A warm little hum that sinks easily through my chest and surrounds my heart in pure warmth wakes me from sleep. Before I'm aware of anything else, I know I'm in love.
Breathing deeply through my nose, I know it's raining before my ears recognize the sound of it, the same way I know it's morning before I open my eyes.
To find my love.
On my back with my arms around her and hers around me, her little knee bent over my hip, I go still. I'm never awake before Bella, and I can't see her face, but wrapped in her this way everything feels so serene it's like she can't even be real. Dreamy-steady breaths sound too good to be true, and I can feel her heart pulsing at ease against the side of my ribcage.
Fear all gone.
My heart fucking sings, and I smile so wide I feel it behind my eyes.
She's just sleeping, but it's so much more than that. It's love knowing on every level, in the deepest, darkest, most unconscious place inside herself, that she's safe with me.
My smile parts for a breath my lungs need, and I want so much to stay wrapped in this perfect, tangible trust forever, but I don't have the control over my heart that I do over all my other muscles. It's wide awake in loving, and rousing little peaceful from her sleep.
She hums again as she stretches out and curls closer, and I want her just-opened eyes. I want to lay mine on the shape my favorite sound makes.
She giggles as I gather her up and turn us so I'm above her, wrapped in all the soft-blushing beauty good morning is made of. Thoughts of last night flit through my mind, but they blur away in the presence of pure joy. Looking down at her, I don't know where all the tension went, but it doesn't matter. I'm in awe as she yawns through upturned lips, sleepy and so completely at ease while early light and cool wind float through our windows with the sound of rain.
An overwhelming rush of thankfulness for this place, this moment, this person rolls through me, and I sink onto my side, curving her closer to me on hers.
"Good morning," I tell her blush and freckles. "Good morning," I whisper to the side of her smile. "Good morning," I kiss her nose. "Good morning."
Cupping my face, Bella brings my eyes to hers, holding me in love.
"Good morning," she tells me so quietly, all pink-peach cheeks and sunny-mahogany waves surrounded by cream-white sheets and pillows. "Good morning," she shines, the softest kind of vibrance. "Good morning," she whispers, smiling higher while bright eyes glint.
She runs her fingers through my hair, and my lids dip closed.
So fucking good.
"Kiss me good morning, boy," she whispers, calling me back to her.
Giving her smile the open curve of mine, I show good morning all the passionate patience love is made of.
Humming and kissing and twisting together through tangled blankets and clothes we slept in, we seek to get closer, to better feel, to revel in. We tussle back and forth, above and underneath and all along.
In love with looking up at her, I relax on my back and she lays her head over my chest. I stretch my arms and legs, and she smiles out loud when my heart and lungs shape a yawn just under her ear. It lights her up, and I love her just like this.
Rolling so I'm above her again, I smile over Bella's ear while she wraps me in limbs just as soft as her laughter.
"Yawn, sleepy girl," I tell her, wanting to know the sound and exact shape of hers now too, the same as she knows mine.
"I don't have to," she giggles.
"Yawn, baby," I coax playfully, kissing the tender spot just under and behind her earlobe. "Yawn, pretty summertime. Soft little sunshine, c'mon. Yawn, girl. Let me feel you."
She can't help her eventual inhale, and even though she's giggling through it, I press my ear to her chest.
"Shhh," I tease, smiling, beyond enamored with the sound of so-alive love.
She hums contentedly through the end of the best yawn ever, and I kiss her through last night's blouse. Sliding my hands to her sides, I touch slowly as I lean up and look down.
"Can I take this off you?" I ask, watching her shine.
Summer warm and morning sweet, she answers with a higher smile. Leaning up, she dips warm fingertips just below the edge of my hoodie and the tee-shirt under it, and I rock instinctively.
There it is.
All of last night's tension is far from gone. It's just concentrated itself a place we can only reach together. Burning warm and heavily magnetic, the want to fight has grown into the need to love, and it's impossible to keep from leaning into.
Grinning under eyes I've closed again, I lick my lips, forgetting I'd only just asked a question until she's repeating it back to me.
"Can I take this off you?" she asks, playfully bold while she slides hands I adore up my sides.
I'm nodding before I open my eyes, and my heart beats harder as she lifts my shirts. I bring love up and take hers, too. She isn't wearing a bra, but a thin, barely pink camisole rides up as we move, showing me the smoothest little dip of skin just below her belly button, and I can't help laying my hand there.
Sighing the most open little note, Bella slides back into blankets, curving up for more of my touch.
Pouring in with the sound of summer rain, shy sunlight grows brighter, lighting everything with soft white morning, and I want it all over the girl who can't stop smiling.
Placing my left hand in our bed, right over her shoulder, I flatten my palm and spread my fingers over her stomach, and watch love long to come undone. She lifts as I touch higher, nudging pink slowly up as I go, and her butterflies swoop and dip as I go lower, to the top of soft denim. Lashes flutter over touch-tipsy eyes, and I press my fingertips over the button of her shorts, rubbing with slow pressure, watching her spin.
"Can I take these off, too, baby?" Even as I nudge knees gently more open with my own so I can fit my reason for asking better against her, I know she wants me to.
Low-lidded eyes on mine, she nods.
I was only asking to hear her yes, but Tulip spins me in turn.
"Can I take these off you?" She asks, breathlessly brave, cheeky and precious and made of innocent desire as she glances up. Dark eyes are so dark and pink cheeks are so fucking pink. I can't close my mouth, but for a second I can't even breathe. She's gliding her palm back and forth over my buckle, along the top of my own denim, and I'm rocking again.
I groan without intention or air as I nod, my lids falling as low as hers look while I use both hands to unbutton her shorts.
I'm trying to go slow, but everything feels just as natural as it does new. I'm riding with love, not guiding her, and when she slides her hands into my jeans, I shift my grip to little hips.
Warm wind and warmer light roll in as we move together, undone and glowing. My lids lift, and I shift my hands to our bed, bracing myself over Bella while her hands slide between us, touching, feeling between achingly hard and so fucking soft.
I groan, and summertime brings her lips to mine, giving me everything I need to breathe. I slide slower, harder, pressing the backs of her hands insistently against barely covered sex. Cupping, rubbing, loving palms and two layers of cotton separate us, but I can feel her soft little ache, yearning-hot and and sweetly-burning. I feel how much she needs me there, and I move impulsively heavier against the only hands I want on me ever again.
Rocking underneath me, love's caught up, but far from lost.
"Off," she breathes between kisses, barely under shallow breaths and hot along my lips. "Off..." Keeping her right hand cupped and rubbing, she works my hips into a strenuous slow grind while her left pushes at my jeans.
Blinking to focus, I nod as I lean all the way into gravity just for a second before turning, pushing and pulling at denim.
She's above me now, and pure morning light loves Bella almost as much as I do. Settling her weight right where we need it most, she smiles through an inhale that fills her chest up.
"You -" she starts to say, pausing because when she puts her palms on my stomach I lift, and she smiles so high a laugh comes out. She hums, blushing deeper as she gathers mostly undone curls over her shoulder. Rainy fresh sunrise clings to her skin, and with more instinct than I've ever touched her with, I slide pale pink cotton up her side.
I want to bathe this girl in morning light, and I want to swim in her.
She halts my hand just under her arm, but just to pause for breath.
"You look so good in our sheets," she finishes, looking at me with all the same want and wonder and willingness I carry for her.
A rush of pride rolls through me. My smile grows, and little good morning can't help glowing as she rocks with me. Her look dips and lilts as I brush my thumb under her top, back and forth below the curve of her breast, but she keeps her eyes on mine.
Beautiful, so beloved bravery moves through her and in-between us, and she nods, pushing thin pink cotton higher with my hand.
Sunny brown, sleepy-loose waves fall around her face as we lift it away, but she doesn't hide. She lets rain-soft light kiss perfect curves and welcomes my eyes to touch tips so desperately pink they're closer to red.
They're just so fucking pink, and her trust, her want for me to see and love her exactly as I have for so long makes my hips lift higher as I slide my hands up never-so-touched skin. She tilts into my rocking as I brush my thumbs over pretty curves, tracing slow circles around her, drawing the most shameless little sounds from her lips.
"So fucking sexy," I whisper, airless as I cup her tits together and circle my thumbs tighter, wanting more of those notes.
Bella gives them, twice as sweet as they are soft, and my chest tightens with too many beats. All my muscles tense, and the pit of my stomach twists two years of longing-love with the natural need to give all that I am to it.
I try to slow down. There's so much innocent newness here I want to worship and savor and draw all the way out into tonight, and tomorrow, forever, but soft pink summertime has me by heartstrings tied to instincts. Sweet sounds and the prettiest tits, and pleading, needful little hips have the pith of me wrapped around her every breath.
Sliding her hands from her hair, she lays them on mine, cupping and lifting, feeling and holding with me.
"I want you," she tells me, soft as the rain. "I want you so much."
They're so shaky-quiet they're barely words at all, but the delicate love notes she passes me between breaths are strong enough set fire to my heart. It stretches wide and burns wild, and it's so hers.
"You have me," I promise, leaning up, bringing her down, my hands all down her sides and back, back on her tits and down, around her hips. "I'm only yours, Bella. All yours."
Nose to nose, breasts to my chest, all rocking, riding, brand new contact wrapped in wholly familiar fondness, she doesn't stop or falter, but she shakes her head.
"I want..." Dropping her face to my neck, Tulip seeks both my hands and curves her fingers between mine, pushing our arms into pillows the same way I did hers the other day. I lift her from our bed with my hips, ever in love with the feel of her wanting and trying and so desperate to balance all her precious need on me.
I can't open my eyes and I can't close my lips. I can't get enough. The so-open softness of her sex is so achingly fucking close it's dizzying.
I lift higher and rock needfully into her, pushing so high I see stars shaped like daffodil cups.
Nothing has ever or could compare to this glow of a girl, riding me, surrounding me like morning sun and summer rain at the same time. This is the absence of fear, and it's bountiful on every level. It's the heart and soul of love made physical, sensual, grippable and kissable and fillable. There is nothing anywhere as overwhelmingly, all-encompassingly soft as this.
Until my favorite sound melts into my skin.
"I want you, Masen," she whispers, her meaning clear as mountain now. "I wanted you last night. I want you forever..."
Love that's kept me hard for two years turns my heart on just as fully, and my hips dip.
Just for a second.
So I can lift again and push higher, all the way up.
"Yes," Little summertime sings so softly, nodding her head, rolling all her dainty weight into each of my movements like there's nothing better or more right or more natural in the world. "Please, please, yes."
Swelled over and just as endlessly fervent to fuck as every other part of myself, my soul follows my heart, and my whole world with it. This girl, loving this girl and feeling her love me turns everything I am on. It straightens and strengthens my spine and reinforcing the tension in all my muscles, and intricately increases the beat in my chest that guides all movement.
Kissing the top of love's shoulder, I brush my thumbs over her hands and bring her left between us with my right. I go to place her palm on my hip, and mine on hers, to brush through thin cotton and show her where I am, where we're going, but she tightens our fingers.
"I want, um," she pauses to swallow, and I blink, forcing my consciousness to focus. Keeping her lifted, pressed so deeply close, I let her put words together.
"I want you to touch me first," she whispers, leaning up to rest her forehead on mine.
I want that, too, so fucking bad -
"You," she whispers in the lightest moan, sliding unmistakably along my ache. "I want to feel... You, Masen..."
A groan comes up from so deep in me I feel it shake my foundation, and Bella brings her soft pink mouth to my unclosing lips. Begging for the place the sound came from, her heartbeat races against my chest while shy little notes melt between kisses.
"Is that okay?" She asks, holding tightly to my hands, opening eyes that open mine and finding strength she craves there. "I don't want some slow, scary ceremony... I just want you... On me... With me..."
It's hard for Tulip to articulate, but I hear her, and my grin grows at how good it feels to be what love wants and have what love needs.
And I want to keep love
As I bring her hands to my shoulders, Bella lets go of my fingers to brace herself against stronger muscle. Physical trust draws another groan from me, and I take her hips in both hands, stroking her all the way down my cock.
"This?" I ask, my voice low along the side of her mouth. "You just want this?"
Gasping against my cheek, she nods without hesitation while a tight little tremble rolls through her.
Kissing the corner of her lips, I drag my nose up and smile against her blush.
"My girl," I whisper, feeling more little trembles chase the first one. "You can't even help it, can you?"
Bare knees dig against our sheets, desperate to open wider while she shakes through quick little breaths. I chase them with my voice, just as determined to keep her with me as she is to open completely.
"You just want me inside so badly, don't you, little glow?"
Tiny sighs break into a needy cry as Bella's eyelids dip, her chin and bottom lip quivering as she clings to my shoulders, letting me move her how I know she needs to be moved. Smiling under all my favorite sounds, I lower my words to the barest whispers.
"You want my cock so much you can't even wait for my fingers, can you?" I ask, soaking in her through two layers of cotton. "You want just my cock, Bella? You want all my love, right here, baby?"
"Yes," she whispers, trying to breathe through spinning. "Love me. Love me right here, right here -"
And I'm turning us.
That cherished point of no return, if there is one, is all around us. Love that slept in my arms and woke for my heartbeat, love that trusts me with her whole life to do anything and be everything for her is so close I can feel it with every one of my senses, and I want to fuck her all the way through it.
All blushing pink and red-pink, and naked, summer-kissed peach-pink, Tulip melts like a florid little flame into cream white sheets as I lay her down in our bed. Soft lashes and softer lips remain helplessly-barely open as she combs free fingers through sunlightened waves. I kneel between legs that make mine shake inside, and push boxer-briefs away.
"You want it so much you asked for it, girl," I whisper, still in turned-on awe that she did. I smile as all-the-way-openhearted eyes glance between mine and my right hand, where I'm unable to keep from gripping and stroking myself over where she's still covered. She's pink here, too. Baby pink cotton is darker pink where she's aching for me, and I can see the shape of bare lips underneath.
"You asked so fucking sweetly for my cock, Bella," I whisper, stroking slower, closer to her. "Of course you can have it, baby."
Her neck arches as her eyes fall closed, and I press the head of myself against sodden cotton, making bright eyes open again.
"Here, little Tulip?" I ask, nudging her legs gently further apart with my left hand while I stroke with my right, watching her lids lift so wide for me.
Unable to catch her breath, she reaches with both hands and presses my cock more fully against herself, using her touch to shape the yes her lungs and lips can't.
Made of a pulse that's made of increasingly deeper beats, I shift my hands to her hips and pull all that's left between us away. It turns my girl into a pulse, too, and I want inside the heart of love so fucking badly my bone marrow tingles.
Surrounded in silence save for raindrops, I slide my touch up from her ankles, brushing my thumbs gently over little scrapes and the bandaid on her left knee. Straightening my spine with the strength of love that wants to protect just as strongly as it wants to make frozen fingers warm, and drive just to kill spiders in the middle of the night, I slide higher, up thighs that are just as slick as they are soft, until my hands frame sex so bare, so burning warm I can feel it just being near.
A glance from her eyes to glistening dark pink lips makes my heart drop all the way down. It throbs between my hips, and I inch my hands closer, careful not to touch where I know she wants my cock first. I press her legs slowly further apart, making so-swelled little lips open.
Bella whimpers, bare in desire, reflexively lifting trembling hips, and I let her, not wanting to deny my girl any part of what she's feeling. I let her rock as I spread her all the way open for my eyes. Even more desperately pink than the tips of her breasts, she's closer to red here, too, and at the very top of soaking wet sex, so carefully tucked and just barely unhidden, is the prettiest, littlest, most tender part of her.
Folding the yearning to circle and kiss her so-sensitive little secret, I let go of her legs to let it hide again, and return my eyes to hers. Weighted by want as strong as love, I grip her right hip and guide her closer to me by it while placing the heel of my left hand between her legs. Not on her. Over. Just above where all those tiny nerves are bundled together and so eager for careful affection.
"So fucking pretty," I whisper, shifting my left hand when the backs of her thighs are resting on the fronts of mine so that I can lean over my love. "You're so, so beautiful, Bella. You're perfect, girl. You're so perfect."
Humming little summertime wraps her arms around my neck, and in our shifting, my cock slides against precious pink, and it shakes both of us. We're so close and there's no stopping. No one is fucking stopping, but neither of us can give what we need from this angle.
"Back, lay back, baby," I coax, bracing one hand over her shoulder and sliding my other back to slick-soft inner thighs. Eyes Bella can hardly hold open watch mine for guidance, and as she shifts her left leg higher around my side, I press my palm into her right.
"I need more room," I tell her quietly, pressing slowly all the way down until her knee's nestled against our bedsheets and I feel pretty little sex open all the way again.
"Can you let me fit, little Bella?" I ask in a whisper, brushing my nose along hers as I slide between her legs, letting her feel what asked for. "Can you let me try to fit inside you, pretty girl?"
Pupils opening wider, my love nods quickly, clinging to me with all she's made of.
"Yes," she chants, breathless and so beloved. "Yes, yes."
I moan over her lips as I settle into place, pressed right up against where she's open, but not yet holding me.
"I love the way yes sounds on your lips, baby," I breathe, filterless and swimming in love.
"Masen," she coos, fingers in my hair, legs trembling, every part of her surrendered and susceptible and so fucking trustful. "Masen, please, please..."
"There you go, baby," I smile lovingly over little pleas and faithfully lush longing. "Show me. Show me you can take my cock, Bella..."
She lifts and slides, trying with all her beautiful heart to open wider.
My smile parts so fucking high. I love her right here, just like this, so fucking much.
"Helpless," I whisper, brushing my nose along the side of hers. "Let me help you, little glow."
"Please, Masen, God, please," she begs, arching, shaking and straining to let me inside. "Please, please, please-"
"Shhh," I whisper, kissing love along her lips, brushing her hair back and cradling her crown. "I'll make it fit, baby. I promise, girl. I'll give you everything. Come here, baby. Let me try..."
And she is.
And I am.
And we're moving together through a hazy-sweet sting and the most beautiful barely audible little prayer.
"Don't stop, don't stop," Bella chants just under my ear. "Don't stop, please, don't ever stop..."
I shake my head over hers, spun and sinking all the way into heaven-pink sunshine without any easing back or hesitation. I fill love's body and both our hearts steadily, with the heavy kind of grace only patience can bestow and all the ardor two souls can hold.
Completely pressed and tangled, together on every level through shared shakes, we slide in morning light with eyes open for as long as we can.
Then revel with them closed, digging, rolling, revering in the most basic way love knows.
With no room left for pain or panic, wrapped in and filled with the most ardent adoration, we're mostly movement, breaths and beats, locked looks and helpless intermittent I love you's that bubble over when our lungs let us speak. Warmer than the sun and wetter than the rain, more rare than both at the same time, we find that place on the closest, most evanescent edge of pure euphoria and just rock, right there.
The inherent drive to come twists and turns in my gut, but I'm so blissed in loving and being loved that it's easily secondary. I don't care if I do because this, feeling my girl just like this, is so much more.
Then, before even she does, I feel the most cherished little give surround me from inside. Bella's whole body slacks for a second, and then she's bracing for a fall she's feared more than anyone ever should and wanted more than anyone ever has.
With her legs around my waist and her hands in her hair, on her face, sliding back and forth from her neck to her breasts and belly and back again, this girl, my miracle is touching and feeling and learning to love herself right before my eyes. Underneath me and filled with me, at home in our bed, Tulip comes into boundlessly blushing full bloom.
And there's nothing else. Nothing before this, nothing other than how much I love this person right here, right now.
Shifting my knees to press closer, drawing adorable little notes from her, I lean down and cover Bella how I know she loves to be covered, and press my cock as deeply as our bodies let me. It pushes higher little cries into each of her breaths, and I rock right there, right where no one else will ever touch her.
"I feel you," I whisper, so low over her ear as I seek both her hands. Palm to palm, I dig to find myself even deeper, to show my glow where I feel her best.
Fucked-heavy lids lift wide for the fullness I'm helping her hold, and I see her.
I hear her.
I taste her on the back of my tongue and I know her with my lungs.
I feel love, right fucking there.
"You're going to come for me, Bella," I promise, both our hearts beating so hard I can barely register the sound of anything else. "You're going to come so fucking hard on my cock, baby."
It sends little summertime spinning. Her breaths turn into gasps she can't catch and every little muscle she has clings so tightly to me, it rolls all the way through to my bones.
All the way through.
It's too much.
I close my eyes tightly, tensing all over. Bearing down completely inside her, I grind through the impulse to come and fight to hold out, just a little longer.
Doing so makes high little gasps turn into pleading little cries of pleasure, and I feel her. Pressed all the way close like this, I can guide love from inside.
"There you go, Bella," I whisper, giving her more, digging deeper than all the way. "Just hold on, girl. Hold onto me. Let me fuck you, baby."
Breaths and heartbeats flutter out of control. Every fucking part of her curls, and I push slowly deeper still.
"That's right," I breathe against her cheek, filling and over-filling her the way every part of her is begging me to. "Just let me fuck you, girl. Let me fuck you just like you need, baby. Let my cock all the way inside so I can give you my come, Bella."
Love trembles all around and all along me.
"I know you want it, baby. I know you do. Let me give it to you. Let me come inside you, girl..."
Pleading trembles break into countless little slick-tight tingles that cover every fucking inch of me.
"There you go," I barely breathe, holding on while shakes and shivers, tight little tingles and the most delicate love notes fill our room. "There you go, little summertime. Only mine. I've got you, baby. You're just mine. Only mine, Bella. Only mine..."
And she is.
And she doesn't fall.
And so do I.
I'm blind in the rush that courses from the backs of my eyes and down my spine, and deaf in the next moment to everything but heartbeats. Then everything's glowing and flowing and so fucking warm. Love's full grown, and I've never felt anything like this, ever.
Until Bella's voice floats through, pulling me from muffled bliss that's higher than high and deeper than deep.
"I've got you, too," good morning promises softly, all around me. "I've got you, boy. Hold onto me. Hold onto me Masen..."
I feel my hands holding her hips, and I'm still coming.
I give love everything I promised.
The sweetest, smallest sounds surround me, and for a second without time, I feel like I'll never stop coming.
"I'm here, boy," love whispers, soft palms on my cheeks. "Right here. Right here..."
Bella kisses breath back to me, and shifting my grip from little hips to our bed takes the last of my strength. I can't help laying down, resting my head on her chest, chasing my breath as I rise and fall with each of hers.
"Masen," she hums in dreamy gratitude, her voice just as worked over and laid bare as every part of both of us.
Resting over bronchial tubes and beats my heart loves more than its own, I smile.
"Masen," she sighs, so softly it's barely audible over morning rain and precious rhythm of little lungs, hard at work.
"My girl," I breathe, nestling against the most cherished respiratory system.
"Masen," she sighs, wholly joyful and so worn out.
It's the sound of her smile, and it's forever innocent.
Maybe even more so now.
Because it's truly mine.
Made of love and smiling from inside, I kiss skin over the heart that makes my own beat harder, and close my eyes.
"Say it again," I whisper, already addicted, drifting with her in the wild sweet pea breeze.
With a sweetly exhausted giggle, Tulip curls fingers I love into my hair.
And wraps me in my new favorite sound.
thank you so so much to brightheart sherlock poppybaby and to sharon for prereading this for me. i know i'm last minute, and i love you guys. thank you, my truelove babyblue for letting me cry and vent and squeak and giggle and bounce all over you with this. thank you so much for all your careful love and patient work. thank you for being the one i shave :-) thank you nic and mag for creating something that inspired this and so much (really truly, SO MUCH) great reading and writing for so many people. thank all of you guys for making time for me, and for calming me through what hurt, and for sharing in something i've come to love so much.
thank you guys for that, for being a part of this by giving these words your time of day and a place to grow in your minds and hearts. thank you for giving them a chance and for all that you've said and done. i love you all. i felt kind of awkward posting this today, but love is so much stronger than anything else, and i wanted not just to remember, but to celebrate that. it's what brought us all here, right?
love. just love :-)
thank you so much.