I do not own Saints Row ...I wish I did...I really do...you see...some things just don't happen for people like you and I...all we could do is imagine...the government can't do anything about that...

And now for the Yaoi...which their is a lot of...starting now...

-5 years later-

I haven't gotten better at living. Some days I say I'm going to off myself on Tuesday, other days I get this nagging sensation that I gotta live for somethin, but what the fuck do I got to live for now?

You know, the fucked up part is that I didn't know I needed him until I lost him. Nah, that's a lie, I know I need him, I always needed him, he's the only one that ever made me feel alive. I don't function well without him, without him, I'm a rampage killing fuck tard that won't gain any kind of satisfaction till I have it all.

Even now, ontop of the food chain, I own everything, I'm like the king, and still...sex, revenge, guns. None of it has satisfied me. I'm dead inside. Even in this oval office...I don't feel any satisfaction, I give a good face that I'm okay but I'm not, it drives me crazy on a day to day basis.

Johnny Gat was by my side through thick and thin, now I don't know why it never occurred to me that he was, but I do now, I also realize I sound like a real bitch right now, all emo and shit, what can I say? A day in the life of a Matt Miller. Whaaat? Too harsh? Ok ok, moving on...

Honestly I could go all day on all the shit I feel inside, how much I blame myself for Johnnys death, he shouldn't be dead, it should be me. Fucks sake, why couldn't it have been me? I wonder what was going through the guys head when he died..did he feel betrayed? Was he scared? Fuck no, gat ain't scared of shit.

Let me tell you something I never tell anyone else here ok? I'm not gay or anything, I just happen to like someone else who happens to have a dick. Like that shit matters... Yeah, I'm so fucked up, I'm in fucking love with my best friend who happens to be dead. If he were alive, he'd shoot my ass for even considering me liking him like that. But that's the way it is, I'm not even going to say how many times I fucking pumped my dick just fantasizing about his cock in my mouth. Didn't he say he had an eight inch cock? I think he did, I think that was the start of my running imagination, that or Johnnys just plain hot.

My interest in him goes way back, I was so pissed that I was having dreams about the guy, I didn't want anything to do with him, I didn't want to do any of his missions...I figured I hated him...but inside..I knew that was bull, why else would I even go out of my way to save him? Now that I think about it, that's pretty reckless shit, I'd do it again.

I never thought about confronting him about these 'feelings' I had for him, that's not something you tell your best friend, especially if you don't want to lose someone like Gat. That, and he's always been about Aisha. I guess I love him too much to say anything, plus, when she died...I could tell, he needed me..he needed someone to help him get out of some hell hole he was in, not that I did any better cuz he's dead.

All I'm saying is, if he were alive, I wouldn't give a fuck about that shit anymore, I'd fuck him on the spot if I saw him again. I'm currently living in a world of denial, I still hope that I will see him again, him and that hot smirk of his and that insane look in his eyes that drives me crazy.

I had a few close calls where he could of found out, for one thing, I stare too much at him, I always took his side, I always go out of my way to preserve his safety. Its only been more than obvious, guess it probably wasn't though, he never said anything.

But anyway, one time he was sleeping on the couch of one of our cribs, he knocked out after that big ole drama with Aisha, I did feel bad for him, I wish she was alive for him, but it didn't stop me from planting a big fat kiss on his hot steamy mouth, you'd think he tasted like freckle bitches and cigarettes or something, nope, he tasted like whiskey and gum. Two things I liked. He only stirred in his sleep a little, I backed the hell up and walked off with my boner. I had shit to do anyway.

Sometimes it felt like he knew how I felt, sometimes we'd be caught in a staring contest, he'd win, I lost cuz if I won, I'd destroy his lips with mine in seconds. Hell, I wouldn't give a single fuck if he fucked me. That's how much I want him. I'm pissed that shaundie caught his eye but hey? He's not gay. I'm not either but...you know. I wouldn't give a fuck if I was all the time but it kinda doesn't turn me on when I think about another guy, which brings me to you ...Matt, I can't fuck you, cuz I'm in love with Gat, theirfo-"

Matt cut him off after such a horribly long explanation" I understand fully boss, but you do know, a simple 'no' would have been suffice"

The boss looked at him with an almost apologetic expression that almost made Matt forgive him for giving him such a painfully long rejection. Honestly, he didn't need to know all of that...although...it did do well for a fanfiction he could write online for his fans...they'd fancy a little one on one between the president and Johnny gat...

"Mmm...well, while I did enjoy your long story, ah no, you don't have to get off sir, sit. I do need to go online for...something...I'll just edit a few things here and their, add a little sex..and presto, I get a larger fan base...hm...but who will top who...what would the fans want.."

Zack stared at matt confusedly " what the fuck are you talking about now Miller?" Always with his rambling that made no sense. He never made sense.

Matt dismissed himself and walked off to god knows where, leaving Zack..the boss as they call him, to his own thoughts.

He smiled lightly reminiscing the moments he had with Gat. "Next time buddy..ill tell you next time"

He got up at the sound of an alarm. Shaundie informed him of a terrorist attack they had to put an end to. He always liked doing life risking jobs himself..." Alright, let's go" he walked to the lab bonking Miller on the head as he typed furiously " come on virgin, we gotta go"

Matt nodded grumbling about privacy then logged off and followed" mind if I mixed fruit and whip cream into your rectum for your beloved to suck out? No? I'm sure you don't"

Zack flinched stepping feet away " god you just don't make any sense Miller"

Matt smirked applying lipstick " let's get down to business boss"

Zack nodded with a sigh applying his suit and helmet " yeah yeah, going"

Soooooooo, did I do ok guys? I hope I did (: more to come if u ask meeeee. Luv u guys.