Title: It's back!
Chapter: 1/1 Oneshot
Rating: M 16+ (Story might not be suitable for the squeamish!)
Word Count: 1013
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own any rights on the characters in this story. They all belong to David Shore, FOX, NBCU, Heel & Toe Films, Shore Z Productions, Bad Hat Harry Productions, Ralf Koenig and so on!
I don't earn any money with this story!
Summary/Info: This fanfiction takes place a few months after „The C-Word". Only in my own head canon/alternate universe the chemo-therapy Wilson endured in House's apartment was successful and Wilson is now cancer free and House didn't have to fake his death to not to go back to jail again. House's time on parole is over and he is a completely free man again.
Characters: Dr. Gregory House, Dr. James Wilson, an airport security guard, a very unlucky man, Commissioner Luigi Mackeroni, Detective Sally and a very special condom
Here's a picture of Commissioner Luigi Mackeroni (in the background) and Detective Sally (in the front), just in case if you want to know how they look like! : / / w w w . v-like-vintage uploads / images / Cropped700 / 00186272 . j p g
A/N: This story was written for the "Weekly Prompt Post - C is for..." on the "hw_prompts"-Livejournal community. : / / hw-prompts . livejournal 1733 . and is inspirited by the movie "Kondom des Grauens (1996) – Killer Condom" : / / w w w . imdb title / tt0116791 / ?ref_=sr_1
It was noon on Friday the 13th and House and Wilson were at the airport in Newark, New Jersey. House was miffed. Due to some new security guidelines because of recent terror warnings he'd been made to give up his cane as they checked in their luggage, instead of how it was in the old days, when they'd waited until just before boarding the plane. The airline staff gave him a rickety wheelchair to sit in instead.
"This thing sucks! I can't even pull any stunts with it because it could fall apart at any time!" House grizzled like a toddler whose mother had taken away its pacifier.
"It's only for a few hours! You'll survive this!" Wilson said in an attempt to comfort House. He knew how much House hated it to be seen with the cane, and to be seen in a wheelchair was even worse for him, unless it was to win some fight over a parking space.
"Why do I even have to fly to the west coast to give this stupid speech at a medical conference? The PPTH is full of doctors. No need to choose me of all people!" House continued to whine.
"Because, according to Foreman, you are the best doctor the PPTH has on staff."
"Really? That's just sad. Besides, what makes Dark-Cuddy better then Original-Cuddy, when he tries to blackmail me with the same sort of torture? It's always these boring clinic hours. Thirteen additional clinic hours if I don't give this speech and be a decent representative of PPTH. Doesn't he already know what a strain it puts on me to behave like a normal human being?"
Wilson was rolling his eyes and was about to reply to House that he would get the next 13 clinic hours remitted, if his speech went well and he didn't cause any trouble at the conference and during their trip, as they heard an announcement on the airport PA system. "If there's a doctor in the building, please may he or she come to the men's bathrooms because there's someone in need of urgent medical attention?"
"No! I am not going!" House was about to protest.
"You don't need to go because I will roll you!" countered Wilson, and before House knew what had happened, Wilson grabbed the handle bars of the wheelchair and started walking.
As they were nearing the bathrooms they already could hear someone screaming in pain.
Someone from the airport security was standing in front of the bathroom.
"Hello! I am Dr. Wilson and this is Dr. House. We heard that that you are in need of a doctor."
"Yes! Thank you for coming. Commissioner Luigi Mackeroni and Detective Sally from the NYPD are already on their way. We don't know what's happened, but they say they investigated in a similar case to this in 1996," the security guard explained as he led House and Wilson into the bathroom.
House felt a moment of déjà vu as he saw the source of the screaming. What he saw reminded him of his former clinic patient who had tried to circumcise himself.
The bathroom looked like a murder scene. The white tiles on the wall where the urinals hung were splattered heavily with blood. In front of one of the urinals knelt a man who was desperately trying to stop the bleeding between his own legs with paper towels.
"What happened?" asked Wilson as he crouched down beside the man.
"This thing came like out of nowhere and before I knew what was happening it had bit off my penis!"
"What thing?" asked House.
"It looked like a condom with teeth."
House and Wilson looked pretty baffled at the man as the commissioner and the detective entered the room.
"Do you have a first aid kit or a medical emergency case?" Wilson asked the security guard.
"Yes!" answered the guard as he fetched the case from other side of the room.
Commissioner Luigi Mackeroni began his interrogation of the man while House and Wilson started treating the patient. Detective Sally took notes and the security guard searched the place for the condom with the bitten off penis. Commissar Luigi Mackeroni knew too well how the man must be feeling right now, since he had an encounter with such a thing too when it had bitten off one of his testicles back in 1996. He was quite surprised to hear the story of the man, since he thought that they have eliminated all the killer condoms when they destroyed the lab in which they had been created. But it seemed that this wasn't the case. At least one of these creatures must have been escaped.
Meanwhile Wilson managed it to help the man out of his trousers and underpants and examined the wound, which was still bleeding heavily. Since it was too difficult to put on a pressure bandage, Wilson decided to suture the wound to provisionally stop the bleeding. House was assisting Wilson by handing over the right trappings and instruments when he required them. Later in the OR a surgeon would have to do the thorough clean-up of the wound and rebuild the injured area with plastic surgery so that the man would be able to pee again.
Just as Wilson and House were finishing with the emergency treatment, three paramedics arrived with a stretcher. As they transferred the man onto the stretcher, House and Wilson heard over the airport PA that their airplane was ready for boarding. With a promise to hold themselves available for an official statement at the precinct after they'd came back from the medical conference, House and Wilson said goodbye while handing over some business cards to Detective Sally.
P.S.: Despite a thorough search by the forensic staff from the CSI New York, the killer condom and the bitten off penis were nowhere to be found. The poor man would have to continue his life without it, while any man using the airport bathrooms in the future would have to be very careful while using them.