Darthemius: Damn, here we go again.

Naruto (Entering the room): What the fuck, man?!

Darthemius (Slowly turning his head): Hmm? What?

Naruto: Where the fuck is everybody?!

Darthemius: Ah, that's what you mean… They all left.

Naruto: But where?!

Darthemius: They're all too busy learning their roles in EHD 2.

Naruto (Raising an eyebrow): Everyone?

Darthemius: Yep.

Naruto: Even Wesker?

Darthemius: Even Wesker.

Naruto (Sitting down on a sofa next to Darthemius): Shit man… Looks like this will get pretty boring in here. And what about the club?

Darthemius (Waving his hand): The club will go on. Me and you are more than enough for the time being. And I doubt Wesker and Seph can stay away from girls longer than a week. As for boring…

Wonder Woman: Mommy's back now, bitches!

Naruto (Jumping up and covering himself with his hands defensively): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! The insatiable bitch is back!

Darthemius (Stoically): Hello, Diana.

Naruto (Turning to Darthemius with a raised eyebrow): Wait, you knew?

Diana: Of course he did. Didn't he tell you? We went to see my mother just a week ago.

Darthemius (Frowning): More like you tied me up with your magic lasso and dragged me all the way there.

Naruto: You went to see her mother? What for? Wait… Is that what I think it is?!

Darthemius: Basically. In short words, her mother didn't approve of Diana being in a man's company. So yeah…

Naruto: Shit… And what did she do?

Darthemius: Well, she got her magic ass off her magic throne, took her magic sword and tried to cut off my magic balls. But then I took out my magic dick, and the queen quickly realized the benefits of being in man's company.

Naruto: How quickly?

Darthemius: Very. In fact, she threatened to kill me if I even think about leaving their island. Fortunately she didn't know that thinking is not exactly my thing… (Turning to Diana) I'm blaming you, you know.

Diana (innocently): What for?

Darthemius: I had to run away naked!

Diana (Slapping Darthemius' back): Oh, come on, you little sissy. It all went alright.

Darthemius: Alright?! Your mother wanted to turn me into Amazon's personal baby maker!

Naruto (Whistling loudly): Damn, I would've killed for such an opportunity.

Darthemius: Think again, man. You actually have no idea how many of them are there. Besides, they are as insatiable as she is!

Naruto and Diana: Bullshit.

Darthemius: Okay, maybe not exactly as insatiable, but pretty damn close. I was on the verge of dying after just one day!

Diana (Sadly): Yeah, and I didn't even get a turn. So we decided to hit it.

Darthemius: More like I ran off and you picked me up halfway through the ocean…

Diana: Yeah well, for some reason mother decided that I'm responsible for your disappearance, so I hit it as well. Mother is not very pleased though. You got her quite… addicted. Others as well.

Darthemius (Raising an eyebrow): That bad?

Diana: She actually considered taking another man and bringing him to the island with the same purpose.

Naruto (With shining eyes): I know just the guy!

Diana: You?

Naruto: Of course not. (Taking out a piece of paper and writing something on it) Give that address to your mother and tell her to ask for Uchiha Sasuke.

Diana (Placing paper between her breasts): Sure thing.

Naruto: So, what should we do now?

Diana: Well, I don't know about you, guys, but I'm going to make diner.

Naruto: …WHAT?!

Diana: What?

Naruto: Since when do you know how to cook?!

Diana: Since I learned that it's one of the responsibilities of a good girlfriend. (Disappearing in a kitchen) Later boys.

Naruto: …Girlfriend?

Darthemius: Don't say a word…

Naruto: But…

Darthemius: Don't. Say. A. Word. Or I'm sending you back to Kishimoto…

Naruto: We wasted him, man.

Darthemius: Okay, then I'm sending you back to what's left of Kishimoto.

Naruto: Okay, okay chill. And what about the club?

Darthemius: I think we'll have to find another place.

Naruto: Do you have something in mind?

Darthemius: Actually I do…

Darthemius's cell phone: I have voices in my head…

Darthemius (Picking up): Yeah? Okay, got it. On our way.

Naruto: What the hell was that?

Darthemius: A job call. Or did you actually think that you get to slack off while I do all the work?

Naruto: Oh, not again…


Chapter two: Blast from the past.

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"Know your role!" – Yamato.

"KATSU!" – Demonic/jutsu.


Konohagakure no sato. Hokage's office…

"Damn, I'm too old for this…"

"Here, Hokage-sama. All mission summaries."

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no sato… stared at his assistant with a twitching eye.

"I don't remember giving so many missions!" He shouted, overlooking a huge pile… pillar of papers.

"Oh, most of these missions were given to genin teams and were only a D-rank." A young chuunin answered.

"Then can't you check them yourself?!"

"No." The assistant shook his head. "It still needs your signature."

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. 'I should've just dumped this damn work on Jiraiya while I still had the chance…'

"Anyway, that's all for yesterday's reports…" The assistant continued. "I'll bring today ones right now."

Sarutobi's eyes widened. "That's not all?!"

"Of course not! Or have you forgotten…"



"Hokage-sama!" A single ANBU shouted, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"What is it?!" Sandaime shouted back, standing up from his seat. 'Please tell me it's something important! PLEASE!'

"Huff… Huff… Kakash-taicho told me to deliver a message about…"

"About?" The Hokage asked hopefully.

The ANBU member gulped. "About… K-Kyuubi's possible bre-breakout…"

Sandaime's eyes widened. 'Holy fucking shit! Well, were you asking for important, old fool?!' He thought. "What happened?"

"It was…" The ANBU took a deep breath. "It was Uzumaki Naruto. He killed one of the academy instructors… Iruka I believe…"

"Iruka?" Hiruzen interrupted. "But why would he do something like this?!"

"W-Well Kakashi-senpai said that Kyuubi might be breaking out after Uzumaki used its power to kill one of my squad members."

"He did what?!" Sarutobi shouted. "Kakashi may be right after all! There is no chance that a child can take out an ANBU. Very well then, mobilize everyone! We need to stop Kyuubi before it breaks free completely!"


"What now!" Sarutobi exclaimed in frustration… only to come face to face with a very serious looking monkey Elder. "Enma?"

"No time to explain, Sarutobi!" The old monkey replied. "You need to get Uzumaki Naruto into custody this instant!"

"I was just about to do that, but… Why would you concern yourself with something like this? I mean, he is just a human and…"

"He's everything but human!" Enma yelled. "And we must reach him before he absorbs Kyuubi's power once again!"

Sandaime's jaw fell. "Before he WHAT?! You mean… he can actually do that?"

"He can and he will unless we stop him." The old monkey said. "He might have lost his memory of the future as well, but even if he hasn't we still should have enough time to detain him."

"Memories of the future?" Hiruzen tilted his head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

Enma shook his head furiously. "There is no time, Sarutobi! You must capture him before he…"

Words died in elder's throat next second. Why? Because he… along with everyone in the office felt a massive surge of power coming out of the forest of death.

"NO!" Enma screamed. "Don't tell me we are too late!"

Sarutobi looked in the window. "You mean… that's Naruto absorbing the Kyuubi?"

"Even if it is, he still must be too weak after performing that technique of his! We must move NOW!"

"Very well." The Hokage nodded, turning to his subordinate. "The order stands, mobilize every shinobi available and try to also calm the populace. Tell them it was some kind of… experiment. We don't need panic inside of the village."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" The chuunin and the ANBU member saluted simultaneously.

"Oh, and forget everything you just heard… Let it simply be Kyuubi breaking free…"

The forest of death…

"Finally… Finally! That's right, jabronies, you heard that correctly! I said FINALLY NARUTO HAS COME BACK TO KONOHA! Man, I can't believe how great it sounds!"

"What, that you came back in Konoha?" Still naked Kyuubi asked slyly, landing beside him.

"No." Naruto answered. "That I actually came back. Sucks it happens to be in Konoha, but I can't really complain given my situation."

"Sure." The girl laughed slightly. "So, what's on your mind now? Where to start?"

Naruto looked around. "Well… how about right here? By the way, how about you tell me your name? Because, you know, Kyuubi doesn't fit you too much anymore."

"A name?" The girl looked genuinely surprised. "I don't even remember how long ago I was asked this question for the last time…"

"Maybe you forgot it as well?"

She turned to him with a smirk. "I did not. You may call me C.C."

"Eh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to sound rude, but it's a stupid name."

C.C.'s smirk widened. "That may be so, but that's the only one you're gonna get."

The blond shrugged. "Fine, I'm okay with that. After all, you don't choose your name…"



Naruto raised an eyebrow again. "What?"

"Get… e… out… he… you… so… ch!"


"Get me out of here, you son of a bitch!"

"What?" Naruto looked around in confusion.

"What's wrong?" C.C. asked.

"I hear something… familiar…"

"Familiar my ass! Get me out of here, you piece of trash!"

"Wh… Yamato?" Naruto raised his left hand and a beautiful katana in black sheath appeared in it. "Hey there, buddy!"

"NARUTO! Oh my god, Naruto!" Yamato shouted in relief and happiness. "I feared it was all a dream!"

"What was a dream?" The blond asked.

"You! Me, our adventures together! Everything!" The demon blade stated.

"How so?"

"Well… One second I was in your hand, slashing through your enemies, and next second I'm back in my room inside of the Fire temple. You don't know how much time I was in seclusion… At first I thought it was all my imagination. I almost went insane…"

"Yeah, I almost went myself…" Naruto replied. "But don't worry, pal! We're back together now!"

"Hell yeah! Let's get to girls and drinks!"

The blond smirked. "That's my sword."

"Umm…" C.C. exclaimed. "Now I know you can hear your sword, but when you talk to it out loud it looks crazy."

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Yamato shouted. "You work fast jabroni!"

'Sure I work… Since when I'm a jabroni?!'

"Since it took you so long! I was screaming for hours!"

'Oh yeah?! Well, go fuck yourself!'

"I'm a sword, I can't go anywhere!"

Naruto paused. 'True… but I remember considering changing your scabbard to a pink one…"

"NO! Anything but that! Or Orochimaru's ass…" The demon blade responded. "You are the man! Just don't do any of that."

"Fine, fine…"

"Am I bothering you?" C.C. asked in slight frustration.

"Nah, sorry. I just had a very emotional reunion with my sword, which almost went insane just like me."

"Okay." She placed her hands on her hips. "So? What's next?"

Naruto stretched his shoulders. "Next I think you should cover yourself… just a little."

"Oh?" An amused smile appeared on C.C.'s face. "What am I hearing?! The big bad player Uzumaki Naruto can't stand a naked girl? Or perhaps that time distortion changed your sexual orientation as well?"

"Hell no!" Naruto shouted, even taking one unconscious step backwards. "There is a reason they call me the MALEstorm! Easy, big fella!" He slapped his left hip. "This is just not the place for these things. Besides, I don't want anyone else but myself see you like this."

"Indeed." C.C. crossed her arms. "And who said you can see me like this?"

"I did." Naruto replied. "Now listen here. The entire village has probably felt that energy surge when I took your power. So it's only natural that they will be on our ass pretty soon."

"True. What do you propose?" C.C. asked.

The blond thought for a minute. "Hmm… You said all non-humans retained their memories?"


"Well, this is bad." Naruto stated. "For I made several enemies back then. No doubt they will be after my ass as well."

"They shouldn't be a problem while you are in this dimension." The girl reminded.

Naruto rubbed his chin. "Well, they can cross it, but… You're right; I don't think anyone beside summons will. And they shouldn't be much of a problem."

"Alright, we agree on that." C.C. said. "But the question still remains… What should we do now?"

The blond folded his arms over his chest as well. "What to do…" He muttered. "I have plans, but they can wait. First we must get out of here."

"Get where?" C.C. asked.

Naruto paused in thoughts. "Hmm… You know what, do you know where Rice Field Country is?"

"I do." The girl nodded.

"Excellent. Then go there and find out where the village of Hidden Sound is."

C.C. raised her pretty eyebrow. "Orochimaru?"

Naruto grinned evilly. "He's still just a human."

"Hahaha!" The girl laughed. "You are indeed one cunning son of a bitch. Very well, I'll find out where he is… Can I kill anyone?"

Naruto snorted. "Do you really need my permission to do that?"

C.C.'s grin widened. "No, I'm just giving you the illusion of control."

The blond shook his head. "No, you're giving me a hard on. So get the fuck out of here before I nail your ass against that tree."

"Fine, fine." C.C. said and winked at him. "See you soon. Enjoy the attention."

"You bet I will." Naruto turned around and started to walk towards forest's exit.

"Man, she's hot!" Yamato commented. "Where did you get her?"

"From my head."

"Holy shit!" The demon blade shouted. "You have the power to animate imaginary things?!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yes! Now I have that power! Are you happy?"

"Of course! Can you imagine some goons to kill?"

The blond paused. "Well…"


"I think I heard something…"

"There he is!"

Five guys in ANBU uniform landed in front of him.

"Holy fucking shit!" Yamato exclaimed. "Man, you're a fucking god!"

Naruto smirked. 'Not quite yet… But I'm planning to be.'

"Name yourse…" The ANBU captain began, but stopped in mid-sentence. "What the…?"

"Is that… Yondaime-sama?" Someone asked and others started to whisper among themselves.

Naruto's eye twitched. 'Do I really resemble that jabroni this much?!'

"You want an honest answer?"

The demon sighed. 'No, I don't…' He then straightened and put on a warm smile. "Yes, I'm your beloved Yondaime Hokage! Oh, and here's the proof!" He took out a kunai he used to get there and threw it behind the unfortunate ANBU. "Hiraishin no jutsu!"

Being the only one who actually witnessed Yondaime in action, the captain acted instantly once Naruto threw his kunai. He jumped away… only to look behind and witness how the rest of his team got sliced into small pieces.

"You!" The captain landed on the ground and glared at Naruto. "You are not Yondaime-sama!"

Naruto looked around and mocked a hurtful expression. "Aww, how did you guess? I thought I was acting so good…" He looked down at disemboweled bodies. "Right, guys?"

"You monster!" The captain shouted, preparing to strike.

"Demon actually." Naruto replied, covering his face from sudden wind. "Damn, that was not warm. Is it autumn already?" He said, noticing that he was still half naked.

And then he looked back at the ANBU captain…

And an evil grin formed on his face…

"My, that's a fine coat you have there!"

Konohagakure no sato. Academy grounds…

"Cough… Cough…" One Uchiha Sasuke was slowly regaining his consciousness. "Damn, that hurt…" He muttered, clutching his ribs.

"Sasuke?" A sudden familiar voice got his attention.


"Yeah, that's me." The brown haired boy kneeled in front of his friend's lying body. "Are you okay, man?"

"Not quite…" The Uchiha replied. "I think I have a broken rib."

"Damn, we need to get you to the hospital." Ryuga got under Sasuke's right arm. "Let me help you up…"

"No, forget the hospital!" Sasuke shouted all of sudden. "I need to find… Sakura…" His eyebrows rose after he said that.

"What?" Ryuga asked. "What for?"

"I… I don't know." Sasuke replied, shaking his head a little. "I just felt a sudden urge to see if she was alright."

Ryuga looked at him strangely. "Damn, you were hit worse than I thought."


Sasuke turned his head sharply. "Sakura?"

"Sasuke!" The girl ran over quickly and stood in front of him.

"Thank god you're alright!" They said at the same time.


"O-kay… Can someone tell me what the heck is going on?" Ryuga exclaimed in confusion.

"I… I'm sorry…" Sakura began. "I just felt the need to see…"

"If I was alright?" Sasuke finished for her.

"Yes. How did you…?"

"I felt the same." The Uchiha stated.

"Alright, stop!" Ryuga shouted, spreading his arms. "I knew Sakura was head over heels about you for an eternity, but you never thought twice about her. Looks like Naruto hit you too hard…"

"Naruto…" Sakura and Sasuke whispered at the same time and looked at each other. "We must stop him! What?"

"You tell me!" Ryuga shouted.

"Uh." Sasuke clutched his head in pain. "Let's find the Hokage, he should know something."


The forest of death…

"What do you think, Enma?"

"It's obvious we are too late, Sarutobi." The monkey Elder responded. "But I still feel his terrifying presence nearby. He's still in the village."

"Good, we might still catch up to him." Sandaime said with a nod.



"Kakashi?" The old man asked. "Why are you…? Wait, where's the rest of your squad? And what happened to your eye?"

"It was Naruto, Hokage-sama." The grey haired jounin stated. "He tore my eye off… and he killed the rest of my squad except for Yugao, who was incapacitated by a genjutsu, and Todo, who I left with her."

Hiruzen's eyes narrowed. "I see."

"Itachi was right, Hokage-sama."

"Yes, I realize that now." The old man frowned. "Too little, too late. But we can't give up, Naruto is still here, I already ordered all military mobilization of the village. If he doesn't have some unnatural way out of the village, Naruto will have a whole lot of problems very soon…"

Konohagakure no sato. Uchiha district… (Starting song: "Enter Sandman" by Metallica)

"The fuck?!" Naruto exclaimed, walking down the busy street. What surprised him so much you ask? Well, maybe because it was a busy street…

In the middle of a fucking Uchiha district.

"This is certainly not the past." He muttered, looking how some man played with his baby girl.

Both had clothes with Uchiha's symbol on.

"This is insanity!" The blond said quietly, just as a group of Uchiha chuunins rushed past him. 'I annihilated this clan when I was fucking nine! Right now I should be fifteen. So am I forgetting something, or I have simply lost it completely?!'

"I sense no anomaly around this place." The demon blade replied. "It looks similar to every place in Konoha."

Naruto stopped in front of some building and leaned on the wall. 'Okay…' He thought, placing a hand on his face and closing his eyes. 'This place looks like the past, at least somewhat. Everything about me is the same, but… No Ino and Neji, I'm friends with Sasuke of all people. And Uchihas are alive! Wait, Mikoto! I have to check… but first.' The blond smirked, entering the building.

"Oh, may I help you, sir?" The store owner asked.

Naruto's smirk widened. "Sure, tell the god I'm coming for his ass." With that he instinctively raised his hand and…


"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed, looking down at his smoking gun. "Even this thing remained! Hello, my precious!"

"Hey, I thought I am your precious!" Yamato grunted.

"Hah, no way, buddy! That sounds way too gayish."

Yamato paused. "Yeah, that kind of does… Anyway, why are you here?"

"Oh, right!" Naruto walked around the counter, trying not to step on store owner's splattered brains.


"Hey, these are exclusively made six hundred ryo shoes by the way." Naruto responded, getting to a stand with sunglasses. "Come to papa." He took a pair of mirror-like classic sunglasses and placed them over his eyes. "Perfect! Am I good or am I good?"

"Chill out, pal. You're good."

Naruto smirked confidently. "That I am!"

"Come on, your princess awaits…"

Uchiha Clan head's house…

"Damn it all! What the hell is going on?" A very irritated Uchiha Fugaku paced around his living room. "First that mobilization order, and now Sasuke is late from the academy!"

"Be calm, darling." His wife Mikoto responded, doing her usual thing… which was making dinner of course… Well, at least Fugaku thought so. Let's not disappoint the guy. "Hokage-sama must have some reason for that order. And Sasuke is probably hanging out with Naruto and Ryuga again. You know how he is." She spoke, smiling reassuringly.

"Yes, you're probably right…" Fugaku sighed and finally sat down on the couch and picked up a cup of tea from the table in front of him. "Still, what could possibly happen for them to order mobilization of everyone? Won't ANBU be enough?"

Mikoto's eyes narrowed. 'Indeed, that is out of character. The Hokage doesn't like to create panic. What could possibly…' But her need to guess disappeared before she could even start.

The entrance door opened slowly and one stranger entered. A stranger dressed in open black coat and a pair of leather pants. And if you forget about a pair of sunglasses on his face, he really resembled…

"M-Minato?" Fugaku stuttered, standing up… Big mistake. For with a quick burst of flames the stranger appeared in front of him… jumped up and gave the Uchiha Clan head RKO through the table that just happened to be between them.

"Wrong." He said, turning to Mikoto. 'There she is… just how I remember her.'

Said woman's knife fell out of her hand once she noticed what move that stranger used to knock out her husband. "N-Naru…? But I thought you needed my help for…"

In an instance he appeared in front of her, just like he did with Fugaku and… aimed his gun right at her forehead.

"Wha…?!" Mikoto took a step back in shock and confusion. "What are you doing?"

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "What is my favorite catchphrase, Mikoto?"

The woman tilted her head to the side. "Why are you…?"

"Answer me dammit!" Naruto shouted.

Mikoto held a pause. "But I thought you hated when someone used them."

Naruto's hand started to shake. "Just say the fucking catchphrase." He said quietly, almost like a whisper.

The woman only rolled her eyes and coughed a few times. "Finally Naruto has come ba…" But before she could finish the sentence Naroto has firmly shut her mouth… with his own.

"Mymh!" Mikoto moaned with wide eyes, surprised by Naruto's ferociousness. Then she leaned her head slightly back in order to break the lip connection. "Can you finally tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Later." Naruto said, kissing her again. "Now shut your mouth and enjoy."

"Kyah!" Mikoto yelped when he picked her up and laid her on a kitchen table. "What, right here?"

"I said shut your mouth!" Naruto exclaimed, throwing his coat away… and taking off his sunglasses.

"Oh my god…" Mikoto muttered in awe, looking deep into his pitch black eyes.

The demon smirked. "Almost guessed it." He quickly crossed the small space between them and in one motion ripped her dress in two.

"Ah!" Mikoto yelped again, starting to feel a little scared. 'He never dominated me like this…' However because of that she started to become really wet in certain areas.

'Fuck! I haven't felt so much lust in years!' Naruto thought, undoing his belt. And it seemed to him that Mikoto shared his view with that hungry and somewhat scared look she was giving him.

Mikoto for her part could almost feel the desire radiating off of Naruto in waves. An inching sensation appeared in her womb. She needed something inside. She needed it now!

"No foreplay!" Naruto exclaimed, ripping Mikoto's panties in two.

"Yes!" The woman pulled herself up and wrapped her hands around his neck. "Come! Fuck me!"

"Grah!" Giving out a primal roar he grabbed her waist roughly and allowed himself in.

"AAAH!" A piercing scream escaped from Mikoto's mouth when Naruto shoved his cock in to its full length. She bit her lower lip. 'When did he become so big?!'

Naruto leaned in and kissed her deeply. "This feeling… it followed me everywhere."

"Huff…" Mikoto took a breath and rubbed his face with her palm. "Naruto, baby. Your shape is amazing as always." She said, kissing him back.

"Mmm…" The demon moaned and smiled warmly. "Your unique taste… how I missed it…"

Mikoto smiled back gently and rubbed his face again… But then she grabbed his hair roughly and looked at him with such lust that she actually looked angry.

"Enough sweet talk! Fuck my pussy harder than you ever did!"

Naruto's eyes flickered with fire. He roughly grabber Mikoto's waist once again and started to bang her pussy mercilessly.

"Ah!" Mikoto moaned in ecstasy. "Yes! Yes, right there! More!" She screamed, fueling Naruto's passion further.

"Grrr." Naruto growled, starting to thrust harder and faster. Right now he felt like a man possessed. He wasn't aiming for pleasure… though it was off the charts already. No, he was not doing it for the sake of sex. He just wanted to cum in her, to fill her with his sperm. He wanted that to prove… mostly to himself that this woman finally belongs to him… again.

The only thing he wasn't counting for was table's resiliency… or the lack of it.


"Kyah!" Mikoto almost fell when the table broke in half, but Naruto picked her up again and slammed her back into the wall. "Ah!" She moaned, shoving her tongue into his mouth once again. "Fuck me, honey!" The woman grabbed his butt with both hands, pulling him deeper into her. "Make me cum!"

Naruto shoved his dick further, making Mikoto's back arch. "Milk me, baby! Milk me dry!" He said, thrusting as hard as he could… until the wall broke as well. It was a traditional Japanese house after all.

"Gha!" Naruto twisted their bodies so Mikoto fell on top of him as they landed on the floor. "Finish it, babe!"

Mikoto grinned evilly. "Yesss." She sat up straight and started to move her hips back in forth. "Ah! I'm almost there, Naruto!"

The demon gritted his teeth, feeling how Mikoto's inner walls tightened around him. 'Fuck, I forgot how good she is at this!' His eyes shut tight. "Oh shit!"

"Do it, dear! Give me your cum!"

"Fuck!" Naruto grunted. "I'm about to blow, Mikoto!"

Woman's smile widened as she bit her lower lip again and clenched her walls even tighter.

"HAAAAAAAAAA!" Naruto roared on top of his lungs, blowing probably the biggest load in his life inside Mikoto's womb.

Said woman's eyes widened at the feeling of hot cum being shot inside of her with tremendous force. Her body shook uncontrollably and her mouth opened in a silent scream… but nothing came out. Her breathing simply stopped because of the overwhelming sensation…


And then it was over. Mikoto fell limply on top of her lover, breathing heavily, just like he did.

"Huff… Huff… Holy fucking shit…" She exclaimed. "What… Huff… What was that all about? You did it like you haven't seen me in ages."

Naruto smiled slightly. "Perhaps I haven't…"

Mikoto slapped his shoulder playfully. "Come on, we did it just yesterday… Remember when Fugaku…" Her eyes widened. "Shit, Fugaku!"

They both looked behind Mikoto's back… and sighed in relief, noticing that Mikoto's husband was still out like a light.

"Whew…" The woman exclaimed, standing up slowly. "Damn, I'll probably walk funny for the rest of the day."

"Hmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled, standing up as well. "Are you unhappy about it?"

"Hell no." She smirked at him. "That was the best fuck in my life." She then sat at the couch her husband was previously occupying and laid her legs on his unconscious body. "Now start talking."

"Haha!" The demon laughed hard. "Damn, put some clothes on for fuck's sake! The way you said it just now almost made me ravish you again."

Mikoto's smirk widened. "What's the problem? I have time for round two."

Naruto's smile fell. "Unfortunately I don't."

The woman sighed. "Alright, start talking then. How come you executed the plan without my help?"

Naruto sighed as well and sat in the armchair across from her. "I didn't really have a choice. It was either try myself, or die from a headache. I chose to try." He smirked and pointed down at himself. "As you can see, I chose right."

Mikoto grinned smugly. "Yeah, I also felt it."

"You meant the power surge?"

"No, I meant your dick."


"So the surge was you draining Kyuubi's power I presume?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought…" A sudden idea came into his head. 'This world is different from mine; I need to learn more about it…'

"Sure, go ahead!" Yamato replied sarcastically. "Hey, babe! Do you know I'm from the future where you died?!"

The demon paused. 'True, let's not freak her out… at least not right now.'


The blond shook his head. "Sorry, Mikoto. I just…" He took a deep breath. 'Let's try this…' "Look, when I absorbed Kyuubi's power, I also got h… his memory…"

"Sure, don't forget to mention the size of his breasts."

'Shut up.' Naruto hushed his sword. "So as you can probably guess my memory is a little fucked up right now."

"Ah." Mikoto crossed her arms. "So that's what brought on that catchphrase shit."

"Yeah, that's what." The blond nodded. "So would you be so kind as to remind me a few things?"

"Sure." She responded. "What do you want to know about?"

"Well…" Naruto paused… but then his glance stumbled upon Fugaku, who was still lying under Mikoto's naked feet. "Let's start with this… Weren't we planning the annihilation of your clan?"

Mikoto tilted her head to the side. "You don't even remember that?"

The demon shrugged. "As you can see…"

"Okay then." She said. "Yeah, we did plan it. But you halted the entire thing on the assigned date."

"I did?" Naruto asked. "Do you remember why?"

"Of course I do, I'm surprised that you don't." Mikoto stated. "You cancelled everything that day because you somehow learned that Itachi gained Mangekyo Sharingan. Then you appeared just in time to save me and defeated Itachi. You also let me kill him so I could get Mangekyo as well."

Naruto's head ached suddenly. 'That day… I remember it as if it was yesterday. I got there, yes. But I got there too late! Why?! Why I couldn't make it in time?! Where was I? I… I was with Ino! And we were preparing…' His eyes then widened with realization. 'There is no Ino in this world! Well, there is, but she never walked in on my training! She never became a part of my group! So I got straight to Mikoto and I…' A satisfied smirk appeared on his face. "I see… What happened to Itachi's body?"

The woman in front of him smirked back. "What do you think?" She asked as her eyes changed… twice.

"Hahaha, excellent!"

"Yep, you said it that time as well." Mikoto stated.

"Okay…" Naruto thought for a moment. "By the way, what the fuck? Am I really friends with Sasuke?!"

Mikoto snorted. "Yeah, sorry about that. It was my idea because I was getting sick of meeting you somewhere in secret. So I suggested you befriend Sasuke, so we could offer you to live with us." Her smirk widened. "That way we could go at it every day."

"Sounds great!"

"Indeed it does. So, when are we breaking out?"

Naruto tilted his head to the side in confusion. "What?"

Mikoto's smile fell. "Don't tell me you forgot that as well."

"Actually I did." He stated. "What's that about breaking out?"

The woman sighed. "You promised that once you drain the Kyuubi we'll break out of this hell hole together."

"Hmm…" Naruto thought. "Well, I think we can do that, but…"


"But I don't really have a place to run to… yet. And I don't want to lose you…" He said. 'Again.'

Mikoto's eyes narrowed. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?"

"No." Naruto replied. "I think that the whole world will be against me after this day. And I want to keep you away from danger for as long as I can."

Mikoto looked down. "Fine, what do you want me to do then?"

"For now nothing." Naruto replied, standing up. "Lay low, deny everything and do nothing suspicious. I think in about one and a half a year I'll return and take you out of here for good."

"Why in one and… Oh, I see. Well… Okay, if you want that then that is what I'll do." She stood up as well and walked over to hug him. "Just don't take too long. I hate it when you're not around."

Naruto paused. "And I hate leaving you like this, but…" He took out his only Hiraishin kunai. "If the situation will become critical, drop that on the ground next to you."

"Alright." She nodded and took the kunai slowly. "I'll be waiting. And be careful, the village is under the mobilization order and the Hokage is probably…"

But her sentence was interrupted with a loud girlish voice from the street.

"Daddy, daddy! I want Yondaime-sama's doll!"

"What?" Naruto walked to the window and looked outside… only to step back in shock next second. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" Mikoto asked, looking in the same window. "Since when are you afraid of civilians?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not that! Look at what they are dressed in!"

Mikoto looked out again. "Yondaime's clothes, what's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong?! Why in the blue hell are they dressed like that?!"

Mikoto raised an eyebrow. "Umm… I don't want to ridicule you, but…" She pointed her finger at the wall.

"Wha…?" Naruto turned his head and raised both eyebrows. "Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me…"

Mikoto smiled slyly. "Happy birthday, Naruto."

There was a calendar showing one date… October the 10th.

Hokage tower roof…

"All squad captains report!" Sandaime Hokage shouted. "Anyone with information about Uzumaki Naruto take a step forward!"

No one moved.

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. "Fuck me sideways…"

"You said something, Hokage-sama?"

"Wha…?" The old man turned his head. "No, nothing, Kakashi… And go to the hospital for Kami-sama's sake, your eye is still bleeding."

The jounin shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline, Hokage-sama. I must repent for my mistakes."

"What mistakes?"

"It was… It was my fault, Hokage-sama." Kakashi stated. "It was I who ridiculed Itachi on his report when he was right all along. I should've acted like a professional and at least checked it out. Instead Naruto played us all for fools and got what he wanted." He gritted his teeth. "And I will be damned if I let him escape with that."

The old man sighed. "Alright… What do you think, Enma?"

The elder closed his eyes. "I can still sense his presence. He didn't leave yet…"

Hiruzen rubbed his beard. "I wonder why he didn't sneak out yet…"

"I don't think he will sneak out anymore…" Enma stated, looking down from the roof.

"Why not?" The Hokage asked.

"Look there." Enma pointed down. "What do you see?"

"The festival is starting. Those morons have ignored my orders again! I told them to cancel it!" The old man replied. "But wait, Naruto always missed it."

Enma shook his head. "Uzumaki Naruto I know will never miss this. Get ready to take extreme measures…"


Darthemius: Well, this is it for the chapter! And now… shit, I don't even know how long it's been, but…

Here Darthemius presents to you…


As I said, guys. It's been a while since I wrote one of those, so please don't kill me right away…


OMAKE: Naruto versus the X-men…


Naruto: Rooftops… What's with these hero types?! I mean it's always rooftops or severs with them.

Darthemius: Well, then be thankful that it's not severs.

Naruto: But still, we're going to waste X-men! X-fucking-men!

Darthemius (Shrugging): What about it? If I remember correctly we wiped the Justice League. And quite frankly I think those guys were much tougher.

Naruto: You don't say. I remember almost breaking my leg on Superman's balls. Steel balls, man! Now that's an ability I'd love to have.

Darthemius (Grinning): Yeah, after all, you can't call yourself a man if you never got hit between your legs by a girl.

Naruto: Damn straight. By the way, I brought cola. Want some?

Darthemius: You need to ask?! Hand it over!


?: Hey, I heard something.

?: Yeah, and I smell… cola?

?: Cola? Oh shit…

Naruto: Well, I guess our company has arrived.

Darthemius: Yep. By the way, didn't last voice sounded somewhat familiar?

Naruto: Now that you mention it…

Wolverine: There they are!

Cyclops: Surrender yourself and you won't be harmed.

Naruto (Turning his head): Well, would you look at… What the fuck?!

Darthemius: What? What?

Naruto: Tell me something, man. How come those freaks have a bunch of hot girls, dressed in next to nothing, and we're just two guys drinking cola?!

Cyclops: I told you to surrender.

Darthemius: What do you have against cola?

Naruto: Not cola, man! Where's our girls?!

Darthemius: Well, Diana is back at home making diner and… Well fuck me if I know where they are.

Naruto: No thank you, man.

Cyclops: Hey! I'm talking to you.

Naruto: Oh yeah, sorry about that. What were you saying, condom-man?

Cyclops: W-What?!

Naruto (Shrugging): Well, you're wearing condoveralls, so I thought that's your nickname.

Cyclops: I'm not wearing any condoveralls!

Wolverine: Actually you do…

Cyclops: Enough, Logan! (To Naruto and Darthemius) You two are wanted by the government for depravity, parasitism and cola stealing! You are coming with us!

Naruto (To Darthemius): I'm telling you, man. Check it out, we have Captain Condome (Pointing at wolverine) A walking traffic sign (At Beast and Nightcrawler) Two gay brothers…

Darthemius: Why gay?

Naruto: Well, they're blue…

Darthemius: Good point.

Cyclops: Did you hear what I just said?!

Naruto: Then we have… Actually this one doesn't looks so bad. Hey you! Yeah, in a coat. What's your name?

Gambit: Gambit.

Naruto: Okay, stupid name.

Darthemius: Why stupid.

Naruto: Can be easily twisted into a Gaybit.

Darthemius: You're awfully negative towards gays tonight… It's not like I like them, but…

Naruto: Well, you were probably absent when they had their parade right on the very street we're living.

Darthemius (To the side): Have to thank Diana for that one later.


Naruto: Be quiet man, please. We're talking here.

Cyclops: Wha…?!

Naruto: Anyway, check these girls, man! Hot as my shit after I ate a fucking chili pepper!

Darthemius: Yeah, I like that blondie. Ice Queen if I remember correctly…

Naruto: Well, I more like this hot chocolate chick and her latex wearing friend.

Darthemius: What about this purple haired one?

Naruto: Very nice! I'd very much… Hey, I saw some red hair in the back! Come, out come out!

Cyclops: That does it! X-men, we're taking them in!

Darthemius: Wait a goddamn second… is that you there, Jean?

Cyclops: What?

Wolverine: Why are you hiding, Jeannie?

Storm: Do you know these men, Jean?

Jean Grey (Somewhat appearing from behind Cyclops' frame): N-No. I've never seen them before.

Naruto: Don't bullshit me, girl. You have a club card.

Darthemius: A VIP card as well.

Cyclops (Suspiciously): What is this club they're talking about, Jean?

Jean: It's um… It's a poetry club! Yes, a nice and quiet place.

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that true?

Darthemius: Actually no, not really. It's a ladies club where girls can have a full enjoyment of being a woman.

Cyclops: And how long are you a member, Jean?

Jean: I… I have just bought a card, Scott! I never even went there!

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that true?

Darthemius: Actually no, not really. She's been a member for two years.

Jean: No, Scott! You have to believe me! I've never cheated on you in my entire life!

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that…

Naruto: Man, you really don't want to know.

Cyclops: Answer me!

Naruto: Well okay… I think it was Darth and Wesker doing her from both sides, when she came so hard that she actually burned half of the place.

Darthemius: I'm still wondering where you got so much money to pay for repairs…

Cyclops (In shock): Our wedding money… Jean, you spent the money we prepared to get married for… for…!

Jean: No, Scott, please! It wasn't me, I…

Naruto: Oh, what the hell is wrong with you today, Jean?! You're no fun. Bring out the Dark Phoenix!

Darthemius (Grinning): Oh yeah. Finish me with your dick, I beg you. I don't want to HURT YOU!

Naruto (Grinning back): I… hunger, Naruto – for a joy, a rapture. Beyond all comprehension!


Cyclops: I… can't believe it. Jean, how could you do this to me? How could you betray me like this?

Jean: I…

Naruto: Wait a sec. Is this your boyfriend, Jean? The one with… tiny strudel?

Rogue: Scott has a tiny… Oh my.

Emma Frost: I'm not gunning for him anymore…

Storm: Makes sense actually…

Jean: Scot, you… you… YOU! This is actually your fault! You always insist on turning the lights off! Always insist on using condoms! You never rip my clothes to pieces! You…!

Naruto: Refuse to do you in the ass?

Jean: Exactly! (Blushing madly) I mean… I mean… IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I MEAN!

Naruto: Oh shit, here we go. How's that new place of yours?

Darthemius: Still working on it, man…

Cyclops: J-Jean?

Jean: Not anymore! I am fire and life incarnate! Now and forever – I am Phoenix!

Beast: I don't know about you, guys, but I suggest a strategic retreat…

Emma Frost: I completely agree.

Wolverine: I'm not leaving Jeannie.

Gambit: And I actually want to see Scott getting his ass kicked…


Cyclops (Burning to a crisp): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Wolverine: Okay, I'm convinced. Fuck this shit. (Running away, quickly followed by the rest of the X-men)

Naruto (Looking down at ashes that used to be Cyclops a minute ago): That's gotta hurt… But wait, weren't we paid to take down the X-men?

Darthemius: If Jean is a part them, then fuck it. (Pointing at the ashes) I don't want to become like that.

Naruto: Yep, good point. Well, nothing more to do here, so…

Jean: Nothing you say…

Darthemius: Oh fuck…

Jean (Levitating Darthemius and Naruto towards her): Got that right.

KO! Winner: Dark Phoenix!

Naruto: Hey, that ain't fair!

Jean: The world isn't fair. NOW START LICKING!


Well, that's completely it. See you next time. And of course…