"So we have to join a club within the first two months?" said Harry, walking down the road looking at various clubs with bored interest.
"What about the swimming club?" suggested Tsukune.
"Pass," said Moka and Harry in unison.
"I can't go near water," said Moka.
"One, I can't swim very well to begin with and two, only an idiot goes into a water club that's full of homicidal mermaids," said Harry flatly.
"Homicidal mermaids?" said Tsukune dumbly.
"What else would run a swimming club in a school full of monsters? And I'm making the general assumption that they're homicidal based on the fact nearly everything that attends this school has so far tried to eat you," said Harry.
"He has a point you know," said Moka.
"Of course they could be Merrow, but at the moment I'm leaning towards mermaids," continued Harry.
"What are merrow?" asked Tsukune. Moka looked equally confused.
"Merrow, the Scottish variant of mermaids. Of course most of those tales aren't nearly as friendly as that of mermaids...probably because merrow are part of the faerie set."
"So what do you want to join?" asked Tsukune nervously. Most of the clubs would eat him alive.
"Magic club. Or flying clubs, if they allow brooms or show me where to find another way to fly," said Harry promptly.
Being allowed to fly outside whenever he damn well pleased after classes was a godsend. Sometimes he didn't even have to wait for class to end!
"What about a nice normal club?" asked Tsukune nervously.
Harry paused, turned to Tsukune and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Tsukune, you'll just have to live with the fact that your roommate has nothing normal about him," he said solemnly. Moka giggled behind them.
"What about the newspaper club?" suggested Tsukune, casting an idea for something relatively normal.
"Boring! How about the ruin explorers guild?" suggested Harry, seeing a sign.
"So what exactly do you do?" asked Harry.
"We explore the various ruins around the school in search of treasure," said the zombie flatly.
"Neat. What positions are open?"
"Packmule, the whiny Voice of Reason, and the curse breaker," said the zombie back.
"Oi, Tsukune! Get your ass over here, I found the perfect club for you and Moka!" shouted Harry.
"What sort of club is this?" asked Tsukune.
"One in desperate need of someone with common sense," said Harry a little too cheerfully.
"You good with common sense?" asked the zombie.
"A little, why?" asked Tsukune.
"Good. Join us and try to keep us from going into the more obvious traps and you get a cut out of any treasure, even if you're the most useless monster around," said the zombie.
"Got any room for a vampire?" asked Moka.
"You any good?" asked the Zombie.
"She gets a major upgrade if the rosario she's wearing is taken off," said Harry.
"You're in. What about you kid?"
"This club have any issues if I join the magic club too?"
"Three of our members are part of that, so we try to avoid scheduling conflicts."
"What good are you?" asked a werewolf, who was the Club's esteemed leader.
"A level fifteen trouble magnet and known for getting out of life-threatening situations. I already have prior experience so I won't lose my head in a crisis," said Harry promptly.
That had been one of his more...interesting...conversations with Yukari. He quickly learned not to look too deep into it or he might regret having a stalker best friend and a rather persistent underage witch who desperately wanted in his pants for some reason.
Had he known about the fact that several others would follow his example, he might have thought twice about leaving England. Or not.
"You're in," said the werewolf.
"By the way, what are the standards for this school?" asked Harry.
"Pretty lax. So long as you can read and speak somewhat intelligently and aren't classified as fully human you can get in. though it's preferred that you be under a hundred years in to start," said the werewolf promptly, having looked up that response.
Mostly because she wanted to know why there were so many idiots in the school.
"Hmm...this bears a rather well thought out response to this news..." said Harry on the way out, having been given a book on what the trouble magnet's job was.
Basically he made things a little harder than normal and got a bigger cut of the prize should he help get them out of the dungeon alive.
I have a proposition for you and Remus that you might both like. I have recently learned that the standards for being allowed to join this school of mine are lax. So lax that the test is simple and to become a student you just need to be at least fifteen but younger than a hundred.
I should note that if you agree to join me, then you will most likely find a girlfriend who won't give a damn that you are a falsely convicted man or a werewolf. And just to be clear here Remus, there are several werewolves here. And you might get a job out of this.
Plus I have been informed by the goblins that graduating from this school also counts in the muggle world so you should be able to hide much better.
Now before you say no to more classes, I would like to point out that if you go through with this then you will be out of Dumbledore's thumb and into the fresh air.
Not to mention the fact that I can finally hex you whenever you make Sirius/serious pun and beat your arse in Quidditch.
Harry grinned as he set off the letter to Hedwig, who dropped it off at the nearest owlry in Japan.
"Everyone I would like to introduce two transfers," said Ms. Nekonome.
One looked about sixteen and had gray-blue eyes. His mischievous smirk drew the attention of most of the girls. The other was about fourteen and had half-lidded gray eyes and long pale blond hair. Harry recognized both immediately.
"Hullo Luna, Sirius," he said grinning.
"You are officially the best godson a man could trick his best friend into having," said Sirius happily as he sat next to Harry.
"Swapped Dumbledore's lemon drops for Lily's left over birth control from before the wedding," explained Sirius. She had stopped using it after the two decided to have kids and James had thought it a far too amusing prank not to try.
"And Luna?" asked Harry.
"I'm a reporter. When I heard where you were going Daddy agreed to let me go so long as I joined the newspaper club and revamp it. He's friends with the club supervisor," said Luna.
"Coincidentally I heard that a Veela girl is going to be joining the next class over," said Sirius with a smirk.
"About a year and a half younger than Luna," said Sirius.
"Kurumu is going to be pissed. She hates Veela," snickered Harry. He had a good idea who it was too, at least if that stream of French Gabrielle had said that he had translated after the tournament was anything to go by.
"So, who's available and who's not?" asked Sirius with a devil-may-care grin.
"So far the vampire and succubus have been claimed by Tsukune over here. His cover story is that he's a squib which keeps the majority of the monsters off his case. There's a girl name Mizore two classes over and if I'm right the Veela girl and a child genius is on my team," said Harry after thinking about it.
"Good god, this place is the natural breeding ground for threesomes!" said Sirius salivating.
"And from what I can tell there isn't any real rules to keep teachers and students from pairing up, though that's mostly a guess since the headmaster hasn't tried to stop the four murders I've seen off hand since I got here."
"Murders?" said Sirius.
"You're free to retaliate and defend if you like, but it's mostly the weaker monsters who don't have enough power to fight back that get killed this early on in the semester," said Harry.
"Why are you attending this place again?"
"No Malfoys, blood purity or the study guides from hell," said Harry flatly. He loved Hermione like a sister, but her compulsive studying habit he could do without.
"Carry on then," said Sirius cheerfully. So what if murder was common around here? With perks like the ones Harry listed and high chances of acquiring a threesome before the year was out, he was going to suffer the hell that was school!
Remus was already working as a substitute teacher here to replace anyone who got killed by the students.
It was dinner when Harry was tackled by twin missiles, one slightly older than the first.
"I thought it would be you. How's Fluer, Gabrielle?" asked Harry with a grin.
She replied with a long stream of French that swiftly turned to English with a simple charm he learned.
"She is fine, and wishes me luck," said Gabrielle.
"How on Earth did you all know which school I switched to, might I ask?"
"Your owl is most noticeable. Someone mentioned a boy buying up certain beauty products owning a snow owl and it was easy to make a wild guess where it was heading."
"Good thing Dumbledore and his lackeys have as much common sense to fill a thimble," said Harry cheerfully, sitting down.
"So you have a racket supplying beauty products to the girls here?" asked Sirius.
"They pay me a small fee and I supply them with decent products. The higher the fee the better the quality I supply," said Harry.
"That's my godson!" said Sirius with a cheer.
"So just to be clear, this new guy is really your godfather who drank a potion that removed a few years and the substitute teacher in charge of magical creatures is your uncle," said Kurumu.
"Yup. Luna here is from my school and Gabrielle figured out I wasn't at Hogwarts anymore and convinced her parents to let her come," said Harry grinning.
Kurumu glared at the younger girl, who had long since figured out what she was.
"What do you want hussy?" asked Gabrielle coldly.
"What did you call me you little tramp?!" said Kurumu angrily. This quickly escalated into an all out cat-fight between the girls, with Sirius adding a quick oil charm to the mix.
Finally Mizore managed to stop them by freezing both of them with ice. They were in a rather...compromising...position.
"Now why are you two fighting anyway?" asked Moka. She ignored the disappointment on Sirius and Harry's face...and made a mental note of the slight nosebleed on Tsukune's.
"I'm not about to let this hussy get Tsukune!" said Kurumu defiantly.
"I will not allow this...hag get Harry!" said Gabrielle with a hiss.
The two looked at each other, realizing that neither of them wanted the other's man.
"Truce?" said Kurumu.
"Truce," said Gabrielle.
"I officially love this school," said Sirius with a shit-eating grin. So what if he had to learn muggle subjects and actually learn something. He got to see fights like this and spend time with his godson! A win-win!
"You want us to join the newspaper club?" said Harry. He liked the tomb raiders club. It was fun!
Tsukune had nearly been killed twice since joining the ruin explorers club, even if the payout was pretty good. As the official Voice of Reason (capital letters included) he had managed to keep most of the group alive.
Harry got more treasure than he did because he was the group trouble magnet and he also got them out of most traps.
Tsukune, however, was more interested in a normal club.
"I like not having to worry about my life every time I step into someplace dark!" he countered.
"Meh. If you want to join, the go ahead and join. Be sure to say hi to Luna for me will you?" said Harry bored.
"You're not coming with me?" asked Tsukune upset.
Harry's right eyebrow twitched. This was falling into a far too familiar and unwanted pattern.
"No, I am not joining that club. For one thing, I already happen to be in three and the newspaper club doesn't interest me in the least. For another, you hardly need me around to hold your hand when you have someone like Moka around to protect you and the hanger-on Kurumu," said Harry flatly.
He didn't want a repeat of Hermione and Ron, always hanging off him just to absorb his so called glory.
He liked having free time, and he could usually leave Yukari with Remus for an hour or two in exchange for magic lessons while he went out flying by himself. It was very relaxing, having actual time alone to himself.
Tsukune eventually joined the newspaper club, which had Moka and Kurumu promptly following him into. Luna greated them with open arms, as she had already 'trained' the resident werewolf to stop trying to peep on her while she wore a skirt.
Threatening to give him a Brazilian wax without any pain killers and then geld him with a very painful cutting charm worked wonders on his voyeurism.
"So remind me again why we're doing this?" asked Sirius, having joined the explorer's guild entirely out of boredom.
"We're raiding one of the various areas that are considered too dangerous for habitation in search of gold and or treasure! Possibly losing one of our valued cannon...I mean comrades along the way!"
"You were about to call them cannon fodder, weren't you?" said Samantha sweatdropping.
"Yes," said Harry bluntly.
Samantha turned to look at their newest recruits for the club (they were greedy idiots to join for the gold) and shook her head, as Guild leader she couldn't exactly blame their trouble magnet for being unusually blunt.
Considering he actually enjoyed living in a school full of monsters who believed witches and wizards were the scum of the monster race, she could clearly tell he had more than a few screws loose.
"Come my minion! We have much plundering ahead!" said Harry far too cheerfully to be normal.
"Well, at least he's never left us high and dry like the last idiot..." said the werewolf girl.