A/N So, several things: first I want to apologize for this taking so damn long. I had lost my motivation to write for so long and I had been destroyed by work. Second, Holy shit! 100K+ views! Thank you all for your support and I hope that my writing continues to give you all joy. Third, I finally got a troll! It's almost like I'm a real ff writer!

Finally, Please check out the link to Fem Kisame I have in my profile. Just do it, you'll thank me later.

I do not own anything. Not Naruto, not any of the music featured. Nada.

"People Talking"

'People thinking'

"Naruto talking/singing"

'Naruto thinking'

"Bijuu talking"

'Bijuu thinking'

Read, Review and Question.

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*Tsuchi no kuni, Dirt road with a sparse amount of trees, a few days before the Clan head meeting*

Kakuza and Hisa had made a detour in a village for a night of rest in an actual bed and were now on their way towards a lead they had received on the gobi jinchuuriki… Suddenly stopping and staying still for a moment, the Akatsuki pair looked at a seemingly random patch of ground before calling out…

"Hey Shigeru, the fuck do you want?" Hisa asked as the aforementioned Shigeru emerged from the ground.

"You too, Uchiha." Kakuza said as she turned to a crow watching from a tree branch as it suddenly exploded into a murder of crows that then flew to the center of the road before rejoining and revealing the form of Izumi.

"We came to have a talk with you Kakuza." Izumi said in a monotone. Currently without her partner as she had told Kishiko to enjoy herself for a while at a hot spring in Hi no Kuni while she came here to discuss something.

"A talk? On What? And hurry it up, time is money."

"Yeah, hurry it the fuck up! I have some souls to sacrifice to Jashin-sama!"

"Very well. Tsukuyomi." Izumi replied as blood flowed from her left eye as Shigeru and Kakuza were caught within her fearsome genjutsu.

*Within the illusion*

Izumi, Kakuza and Shigeru were sitting around a decently sized and ornately decorated table, each having a cup of tea and a slice of cake with the malevolent red moon of this illusionary world shining upon them. May it never be said that Izumi was not a proper host.

"… Mind explaining?" Kakuza said with a bit of apprehension in her voice as she examined her surroundings. She had heard of Izumi's genjutsu prowess and even she would not be so foolhardy as to think she could just shrug off whatever it was that she was caught in.

"This is an incredibly powerful genjutsu that allows me absolute control over everything within this illusion. Here, I am Kami-sama herself. Usually I would use this for torture but it makes for the perfect tool if one needs to have a private discussion." Izumi said in her trademark monotone with particular stress put on the word 'private'.

"I see…" Kakuza replied before an awkward silence filled the air that was only interrupted by the soft noises of tea being sipped. Social skills weren't exactly a top priority when it came to recruiting someone into the Akatsuki…

.

.

.

"Alright, I'm tired of this bullshit. Kakuza, tell us how you know Naruto-kun. Now." Shigeru said with an icy tone that put everyone on edge.

"Shigeru is right. How do you know my Naruto-kun?" Izumi said as Shigeru began to glare at the Sharingan using kunoichi.

"Your Naruto-kun? And what makes you think that's even remotely true Uchiha?" Kakuza said with a deadly voice.

"Yes. Mine. I've known him far longer than you and I know that I have a place deep within his heart." Izumi said with a surprising amount of arrogance. Izumi would be damned if she gave the only man she ever loved away to some harlot! The calm and rational part of her mind being temporarily overpowered by the psychotic machinations of love…

"You may have known him longer but I know him better! I've been observing him for years and am the only one capable of filling his every need and desire! You two are merely deluded skanks going after my man!" Shigeru exclaimed as she slammed one of her fists on the table.

"Care to repeat that, plant-bitch?" Kakuza said as she stood up and radiated killer intent.

"Anytime you old whore." Shigeru replied as she too stood up and unleashed her own killer intent.

"Oh for fuck's sake…" Izumi said as her temporary lapse in rationality ended and she finally realized that the more they fought the less they would accomplish… So, deciding to stop the catfight that was only seconds away Izumi had both Shigeru and Kakuza suddenly enveloped in chains that allowed neither to move an inch.

"Release me Uchiha! I need to beat some sense into plant-bitch about respecting the property of other women!"

"Like anyone would be interested in an old, stitched up whore like you!"

"Quiet." Izumi tiredly said as she had the chains painfully squeeze both into submission. This would take several minutes as it seemed both were rather set on insulting one another in increasingly creative and suggestive ways... "Now, are we all calm enough to talk like the women we are and not like children?"

"Hmph."

"She started it..."

"Close enough I suppose… Well, it seems we won't be able to delve too much into the past without this all devolving into a massive fight. So I'll just get to the most important point for now; are you willing to join Shigeru and me in protecting Naruto-kun?" Izumi said with her tone shifting from tired to deadly serious as she stared into the former Takigakure kunoichi's eyes.

"What happened to those threats of staying away from your target Uchiha?" Kakuza sneered as she remembered that rather heated conversation.

"…I had to rethink my approach when Shigeru sought me out and informed me that everything was not as it seemed with leader-sama..." Izumi said after biting back the retort she wished she could have made.

"… I'll work with you and the plant-bitch but I want all the details you know. We can settle who gets Naruto-kun after we've made sure no harm comes to him." Kakuza said after some thought. If whatever this new information was had managed to unsettle someone like Izumi then it must be serious indeed. And hopefully through this rather distasteful alliance, Kakuza might find weaknesses to exploit in the inevitable fight against the plant-bitch and the Uchiha…

"Very well whore-doll. Listen closely because I won't be repeating myself…" Shigeru said as she delivered the information that had convinced Izumi into working with others. Kakuza would have what she knew of history rewritten that day…

*Back in the real world, a second after casting the illusion*

"Hey! Uchiha! The fuck is wrong with your eye!" Hisa yelled, the sight and scent of blood was making her get fidgety and caused her excitement to rise. Unfortunately(?) she was not allowed to attack her comrades unless they were traitors or attacked her first. So she had to channel that pent up energy somewhere else, in this case yelling. And probably at a brothel later on too…

"Nothing to concern yourself with Hisa. Do you understand now Kakuza?" Izumi replied nonchalantly while wiping away the blood that flowed down her face.

"Yeah. You were right to come seek my help. I'll handle my end; just make sure to do your job. Contact me if the situation changes. And I'll make sure to look for that where you said to. Let's go Hisa." Kakuza said as she rudely started to walk away. Ignoring the obscene gesture Shigeru was making at her, she would be the bigger woman after all. And when Naruto was hers, she would rub it in that plant-bitch's face…

*Konoha, council room. Present time.*

Naruto was starting to sweat from the intensity of the predatory gazes that were making him feel like a doe surrounded by wolves. 'This… This is not the best situation.' He thought to himself as he frantically thought on a way out of this. He soon came upon an answer but, for the effects he wanted he would need to build up quite a bit of chakra… Surely these veteran kunoichi would realize that they didn't need to fight thus keeping him from completing his desperate tactic…right?

"As you know Naru-kun, we Inuzuka have a powerful sense of smell and let me say; you smell good enough to eat. Fufufufufu…" Tsume uttered with a primal tone in her voice as she took a deep breath of the still smelling-like-sex Naruto. The scent of such activities had been driving her mad and it was only with colossal strength of will that she had kept it in check but, with that restraint now no longer needed she bolted towards the captured blonde as she could feel a distinct wetness forming in her panties. Although, a few feet from the immobile blonde she was immediately captured by a shadow that branched off from the one controlling Naruto. "What the fuck Shikiko!?"

"Sorry Tsume-chan, but it would be troublesome if I allowed you to take Naruto-kun with you. Cho! Inoko!" Shikiko yelled as both of her comrades jumped into action in trying to grab Naruto. Only for a cloud of insects to quickly surround the blonde, preventing anyone from getting near as Asahi and Mikoto both took positions near the surprised Inoko and Choko in order to disable them. Shikiko could hear loud buzzing coming from Shibiru and knew that if she tried to stop Asahi and Mikoto then she would feel those famed Aburame insects firsthand…

"It seems we are in a bit of a debacle." Shibiru said with a serious tone.

"Indeed. Now, it would be appreciated if you released Naruto-kun Shikiko. He and I need to have a talk about what occurred with my daughter." Asahi said with an authoritative tone.

"A talk? I doubt that Asahi-chan. It would be best if Naruto-kun came with me. I could keep him safe at my compound while explaining everything he needs to know about being a clan head." Mikoto said with lust permeating her every word when it came to talking about Naruto.

"I believe the most logical choice in this matter would be for Naruto-kun to come with me to the Aburame compound. He would be able to think through this new situation without being sexually assaulted…" Shibiru directed a pointed look towards Inoko, Mikoto and Tsume. "…or forced into a binding agreement that would turn him into a member of a different clan and then sexually assaulted."

At this final statement Shibiru looked at Asahi who defiantly looked back. Naruto needed to take responsibility for sleeping with her daughter damn it! And if it meant he would become an honorary member of the most prestigious clan in Konoha and consequently father a new generation of Hyuga then so be it. Her duty to her clan demanded nothing less!

"And would the Aburame be doing this out of the kindness of their hearts Shibiru-chan? Or is there another reason for Naruto to stay with your clan? Say a love struck daughter…" Shikiko questioned as the buzzing coming from Shibiru became much louder, proving her point. Before anything else could be said however, the constantly mentioned but apparently forgotten Naruto finished the preparation of his own countermeasures and started to sing.

XX 'What you won't do for love' by Bobby Caldwell XX

I guess you wonder where I've been
I searched to find a love within
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

Quickly realizing that they were about to fall victim to the Siren's Song, the clan heads tried to use the standard method of dispelling genjutsu: disrupting their chakra. This of course did nothing as they found that the amount and potency of Naruto's chakra was overriding their own. They were trapped…

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

Each clan head felt themselves lose control of their bodies as a tingling sensation was felt across the entirety of their skin. An ethereal mist soon appeared that covered them and obscured their vision as if wrapping them in a massive blanket. As the feeling intensified, they realized what the feeling was; the feathery light touches of hands mimicked by this strange mist.

Some people go around the world for love
But they may never find what they dream of
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world only you makes me do
For love what I would not do

As the clan heads struggled to find some way out of this predicament, something wondrous started to happen. The room they once occupied became a dark void where no one else existed but themselves and the strange mist before that too disappeared along with their clothing. Each clan head found themselves alone in this empty void for a few brief seconds until each felt a strong pair of arms wrapped around them. Having minimal control of their own bodies, each clan head still managed to look behind them to the new presence.

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

"Naruto-kun!?" they all somehow managed to yell in unison even if they could not even feel their fellow clan heads existence at the moment. This Naruto only smiled and placed a sensuous kiss on the surprised clan heads lips that quickly silenced each one. As each clan head continued to make out with the new presence, the multiple Naruto's each started to fondle the breasts of the clan heads. This new sensation (and the knowledge of who was doing it) quickly made each clan head go mad with lust as these illusionary Naruto's displayed a wealth of techniques when it came to fondling their breasts and occasionally twisting and tweaking their nipples. This continued on for an untold amount of time before suddenly the illusionary Naruto's became more aggressive.

But then I only want the best it's true
They can't believe the things I do for you
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you won't give up
In my world, only you make me do
For love what I would not do
Make me do for love what I would not do

Each illusionary Naruto reached a single arm downward before immediately inserting a finger into the sopping wet pussy of whichever clan head it was currently making out with. Each illusionary Naruto then started what would end up being the best fingering any of the clan heads had ever gotten (for now) as each clan head would orgasm powerfully over and over again. This went on for untold amounts of time before each clan head eventually collapsed, minds and bodies overwhelmed with pleasure and their senses overloaded. It should also be noted that each had lost most of their chakra but considering how it was lost, it seemed like a fair trade.

*Real world*

Naruto nearly collapsed from the strain of using Siren's song in such a way. Numbing and manipulating a group's senses while simultaneously draining their chakra, anchoring them to the ground, all the while bypassing or overpowering the seals in the room meant to disrupt genjutsu being actively cast and the particular illusion he used took quite some work. Especially since had he done it for too long or too quickly, they would never be waking up again... Thankfully he had managed to recoup a good chunk of his energy expenditure. Looking at the currently floored clan heads, he saw each with a deliriously happy smirk or grin and could even see a rather wet spot on the crotch of each one. Naruto then noticed that his illusion had even affected the pair of hidden (well, not anymore considering they too were on the floor in a boneless heap) Anbu meant to protect the clan heads.

"Lot of help they were…" Naruto muttered in annoyance as he walked towards the door before stopping to take a moment to converse with his ever present lover.

"You may want to lay low for a while Naruto-kun, let everyone cool off so they'll think rationally and all that. After all, by this point there could be a horny army out there waiting for you. As much as I want you to get laid, I'd rather it to be consensual, well mostly…" Kurama said before her mind wandered into some of the more adventurous fantasies she had involving her favorite blonde.

'You may be right Kura-chan. But where? My home is not safe at the moment considering I would be mobbed before being able to get into it. And I think it's rather obvious what would happen if I stayed with any single clan…'

"The forest? Cover your tracks well and use those clones of yours as a distraction."

'That just might work… Alright. I'll go with your plan Kura-chan.' Naruto thought back as he readied himself to open the council doors. Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing himself, he threw open the doors. Then Naruto created the familiar sign for the shadow clone jutsu as hundreds of clones came into existence. As one, they all jumped into action, each heading in a different direction and uttering a battle cry.

*The forest, several hours later*

Naruto was currently taking a break after running at full speed for so long. He was still getting the occasional feedback from one of his clones, detailing the various ways they had been destroyed. It seemed that Kurama had been right about there being a horny army, but she hadn't anticipated that there would be several different horny armies. The fangirl horde had recovered and currently flooded several sections of Konoha while several clans had banded together to try and track Naruto down and deal with the raving horde (the Aburame, Nara, Akimichi and Yamanaka being those clans). The Hyuga (lead by Hinata and Nejiko) instead were conducting their own search as they clashed with several smaller factions of non-clan kunoichi who started their own groups. Although these 'fights' were more along the lines of hair pulling and clothes ripping, much to Naruto's inner joy.

What was frightening however was the ways his clones had been destroyed… Naruto would never look at some of his kunoichi comrades the same again. Although his opinion on the fangirls remained roughly the same.

'Who knew that losing my virginity would set off such a reaction…'

"Well, considering what your genes are worth it shouldn't be too surprising. Question is, how are you going to keep yourself safe in this new climate?"

'I… I don't know. I cannot continue like this or else there will be war the moment I get close to anyone.'

"Hmm, there's a powerful chakra signature not far from here. We can continue this conversation after making sure it isn't a threat."

'Understood.' Naruto thought back, thankful for a distraction to his current predicament.

*Roughly ten minutes later, Waterfall*

Naruto had tracked down the powerful chakra signature and was now on the outskirts of a waterfall. At the moment he was hiding within the foliage in order to observe whoever was giving off such a powerful aura. As he peered through the foliage, Naruto's breath hitched in his throat as he gazed upon something wonderful.

Standing atop the small lake formed by the waterfall was a tall woman, at least six foot four by his estimation, practicing kata's with an absolutely massive sword while wearing a black string bikini with red clouds on both the top and bottoms and a headband keeping the hair out of her face featuring the same color pattern. Although her sword was odd in the way that it seemed to be made of scales… While this in itself was an interesting sight, what really caught Naruto's attention was the woman's beauty; her skin being a strangely enchanting shade of blue, her body was toned and muscular while retaining a certain softness and it would be careless not to mention her magnificent breasts that were only a bit smaller than a certain blond haired medic he had met some time ago. These alluring features were complemented by an angular face that gave the unknown woman a dangerous beauty that made her all the more pleasing to the eye.

"So, are you going to keep ogling me or are you going to say hello?" The unknown woman suddenly said as she stopped her kata's and stared directly at Naruto's hiding place, a small smirk on her face as Naruto slowly emerged.

"Heheh, sorry about that. I was just passing by and was mesmerized by your form." Naruto replied with an awkward laugh as he scratched his cheek in embarrassment.

"Huh, never thought I'd hear someone being so blunt about staring at my goods." The woman said as she placed the massive sword on her shoulder while using her other hand to squeeze one of her breasts seductively. 'Holy shit… This may be my lucky day! I might finally get some action!' She inwardly thought to herself. It wasn't everyday that a half naked and incredibly attractive man wandered into her camp.

"Uh, what!? I-I meant your swordsmanship!" Naruto said hurriedly as a blush rose to his face. 'Why am I so attracted to her?'

"Calm down handsome. I figured as much. So is there a reason you were creeping around the forest?"

"I… needed to clear my head and think a bit."

"I see." The unknown woman said before walking to shore and sitting down. After making herself comfortable she looked at Naruto before making a 'come here' sign and pointing to a patch of ground near her. Naruto complied and was now sitting rather close to a woman he was sure could probably kick his ass (or at least give him a run for his money) and whose name he still did not know. "So, my name is Kishiko. Yours blondie?"

"Err, Naruto." Naruto replied. And for a brief moment, Naruto thought he saw a flicker of recognition cross Kishiko's eyes before it immediately vanished, leaving Naruto to wonder if he had imagined it or merely confused it for something else.

"What seems to be ailing you Naruto-kun? Girl trouble?" Kishiko said with a perverted leer that seemed much too natural on her face.

"You could say that…"

"Hah! I love it when I'm right. So, going with those looks of yours I'm guessing you either got too many or got several pregnant. Which one is it?"

"T-t-the former." Naruto said as he nervously thought on how much worse things would currently be if he had gotten multiple girls pregnant.

"That certainly is a problem you sly dog you. So, are you going to dump any of them?"

"That's the thing; I don't want to break any of their hearts. I just want to be able to keep them from tearing out each other's, or mine for that matter, throats while I figure things out." Naruto said tiredly as he thought on how badly things had gotten out of control.

"Huh. Well the solution is simple isn't it?" Kishiko said as she adjusted her position in a way that further showed off her wonderful body (whether she did this on purpose or not, Naruto could not tell).

"Really? What is it?" Naruto asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye while a mischievous gleam shown in Kishiko's.

"Yeah. You need to stop being such a little bitch." Kishiko said with an all too sincere smile. Izumi was the one with the subtly in their partnership after all.

"…Come again?" Naruto asked with a rather substantial sweat drop starting to form.

"Exactly what I said Naruto-kun. The reason it got so bad is because you keep being indecisive. You can't have just moments of being authoritative. You need to put your foot down and keep it down or else this will continue to happen. You aren't some spineless harem manga protagonist who goes with the flow are you?" Kishiko said with a wide smile that showcased her sharply pointed teeth.

"No…"

"Good. Now act like it and make your stance known. If they aren't willing to listen to you then, well you certainly don't want them to be part of your little sex group do you?" Kishiko said with a perverted tone.

"… You're right Kishiko-chan. I need to make sure they all know that I'm not just a piece of meat or a prize to be won." Naruto said with a certain determination entering his voice as he stood up. Resolve forming in him as he was about to conquer Konoha in a way that had never been attempted before. "Thank you Kishiko-chan. Without you I don't think I would have come to this conclusion. Or at least I wouldn't have come to it in time to avoid a lot of terrible situations. If you are ever in Konoha, please seek me out so I can properly thank you." Naruto said with a warm and grateful smile gracing his face that left the normally unshakable Kishiko a hue of red she doubted she had ever been.

"I'm sure we will meet again soon Naruto-kun. And I'll be holding you to that reward. Fufufufu…" Kishiko said as she watched (ogled) Naruto leave, a new sense of confidence in his stride.

"Oh, and before I forget; you were ridiculously sexy while doing those kata's." Naruto said as he suddenly stopped and gave Kishiko a perverted grin that made her lower lips quiver and caused her heartbeat to skyrocket. "I've been trained in wielding a blade as well in case you ever need a partner. Just felt you needed to know." Naruto finished as he finally vanished into the forest.

.

.

.

"Hah! I guess my little pep talk really did give him quite a bit of confidence, eh Samehada?" Kishiko said after taking a few moments to calm herself down. She had never been popular with either gender because of her looks (being over six foot and blue tended to make others regard her a bit differently) and reputation (s ranked criminals weren't exactly 'popular' in any good sense of the word) so being complimented like that had been quite a shock to her.

"Gigigigigigigi…" The sentient sword replied to a once again blushing Kishiko.

"What!? Of course I don't have a crush on the guy! I barely know him! I just did this to see the kind of guy Izumi would risk her neck for."

"Gigigigigigigigigigigigi." The sword seemingly giggled out.

"Sh-sh-shut up! What do you know? Hmph." Kishiko said with obvious embarrassment as she readied herself to leave. She had been incredibly lucky that Naruto had pretty much landed in her lap, keeping her from having to sneak into Konoha. But even so if she didn't hurry, she wouldn't make the rendezvous point on time and Izumi might get suspicious…

*Konoha several hours later, Nightfall*

Naruto had just returned to Konoha and was stealthily making his way back to his home where, if his most recent clones were right, the heads of each faction were currently fiercely fighting it out. In the mayhem of the current riots, Naruto was able to sneak past any defenses and easily made it to a good vantage point to see that his clones were in fact correct. He was glad that there wasn't some super powerful kunoichi criminal nearby or this lax security would surely backfire horrendously. Taking a deep breath, creating a new batch of clones and receiving encouragement from Kurama, Naruto leapt into the middle of the battle happening in front of his home before unleashing a powerful blast of chakra to gather everyone's attention.

"Quiet. ALL OF YOU." Naruto said with authority lacing his very presence as his voice echoed everywhere (aided by the clones he had seeded throughout the surrounding area). "I have returned here to fix a mistake that I have caused with my incompetence. I am Naruto Uzumaki, Head of the Uzumaki clan. I am not a piece of meat nor a trophy to be won and shown off. I will choose who I take as a lover, wife or even a casual sex friend. Now be gone, for if not you will all receive my wrath." Naruto finished with an intense feeling of anger in his voice as he blasted killer intent towards everyone (aided by Kurama who was adding some of her own for a better effect). The result was immediate as the surrounding area soon cleared as terrified kunoichi and fangirls fled en masse in order to avoid the wrath of Naruto.

After several minutes, Naruto was left alone. Having stopped the massive riots that had plagued Konoha for hours with merely the mention of his wrath and the strength of his will. Naruto then slowly walked towards his home before quickly entering, locking it and activating the seals.

Naruto the wandering musician was gone.

Naruto Uzumaki, the new Uzumaki clan head was now here and he would be a force to be reckoned with.

*Omake: The always watching Anbu pair, Tortoise and Hare*

Currently, the pair of hidden Anbu in charge of protecting the clan heads were watching the Sandiame turn Naruto into a clan head before the angered Hokage left in a huff.

"Hey, what do you think will happen now?" Tortoise 'said' using a secret Anbu sign language to communicate with her also in hiding partner.

"I'm hoping for an orgy." Hare signed back.

"Ah, I- Wait! What?"

"You know, all these sexy milf's gangbanging that sweet piece of ass there."

"Oh Kami-sama… When did you turn into a pervert, Hare?"

"Hey! Don't judge me Ms. 'They're romance novels, not porn!'."

"Because they aren't porn! They just feature the logical conclusion of love in a graphic way."

"Yeah, porn."

"Well at least I'm not a voyeur!"

"Meh, I can live with being called that if it means getting to see what I'm about to, fufufufufu… Besides, maybe I can even get in on the action. I heard he has an incredible mastery over shadow clones and unless my eyes are lying to me, a meatstick that could double as a third leg…"

"Well… We do have a stressful job… I guess having a bit of 'relief' wouldn't be a bad thing…"

"That's the spirit. Now, let's find a way to get in on-Shit." Hare started to say before finding herself trapped within Naruto's song. It seems having a heated conversation on perversion instead of watching the clan heads would bite her on the ass. Well, considering what she and Tortoise were about to experience, maybe it wasn't such a bad punishment after all…

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A/N Aaaaaand there you go. Naruto has just unknowingly met an Akatsuki member (since Jiyuna isn't in the picture yet, no one knows a damn thing about the Akatsuki except for Danieru), has now pretty much come into full Casanova status and will be able to build his harem the way he wants.

The Chunin exam arc should start next chapter by the way.

Seriously though, check out Fem Kisame in my profile. I fucking love that picture.

Read, Review and question my friends.