Oh my god, I haven't updated in forever! My bad! I hope you guys are still interested!
Dean had never been patient. Everything had to happen fast, no breaks and no pauses. Dean didn't have time to pause. He needed to be on all the time. Sam was the one that would stop, he'd be the one to savour the moment and make Dean see the beauty of a paused moment too. Dean's life was a constant blur of events, drinking, hunting, sex, then more drinking, but Sam made him stop. Sam made time stop, the blur to clear and all Dean could ever see was Sam. Dean felt that is his life seemed to be a jumble of unimportant confusion unless he was with Sam. Dean never wanted time to speed up with Sam, he didn't want to drown out his voice and blur out his face.
If there was one thing John Winchester had learned about his eldest, it was to never interrupt or try to hurry Dean's Sammy time. Dean didn't care if he had to wait thirty minutes because Sam had one more chapter to read or if he had to drive an extra ten miles because there was a diner that served Sam's favourite coffee. Dean forgot time and what it meant if he could make Sam smile. If Dean could he would make time stand still when he was with Sam and he would never allow those dimples to leave his little brother's face or to see that downcast look in Sam's eyes that had been present a lot more than Dean would like.
Once again, time stopped as Sam and Dean sat in the car together. The car they had grown up in, Dean could still clearly see the young Sam with his mop of curly hair and his bright eyes sitting in the backseat forever asking questions about everything and nothing. Dean could remember running his fingers through the unruly curls when Sam would finally give in to his drooping his eyes and willingly fall asleep on his brother, safe in the knowledge that nothing could hurt him. Back then, Sam would look at Dean like he had all the answers, like he was better than every superhero. Now Sam wasn't looking at Dean at all, his head was leaning on the window with his eyes looking downward.
Dean wondered if he had lost Sam, his Sam.
Sam could feel his brother's eyes on him, he always knew when Dean was looking at him because Dean was never not looking at him. It had always made Sam feel protected, like nothing bad could ever happen when his big brother was looking out for him but now the ever present stare unnerved Sam. It made him feel exposed, he could see Dean looking through him, peeling back his skin to look inside. Dean always knew what Sam was thinking, even when Sam wasn't all that sure.
Sam's head was in a whirlwind of thoughts. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. Sam was never very good at acting first and asking questions later, that was Dean. But Sam didn't have enough time to think about what he was doing, he never had time anymore. He hadn't had any time since Dean had made that stupid deal.
Sam decided that this one time he could not think. So he didn't. He didn't think when he leant over and grabbed Dean's face. He didn't think when he crashed his lips to his brothers. Sam just didn't think.
Again, sorry for the wait. Let me know what you think and if I should keep writing this. Much love x