A/N – Ahhh! I'm excited but nervous! It's been a long while since I've posted anything. And I hope you all actually still have an interest in my writing (those of you who follow me) if you're currently on a hunt for my head because of my abandonment of How to Use Your Head While Following Your Heart – let me just say that I did NOT abandon that fic. When I was younger, I always told myself that I would never abandon my children. And that fic is my child! I just came to a point where I wasn't sure where I wanted to take it, and I still don't know honestly – but remember…it's NOT abandoned. It's just on a vacation, from me, its mother. Moving on now...
Interestingly enough this story, A Fine Frenzy, came to me when I was doing a writing exercise. It was meant to be something short maybe 600-800 words. I would put my IPOD on shuffle and just write whatever that song made me feel. The song Near To You by A Fine Frenzy came on and yeah...things kind of snowballed from there. Not sure exactly how many chapters this will be, I'm thinking around 10? Who knows? But… here it be! And P.S. I hope the timeline makes sense. It's pretty simple, but it still somehow confused even me, the creator of the timeline… No judging! Now read and enjoy! Hopefully (bites fingernails)
A Fine Frenzy - Chapter 1
Rating: T (that could possibly change in the future)
He could only see as far as his very next step, only as far as the space where his foot would be landing next and absolutely nothing beyond that and if he thought about he didn't really care to see beyond that right now. He kept his head down and his pace steady piercing through the fog and heavy damp air that was oddly both warm and muggy but at times cool and brisk. He was hot but had the chills at the same time. He was nearing a small bridge that went over a creek and right at the end of the bridge is where the street lamps started on each side of the road again. As he was crossing the bridge on the sidewalk he started to think about a strange thing always happened to him in regards to street lamps. It had been happening to him for as far back as he can remember. When walking, driving –whatever – when passing under street lamps he would notice that one would go out as soon as he went by it. This didn't happen every single time he was under them, but it happened enough to bother him, or at least it used to bother him. Now, he was just used to it.
He was sweating now. He was sweating because of the distance he's already walked and because his adrenaline was still pumping through every part of him. His thin grey Journey t-shirt was damp down the middle of his back, under his arms and around his neck. He pushed on though –spend up even. He continued to replay that initial conversation over and over again in his mind between him and Bones just twelve days earlier.
"Booth, I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking yours and everyone else's advice. I'm going to go with Sully." She had told him trying to sound eager, hopeful, elated, but he didn't miss the hint of sadness in her voice. She looked away for a fraction of a second before her beautiful blue eyes fluttered back to him. "Just for awhile at least." She said. "Just for awhile…" She repeated.
And he wasn't prepared for that. He told her to go but he wasn't prepared for her to actually leave him.
"Oh wow, ok." He had smiled a weak smile.
A deep breath. "Ok." He repeated with more finality.
And she just stood there in front of him, both of them in front of the entrance to her apartment. Why was she just standing there looking at him? What did she want him to say or do at that point? Congrats? Pat on the back? High five? Have fun? Make sure to take a liberal supply of Dramamine? "Listen Bones, I'm happy you decided to go. It's really great."
"I'm glad." She followed quickly. "I mean, I'm glad that you're happy for me, Booth."
He had look away from her then. It was really sinking in while she was standing there, as he was looking at her, it was sinking in and he refused to let her see it as it did. He wiped his hand down his face. "Listen Bones, I have to get going, ok?"
"Ok, Booth." Was all she said to him before he turned and walked away….
A couple days went by before it was mentioned again. Bones told him that she and Sully decided that they'd delay the trip a week. There were a few last minute things that needed to be taken care of, she had explained. He nodded but didn't actually say anything inquiring further into what exactly needed to be taken care of.
Ten Days Earlier…..
"So, Sully and I aren't leaving right away, like we would have liked."
He was driving and kept his head straight, didn't so much as flinch let alone look over at her when she mentioned Sully and her plans. He didn't want to get into what her plans were with him. He didn't want to think about it and he certainly did not want to talk about it.
"We're going to wait another week or so." He could tell that she was looking at him now. There was a long pause before she started to speak again, though her eyes never left him. He knew that she was waiting for him to say something in response but he bit back everything that he could have said, wanted to say. She sighed deeply before continuing. "There are still a few last minute things that," She cleared her throat, "that we need to take care of." And then he did flinch, maybe physically but definitely internally. He wasn't sure how obvious it was to his partner, but he reacted, not because the conversation about her plans was finally causing him to react but because he heard her voice stray from strong to weak during the last part of her sentence. Was she about to cry? It definitely sounded like her voice broke there…. He said nothing though, only nodded, without even looking at her.
They pulled up to the scene at the edge of a corn field and came to a bumpy stop. Bones got out of the truck quickly and Booth stayed behind for a moment. He watched as she closed the door behind her and took a pair of gloves out from the pocket of her jumpsuit. He watched as she walked quickly and diligently to the people she needed to speak with. He watched as she approached one of the responding officers and nodded as he began to talk to her about scene and the remains. He watched as she started to put her gloves on, left hand was first, as always and then the right. And then he watched as she brought her hands down to rest on her hips as she began to survey the scene for herself. She was about to get a little closer to the remains by kneeling down and he was about to watch as she did so but he was interrupted by a loud knock against the truck's window.
"Agent Booth?" He heard the person ask from the outside. He pulled himself together quickly before opening the door and leaving his truck to join Bones and team.
After some time the team was wrapping up and the remains were being sent back to the lab. Everyone began to scatter and go into their own direction, doing whatever it was that they needed to do, like clockwork. After giving the last instructions to another agent and watching the agent turn in the opposite direction he then made his way to were Bones was standing a few yards up from where the remains were. He was walking up to her from behind and from what he could see she was just staring into the distance, looking out at nothing, being completely still, hands to her side, not doing…anything. It took him every ounce of will power he could muster to not walk up to her and touch. Put a hand on her shoulder, her back, her neck…. It was even harder for him not to ask what was wrong. What was it that she was thinking about? Was there anything that he could do for her? He didn't know where he stood with her right now and maybe he was feeling a bitter. Maybe he was acting a little selfish but he couldn't stand doing those things when he knew it was only a matter of days when she wouldn't even be in his life; for whatever amount of time she says she'll be gone for. It was killing him but he didn't want to be...himself.
"Bones." Even though he said her nickname softly it still startled her and she jumped a little before turning around to look at him.
"Oh... Booth, I'm sorry. I'm coming…I'll be right over." She assured and then she turned away from him again, looking out into the distance as the sun began to set.
He didn't say anything to hurry her he just continued to stand behind her. Right behind her actually, very close to where their bodies were mere centimeters apart, but he didn't touch her, he wouldn't. But as he stood there he began to wonder if just barely touching her was torturing him more than actually touching her would.
A significant amount of time passed. At some point Booth ended up sitting down on a little dirt hill behind her as she stared out into the now dark sky. He was leaning back on the heels of his hands looking out himself wondering where the lightening bugs go when the season changes from summer to fall. He would usually ask Bones something like that, but not now. She turned around finally and looked down at him. "We should probably go now. Cam has already called me twice."
"And me three times."
They shared a smile the first genuine smile with each other in days. Booth hoisted himself from the ground and dusted off his pants and hands before they walked back to the Tahoe together. They drove back to the lab and Booth dropped her off. He decided he'd head back to his office only for a little while before calling it a night and he encouraged Bones to do the same thing. "Listen, it's getting late, try to leave at a decent hour, ok?"
He couldn't subdue his care for her anymore that day. Maybe he'd already reached his selfish asshole quota for the day.
"I'll try." She said as she climbed out of his truck and in a few moments she was gone from his view. Everything was silent again except for the voices in his head that never seemed to quiet since two days ago when she told him that she was leaving him. He drove off deciding in that second that he would need to try harder to separate himself from Bones in these final days with her. She didn't need him anymore. She had someone to protect her, care for her. She had someone to go home to at night, to eat dinner with, someone to talk to about her problems. She had someone to call her and tell her to come home when it was getting too late. He couldn't be that for her anymore. He wouldn't. He would just have to try harder to let someone else do the caring.