Author's Note: After a brief hiatus, we've returned! Sorry for taking so long with this, but work just gets in the way. This episode is dedicated to Sailor Shining Star, who begged for the Amazoness Quartet to appear on the show. I only felt it was right and good to give her a cameo, and I really hope she doesn't get insulted by it. I'm not making fun of her, honest!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Sailor Moon affiliated. I do own Jess, and my friend owns Lauren, because they're us. Oh, and Sailor Shining Star owns herself, at least, I'm pretty sure she does…
Past Your Bedtime!
With Hosts, Jess and Lauren
Special Guests: The Amazoness Quartet
[The lights go up onstage. Jess is sitting behind the desk and Lauren is sitting on the guest couch, as usual.]
Jess: Hello, and welcome once more to Past Your Bedtime! I am Jess of the Clan of the White Dragon, and this is Lauren of the Clan of Sidekick.
Jess: On tonight's show, we have some very special guests, indeed! We finally got the real Haruka and Michiru! I would like everyone to—
[A rock suddenly crashes through a window somewhere (because rocks always crash through windows) and hits Jess square in the back of the head.]
Jess: OUCH! What in the name of Escaflowne was that?!
Lauren: (Picks up the rock) It looks like a rock. And, surprise surprise, there's a note tied to it.
Jess: (Rubbing the back of her head) Well, read it.
Lauren: It's made from letters cut out of magazines. Oh, that is so cliché!
Jess: Read it!
Lauren: Okay, okay! No need to yell. It says, "Put the Amazoness Quartet on the show or a disaster beyond your imagination will occur." It's signed—
Jess: It better not say "Opera Ghost."
Lauren: No, it's Sailor Shining Star.
Jess: (Looks puzzled) Oh. Well, in that case, I'd hate to disappoint a fan. Bring on the Amazoness Quartet!
[Four balls fly onstage. As each passes the camera, a member of the Amazoness Quartet appears. Soon, PallaPalla, CereCere, VesVes, and JunJun are all seated on the couch. Jess and Lauren's eyes widen at the sight of the scantly clad girls and quickly avert their eyes.]
Lauren: Wow, you guys got here fast.
PallaPalla: Yep! We knew we'd be on your show sooner or later, so we've been hiding in the audience. Pretty sneaky, right?
VesVes: And we even took their dream mirrors for Zirconia.
Lauren: (Looking out into the audience) I guess that explains why all of our audience members have been so quiet tonight.
Jess: Hey, since you mentioned Zirconia, I've got a question for you. What's up with that guy? Why's he so androgenous? I mean, he's a guy, or maybe a girl. He was changed in the dub for no reason, and he's a scary, wrinkly old bag.
CereCere: Zirconia's a woman! Stop refering to her as "him"!
Jess: Okay, sorry. Anyway, I've been wondering something.
Amazoness Quartet: Yes?
Jess: You guys are younger than the Sailor Scouts, I'm assuming. So why in the world to you have such…er…developed bodies?
Lauren: Yeah! You're only freaking eight years old!
JunJun: Well, I…
VesVes: We're uh…
PallaPalla: We're from the circus!
Amazoness Quartet: Yeah!
Jess: Oh, circus freaks, huh? Well, the least you could do is put on some decent clothes! You must be freezing, running around in your underwear like that.
Lauren: For the love of all that is good and holy, cover up!
CereCere: But we're from the Dead Moon Circus. We have to wear stupid outfits like this!
JunJun: Yeah. Remember how the Amazon Trio dressed?
Lauren: (Shivers slightly) Eugh, don't remind me of them.
Jess: Yeah, me either!
Lauren: But I thought you were dating Tiger's Eye, Jess.
Jess: Not anymore. The jerk broke up with me. Said my dreams just weren't beautiful enough for him.
VesVes: He said that? What a cad!
Jess: Tell me about it! I swear, guys can be such losers sometimes! (Cheers up suddenly) Well, at least now I'm free to go after Duo! Man, he's just the hottest gundam pilot around!
[Jess gets a goofy smile on her face and practically melts onto her desk. Little sparkles dance in front of her eyes as she thinks about Duo. The others look at her strangely, but she is completely oblivious.]
Lauren: Um, I don't think Jess'll be returning to us anytime soon.
CereCere: So, what do we do if the host zones out?
Lauren: I don't know. It's never happened before. I guess I'll have to ask the questions now.
PallaPalla: Then ask away!
Lauren: Okay. First off, why do you guys have such repetative names? I mean, do you really need to be PallaPalla? Why not just Palla?
PallaPalla: I like my name! It makes me happy!
Lauren: (Raising an eyebrow) Uh, right. Let's just move on to the next question. I was wondering why you guys don't just give up the circus thing and play pool.
JunJun: What do you mean?
Lauren: You four must be the best pool players in the world. I mean, you hit the cueball, bank it off about twenty walls, then it hits your target directly in the back. If you guys went to a big pool championship match, you could make a mint!
CereCere: Well, we would, but we're too young to be professional anythings.
PallaPalla: Yeah! We're never gonna grow up!
Lauren: Geez, you guys! What, do you think you're in Never Never Land?! You're going to gorw up eventually!
[Lauren and the Amazoness Quartet start screaming at each other. All the noise interrupts Jess's reverie. She glares at the arguing group. Then, with an evil smirk on her face, she pushes a button on the desk. Immediately, a trap door opens up under the couch, sending Lauren and the Amazoness Quartet plunging into the dark abyss (ten dollar word!), screaming all the way down. Jess grins happily.]
Jess: Now to get back to Duo. Ahhh, what a cutie-pie!
[Once more, Jess gets that far-off look in her eyes. For several minutes, nothing happens. Then Jess realizes that the camera is still focused on her.]
Jess: (To camera operator) Now would be a good time to fade out, you know.
[Jess gazes off dreamily as the camera fades out.]
Author's End Note: I really do have an unhealthy obsession with a certain gundam pilot. Just the mere mention of his name is enough to send me into a dreamlike trance. I'm weird like that. Maybe I should get those Gundam Wing boys on the show…