A/N: So basically I was thinking about what if Arthur knew Merlin's secret and had promised to lift the ban but kept putting it off. Just a short view into Merlin's head if that had happened. And I'm testing out my abilities at second person. This is the result. Enjoy...or don't...whatever.
It's such a small trivial thing to him, but it brings to focus all the things that are wrong with them. One bargain, one simple request and a promise spoken in return is all it takes.
You take it to heart, love it, cherish it, and eagerly await the moment when the request will be fulfilled. He doesn't seem to understand, to realize the importance of the promise and for the favor to be completed. It is ignored, swept under the rug with the dust and dirt like it means nothing. Like your friendship, your bond means nothing. It was so simple, so easy and yet it is no longer.
Truths are brought forward and put on the spot. You feel ignored and forgotten like a leaf in the wind while he seems to not understand, to go about his day like there isn't another waiting on him, on his course of action, hoping, pleading, wishing for him to fulfill his bargain. You ask about it, he shrugs it off or covers it with excuses that you try to uncover but are shot down and eventually you give in and let it go. Because that's what you do, that's what you do in this relationship. You are nothing but the servant to the king, a subject under his rule when thought to be so much more. But you are wrong. It may seem like the king cares, like the people that serve him and look up to him are equal to himself and they are in his eyes, just not his servant. His servant is just someone he can boss around and take what he wants from without ever giving anything in return. And you will gladly give it, even offer before the task has been asked of you. You would give your life for this man in a heartbeat if that's what is requested.
But it makes no difference.
You feel yourself giving and giving and giving and receiving nothing in return. The promise sits there, still under the rug slowly gathering dust, forgotten. Even when you remind your king, digging out the promise when the pile on top of it has lessened greatly, it is tossed aside once more as if it is of little importance, as if it isn't something you have waited your whole life for. To the king, who doesn't understand the fear you lived in everyday the pain, loss, and misery you had to go through to get to this point, to reach the part of your life where your secret is known to the one who is destined to change the future, it's a small unimportant matter. Even after you explained to him all that it meant to you, the weight it would lift off your shoulders, the benefits it would bring him, not to mention the people out there living in the same fear you are, it is still brushed aside or covered up with layers of guilt and remorse that he shoves your way. And it hurts. It hurts so much, as if he doesn't value you anymore, as if all you did meant nothing, as if you mean nothing, and it feels like you are bleeding from the inside out. You want to beg and plead and cry and scream at him to just give you this one thing, just this one thing and you will never ask him for anything else, but you hold your tongue. One wrong step, one wrong move and you could lose this relationship you have built, however one-sided it may be. For him, it seems like it means very little despite what he says to the contrary. He has his knights and his wife to love and support him why the hell would he need you? He doesn't. So you don't push it too much, hoping that he will clear his head on his own and understand all you have done for him and gladly fulfill his promise once and for all.
But as the years pass, you don't see this ever happening. The future you have worked so hard for, sacrificed for, bled for, killed for, is nothing but a dream. That's all it will ever be. That's all this relationship will ever be. You are nothing. Just a servant to the Once and Future King, you realize that now. Nothing more.
So you wait and you continue to give everything you have. Until there is nothing left.
A/N: Have fun, be safe, and don't die