The TARDIS landed, with a soft groan, onto the silky white sand of none other than Darlig Ulv Stranden... formerly known as Bad Wolf Bay.

Rose and her metacrisis Doctor stood patiently to the side of their own TARDIS, hand-in-hand. They'd received the Eleventh Doctor's message and had shown up, if only for a brief reunion.

They were surprised, nonetheless, when a man and a woman stumbled out of the other TARDIS.

"River!" the man groaned.

"It's not right," she said, grabbing his bowtie and attempting to throw it in the water.

"It's not right," he agreed. "It's cool."

"I give up," she moaned.

"Hello," the metacrisis Doctor said, giving a small wave.

"Wow," the Eleventh said, studying the metacrisis Doctor closely. "Weird how much I've changed since we last met."

"Hi," Rose said politely, holding out a hand for River to shake. "I'm Rose Tyler."

"Professor River Song," the woman said with a grin.

"NIce to meet you. I'm the Doctor's wife," both said.

At exactly the same time.

"Well," the metacrisis said, looking a bit embarrassed. "That's a bit awkward."

"Very," Eleven agreed, eyeing the shocked expressions on each of their companion's faces.

"You married the Doctor?" River asked.

"Yeah, but wait a minute, you married her?!" Rose asked the Doctor, mouth agape.

"No, I didn't!" Ten argued. "He did!" he pointed to Eleven.

"Steven Moffat made me do it!" Eleven said. "And he calls you the whiny ex girlfriend!"

"You idiot, you don't just tell her things like that!" Ten said, hitting Eleven in the arm.

"Well, then, who are you?" Rose asked River. "How did you two meet?" Eleven pushed the two apart, embarrassed.

"I don't think you need to know," he said.

"Yes, I do," Rose said.

"Well, he was traveling with my mother and father," River said.

"What." Rose said.

"Yes," River said.

"You... married your companion's DAUGHTER?" Rose searched for the right words.

"Well... I wouldn't put it like that..." the Eleventh said slowly. "I mean, it happened more like..."

"Happened more like exactly how I put it," River said.

"No!" Eleven said. "She was a psychopath... well, my psychopath..."

"You married a psychopath?!" Rose cried, turning to Ten.

"No! Maybe the other Doctor had brain damage," Ten said quickly. "I'd never marry a psychopath!"

"She's not really a psychopath," Eleven cut in. "She just tries to kill me. Frequently."

"You married a-"

"I didn't marry anyone!" Ten exclaimed.

"So you didn't marry me?!" Rose asked.

"No! I mean, yes, I did! But it's... complicated," Ten said.

"Our relationship is not complicated, it's fine, there's nothing wrong with it!" Rose shouted.

"No! I didn't mean it like that!" Ten said, before pausing and turning to River. "Wait a min... I met you. Before. In the library!"

"Best not talk about the library," Eleven said a bit too late.

"You died!" Ten said.

"You married a dead person?!" Rose yelled.

"I'm not dead!" River cried. "Am I?!"

"No, sweetie, you're not dead," Eleven said.

"Don't call me sweetie, it makes me sound all soft," River said scoldingly.

"You call me sweetie all the time!" Eleven cried.

"That's the point," River said.

"Stop ignoring me!" Rose said.

"I'm not ignoring you!" Ten yelled.

"Yes you are!" Rose shouted. "What, are you just into people whose names start with an R? River? Rose? Reinette?"

"I only kissed her once!" Ten said.

"Who kissed who?!" River yelled.

"I didn't kiss Who, I kissed Reinette," Eleven shouted.

"See?" Nine asked offscreen, munching on his popcorn. "This is why I didn't want to be in this episode."

FIN