Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all, no infringement intended.
AN: I think its safe to say that if this were in the BDSM category, SP's ass would be as red as her pants were once the truth is revealed and our prince is outed. Should be interesting. That being said, I raise my imaginary glass of goodness, a Snowflake Martini, to the wonderfully talented Dawning Juliet. Cheers!
"You should write a book: How to offend women in five syllables or less." - Swan Princess
If The Shoe Fits
"Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life." Alice was full of wisdom this morning.
"She was also a fictitious character, Alice," Bella replied as she yawned.
"That's not the point," she argued.
"Real or not, she talked to rats."
"Mice," Alice huffed. "And they were cute."
"Same shit." Bella didn't care in the least; she simply rolled over onto her other side, away from Alice.
"You're so grumpy this morning. Listen, I need talk to you about—"
"Please," she whimpered. "I'm begging you, Alice. We will talk about your dilemma and come up with a plan. Just not right now."
"Rosalie's luncheon is today, Bella!" Alice complained. Maria's going to be there, and—"
"Alice!" Bella smacked her forehead in exasperation. "I'm really, really tired, and I'm trying to bite my tongue. No one escapes jet lag. Give me a breather right now, okay?" She flopped back down onto her pillow and closed her eyes.
A few minutes had passed and Bella smiled into her pillow. Small miracles like these were few and far between.
"Even their money is colorful," Alice commented while tossing a few bills onto the nightstand and sighing in defeat. The shoes would just have to wait.
"Monotonous… Green… Sleep." Bella muttered.
"Exactly!" Alice exclaimed, "green pumps would totally offset the—"
"Go away," Bella moaned.
Why can't she ever just shut the fuck up?
"We have so much to get done today, and the guys will be here soon. Not to mention your royal fuck up yesterday, of all motherfucking fuck ups, has to be cleared up. Ed—"
"For fuck sake's, Alice, will you please just shut the fuck up?!" Bella tossed a pillow towards the chair she was sitting in and slammed back onto the bed. She wasn't far off from throwing a full bitch fit of epic proportions.
"This is really—"
"You know the kind of bitch I'm capable of turning into. One hour. Just one. Now shut the fuck up. Go bother Jasper," Bella growled into her pillow. "Hopefully he's not having breakfast with the bitch and can entertain you for a little while."
That was low.
"Fine." Alice stood up, finally incensed. "But don't tell me later that I didn't try to warn you," she spat, walking out of the bedroom and slamming the door.
That's all it took? That family must have honey-dipped, golden genitalia. First Emmett, and now Alice? What are we missing over here?
Okay, okay! Shutting down.
"Baby Bee!" came the loud, boisterous voice followed by a pounce that shook her entire frame up and down on the bed, jostling her awake and scaring the shit out of her.
Something's wrong with your family. Good God.
"Come on, SP, wake up." He laughed wholeheartedly as his cousin's tiny frame bounced on the mattress top.
"Good God, Emmett," Bella mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep. "I'm up." She knew she wouldn't be able to fight Emmett off.
"Great! Alice ordered you breakfast," her cousin hollered.
"Coffee." Bella groaned and stretched her limbs like a feline. "I need lots and lots of coffee," she huffed, sitting up and glaring at her boisterous cousin who was now grinning mischievously at her.
"What, no tea?" Emmett snickered in a high pitched feminine voice as he bent down to muss her hair.
"Fuck, no." Bella laughed.
"There's my girl. Good morning, Princess." He chuckled, earning an eye roll from Bella. "Aw, c'mon, you know you loved our sign."
"And to think that I'd been sure I avoided embarrassment knowing you wouldn't be there," she grumbled, though her grin ruined the reproach. Truth was, she adored her cousin Emmett, antics and all.
"You're a fool, kiddo." His laughter accentuated his dimples. He shook his head from side to side, his baby blue eyes twinkling. "Hurry up. Everyone's waiting." He walked to the door and shut it behind him.
Your cousins need to be put on heavy medications—immediately. That boy might need a horse tranquilizer because of the sheer size of him, but I'm sure we could—
"Ugh," she groaned, swinging her feet off the side of the bed and onto the floor. She definitely could have used some more shut eye, but she knew it was pointless at this point. Hopefully, massive amounts of her caffeinated drug of choice would help her get through the day.
I'll be the first to admit you drink too much coffee but on days like today when you're firing on less than half a brain. I'd recommend it in an IV drip. You may eventually get up to half speed. Jetlag's a bitch.
Bella rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and glanced at her phone to check the time. Noting she had a few unread text messages, she quickly shot them a reply.
Shouldn't we be allowed to sleep in? We're on vacation!
Lauren: Deets, woman!
Bella: Plane ride should have tipped me off. It's been one hell of a ride so far. Understatement of the century.
Lauren: I'm totally going to hell when I kick the bucket anyway, and I don't even care. It's sacrilegious to scream God's name in that position that many times in a row.
Bella: You obviously had a good night.
Lauren: Thanks for the lesson in Dirty Dancing, sweetface!
Lauren: I'm driving, sue me. Wrong text.
Bella: That's illegal. And disgusting. And I'm pretty sure last night might have had some illegality involved in there somewhere, too. You have officially ruined one of my favorite movies.
Lauren: I'm learning salsa next week! Hope you didn't like Havana Nights!
Bella: That's fantastic Lauren. Really. Talk to you later.
Lauren: Ciao, Bella!
How'd she ever graduate high school? A foreign language was a requirement. English didn't count. Didn't she fail that, too?
Bella sighed and crawled out of bed. Having not unpacked the night before, she didn't even bother to cover up her Hello Kitty pajama set Angela had gotten her as a Christmas gag gift and shuffled her way towards the connected living room in their hotel suite. It was only Alice and Emmett after all, and they'd seen each other in worse wear throughout the course of their lives.
Butt naked, the three of you shoved into the same tub along with Seth. Why your parents thought that was cute and had to capture that momentous occasion on film is beyond me. Too many white tushes.
Yawning and stretching, her shirt riding up and exposing her well-toned midriff, she burst through the double-wide French doors.
"What are you wearing?!" Alice shrieked as she lunged towards Bella.
"My rockin' jammies, Al, what the hell?" She moved out of the way in time to dodge the chief of Fashion Police.
"The hell is right, Bella! At least go put a bathrobe on," Alice grumbled through clenched teeth, trying to tackle Bella back into the bedroom.
"Who cares?" Emmett boomed. "Nice PJ's, by the way, Baby Bee."
"Thanks, Em." Bella grinned, flipping him off, and once again tried to walk around Alice.
Bitch, you'd better move. I smell coffee!
"Now back to more important matters." Emmett rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
Yeah, the damn coffee!
"What's all this talk about ass I keep hearing about?" Emmett began, "and why do I always miss these things?"
Bella peered over the evil sprout to the corner of the room, following Emmett's glare.
Who's the Ken doll?
"H-hello," she stuttered as her eyes landed on a blonde haired, blue-eyed male Adonis sitting in one of the arm chairs, grinning up at her.
"Bella, Jasper. Jasper, this is my cousin, Bella." Alice sighed in defeat.
"Pleasure to finally meet you, Bella." He smirked as if he had some information she wasn't privy to.
"Same to you Jasper." She walked over to him, extending her hand forward to shake his.
Emmett gawked. "What, are you a fuckin' stiff now, Swan Princess?"
"Emmett!" Bella snapped her head towards her cousin, an exaggerated warning on her face. Jasper chuckled, amused by their exchange.
"Coffee." Jasper smiled as he pointed towards the heavenly spread that sat in the corner of the room, artfully arranged on a trolley.
"Yes!" She moaned as she sprinted the short distance, grabbed a roll, and proceeded to stuff her face in a very unladylike manner while she poured the rich, dark liquid into a cup and groaned loudly at the aroma.
"Thank God. Sweet sustenance." By that, Bella meant the coffee, not the lighter-than-air roll.
"Where are your manners?" Alice whispered heatedly over her shoulder.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She faked an apology. "I guess they're still asleep, not that I can blame them and all. At least one of us is getting some damn rest."
"You're acting like an adolescent bitch," Alice whispered in a voice loud enough that they probably heard her in the lobby. "I'm not about to argue with you." She waved off her hand dismissively. "Eat, get dressed, go get your pants from hotel services and then get your ass back up here so we can get ready for Rose's party. And for God's sake, Bella—manners!"
Grinning over her coffee mug, she winked and giggled as Alice stormed off.
"Here you are, ma'am." The woman at guest services extended Bella's pants to her. "We were able to get all of the stains removed. I have no idea what they were, but now your garment is as good as new." Two extremely good-looking men turned to stare at her at the lady's words, chuckling as they walked past.
There goes our sex life.
"Thanks." Bella cringed, grabbing them out of the woman's hands and sprinting towards the elevator.
Don't worry. Hopefully they were gay and unavailable.
"Fuck." She made it to the elevator just as the doors began to close.
"Wait! Hold the door!" she shouted as she ran.
A hand reached out as she slipped through the crack, slamming into someone who stumbled back in the process.
"I'm so sorry—" she began but suddenly stopped as she looked up.
"My God, you have a mouth on you." Green Eyes looked a bit shocked but, smiled in return.
I thought last night had been the height of embarrassment. Guess we can chuck that theory out the window.
Bella's defeated whimper jolted him. "What?" His green eyes grew wide as he stared at her, not sure he heard her correctly.
"What?" she snapped back.
"Did you just—" he began but was instantly cut off.
Regaining her cherubic demeanor, Bella narrowed her eyes at the man. "Are you stalking me now or something?"
"Where do you get off—" Green Eyes replied, shock written across his face.
"That's rich, coming from you—" Bella's retort was cut short when she was suddenly thrown back against the wall of the elevator as it came to a complete and abrupt stop.
"What the fuck was that?" She grabbed onto his arm, dropping her pants on the floor.
"Shit. The elevator is malfunctioning."
"What!" She let go of his arm as though it had suddenly caught on fire and walked over to the control panel on the wall. Bella started pushing all of the buttons at once in hopes that the elevator would open its doors or continue on up to her floor.
That's not working!
"Oh, God." Bella's heart rate picked up as she realized they were stuck. Broken down elevators and a touch of claustrophobia did not mix.
Enclosed space: check. Stuck in said enclosed space with a witness to my walk of shame: check. All systems are go. Panic attack ready to launch.
"I'm sure it's nothing, try not to panic. The elevator will kick back into service in no time." He tried to soothe the obvious anxiety showing in her eyes.
"No, no, no!" Bella wailed, stomping her foot.
"Why don't you just stop pushing all of those buttons and just take a step back for a minute."
"Don't act like you're not enjoying the view, asshole. And do not tell me what to do."
A strangled, choking sound came from behind her, but she refused to turn around and look.
"I really don't think that pounding the buttons is going to do anything," he deadpanned.
"And I really think you need to shut the fuck up right about now."
Sighing, she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the cool metal control panel.
Deep breaths. Nice and easy. No sweat. You'll be out of here in no time.
"All right, then." He chose to ignore her rude comment. "I think we got off on the wrong foot last night."
"You might have gotten—"
"My name's Edward," he said, interrupting her next tirade.
Bella disregarded his introduction. This was not the time for that—she was more concerned with getting the hell out of this tiny, broken down box of doom. "Hello!" Bella shouted. "Can anyone hear me?!"
"I really don't think—"
"And I really don't care!" She silenced him with a glare, turning back around to face the door.
It's too quiet in here. They should play music for their guests to avoid awkward situations just like this one.
"I think these belong to you," Edward saying in a calming voice. It was deep, rich and had a velvet-like quality to it.
Purely hypnotic, just like his eyes.
Bella turned around and grabbed her pants, nodding a silent "thanks," and resumed her frantic button pushing while pleading to the electrical gods to bring the elevator back to life and spring her from the upright coffin she was stuck in.
That was nice of you. You are stuck together; might as well at least try to get along.
"Glad to see the stain came out of your trousers." Edward chuckled.
Or maybe not.
"Nice suit." She turned on him, her eyes sparkling with spite. "Did you save up your entire year's pay for it, or just rip off an unsuspecting client's luggage?"
Fierce green eyes bored into hers as he shook his head and forced out a strained, mirthless laugh, looking down at his shoes.
"What's so funny?" The nerve on this guy! "Oh, let me guess—the pants," she fumed as she turned her back to him.
"That's as close as you'll ever come to them," she muttered. "Come on!" She glowered at the control panel, cursing its unhelpfulness.
A throat cleared behind her. She turned to see him wide-eyed and fidgeting awkwardly.
Good! Fidget, fucker.
"Her underpants?" he whispered to himself.
"What now?" Bella shouted, turning around to face him.
"What?" he stammered, avoiding her fiery gaze.
Underpants? Did he just say—?
"Hello!" She was shouting again. "We need help in here, we're stuck." The panic in her voice was now fully evident.
"Why don't you just try to relax and—"
"HELP!" she screamed, banging on the doors.
"That's not going to do anything." He sighed. "You're just going to end up hurting your hand. Or my head," Edward said, rolling his eyes.
"I don't see you trying to do anything! And how the fuck would you know? Your job consists of staring at asses all day long, among other things, I'm guessing, but who the fuck knows?" she griped.
"Among other things." He smirked.
Ass loving, arrogant piece of—
"I bet," she grumbled.
"You assume too much." His expression was playful now.
"I don't have to assume anything."
"Well, you know what they say when you do," he hedged, clenching his jaw.
"Did you just call me an—"
"If the shoe fits, princess." He spat the last word, jamming his fisted hands into his pockets of the designer suit jacket.
"Listen here, you fucking jer—"
The elevator shook as it quickly fell down a flight and just before Bella hit the floor, long arms reached around to grab her.
God, he smells good. So, so good.
Embarrassed by her thought, she quickly pulled out of his grasp and righted herself, turning her back to him once more.
Are you blushing? This is epic!
"Will you stop grabbing me? That's what, the third time?" Her bravado was a bad attempt at covering up how she truly felt—slightly embarrassed and uneasy.
Not that we're counting, or anything…
"I won't apologize for acting like a gentleman and helping a lady up." He was clearly affronted by her accusations.
"Gentleman," she snorted. "That's what I call a cheap grope."
"Are you serious?" Edward's face fell. It was appalling how unreasonably Bella was acting.
"I never kid about copping a feel, Mr. High and Mighty."
"Hold it right there. I really think that—"
"Help!" Bella began to scream again, relentlessly pounding on the steel doors.
"Dammit, Bella, will you just stop it already?" A steadying hand grasped hers to stop the insistent pounding, startling her as she whipped around. "Just stop."
Look at his eyes. And his face. He's gorgeous. Wait a second here. How does he know your name?
"Okay," she stammered, suddenly feeling like someone cranked up the temperature in the small space.
It's hot in here.
Another unexpected jolt knocked her out of her stupor as the elevator quickly shot upward, and she let out a scream. Bella found herself cocooned in a warm, tight embrace and heard a gruff "ouch" as their bodies slammed into the side wall of the elevator. At least this time, it hadn't stopped its ascent.
Realization dawned on her as she let go of the strong shoulders she had clutched as she felt her face heat up. She bowed her head and looked down at her feet as she waited for the doors to open.
"Thanks," she whispered.
"Was that so hard?" She could hear a smile in his voice.
Bella's foot started to tap against the tiled floor as she looked up to see the numbers continue to climb to her floor.
"In a hurry?" Edward chuckled softly behind her.
"Not that it's any of your concern, but as a matter of fact, I am."
Glad your outer bitch is back in action. Seems we lost her there for a second.
"Hot date?" he prodded.
"A royal pain in my ass of a lunch," she snorted.
"I'm sure it can't be that bad." Edward's tone turned conciliatory. "Listen, Bella," Edward started, "I wanted to—"
"Oh, thank God!" Bella barreled out the doors as soon as they opened, leaving Edward to himself in the elevator. She flew down the hallway towards her room.
"Bella!" Edward yelled after her, storming down the hallway.
"Stalking, in America, is illegal in all 50 states, you know," she called over her shoulder, not bothering to slow down. Emmett was in her room. He'd take one look at this guy and scare the living shit out of him—put him in his place.
"What the hell, Bella!" Alice shrieked the second she opened the door. "We're going to be insanely late!"
"I just got stuck in the—"
"I don't even want to hear it." Alice waved off her explanation. "Oh, hey, Edward! You're early." Alice smiled sweetly as she led the way into the suite. "Come in. Jasper and Emmett are already here, too," she said, brushing past her cousin and giving her the death glare.
"Hey, Alice." Green eyes greeted her cousin as he sidestepped a gaping Bella and kissed her cousin on the cheek. He turned around and winked at her before walking into the living area to join the rest of the group.
"Excuse us," Alice said to no one in particular in a voice so saccharine, Bella felt her blood sugar spike. She grabbed Bella by the arm in a rough grip and hauled her away. "What the hell is with you?" Alice growled as she pulled her into the room, slamming the door behind them.
"You know him?" Bella pointed towards the living room, livid.
"Edward? Of course I know Edward. Who—"
"Hey, Alice," came the voice she was beginning to know very well and quickly coming to despise. "Jasper needs to talk to you about something."
"Okay, thanks." She opened the door and smiled at him, turning her attention back to Bella. "Go get showered and dressed. Car service is leaving here in under an hour." With that, she stomped off. "This is my future sister-in-law, and I refuse to look like a fool."
Bella stared at Alice's back as she marched out. The fuck is her problem? Car service… That would explain Green Eyes, then.
"Fucking car service," she grumbled as she passed everyone in the room towards the adjacent bedroom, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the generic paintings bolted to the wall.
AN: I can only blame lack of sleep for so much these days. Insert foot in mouth. Don't bite my head off just yet, my girl has spunk and considering her luck, or there for lack of, she's completely cracked. Add in someone who has caught her off guard-feelings included-she's stumped and confused.
Sick of the snow, covered in it and bracing for another storm that is head my way tonight! Getting this out just in time. On a positive note, I'm almost through with our next chapter. And we make even more headway, meet a few new character's and have some more major developments in the story. Enter the royal women. Any idea's on who they might be? Let me know what you think!