E is for Excessive Amounts of Toothpaste
(in continuation to Babysitting)

warnings: gay romance, incest gay romance, lovely incest gay romance, the lovely incest gay romance in which we go crazy for, no double-check/spell-check

a/n: hey guys! how do you like this one? i saw the awesome suggestion, laughed a bit and decided i liked it! so thank you to valcoria fallenfor 'excessive amounts of toothpaste'!
thanks to EternalFalsity (my bb you're the backbone to this story Q u Q), Lylia00 (ah, thank you! you're the one who's cute and sweet), valcoria fallen (how thoughtful of you to go through the f's too!), Kaylee-sempai (hmm yeah c: it's a good idea but i'm going to stick with hikaxkao for now!), don't-even-ask1 (thank you so much!) and Zani Hitachiin (thank you! it did help! C: ) for reviewing splendidly!


"Hikaru you little brat! I'll cook you alive!"

Enter Hikaru Hitachiin, at the age of seven years old giggling like a little hyper mouse, running down the hallway with his older cousin, Kaoru Hitachiin storming after him. Tucked under the small one's armpit was a rectangular device they both knew as the television remote. It was one that Kaoru valued with his life as he needed it to watch his show that displayed, always at 7PM every Saturday.

"Give it back you quick shit!"

Hikaru gasped but nonetheless secured the remote in his left hand, out of Kaoru's reach as he was steps away from him. He took great amusement when Kaoru decided to swear. He was described as such a soft-spoken, quiet and good natured child as opposed to the raging cousin that Hikaru always turned him into.

"Big brother Kaoru swore!"

"Give it back to me, damnit!" Kaoru sounded like he was going to cry and combust at the same time. "I need to know if Mandy stays with John or runs off to that jerk!"

"You're a girl!" Hikaru flipped his gaze over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out, directing it at the cousin running crazily after him.

"You're a little snot!"

"Mama said Mandy runs off with the cool dude!" Hikaru felt inclined to tell him, as he was desperately curious anyway. The younger internally (evilly) shrugged; well, Kaoru did want to know after all.

"Ya' freak! You don't even know what I'm talking about!" Kaoru jumped on top of the sofa only to land back on ground again as Hikaru took a different route. "The minds and affairs of these luxurious characters are way too complex; it would stretch your mental capacity so hard, it hurts!"

"Nuh uh!" Hikaru had other plans. "I know – because, because the guy's name is Derek!"

Kaoru was about to blow. "You little shit! Get the hell back here!" The frustration was boiling his own skin, building up so much he was surprised that his face wasn't sizzling crimson.

Hikaru only laughed and kicked down the 40th chair down that day, as he watched in TV shows that it helped stall the bad guy when chasing them. Only Hikaru figured he wasn't necessarily the good guy...he internally shrugged. The younger was panting now, but way too energized to double over and collapse. It was Kaoru's fault after all, for not supervising his sugar-high journey.

"I'm too fast! Like superman!"

"The day you decide to wear a stupid, dangly red cape down your back and flash off underwear over your pants will be the day you seriously kill me!" Kaoru growled, out of breath, having been delayed by the chair that was kicked down.

Hikaru's replies were as quick as his feet; "then Kaoru is just too slow!"


Hikaru kicked another chair down while in the middle of his fit of laughter. Really, his older cousin was so cute – getting all riled up like that. He always thought his cousin was something to admire. He found the word at the age of four, as he didn't know it before. Mother mentioned the word 'graceful' to him and at his questioning look, she had explained what it meant. Kind-hearted and good-natured was familiar to him. Yes, Kaoru was all of those three. He was indeed intelligent too-


-though he was most definitely not 'street-smart'. Nope, Hikaru thought with glee, that title belonged to Hikaru himself. He was rather proud of it, picked the combined word up at the age of six from a –huh- a television show. Who would have guessed? Yes, that was why Kaoru, who was naive and innocent, needed to be protected by seven-year-old Hikaru, who was street-smart and cunning. The younger inwardly snickered; what would Kaoru say once he learnt of what he thought? Good God, just who is in charge of developing kids with this kind of education!? Yeah, that sounded very Kaoru-like.

"Urghhhhh..." An agonizing groan snapped Hikaru out of his inner thoughts.

He stared at the lanky, but smaller-than-average body that was propped up on the floor. Success! Kaoru had tripped over his chair trap!


His babysitter's head was edged near the wall and Hikaru grimaced. He must have hit that pretty hard. His arms were flat on the ground, fingers unmoving and chest pressed on the floor but his butt stuck up with his legs folded underneath him. If Kaoru was crying, Hikaru would most definitely stop immediately but he couldn't see since the face was level on the ground.

Idly wandering about, suddenly bored that no one was chasing him, Hikaru tossed the remote carelessly above his shoulder and sat cross-legged next to the head that was miserably faced down.

He ran his fingers through his cousin's soft hair, expecting a groan or an outraged shout to come out but patted Kaoru's head when only silence met him.

"Does big brother Kaoru need to go to hospital?"

"...Yes." Kaoru's voice was muffled by the carpet tendrils.


"...you only use that in America or whatever. You really need to stop watching whatever the hell you're watching on TV."


Kaoru sighed into the ground. "You are the smartest idiot that I've ever met."


"No, I don't need an ambulance. Thank you for caring, though." Kaoru sounded miserable enough that he didn't need to perk up a sarcastic tone.

"Hnng." Hikaru commented smartly.

"I would, however, like to get my remote back."

Silent scuffling and Kaoru felt a familiar, rectangular shaped device placed on the back of his neck.

"...thank you."


Kaoru decided to lie there for a while, find that it was a rather comfortable position, something that would allow him to not look at Hikaru for the next few seconds.


A vein popped in Kaoru's forehead.






"—poking my ass."

"Kaoru has a big butt."

"My God, I hate you." Kaoru swatted away the premeditated poke and flattened his legs on the ground so his 'big butt' wasn't propped up and was now pressed flush to the plush floor, his head turned to the side to glance up at Hikaru with a bored expression.

"Kaoru is missing his show."

"I don't care."

"Kaoru missed his show."

"Go screw yourself."

"That's mean."

"You're mean."

"Go cry like a girl."

"Go brush your teeth before I punch a hole in the wall of your bedroom so everyone outside can see just how much you love your Spiderman knickers." Kaoru threatened seriously.

He took wild pleasure in hearing Hikaru's terrified little 'meep' and the sounds he made when rushing into the bathroom to hopefully comply. Kaoru almost hollered evilly with laughter before he stopped himself with a grimace. He hastily hid the thoughts of wishing Hikaru would brush his gums a little too hard that they would bleed. It was Hikaru's fault that he was turning into a monster, he internally shrugged.

Waiting for quite some time, he found that it was time to get up and picked himself up the floor, finding that he now had to limp since he tripped over a hazardous chair, after all. Damn that kid. After picking up the fallen chair, he limped over to the hallway, waiting outside to see if his kid needed 'further assistance'.

"Hurry up, damn brat!" He kicked the door with his arms crossed. "Humans require release, you know? And by release, I mean you godamned brat, I need to freaking piss! Oh but I guess you wouldn't know a thing about that, you are far from a human anyway."

Kaoru, ages ago, had soon found that insults informing Hikaru's resemblance to an ape only backfired on him since they were nearly identical, the age difference being the only barrier of the 'nearly'. So he decided on others for a change.

"What even are you? He whined from outside the door, deciding to kick it once again. "Did you come down here on Earth, found I had the perfect little life and determined to ruin it like the sick beast you are? Is that why you stole my good looks? And my composure!? Get out of that skin right now! It's mine, damn you! Stupid –kick- stupid –kick- stupid –kick- stup-!"

The door gave way.

Hikaru, who was standing on a wobbly, high stool quickly spun his head around with wide eyes and smiled sheepishly, his arm outstretched and his hand clenching a toothpaste squeeze bottle.

Kaoru's cool, calm gaze travelled to Hikaru's toes, to his knees, to his innocent, adorable wide-eyed face, to his straining arm, to the fingers wrapping around the tube, and finally to the mirror. Preferably, the one that took up half the size of the room, the one that was decorated in big, toothpaste letters.

'Kaoru has a fat butt!'

Kaoru read with a quiet, affirmative, 'huh.' Calmly, he walked over to Hikaru (who cowered as much as he can on the big wobbly chair), quietly told him to climb down the chair, as it was dangerous and stared with dull, empty eyes. Then he all but snatched the toothpaste tube out of the younger's grip and cackled evilly as he tiptoed and wrote right beneath the first graffiti, smearing Hikaru's words with his sleeve, appearing it to be accidental.

Now Kaoru was more than sure that any responsible individual would scold Hikaru, maybe give him the punishment of wiping it up and set him to bed with a crossed look on their face. But Kaoru also knew that he was not mature enough to follow through. And so the words followed:

'Hikaru is a stupid alien.'

"Hey!" Hikaru scrambled to get up but Kaoru held him down with a killer weigh down on his head with a hand.

The younger pursed his lips with displeasure and finally got out as he pinched Kaoru's thigh and dived for a new tube, opening it with expertise and rushing on top of the counter to draw a couple of new doodles with a happy squeal.

'Kaoru has come to eat our brains'

Said Kaoru pushed him away before lifting his own arm.

'Hikaru has no brain'

He yelped as the younger pinched him on the thigh again and Hikaru pounced up, scribbling messily on the fast-running out space of the mirror.

'Kaoru looks like a girl!'

Kaoru slapped Hikaru's forehead and forced him to fall over behind him.

'Hikaru has Spiderman undies!"


'Kaoru's evil laugh is scary'


'Hikaru is wasting toothpaste. Stupid bra-"


'Kaoru has a big-"

"You said that already!"


"Get off me, big brother Kaoru! You'll squash me with your giant behind!"

"Yargh! You piss me off so much!"

'Hikaru has come down from Hell!'

"Get off!"


'Mandy runs off with Derek. John is a fat loser anyway.'

Kaoru let out a long gasp.

Hikaru looked satisfied with himself.

"You did not just go there." Kaoru sounded disbelieving, even to himself.

"I did go there." Hikaru chirped happily, before squealing, ducking down as a flying squirt of toothpaste came flinging at him. He giggled uncontrollably, pushing a stripe of toothpaste down Kaoru's pants leg.

"Come back here!"

Together the two scurried around the bathroom, holding their weapons at ready and their free arms as open shields. Occasionally, they would bump into each other and Kaoru would dump a load of toothpaste on Hikaru's head, no care in the world for having to explain that later on.

"You're stupid!"

"You're stupid!"

Unable to help himself, Kaoru snickered. "It looks like a bird took a dump on your head."

Hikaru really did try to look offended but he couldn't stop the small quirks on the corner of his lips quivering to lift. It was too obvious for Kaoru not to notice and before he knew it, he was smiling right back. It became a chain reaction as Hikaru's smile escalated into a full grin, the kind that was genuine and blinded many of his past peers.

Soon enough, they were doubling over, gasping for air, and their pajamas were practically naked skin and toothpaste. Their tubes were long-gone and full-out empty, and were tossed into the bin without a thought. Neither of them wanted to think about just what would happen once both sets of parents find them in this sort of predicament.

Hikaru was sitting on Kaoru's stomach once again, the latter had given up trying to get out and merely went still, breathing heavily and arms going limp. His mind was in a sleepy haze, and the competition tired him out.

As the younger sensed this, he put most of his weight on his knees and soon enough, Kaoru was left in a deep sleep, a content smile on his face. Hikaru replied to the smile with one of his own. Leaning down and peering at the angelic face, he kissed Kaoru's forehead and cautiously stood up, not wanting to wake up his precious cousin.

"Night, big brother Kaoru." He resumed another kiss before backing off completely. "Night, my wife." He added with a small snicker before shutting the lights off and letting Kaoru sleep in the bathroom.

That morning, Kaoru found himself with a sore back, though a pillow was tucked under his head, and a blanket was draped over his body. He groaned as rose up feeling his sore muscles protest. With amazement, he found that the mirror was wiped clean and so was the floor. The brat really did outdo himself. And he woke up with a nice pillow and blanket as well.

Smiling, Kaoru rose up and raised his arms up to stretch his back. Really, Kaoru thought as he scratched his nose idly, he ought to give the kid more cred—


Tiredly, the boy turned around to face the mirror, the moustache of dried toothpaste mocking him in the reflection.

...I'm going to kill that brat.

a/n: for some reason, i completely fell in love with frustrated/out-of-control!kaoru. oh and kiddy!hikaru of course; that one's adorable. so it's a win-win! i've already said this many times, but thanks so much for the reviews! and the suggestions too! you guys rock!

suggestions for F, anyone? hehe.
[yay volcaria fallen for already suggesting some!]