed to climb up the wooden ladder to my bed which is thankfully already made with Jakey's fluffy pillow and blanket.

"Where are you going to sleep." I ask with a yawn.

"He's sleeping with me." A deeper voice that definitely does not belong to Jakey answers from below me.

"Uhhh, ok." I guess him and Tyler have gotten a lot closer. "Just no boinking, I get motion sick."

I hear a snort of laughter but no one answers back.

Right when I'm about to drift off into a deep sleep, my bed starts creaking. I want to cry out in rage, but my body betrays me and shuts down before I can act. Not many people can say that their BFF's butt sex has rocked them to sleep before.

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