Important note – When I first posted the last chapter of Amnesia it was missing a short paragraph under EPOV about the flashback later in this chapter. The flashback should explain it all but I wanted to let you know in case you wanted to go back and read it.
I feel broken down
Do you need me
Like I need you
Or am I standing still
Beneath the darkened sky - Jewel
Another silent car ride, though I will admit I am surprised that Pam is letting it remain a silent car ride. In the past few weeks, she has wanted to talk to me about issues as they come up. Well, I have a feeling that what happened with Eric will turn out to be an issue for me. Probably, a big issue for me.
I look over to Pam for the first time since I got into the car. Correction, since Pam put me in the car. She practically carried me out after my sobs finally got under control. She had sat me in her van and buckled my seat belt, securing me safely in my seat. It was only then that I asked about my things that were still in Eric's house.
"I will bring most of the things back to your house in the next few days."
"Most? Why not all? I doubt I will be having any more sleepovers any time soon, Pam."
"I will keep some of your things at my house. You will be welcome there if you need a safe haven. It will also be easier to collect your things from my place should the Queen require more of your assistance at short notice." She sais it in such a way that made me think she had a feeling that would be happening. Pam had then shut the passenger door and made her way to the driver's seat. That had been the only words said throughout the trip so far.
Looking at Pam, she seems to be deep in thought. There's a look on her face that I have never seen there before. She seems to be struggling keeping her expression…steady. She glances over at me and we share eye contact. I look away knowing that I won't ask her what's wrong right now. Because if I ask her, I am sure questions aimed towards me will follow. That's not something I think I can handle at the moment. So instead I turn on the radio, hoping to put off talking about much of anything.
Because I don't think either of us is feeling very chatty at the moment. There is obviously something bothering the driving blond vampire just as I am sure it's obvious that there is something bothering me. That's a bit of an understatement. If Pam wants to talk I'll listen to her but I doubt she would want me asking questions. So instead, I rest my head against the window and close my eyes, hoping I won't be asked any questions right now either.
I feel the car come to a stop and it turns off. I take that as my cue that we have arrived and open my eyes. Of course when I do, my sight is on my wrist with Eric's bite marks in it. Apparently, I had been rubbing the marks for a while as I see my hand move over them even as I stare at them, thinking back to how they got there.
Eric collapses at my side to lay next to me as I try to get my breathing back to normal. I can't help but feel a bit empty as he pulls out of my body to do so. I slowly turn from my back to my side so I can face him as his hand moves to my face and gently swipes a piece of hair behind my ear. He strokes my cheek as he tells me, "I want to exchange blood with you."
I tense and I know he sees it. He doesn't say anything though. He moves his arm to where it can stroke mine and waits until I am ready to talk.
According to Eric, if we exchange three times, the bond we form will be permanent. Exchanging blood with Eric tonight would get us just one more step closer to that arrangement. "You know what will happen if we do that," I say finally, no longer able to simply ignore the questioning look on his face. When had had appeared with apparently no memories I had explained why he could feel me.
"We will be closer."
I nod. "You will probably be able to feel me more. We didn't really talk about how the bond would progress. Just that by you helping to heal me that night would start one and after three mutual exchanges it would be permanent."
"If we exchange tonight, we will be closer to making it last forever," he says softly, kissing my forehead. He must feel me stiffen in his arms. "You do not want that," he says and I can hear the sadness in his voice.
"It's not that," I tell him trying to explain. And it isn't, not really. It's not that I don't want it. It's not like the screaming no I sometimes hear and mostly ignore in my head. It's that this is all so very new. Part of me is worried that when Eric gets his memories he won't want it. I explain that to him and am confused as he smiles at words.
"Is that why," he asks leaning down and kissing my lips. "Do not think there is one second where I do not want you," he says in between kissing my lips. "My memories could not change that. In fact," he adds pushing me on my back and rising above me. He kisses my lips on last time before beginning the descent down my neck while saying, "My memories will only enhance the need I feel for you. I know it"
"And if your memories don't come back," I ask, announcing my true fear to Eric. He pauses just as his lips had started to trace over my breast and he looks me in the eyes. Without missing a beat he says, "We make new ones. And guess what? We have already made several." The smirk on his face is back and his eyebrows are dancing across the top of his face as I can feel just how much he wants to make another memory pressing up against my leg.
I give him a smirk of my own and ask, "Again?"
His hand starts stroking down my side and instead of answering my question he repeats his again. It really won't be changing anything as far as I know. Eric can feel me now, so what does it matter if he can feel me stronger. We can still decide not to make anything permanent.
Though I must admit, I don't like the way that thought makes me feel.
I close my eyes, hoping I don't regret this decision tomorrow night. I nod and say, "Okay," and the smile that lights up his face is worth my decision. He is quickly at my neck, licking and gently biting not yet breaking the skin. It's almost enough to take my mind off what I wanted to say next. Almost, but not quite.
"Wait," I tell him gently pushing him away. He backs away quickly and I can see the worry on his face. I reach up to cup it and say quickly, "I want to take yours first."
His smile at hearing that is almost bigger than when I had agreed to exchange blood. "I know that if I have your blood after you bite me, your marks would heal," I start to tell him. "I want to remember tonight. I want to remember how you make me feel. Maybe, if I take yours first, your blood won't heal me completely."
"You want my marks to stay on you?" I nod and tell him that's why I don't want them on my neck. His face goes down to my breasts at that information and I see the hunger in his gaze.
"Hold your horses," I tell him, fighting off a laugh. "I want to be looking at these marks when I miss you during the day," I explain. "I can't very well be looking down my shirt all day." I hold up my wrist and say, "I can cover them with a watch or bracelet, but I can still see them when I want to. I know it's not the most appetizing spot but," before he stops me by gently licking my offered wrist. I feel the lick in other places in my body and the feeling causes my eyes to close and a small groan to leave my body.
When I start to feel his hand spread my lower set of lips I open my eyes and find myself staring right into his. I notice he's now sitting up on the bed, as his other hand appears in my line of sight, bloody at the wrist. Looking straight at his eyes, I take a hold of his wrist and pull it to my mouth, taking an experimental lick. A little groan manages to escape his lips. It's nothing like the groan he lets out when I pull his wrist even closer to my mouth and start to suck. His groan pales in comparison to my own, as it's no longer his hand I feel at my entrance as he pushes inside me in one swift movement.
As he moves, I feel the wounds on his wrist close and I give one more lick making sure I get it all. He seems to like it as his own movements speed up. "Lover," he calls to me as my gaze once more meets his. My heart swells as I hear his name for me and I soon feel something else swelling, as I get close. It's when I feel Eric lift my wrist and lay a gentle kiss to it that I start to fall over the precipice. When he bites I feel like I am free falling while still in his arms. After he takes a few mouthfuls, he lazily gives the wounds one swift lick.
I look at my wrist and see that although his marks aren't bleeding anymore, they are still there. I smile at that and hope they'll remain. I want something help me remember what I feel right now. What I will tell Eric I feel when he wakes up tomorrow night. "Lover," he calls again, and the tone in his voice tells me I may not be the only one feeling this emotion. "You are perfect," he tells me pulling me into his body. I rub his arm and tell him, "You're not so bad yourself," letting out a yawn. I try to fight it but I can't help but fall asleep to the sound of his laughter.
It's Pam's voice saying, "I could heal those for you if you want," that brings me out of my memory.
I look at her, already holding my door open for me, and shake my head, not even thinking about it. I even firmly cover the marks as if I am worried if I don't they will somehow disappear from my arm. "I wanted them so I would never forget how I felt last night," I tell her quietly. "Looks like I'll need it now more than ever even imagined." I thought tonight would turn out differently, but I meant it when I said I don't want to forget how Eric made me feel last night. I have never felt that cared for before, that lo… no. No, I can't even think of the word now.
I get out of the car and start heading to my house, looking at it for the first time since we arrived.I almost don't recognize the house that's right in front of me, which is odd because it looks almost exactly the same. Except that it's all so different too.
The windows on the first floor had been all smashed in the last time I was here. I was expecting to see wood covering them as that is what Eric and Alcide talked about that night. There wasn't any wood covering the window holes though. That's only because there were brand new windows. Eric had arranged to board up the windows but only until he arranged to have the replaced. And he didn't stop with just the ruined windows, I realize looking up at the second floor. All of the windows are new. They are the same style but are missing the holes in the screens and the dents and dings of wear and tear.
Getting out of the car, I take a few steps forward and see that the front door had been replaced as well. The design was slightly different, but it was a damn close match. And it wasn't hanging from only the top hinge.
That alone is a drastic improvement.
As I continue to step forward, a motion detector light clicks on, which is something that's not only damn convenient but could help keep me safe. When it clicks on, I see the house had had more than the paint job it first looked like. Some of the wood siding had also been replaced. Some of it had been in decent shape but I no longer see the dent where Jason had hit a baseball into it. Gran had let him have it for that one. And the pieces weren't splintered when he had ridden his bike into the house either.
I walk up the porch steps, to find they no longer creak and feel bouncy, like they will break. I do have to admit to being worried that they would, especially when Gran was still alive. There just was never enough money to fix it. Looking down the porch, I see the swing is still there but it has new chains.
Eric didn't miss much.
At this point, I am pleasantly surprised that I have been able to hold it together while seeing everything that Eric must have arranged done to my house. He didn't really change things; it was more like a restorative process.
And I wish Gran were here to see it.
Shaking my head I make my way to the front door but stop when I get to it. The lock to the door looks different making my keys to my own house useless. I panic for a second thinking I would have to call Eric to get into my own house. I may be holding it together, but talking to him was something I really didn't want to do right now.
Suddenly, an arm reaches past me with a set of keys to unlock the door before pressing the keys into my hand. Pam has to hold them against my hand for a few seconds before I seem to wake up and am able to take them myself. I look down when I realize I feel more keys than I would expect to on the little ring. I ask Pam, "Four copies?"
"He thought you might want to give your brother one and have a spare yourself."
"And the fourth?"
She hesitates before saying what I knew she would. "He was hoping you would give him a copy."
I nod and mutter, "Yeah that's so not happening."
I unlock the door and push it open. I am not exactly sure why I was able to hold myself together seeing what Eric had arranged for the outside of my house. Whatever it was, it doesn't work when I see the inside of the house.
I had expected to have to spend the night cleaning after see how the Weres tossed everything around without a care in the world. But there was nothing on the floor in the living room and I bet when I walked up to my room, everything would be put back in place too. Not only is everything simply picked up but also I can tell the floor has been polished. I can smell cleaning products as I walk through the living room into the kitchen. It seems like Eric arranged for the entire house to be cleaned. That knowledge is what sends the first tears silently down my face.
I hear Pam follow me into the kitchen, but with my back to her, she can't see that I am crying. She probably knows I am though. They always seem to realize it. I think they can smell them. "Eric arranged to have your house cleaned once a week while you were staying with him. He did not want you to be concerned about cleaning your first night back."
I clench my fists at the knowledge that he knows so much about me. He knows that the dust that would have built up in the last few weeks would have been enough to drive me crazy, let alone the disaster that occurred when the Were tornado whirled through here. "I don't get it, Pam," I tell her slamming my fists against the shiny, clean countertop. And I don't. I really, really don't. "How could he arrange all of this? How could he have cared so much to have all this be done and then," I say trailing off before the silent tears streaming down my face become loud sobs.
I could have convinced myself that I was imagining everything before Eric's memories were stolen. That getting closer to him had been nothing more than him helping me through Bill's attack. That he mattered more to me than I had to him. But evidence to the contrary was staring me right in the face as I walked through my house.
What the fuck had happened?
All I am getting throughout the night is no answers and more questions. Why had Eric seemed to want to take everything we shared back? Why would he even try to talk me into getting help to get through my past? Why would he have been concerned with my safety if I meant as little to him as his words suggested tonight?
Why, why, why?
As if it were her who was the telepath Pam asks, "Do you really have to ask yourself why he did all this, Sookie?" Her tone of voice starts to waver for the first time since I have met the female vampire. I am not exactly sure why I am hearing what I am in Pam's voice, but I again don't question her on it and stay standing with my back to her.
"I do, Pam. I really do. How could he arrange for all of this? How could he have kissed me and agreed to start a relationship. How could that relationship only grow better when he didn't have memories yet it still blew up in my face," I scream no longer trying to hide my sobs. "How could we have shared what we did? How could he have acted like," but I choke on my sobs not able to even say the words. I take a deep breath and finally turn towards Pam and say, "Only to want to take everything back. Like it means nothing. Like we mean nothing. Like I mean nothing."
I sink to the floor and lay my head in my hands. Pam is soon at my side and I can see the telltale red in her eyes that she herself is holding back tears. "Sookie, you are asking questions which means something doesn't feel right." She holds up a hand to stop me from saying anything when I start to open my mouth. "If something doesn't feel right, it's usually because it isn't."
Those words are what stop mine before they can escape my mouth. I have new thoughts racing through my head. "Is the curse broken, Pam," I ask wondering the meaning behind her words. But my hopes are dashed when she nods and says, "Eric's memories have returned."
"And that leaves me with why, Pam. Just so many whys." A thought then pops into my head. "Pam, you spoke with him," I say slowly. Okay well spoke may have been a loose definition of the yelling I had heard. "Why did he say those things?"
She opens her mouth as if she will say something but quickly closes it. She looks away before saying, "I can't."
"You mean you won't," I say sadly. Pam and I had gotten close but I don't fool myself. Her loyalty still is to Eric. So it's not that she can't but she won't because she is loyal to him. I can't fault her for that.
"No, Sookie," she says looking back at me. "I can't," she repeats with emphasis.
And the hidden meaning in her words springs into my mind. I can't believe it. "He commanded you not to tell me." How bad does it have to be for him to have commanded her? I close my eyes and will myself not to cry. I open them and Pam is shaking her head, as if saying that's not it. I ignore it as another thought flashes through my head. "I didn't hear him command you."
"It was before you were awake," she manages to get out. How much more had I missed? Before I can voice the question, Pam's phone rings. She looks at it and quickly presses a button and the ringing stops. But it starts again in a few seconds.
And there is only one person who would be calling Pam again seconds after she dismissed the first call. She surprised me further by throwing her phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered, but not before making a nice hole in my wall. Pam lets out a groan and tells me she will have it repaired before she shrinks down until she is sitting on the ground.
The behavior from the vampire is worrisome because it is nothing like she usually behaves. I sink down to the ground to join her. Pam has offered me so much comfort in the last week and I hope to return the favor. Well, if she will let me of course. That and maybe welcome the distraction.
"You're not answering his calls," I say hoping that will start her talking. Something had been bothering her all night but she had been holding I together until he called.
"Why would I want to? I am not entirely eager to be yelled at more."
I hesitate before asking, "How much of the conversation did I miss?"
She tries to say something but once again can't seem to get it out. She sighs and says, "Enough," through clenched teeth. She turns towards me and I see her eyes filling with red. She takes an unneeded breath before saying, "I was taken, Sookie. Taken and tortured." I stay quiet knowing it works with getting me to talk. It seems to work with Pam too as she continues, "I needed my maker. I needed his comfort after," she manages to get out before looking away from me.
"He went to you in the battle when he saw you were in danger, Pam," I tell her truthfully. "He was worried for you even without his memories."
"And he came to my rescue," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she stands up. I stand up with her but before I can say anything else, my house phone rings. I run to it worrying that something is wrong with Jason and am slightly out of breath as a say into the phone, "Hello."
But it's not Jason. Or Alcide. The voice that just the night before caused me to melt in his arms now sends different emotions cutting through my body as he simply says, "Sookie."
Hello again. I would like to thank all the readers for giving Sookie and Eric's second leg of their journey a little spin. I do hope you enjoy this part as much as you seemed to enjoy the first. Let me know what you think. We get our first little insight into Eric's mind next chapter.
I would like to thank my guest reviewers who I could not respond to for the last chapter of Amnesia. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave your reactions and thoughts on the story.
To the one guest reviewer who left a well thought out review. I wish you had sent a PM or signed in because I would have loved to be able to respond to you directly. First off please know I only deleted the review because it sounded like you wanted me to. I would have been fine leaving it up. Second, thank you for your compliments and kind words about my writing and the little differences I put in the storylines. I am glad you enjoyed. I do have to admit that I am holding out hope that once this story gets going the ending makes a little more sense and it doesn't seem like I pulled a CH (sorry but I couldn't resist the terminology ;)) in destroying some characters. Not saying your thoughts behind the motivation of Eric's words is right or wrong but we don't know yet, and won't know for sure for a few chapters, what was going through his head when he said what he said. Unfortunately, he's going to be digging himself a little deeper before it gets better. There is a reason I wrote Eric the way I did in the beginning of this story. I'm hoping it comes together.