A/N: I know I really should be working on other things, but after reading some powerful angst, I needed to write something like this.
I hope you enjoy my first oneshot! As always, all reviews both good and bad are greatly appreciated!
The dull knife twirled in her palm, her eyes glazing over as she grasped it firmly, gauging its potential. She had battled with these thoughts for so long, the regrets, the failures, the slurs, the pain that showed only one way of escaping her system.
She had believed she was better than this, that she didn't need to talk about things, to confront the darkness head-on, so for years she had covered it up. She put out such a strong persona, masking her problems with individuality and spirit, but some things cannot remain hidden forever.
The metal felt cold against her skin, chilling her before it ripped the flesh apart, a burning sensation taking its place.
She watched as the blood ran down her left forearm and onto the floor, a calming sensation coming over her as a weight lifted itself from her shoulders.
Another slash, this time along the calf of her right leg, the liquid taking away all the insults, the looks, and the faces Paulina had given her over the years. The memories of Starr followed suit as she pulled the blade across herself once more.
She moved to her other leg, one slice for Dash and one for Kwan, letting every grab, every shove, and every punch pool on the floor in puddles of crimson.
Sounds came wafting into the room through the walls, yells and screams as her parents once again battled it out in the rooms below her.
Her hands came to her stomach, one pulling up her shirt to expose more than just her midriff, the other drawing shapes in red. One for her mom who wanted nothing more than for her daughter to be a spitting image of her. One for her father who never even tried to understand her, only judged every decision she made. One for the life she was living, money and gifts shoved down her throat as her parents tried to buy her affections.
She wasn't quite sure what had made today different, what had forced her to crack, but as she thought back, it was simply the pure normalcy of it all. Suddenly, she had felt so accepting of the words the other girls had used, so okay with having to get herself out of a locker from the inside, so fine with coming home to find her father threating a divorce once again. And she might have let herself continue to think that it was all okay, had it not been for the one thing that she knew wasn't.
As usual, Danny had fought a ghost before school and rolled in late, bruised and battered as he took the detention quietly. He was at it once again by second period, earning himself a dislocated shoulder which he had to readjust himself. In between third and fourth, Dash had come by for his daily beating session, shoving Danny against a locker, his injured shoulder taking the brunt of the impact as Dash continued to punch him multiple times in the gut. Dash walked away with his friends, laughing at the boy on the ground, never knowing what the teen was truly capable of.
And as much as Danny always said he was fine, resolved to take the pain so no one else had to, determined to do what was right, Sam couldn't let herself think this was okay another time. She wouldn't let herself file it away again as it came bubbling up to the surface.
The boy she had come to love, writhing in agony, day after day after day.
And all because of her.
So she raised the knife once more to her arms and started cutting away. A slash for the portal she forced him into. A cut for every injury he got. A slice for every detention and failed test. A gash for every dream he had to give up.
He didn't deserve her, he deserved so much better. He was so selfless and strong. So kind and caring. He should be with someone at least half as good as him, not someone who had forced so much responsibility on him, not someone who had ruined his life.
And so she took the dagger and brought it slowly to her throat, pushing it against the one vein she was sure wouldn't heal in time, the tube that would end it all, that would bring the darkness.
She tensed, slowly moving her hand behind her head, giving her enough room to make a clean and deep cut. One was all she would need.
Finally, she pulled the knife fast along her neck, pushing hard against her skin as she waited for the pain to come, to wash her existence away.
But nothing happened. No blood spilled from her neck, no agony reached her mind. She looked at her hands, checking to see what had caused the mistake, what part of the blade had malfunctioned, only to find it was not there.
She looked around for the missing metal, seeing it nowhere. She did not remember dropping it, her grip had been firm. The knife had simply vanished into thin air.
Realization hit her as two cool arms came from behind and rapped themselves around her sitting form. A face nestled itself deeply into the neck she had only seconds ago tried to split open, innocent white hair mixing with sinful black.
"Sam." the boy said, bringing more anguish to Sam with his voice than any dagger ever could.
She had been the reason for his suffering once more, and she couldn't handle it.
She struggled to break from his grasp, but he was stronger than she and held her firm. Gently, he turned her around to face him, fear plastered on his young face.
His features hardened, determination bubbling up as he pressed his forehead against hers, soaking up her warmth as cold energy swirled about him. The power encircling him licked its way across his body and onto hers, the chill soothing her burning wounds.
Finally, she met his gaze, his ethereal green eyes looking back at her with such intensity as he willed the green fire into action. Slowly, each wound began to close, the blood on her body slinking back inside.
But the boy was not a god. No, he could not do what he had so desperately hoped to, to take away all her pain and throw it to the wind, never to return.
So he settled for a compromise as her wounds healed halfway, gritting his teeth as mirror images of those wounds began to form on his own body, ectoplasmic blood beginning to seep out.
Sam diverted her gaze from his glowing eyes and looked at herself and at him, horror creeping into her features as she began comprehend what he was doing, the pain he was now sharing with her.
"Danny." she said, her voice a whisper. "Stop. Please, stop."
He continued to stare right at her eyes, his arms still holding her tight. "I can't stop, Sam."
"What do you mean you can't stop?!" she replied, passion and anger finding their way back into her words. She pulled her head from his and tried again to break from his grasp, once again in vain.
"Sam." he said, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. "I don't know quite when I started, but I know I can't stop now. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep at night, Sam. There are so many times when I feel like I just can't keep going, when it's all just too much to handle, what I am, what I'll always have to do, all the lies I have to keep saying. But then I think about you, and I somehow just find the energy to push a little harder, to not give in to all the worries and thoughts in my head."
"And it's not the same thing with Tucker or Jazz or my parents." he continued. "I mean, I never want any of them to get hurt by anything, but it's just different with you. I know that without you, I never would have been able to do any of this. I would've broken a long time ago. But even without ever getting these powers I know that I'd never be able to live a minute without you. I need you, Sam."
Sam looked at his tear-filled eyes with her own, brimming with bewilderment and unanswered questions.
"Sam..." he choked out, cutting her off. "Sam. I love you. More than anything I've ever loved before, and I can't stand seeing you like this. Please, Sam. Don't ever do this again. If you can't quit for yourself, quit for me. Promise me you'll stop, Sam." he pleaded in between ragged breaths.
Sam didn't want to make that promise, to go back to the horrible routine of it all, but she couldn't watch him cry on her bathroom floor any longer.
Immediately, his lips were on hers, pulling her into a passionate embrace, his ghostly heart beating stronger and faster with every passing moment.
Sam was dumbstruck as she felt the cool lips of the ghost boy on hers. Guilt began to eat away at her as she felt more and more of her wounds closing and opening on him instead, green blood mixing with hers on the tile.
She pulled back slightly. "How?" she questioned. "How can you possibly love me? If it weren't for me your life would have been so much better. You wouldn't have had to deal with any of this."
"Sam." he said, tilting her chin up with his bloody hand, forcing her to look him straight in the eye. "I promise that if I ever got a chance to do it again, I wouldn't change a single thing. Not one. Every moment of everything we've ever done together has been amazing, all the adventures and all the good we do, and I'm so happy I got to share it with you."
"Please never think that anything you've ever done was wrong. You're so perfect just the way you are, Sam. Really. I've never known someone so strong and passionate and beautiful. I love you with all my heart."
Finally, his emotions got the better of him and forced his mouth and eyes shut. Tears streamed down his cheeks from the pain of the wounds to both his body and his soul. The fear he had felt when he first saw her, the girl he cherished so deeply covered in her own blood, came running back to him as set of mangled sobs wracked his body.
For a second, he saw the world without her, void of all happiness and joy as he began to crack. It wouldn't take very long, he figured, for him to slip away. For all the humanity in him to disappear as his ghost half ripped the world to shreds. He wasn't strong enough to do it on his own yet, to lock away all those temptations, to block out his hatred and power. He couldn't let her hurt herself anymore.
"Danny." she whispered, pulling him from his thoughts. She didn't quite know what she was feeling, what her mind was telling her, but above all the racket of her mind, the guilt, the fear, the anguish, she heard her heart loud and clear, racing in her chest. It shouted and screamed at her, overwhelming her inhibitions and doubts, forcing her mouth into action.
"I love you too." she said, locked up emotions spilling across her face. The green light fizzled out around her, leaving them both covered in half-healed wounds as the boy once again opened his eyes.
For a second, his normally powerful eyes lost all their power, confusion taking the place. But as soon as it had gone, it had returned tenfold, his aura flaring up around him, white light illuminating the room.
It was she who acted first, pulling him into a deep embrace, passion filling her kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, closing whatever gap had been left as he reciprocated the gesture, their tongues dancing together playfully.
It was in that moment that Sam finally let it all drop. All the worry and the pain dissipated into nothingness, only to be replaced by hope and joy.
His luminosity spread, pushing its way into her mind as a vision crossed her eyes. She was standing there with him, the sunset coloring their faces, the sand in between her toes. The salt in the air reached her nose, the soothing sound of waves pressing into her ears. She squeezed his hand and looked at his face, not surprised by the man he had grown to become, when she felt the kick in her stomach, the life brewing inside. As much as she couldn't understand it, comprehend what she was feeling and seeing, she couldn't help but feel the hole in her heart begin to fill.
Finally, she realized what she had truly been missing. She did not need a mask or knife to take it all away. She had only truly needed him, someone to share the pain with, to share the worry and the doubt. Someone to lean her head on, to listen to her even when she had nothing to say.
And in the end, someone to take it all away and replace it with light, never to look back into the darkness.
A/N: And there you have it!
Thanks for reading. I really hope you liked it. Please review with anything you have to say.