A/N: I know, I know, I know…another Christian cheats story. OMG! We are all on this fanfiction site because we love the Ana/Christian love story. So pulling them apart seems cruel and unusual. But I think we read cheat fics because we have an inner angst junkie that needs feeding. I recently read an amazing story, it hit all of my 'angst junkie' buttons, but it left me deeply unsatisfied. The story has haunted my mind and after much thought I realized my sense of resolution, redemption, and reconciliation simply had to be settled, put to rest if you will. So I set out to craft my own story that hit these pulse points for me. This is my first (and hopefully only) attempted as an author. This shit is hard. Life is all about change, and how we handle the changes. Do they make us grow or do they make us bitter? I want to look into the phenomenon of cheating, the damage and emotional toll it takes, if repair is possible, and what it takes to get there. I hope you enjoy. For those of you who don't like cheat fics I invite you not to read. For those of you who have a true and respectful critique I invite you to review or pm me. Ok, here we go…I'm diving in!
Thank you fungirlygirl, yor are the bomb diggity, and I'm glad you are on my side. That conversation was far better than my original one. You rock.
It's been three years and things have settled for our favorite couple. They have mellowed into the comfort of familiarity. Every day routine has eased the burning, fevered passion they once felt into something less encompassing and Christian has mistaken this as having fallen out of love with his wife. His sense of ennui has led him to make a selfish and life altering decision. He has cheated. Not only has he has stepped out on his marriage, but he has allowed himself to fall, in what he believes is love, with his new interest. He justifies his actions and seeks to ease his guilt by convincing himself that Ana too has fallen out of love with him.
3 Hours after the Confrontation
I sit sipping a glass of wine, contemplating the events of the day. I am a study of mixed emotions, anger, sadness, relief, confusion; chief among these is confusion. I genuinely still love Ana, I just don't know where my hunger for her has gone. I'm a man of particular appetites, I have enjoyed unrivaled passion in my relationship with my wife over the past two years, but, what I believed could never happen has happened. That all consuming, breath hitching, needy passion has deserted us. All my attempts to reconnect have gone unreciprocated. Ana had little notice of my growing displeasure, seeming to prefer her professional, social, and motherly duties to her wifely ones. I feel we are slightly more than roommates who fuck occasionally.
Such are my reflections I don't notice that Paige has slid in next to me on the couch.
"Christian, I just don't understand why you're brooding. You shouldn't be upset. This is what we both wanted. It's done and now we can move forward."
"Paige, how can you say that? I've destroyed my wife, the mother of my child. She's in pain because of me. I didn't expect that. I...I thought she didn't love me. I didn't expect the reaction I got from her. I hate that I've hurt her."
"Oh come on Christian. You hate that you've hurt her? Really? You've been lying to her for months, sneaking around to be with me. I satisfied your needs when she couldn't and I know you enjoyed every minute of it. Now you feel guilty when we can finally be together openly?"
"That's enough, Paige!"
"Christian, I'm just stating the facts. I'm sure that Ana is still very much in love with you, but she made a critical error. She's a mother and a career woman with social and charitable obligations. She made the mistake of putting those things before you and I filled that void. Surely you can see that, baby."
"Paige, don't insult her. She's a wonderful woman and she doesn't deserve that. I love her, but...I don't know. I thought she fell out of love with me...and my feelings have changed as well.
"Fine. I won't insult her, but you love me now. Come on baby, we can finally be free, be together." She starts kissing my neck and rubbing my growing erection, making me forget, if only for a while that I destroyed the woman who taught me how to love, who brought me out of my darkness, and banished the demons that tormented me. You are fucked-up.
I let my gaze grow dark, and obviously carnal. "Your smart mouth and unsolicited candor has earned you a hard fuck in my playroom….15 minutes. You know how I like it. Move." I growl.
Once she's disappeared into the bedroom I move to the bar and down a scotch.
This session will be intense; I need to blow off a lot of steam.
5 Hours after confrontation.
I lay in bed in my suite at the Fairmont staring at the ceiling wondering 'what the hell just happened'. This has to be a nightmare, I'll wake up and Christian will be beside me softly snoring. Who am I kidding, my life just imploded, and I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. Time to stop fooling myself, this is what I always feared. I knew from the very beginning, from that knee-jerk proposal on the floor at Escala, that I could never hold him. I allowed myself to be lulled, duped into a false sense of security with the poster child of fucked up, self-centered, an emotionally bankrupt assholes.
Ok, I can't cry anymore, and I'm tired of wringing myself out.
Elliot had to physically restrain Kate when they arrived at the suite and heard my news, as she was ready to storm Escala and whip some ass. I love her. Elliot was not far behind her. He didn't want his wife going over there getting into an altercation, though he was not opposed to it for himself. I had to literally plead with them both to calm down. I was thankful when Taylor arrived and agreed that that wasn't the best course of action. Elliot cursed a blue streak and said he wouldn't be told when he could give his little brother a well deserved ass kicking. Taylor and Elliot had a brief but intense conversation and Elliot backed down and agreed to Taylor's wishes. Taylor came over and said he just wanted to check that I was ok and getting settled, said he needed to be on his way home to Mrs. Taylor. I'm overwhelmed by the events of the day; I lay here alternating between numb senses, and excruciating pain. I hope sleep finds me soon, as I would like to escape to a sweet, dreamless slumber.