Author's Note: There is no end to the LisBix plot bunnies in my head! I'm serious, I'm legitimately obsessed with them. I don't even care if there's real romance or not (like there probably won't be in this story) I just want to see them together. This is a mish-mash of ideas of things that I think Bixlow would do in his spare time, and Lisanna is there to witness his wonderful absurdity. More funnier chapters to come, obviously. This is really just an introduction to the story to set the scene. Enjoy!
I don't own Fairy Tail. It belongs to Hiro Mashima, master mangaka, ruler of the rest of us mere mortals.
An Introduction to Hobby Getting
"It's just so irritating," Lisanna complained to her older sister one afternoon in the guildhall. Mirajane was half-working, half-gossiping behind the counter. It was the last Thursday of the month, so most of Fairy Tail's usual patronage was off on missions, hoping to scrape up cash to make their rents. There was enough clientele to keep the barmaid busy, but not enough to satisfy her worrisome addiction to juicy personal information. Luckily, Lisanna had plenty to talk about. "He hasn't left me alone all week."
"It sounds like he might have developed a bit of a crush on you," Mirajane teased, smiling coyly. Lisanna rolled her eyes. She should have known that this problem would be no exception to Mirajane's enthusiasm about romance within the guild.
"I don't think so. I think he's just hitting on me to relieve his boredom."
"Well, don't look now, but your suitor is coming this way," Mirajane warned with a knowing smirk. She sashayed further down the bar before Lisanna could beg her to stay, polishing the counter top and whistling a merry tune as she abandoned her younger sister to the whims of a bored sadist.
Despite Mira's alert, Lisanna turned and saw Bixlow gallivanting in her direction with a tankard in hand. His five wooden tiki dolls zoomed around his head, slowing into listless loops only when he plopped down in the barstool next to her. She watched impassively as he situated himself, leaning with one elbow on the shiny counter and shooting her a lazy grin. Then he said, "Come here often?"
Lisanna just continued to stare. He smelled like alcohol. His chipped tankard was empty but for foam on the rim and dregs at the bottom. His babies looked a little drunk as they teetered around them in languid circles. They twittered a little more nervously when she failed to react. Bixlow's grin turned into an uneasy frown. "Oi, stop starin' at us like that. It's creepin' the babies out."
"Creepy," the babies chorused. "Creepy, creepy!"
"I'm sorry," Lisanna finally responded. "I'm just in shock. Is that really all you've got? You've been so creative these past few days. I'm a little disappointed."
"Well, I figured that you were lookin' for a cliché or somethin'," Bixlow answered. The tongue-wagging grin returned. "Did it work?"
Lisanna raised an eyebrow and pointed at her face. "Does it look like it worked, Bixlow?"
"Is there a wrong answer? Because if there isn't, then I'm gonna say yes."
"I don't get it," Lisanna sighed, changing the subject. "Did you lose a bet?"
"What d'you mean? I don't gamble…much," he added as an afterthought, grin growing wider.
"Are you just bored then? Do you really have nothing better to do with your life than bother me?"
"Didn't realize I was bein' such a bother," Bixlow sniffed.
"Bother, bother!" the babies chirped.
"Oh, drop the act," Lisanna snapped. "You come over here out of the blue and start hitting on me for no reason, without any prompting, without even bothering to get to know me first. Like I'm some sleazy woman you want to pick up at the bar for a one-night stand. The only conclusion I can come up with is that you lost a bet or you're so bored that you can't think of anything better to do."
Bixlow looked hurt. "It never crossed your mind that I might actually be interested in you?"
"No. Not once."
"Hey, you're smarter than you look, then," he chuckled. "And I pegged you for one of those girls who see the best in people. You know, the peppy little optimists. I like 'em. They're gullible."
"Usually I do give people the benefit of the doubt, but you've got too much of a reputation among women for me to ignore," said Lisanna. "So, which is it?"
"Which is what?"
"Did you lose a bet or are you bored? If it's the first one, you can get lost. If it's the second, you can go get a hobby. Either way, I'm not interested."
Bixlow tipped back his head and let out a booming laugh. "What makes you think I don't already have a hobby?"
"Hobby, hobby!" the babies squealed in delight. "Hobby, hobby!"
"You have a hobby?" Lisanna asked incredulously.
"Yeah. I got lots of hobbies. How d'you think I got to be so interesting?"
"What hobbies do you have? Jousting?" She knocked on his metal visor with her knuckles, delivering a grin of her own.
Bixlow returned it. "Oh, so you're into the 'knight in shining armor' crap."
"No. The only knight in shining armor I know is Erza, and I certainly don't want her sweeping me off my feet. I might never walk again."
"You might never walk again if I sweep you off your feet, either," Bixlow replied, wiggling his tongue at her suggestively. His babies howled with laughter, swarming around his head like bees.
Lisanna felt her lips twitch upward despite herself. "Well, if you have so many hobbies, why don't you go do one instead of aggravating me?" she suggested, hopping off the barstool.
"I think aggravating you counts as a hobby."
"It doesn't. And that greatly lowers my standards for whatever else you call a hobby." Lisanna turned and waved at him with a smile as she left, ever polite even to someone she claimed was unbearably irritating. Or perhaps she didn't find him nearly as irritating as she led everyone to believe.