I've been wanting to write something like this for a while, so I thought I might give it a shot. It's pretty crack-y, so don't take it too seriously, please!
Pretty much, this is the story of some of the characters and their discovery of yaoi fanfics about themselves. In later chapters I shall explore some of the common types of fanfictions and reactions involved. I don't want to offend anyone; there's a bit of light-hearted bashing of certain things, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy reading them!
I love you guys; if you're offended, that wasn't my intention at all. Any references made that resemble fanfics other than my own are purely coincidental, and I do not own songs, items, movies etc that may be mentioned.
Most of all, I don't own Naruto, and yes, there will be yaoi lemons in future chapters.
If you feel suitably warned; read on :D
There was a sudden, ear-splitting shriek from somewhere in the Akatsuki hideout, but Pein was the only one who bothered to look up from whatever he was doing as Tobi streaked into the room, looking as distressed as one could while wearing a mask. Pein sighed, running a hand down his face in exasperation as he noticed that the rest of his so-called criminal organisation remained immersed in their bloody technology. Deidara was playing Candy Crush; Itachi was no doubt playing Farmville on Facebook; Kakuzu was probably setting up some credit card scam on his laptop…and Kisame was watching some ridiculous show to do with "Shark Week".
"Deidara!" Tobi wailed in anguish, "Why did you let Sasori do those naughty things to you?" Deidara, who had been sitting impatiently in front of his phone, waiting for his next life to show up, stared at his idiot partner; unsure of what on earth he was talking about.
"What the hell are you talking about, Tobi?" he snapped irritably.
" –Tobi was googling Deidara because I thought it would be funny," Tobi explained, a small whimper in his voice, "And I found a website talking about your relationship with Sasori…and…" He made a strange, strangled noise and spun his laptop around to show Deidara; cringing as he did so. There was silence for a moment, and Pein watched Deidara's eyes widen in absolute horror before he gave a wild, disgusted cry.
"What the fuck?" he shouted, flinging the laptop across the room so hard that it hit one of the walls and smashed.
" –You're paying for that," Kakuzu snapped with a dark glare.
" –That did not happen, yeah!" Deidara crowed angrily, his face going incredibly red and his entire body shaking, "I did not have sex with Sasori! That is disgusting!"
"…Sex with Sasori, what?" Konan remarked, looking up from her book across the room. Deidara tried to speak again, looking like he was trying to hold down vomit.
"What kinds of things are on the internet?" He exclaimed hotly, "I just read a fucking graphic paragraph about me and Sasori…fucking in an elevator!" Hidan burst out laughing from across the other side of the room on his tablet; finding Deidara's tomato-red face completely hilarious.
"Fucking hell; that is fucking gold!" the Jashinist crowed, immediately opening up a search tab, "Damn it; this I gotta see…"
"I advise you to not google image yourself," Konan remarked, before returning to her book. That was, of course, the cue for everyone in the room to automatically open a new tab and type their name into google images. Pein sighed heavily again.
"…Get the internet, you said," he muttered to himself, glaring at Konan, "We'll be more productive, you said…"
"OH FUCKING HELL NO; WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT?" Hidan roared explosively, leaping to his feet and storming over to his partner, "What the fuck is "KAKUHIDA"?" There was silence for another moment before Itachi replied.
"…According to this "Urban Dictionary", it's the name given to you and Kakuzu as a couple in fanfiction, where Kakuzu plays the dominant role –" The Uchiha replied stonily.
"LIKE HELL!" Hidan roared, scrolling down the page, "KAKUZU, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GET TO BE ON TOP?"
"…That's what your problem is?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes and logged off his computer, "I'm out of here; I'm too old for this shit…"
"ARE YOU NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY DISTURBED THAT THERE ARE PICTURES ON THE INTERNET OF US WITH YOUR DICK UP MY ASS?" Hidan shouted aggressively, "AND WHAT THE HELL IS 'FANFICTION'?"
In a small, far off town, Suigetsu Hozuki was wondering much the same thing. He'd had to borrow Karin's laptop to check his emails since Juugo had gone and broken his, and by chance he'd accidentally clicked onto her internet history.
"…What the hell?" he raised an eyebrow and decided that clicking on the webpage could do no harm. It began loading, "…What's SuiSasu?" His mouth dropped open as he read the summary at the top of the page, "'Sasuke Uchiha has always been obsessed with control; that was, until he met Suigetsu; a man who wouldn't bow to his will. Instead, he shows the Uchiha how much fun losing control can be'. Holy shit." Despite his better judgement, Suigetsu kept on reading down the page; his eyes widening and a churning feeling growing in his stomach.
"I put my fingers up where?" He suddenly exploded with a shudder, cringing backwards and gagging, "Fuck! Karin, what the fuck is this fanfiction shit? Why are you reading this?" He'd never found himself wanting to sear something from his mind as much as he did now, with a graphic mental image of himself with his fingers up Sasuke Uchiha's ass. Cringing inwardly, he slid back to the computer with a wince, finding that there was a search bar at the top.
Out of impulse, he typed "Sasuke Uchiha". As hundreds of pages of results flashed before his eyes, he couldn't help but gulp in horror. There was a sudden noise from the doorway behind him.
"…What was all the yelling about?" Sasuke's emotionless voice inquired flatly. Suigetsu turned slowly, pure horror written all over his face.
"…I think you're going to want to see this…" he remarked, in a tone that Sasuke decided meant that he was not going to want to see this. However, his interest had been somewhat piqued by Suigetsu's strangled tone, so he headed over to the computer.
Pein sighed. The entire living room was tense and angry, and had been for about a week now. Ever since Tobi had discovered that first atrocious work depicting Sasori and Deidara, everyone in the Akatsuki had been obsessed with this 'fanfiction' –well, apart from he, Konan and Zetsu. Kakuzu didn't seem too bothered either, but Hidan was definitely kicking up enough fuss for the both of them. It made him absolutely livid (not that Hidan was calm to begin with) but he could also apparently not get enough of it.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hidan was currently ranting, looking about ready to toss his tablet across the room, "Another fucking story where Kakuzu ends up fucking tentacle-raping me while I fucking long for him to love me! What the fuck is this? Do these people know nothing about me?"
"Why are you complaining?" Itachi growled in a low tone, obviously scrolling through a fanfiction about himself, "I seem to always end up raping Sasuke! He's my little brother; we are literally very related! I do not harbour non-platonic feelings towards him."
"At least you get to be on top sometimes, yeah," Deidara snapped irritably, obviously his pride having been quite wounded, "I'm literally everyone's bitch. Everyone's! Sometimes more than one at a time! And I am a man! Fuck, they can't even get my gender right, yeah!"
"You two both get okay pairings though," Itachi snorted crossly, "Mine are awful."
"…Words hurt, Itachi…" Kisame grumbled, scanning the website, "…I don't know whether to feel good or bad that there are so few about me…"
"It's a good thing!" Deidara, Itachi and Hidan snapped back at him (though Deidara's and Hidan's responses included a trifle more swearing.)
"I don't even get to be on top in the ones with Tobi, yeah," Deidara growled angrily, "…And he's a moron!" he curled his face up in disgust, "…Dammit, why do they always make me so bloody girly?"
"You do look like a fucking chick," Hidan remarked with a snigger.
"…Why is Sasuke always getting sexually abused?" Itachi inquired flatly, "I know Orochimaru wasn't a nice guy, but he's not a paedophile…"
"Why are we all fucking gay?" Hidan complained angrily, "And who's this 'Sakura' chick I keep sometimes being fucking paired with?"
"That's a damn good question," Itachi admitted with a frown, "…And this guy called 'Neji' –are they even real people?"
"…At least you guys sometimes get paired with girls, yeah…" Deidara grumbled.
" –If you don't like them, why do you keep reading them?" Pein finally had to sigh in exasperation. These complaints about fake sexual situations between all of them were getting on his nerves. Konan seemed to be able to ignore them pretty well; he didn't know how she did it.
"I don't even fucking know," Hidan muttered crossly, clicking into a new one, "Hey fucking hell, Deidara; this one's about me and you –fuck yeah, I get to be fucking on top for once!"
"You would not top me, yeah," Deidara snapped hotly; taking that as a challenge.
"Shut up Deidara, everyone tops you," Kisame snorted, and Hidan burst out into cackles and even Itachi had to smirk a little. Pein groaned.
"This is all your fault, you know," he mentioned to Konan.
"I'm sure it's just a phase," she assured him with a reassuring smile before returning to her book.
"I sure hope so," Pein muttered.
" –Shut up, Kisame, yeah; no one wants to have sex with you!"
Fanfiction was slowly taking the ninja world by storm. Everyone in Konoha was talking about it; apart from one Naruto Uzumaki, who had been too busy training to worry about the gossip that seemed to be flying all over the place. He'd heard whispers of this terrible trend on the internet and had vaguely heard stories. He knew that Temari had apparently flown off the handle at Shikamaru for no reason other than there were stories about him and Ino, or him and that Tayuya girl –who was actually like three years dead…
He'd stayed away from it. Though he was curious about what had everyone whispering and giggling, it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. More and more recently though, he was beginning to wonder what had all the girls in giggles, and the boys looking pretty annoyed. He'd tried to broach the subject once or twice with Neji, but the Hyuuga had just gone a bit red in the face and said that he didn't want to talk about it. A bit later on, he was seen to punch Kiba in the face for no good reason.
Actually, all the guys seemed to be acting a bit different, come to think of it. Neji and Lee didn't train together as much these days; Shino and Kiba always stayed a good few metres apart; and Neji seemed to always look offended whenever Shikamaru appeared. Even Iruka was looking a bit more flustered than usual.
The only guys that didn't really seem bothered were Kakashi and Gaara. Kakashi seemed to find the whole situation very amusing; and Naruto had the feeling that Gaara didn't really know what was going on either. Temari had apparently forbidden him from searching fanfiction when she'd discovered it.
Sometimes Naruto would hear Sasuke's name whispered amongst the giggling girls, and that just made him want to know even more.
Arriving home from training, he sighed with relief, kicking off his shoes and heading over to see if he had any new emails. Before he clicked into his inbox, curiosity finally got the better of him, and he typed in the fanfiction website that everyone had apparently been using, and then searched his name.
What he saw made his blood run cold.
He sat there staring for so long that he barely acknowledged that someone had knocked and was now inside his room. It was only when a pale hand tapped him on the shoulder that he snapped out of it.
"Have you seen this?" he immediately exclaimed to Gaara in astonishment. Gaara's blank eyes slid across to the screen.
"Fanfiction?" the Kazekage inquired, "…Temari hasn't let me see it…"
"I can understand why!" Naruto cried, "Look; there's just hundreds of things…written about…me and Sasuke! Like what even is this?" He clicked on one and started scanning through it, cringing and covering his eyes dramatically, "We're kissing? Who writes this sort of stuff and posts it on the internet? We're two guys! And he's just my friend!" Gaara pushed past Naruto with a small frown and typed his own name into the search bar.
"…I see why Temari may have warned me against this," he remarked flatly, and Naruto was forced to peer through his hands. His mouth fell open in shock.
"…What is 'sandcest'?" he exploded, "What in the…"
The next half hour consisted of the two of them just sitting on Naruto's floor; scrolling through stories upon stories featuring themselves with various friends –and some of their enemies.
" –Why do I keep getting paired with Hinata?" Naruto exclaimed, rubbing his head in confusion, "And why is Sasuke always the angsty emo with the troubled childhood –oh, wait…"
"What is a 'lemon'?" Gaara frowned. A few moments later, they found out, and it left Naruto shuddering in the corner and vowing that he would never, ever see Sai in the same way again. Gaara seemed less troubled by the concept than the blonde, and just seemed rather confused as to why people thought he had a sexual relationship with his siblings.
"There is something wrong with internet people…" Naruto shuddered, finally remembering that he was going to check his emails. Distantly, Gaara greeted Temari as he clicked into his inbox.
Sakura had sent him a link? With a small frown, he clicked on it.
'Read this!' The message read.
Almost as soon as the page came up; his entire computer screen went white.
"What the –" There was suddenly a piercingly high noise, and both he and Gaara slumped forwards. The white light built up; completely blinding poor Temari; and when her vision finally returned to normality; both Naruto and Gaara had completely disappeared!
"Karin…what do you think you're doing?" Sasuke inquired coolly, having walked into the room to use her laptop to find her rather guiltily minimising a webpage, "If this is that awful fanfiction again…"
"It's not awful!" she immediately squeaked in her defence, "…This one's actually quite good! It's about…um…" She blushed a little, "You should give it a try! It's a story about how you get pulled into an alternate universe and have to play out fanfictions…"
"It sounds terrible," Sasuke remarked, deadpan. She swallowed sheepishly, nodding and getting up to leave him in peace. He rolled his eyes at her behaviour and headed over to the computer; cursing the people who had to nerve to write such ridiculous things about him –especially with someone like Naruto! Why there were so many, he didn't know. And why Suigetsu had thought it would be a bright idea to show him; that was completely beyond him too. Well, he didn't keep Suigetsu around for his brains; that was for sure.
With a heavy sigh, he opened up the webpage again to go to his inbox. Moments later, before he had time to do anything at all; the screen began to get brighter and brighter and with a sudden, luminous flash of light; he was gone from the room, leaving Karin staring in disbelief at the screen, and the spot where her precious Sasuke had once stood.
Pein and Konan blinked in astonishment, staring at the electronics that had just suddenly clattered to the couch –their owners now nowhere in sight. The two of them exchanged horrified glances, Pein heading over to look at the screen of Deidara's laptop.
The entire open webpage was blank, except for where a strange, blinking cursor had suddenly started typing.
So there's the first chapter; I hope you readers are all okay with it. No harm is meant! I love fanfiction as much as anyone; I love reading it; I love writing it; I love putting in impossible situations and making them a bit OOC sometimes and of course chucking around pairings!
Review if you'd like me to continue!