[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer
[A/N] I felt like writing a little bit of Bellice for you, my dear readers. Let's hope you have fun reading it.
Time moves on, whether you want it or not. Pain, every kind of pain, even the most excruciating fades away when you just wait long enough. You either die or you survive. That's what's I've done after he left me. I survived. There is little memory I have over the first months after Edward disappeared.
Most of the time I spent in my room, waiting for him to return to me, although I knew it wouldn't happen. Charlie got so worried that he alarmed Renee who showed up in Forks and made an awful scene. She insisted I needed some professional help to deal with the loss. That was the final moment it clicked inside me. I didn't want to talk to a shrink. Counseling is bullshit when there's no way you can be open to your therapist.
What do they do with people who believe they've been in contact with vampires? No, I really didn't want to find out.
So, instead of opening my heart to some head shrink, I forced myself to fake some façade of normality.
I went to school, every single day and spent the afternoons studying like a nerd in my bedroom. On Saturdays I went out shopping to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela although I found it terribly boring. Shopping trips reminded me of Alice and that only made me sadder in a consequence. I felt pathetic for sending her emails that would only return undelivered. Like her brother, she had let me down. People don't do that to the ones they love. But on the other hand, the Cullen weren't exactly human, right?
Secretly I still waited for Edward to return. He had to return, right? He had claimed to love me. If he loved me, he'd miss me. If he missed, he would return.
Of course, that was wishful thinking. After a couple of months I realized he wasn't coming back. I had to move on or I would die. I didn't want to die. I didn't know how to live either. The entire time, I had been with Edward, he had been the center of my universe. Now, that I had to handle everything by myself, it was frightening somehow.
On the day of my graduation, my parents surprised me with a brand new car. I couldn't believe they would spend so much money on a present. Mom explained that we had inherited a gracious amount of money from a deceased aunt. It was thanks to this aunt, some Mary who was the second cousin of a second cousin or something like that. Thanks to this Aunt Mary, I had unexpectedly enough money to afford an Ivy League college.
Finally, after months of months of basking in depressions, I had something to look forward to. College would be good for me. A new place where nothing would remember me of him sounded pretty close to paradise to me.
The night before I headed off for Dartmouth, I didn't manage to sleep a single minute. I was way too agitated.
During the long drive, I slurped down latte after latte to keep myself awake. When I eventually arrived on Campus it was already late afternoon.
I managed to run into a bunch of sorority bitches who reminded me instantly of a younger version of the Stepford wives. I was glad when I managed to get my schedule and the keys to my room.
Now, as an only child I had never had to share my room with someone else before. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about this. Privacy was important to me. I liked to keep to myself often enough.
My roommate, a Mary A. Brandon, had obviously already arrived earlier and claimed her side of the room. She had replaced the narrow metal-framed dorm bed by a queen-sized one with an orange-colored bedcover. Her desk had the newest version of a macbook on it. Next to it was a mirror, crowded with several tubes and bottles of make-up stuff.
I sighed. They had roomed me up with a superficial rich cow. Could things get any worse?
Well, I had to accept things like they were. I unpacked my box, stocked my clothes into the closet. I rolled my eyes when I saw that Brandon had already claimed half of my closet with her stuff as well. Seriously, what was this girl thinking?
My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten a bite since lunch time. Now, I was starving. Well, when you claim my closet, I might as well eat a bit of your food, Miss Brandon, I thought.
Unfortunately, the small fridge in the corner of Mary's side didn't contain anything but a glass of mustard. Doesn't she eat?
I had no other choice than to drive back into town and grab some pizza. It turned out to be the worst pizza of my life. On my way back to campus, I stopped to do some quick grocery shopping.
When I returned, it was dark. I stepped out of the car, it new smell still oddly strange to me. Deep inside me I missed my beloved truck. But it had outlived itself for more than one lifetime. The new car was great. I would learn to love it.
There was light shining though underneath the door of my room. Great, at least, Miss Brandon-I-need-two-closets-but-no-food was home too.
I took a deep breath and pulled down the handle. If I didn't want to make the following semester awkward, I would have to get along with this girl, no matter what.
The paper bag, I was holding, slipped through my hands as soon I saw her. Or maybe I wasn't really seeing her, just a ghost of her. Alice was back. My Alice was back.
She was still petite and pale-skinned as I remembered her. The spikey hair was cascading in smooth waves over her shoulders now. Her lips, red like blood, turned into a smile when she saw me.
The sound of her voice seemed strange to me. It had been so long since I had heard the soft, melodic voice of a vampire. Like an alcoholic who got to smell some bourbon, I inhaled deeply. I wanted to absorb the flowery scent of her. For a glorious moment, the emptiness inside me was gone. Then, this pleasant feeling was pushed aside by anger. She had left me for months and now she was back? Was Edward back too?
"Hi Bella," Alice whispered again. Then, in a movement that was a little too fast for my human eyes, she jumped from her bed and pulled me into a hug.
Her body was cold and hard. But the words that came out my mouth were even colder. "Don't touch me!" I snapped, taking a step away from her. "Why are you here?"
The corner of her mouth twitched. "You're angry. I knew you'd be angry. I understand."
I gasped for air. My throat was suddenly way too tight to breathe. I could feel my eyes beginning to fill with tears. "Why are you here?" I sobbed, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
The thin mattress squeaked when Alice sat down next to me. Her fingertips caressed my scalp lightly. I hated myself for being so pathetic but having her near me was just too much to endure. I had managed to convince myself that I was over Edward, that the pain inside me was gone. Now, I knew that I had only been fooling myself.
"Edward?" I sobbed, blinking at his adopted sister through my teary eyes. "Is he here too?"
Alice wiped my tears away with the back of her hand. She was touching me so carefully as if she was afraid I could break. I was already broken beyond repair.
"No." she told me. "He's not here in Dartmouth." Her lower lip trembled a bit. "Edward knows that I'm here. He doesn't know you would be here with me as well."
She wrapped her arm around me and petted my arm. The touch of her ice-cold marble fingers sending chills down my spine.
"Edward doesn't want to see me. Am I right?"
"My brother thinks, it is better that way. I don't actually agree with him, especially not after seeing your reaction to my return."
I fumbled a tissue out of my pocket and cleaned my nose. "Are any of the others here with you?" I asked.
"It's only me. I'm sorry if you are disappointed now."
"I'm not disappointed." I told her. "I just don't understand. Where is Edward? Where is Jasper? Why aren't you all together anymore?"
Alice rose from the bed. Within a flash, she stocked my groceries into the fridge and returned with a glass of water.
"You had too much caffeine today. It's going to give you a headache if you don't drink enough water.
I sipped on the drink, realizing with the first nip how thirsty I was. "Did something happen?" I asked, placing the glass on my nightstand.
"Well," Alice began. "After Edward broke up with you we went to live with our relatives in Alaska for a while."
Alaska? Wasn't this slut Tanya from Alaska? I could feel a beginning wave of jealousy build deep from the pit of my stomach.
"Carlisle and Esme are still there." Alice explained. "The Denali have a new addition to their coven. Tanya has finally found her mate. She's with a nomad named Mary now."
"Her mate is a woman?" I gasped. My dislike for Tanya suddenly vanished into nothing.
"It's okay to like girls." Alice stated, moving a bit further away from me on the bed. "I mean, it's okay for girls to like other girls."
"Sure, of course. Vampire lesbians. There's nothing wrong with that." I stated. "Now, where's Edward?"
Alice crossed her arms in front of her chest and pulled her legs under her knees. "Is that all you care about? Where he is? Aren't you happy to see me at all? Don't you love me at all?"
I snapped. In a childish attempt to lower the anger inside me, I reached for the glass and threw it at her. She ducked her head and the glass shattered against the wall behind her.
"How dare you?" I hissed. "After what you've done to me? You…you, knew what Edward was going to do! Still, you did nothing to stop him."
"I'm sorry," Alice mumbled, kneeling down to pick up the pieces of broken glass. "I thought he would change his mind again. I'm sorry for hurting you. Let me make it okay again? Will you?"
I hugged my pillow against my chest. The pain in me was about to swallow me whole. Soon it would absorb me fully like some kind of black hole.
"You left me too." I whispered and my voice cracked. "You were my best friend, the sister I never had and you left me…like I meant shit to you."
The color of Alice's eyes turned from golden to amber and finally to pitch-black. "I came back for you."
"Yes," I responded. "But if you truly cared about me, you wouldn't have left in the first place. People don't treat those they love like this."
"I'm here now." Alice whispered, sitting down next to me again. She reached out her hand to mine. So lightly that I could barely feel the low temperature of her hand, she circled her fingertip over my wrist. "I came back because I love you."
I exhaled in a low sob. "I missed you so much. Every day, I missed you. It was so easy for you to leave me behind."
Alice's hand moved higher on my arm. It was such a tender caress that I felt tingles running down under my skin. I had almost forgotten how affective Alice always was. I had missed this.
"It was far from easy." Alice said. "I could only endure it because I knew I would see you again."
"But Edward doesn't know I'm here? Alice, how could you keep this from him?"
"Always him! Always him! Can't we just talk about us? I came back for you. He didn't."
She sounded upset now. I had never seen Alice upset before. She was too much of a sunny person to be upset. "I'm glad you're here. Let me guess, Mary Brandon doesn't actually exist, right?"
"No, she's me. Well, after staying in Alaska for about a month I went to Mississippi to do some research on my human roots."
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
Alice nodded. "In a way, I did. My real name was Mary Alice Brandon. My parents had me hospitalized because of my…condition."
"You mean because of the visions? God, Alice, I'm really sorry about that."
"No need to be." Alice assured me. "It was a long time ago and I don't have any memory of it." She bent over to me and kissed my cheek. This was a new, even for Alice. My cheek felt hot and cold at the very same time.
"How do you like your new car?" she asked, playing with a wisp of my hair. "Isn't it much better than the old truck?"
"Alice," I sighed. "Don't tell that was you? Renee said, she inherited the money from an aunt."
"Well, ain't I a great aunty?" Alice giggled. "So, please tell me you like the car."
"It's a car." I stated. "I'd rather have you come back instead of tricking me into accepting gifts from you."
Alice hummed. "You're going to forgive me. I've already seen it. You're going to forgive me and then we're going to have so much fun here. This College is one of my favorite. The area offers so many hunting possibilities."
I noticed that her hand was on my knee how. Through the fabric of my jeans I could feel the chilled temperature of her fingers. Only, that her touch didn't make me feel cold. It's more like there's some sudden heat wave spreading through me.
"You heartbeat goes faster when I touch you." Alice said, petting my knee a bit firmer. "Why is that? Humans are strange creatures."
"So are vampires." I whispered, swallowing nervously. "Can you please stop touching me now? I'm cold."
Alice hushed to her bed and returned with a thick blanket. She wrapped it around me like I was toddler. "Is it better now? You humans have such complicated needs. You're always hungry or cold or in need for a bathroom."
"Vampires are always thirsty." I said, noticing that Alice's eye color still hadn't returned to the warm honey-golden shade, I loved so much. Was she thirsty; if yes being near me had to be extremely painful for her.
"Do you need to hunt?" I asked her, unable to keep my eyes from wandering up and down her body. She looked different now somehow. But I knew it was impossible, so I assumed it was probably me who was seeing her different now. It had to be the long separation.
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Now, do you like my hair? Rose helped me to get these extensions in. I always wanted to have long hair."
"It looks nice." I stated, snuggling deeper into the soft blanket. It smelled like Alice, floral and warm.
"Only nice?" Alice said, slightly insulted. "I wanted to look beautiful. Bella, do you think I'm beautiful?"
"Yes," I murmured. "You're a vampire. Of course, you're beautiful."
She kissed my cheek again. "Thank you, Bella. Now, tell me what you've done all the time we were apart. You don't have a new boyfriend back in Forks, right?"
"You would have seen it if there was somebody." I said, rubbing my cheek where she had kissed me a moment ago.
Alice moved her fingers tenderly over the back of my hand. "Are you still in love with Edward?"
I hesitated. Was I really in love with him? Or was I just in love with the memory of love?
"You're not sure." Alice stated. "If he'd come back, would you want to get back together with him?"
"He doesn't want me." I told her. "Edward made that point pretty clear to me when he left me in the woods."
"I didn't ask whether Edward wants you. I want to know whether you still have feelings for him."
"I have." I mumbled. "I'm mad at him. The way he broke off with me was unnecessarily cruel. I could have died out there."
"No, you wouldn't. I knew someone would find you. I would never let anything bad happen to you."
She played with the sleeve of her shirt, rolling it up and back down again over and over. "I'm sorry for what happened on your birthday. Jasper is sorry too. I know he his"
I leaned my head against her shoulder. "This is the first time, you are mentioning him."
Alice sighed deeply. "Things between me and him are complicated. I care for him, but it's not like it used to be."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I told Alice. "I'm sure you can sort this out somehow."
She shook her head no. "I don't think I want that. Now, that I've been away from Jazz for a couple of months, I feel better than ever before. It's good to be happy when you're happy. Not just because someone is manipulating your emotions to think you're happy."
I pressed my lips against Alice's shoulder. "You deserve to be happy."
"You know what would make me happy? Can I dress you up? Please, Bella, I bought so many new clothes for you. They'll look amazing on you."
I felt tempted to tell her that playing Bella Barbie was a game only one of us enjoyed playing. That one sure as hell wasn't me! Still, instead of telling her so, I nodded my head.
Alice danced over to the closet. She picked out a navy blue dress and held it up. "This will be fantastic."
"Fine, I'll try it on." I tossed my shirt and the jeans down. Then I took the dress from Alice. She stepped behind me and pushed my hair over my shoulder. "Let me zip you up."
I shivered when her lips brushed over my neck. "Done,"
"Alice," I whispered, slowly turning around. "What are you doing to me?"
"What am I doing with you?" she asked back while she tried to flatten the dress around my hips. It was short, exposing half of my thighs. When her fingers touched me there, I jumped.
"What's wrong? Does it make you feel uncomfortable when I touch you? I can stop doing it."
Her eyes met mine. There was some strange flickering in them, like she was trying to decide what to do next. Then, too fast for me to do anything against it, Alice pushed me against her bed. It felt pleasantly warm and incredibly soft underneath me.
"If you want to stop," Alice breathed into my ear while she straddled me. "This is the moment to tell me."
I didn't tell her to stop. How could I tell her to stop when fire was racing through my veins at the speed of light? My heartbeat increased rapidly.
Then, Alice kissed me on the lips. The lips, not on the cheeks like earlier. Her mouth was cold and her tongue was even colder when it licked my lower lip to ask for entrance. Edward had never, not once in six months of our relationship, dared to kiss me like this.
It was divine. The warmth of my own mouth combined with Alice's cold one felt incredible. She pulled back for a moment, probably to give me time to breathe. I cupped her face in my hand. "More," I whispered. The only thought I could manage to think right now. "More."
Alice kissed me a second time. Then a third and a fourth time. My breathing had turned into low moans. Kissing like this was so much better than the chaste kisses I had shared with Edward before. More so, the way Alice was kissing me was turning me on.
"You smell good." Alice whispered, licking the skin right underneath my jaw. "I can't resist it."
I held my breath. Was she going to bite me now? I closed my eyes and waited for the sharp pain her venom would bring. It didn't come. Instead Alice's cold lips moved down my body until her head finally vanished under the skirt of my dress.
"Irresistible." She murmured before her tongue swiped over the fabric of my underwear.
"Sweet angels in heaven," I moaned, grinding myself against Alice's cold face. The pleasure that rippled through me was intense. I panted, desperately hoping the people in the room next to ours wouldn't hear me groaning like this.
Alice's teeth ripped on the cotton of my panties, tearing them down within the blink of an eye. More, More, More, I chanted in my head. I could hear her slurping. Fuck, I was so wet I was going to ruin her sheets.
I whimpered, as Alice's tongue swiped over my clit, cold and soft at the very same time. My toes cramped into the blanket under me. Every muscle in my body tensed. Then the sweetest, strangest, most mind-blowing release washed over me.
"Now, look at that heartbeat now." Alice said, raising her head again. She sighed and leaned her ear against my chest. "How fast can your heartbeat go?"
"I don't know. God, Alice I can't believe what you just did. That was incredible."
"I knew it would be. Tanya told me it's great to go down on a human. She was right."
Heat spread to my cheeks, turning them red. Why was she talking about this kind of stuff with Tanya? That was embarrassing!
"I didn't understand it at first." Alice said. "Why I felt so bad after we left Forks. I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." I whispered. "More than I can even tell you."
Alice took my hand and kissed my wrist a few times. "I missed you so much that I could barely think about anything else. I was miserable. Jazz was frustrated with me."
"I can imagine that. He had to feel everything you felt."
"Yes, that's what frustrated him. One day he snapped and told me I was overreacting. That I was behaving like I had lost my lover, not a friend."
"But we are friend. Aren't we?"
Alice kissed my lips again. They were warmer now somehow. "Is it okay to love a friend? You do love me. Don't you, Bella?"
"Yes," I whispered. "I love you, Alice."
She leaned over me and fished something from the ground. "You trust me, right?"
"Yes," I told her, nodding my head. "Of course, I trust you."
Alice took a deep breathe. "Good."
I barely felt how she moved the sharp piece of glass over my wrist. What I felt was the blood that trickled down my arm a moment later. The pain that ripped through my wrist, when Alice grabbed my hand and started sucking was torturous.
She dropped my arm, a whimper escaping her mouth. "I did it. I knew I could do it. I saw me changing you and I did it."
"Alice," I whimpered. "It burns. Oh my God,"
I passed out. My mind unable to function while my body started a fight it was going to lose no matter what. Alice's venom floated through my veins. I was going to be a vampire.
"The pain will go away. I promise." Alice whispered into my ear. "You wanted to be like me, right? Nothing and nobody will ever keep us apart now."
She kissed my trembling lips. "I love you, Bella. Now, we can be together forever."