You Can Live
Marco didn't come home last night, and he won't be back next year…
Jean didn't know what to do with himself.
At present, he was just standing in front of the bunk bed he used to share with Marco, staring at the bottom bunk as if that would make his best friend reappear.
He didn't know how long he stood there, but it was long enough that Connie, of all people, gently touched his shoulder to rouse him, quietly informing him that it was dinnertime.
Jean just stared blankly back and him and Connie sighed sadly. "Listen, I know, believe me I know. But starving yourself isn't going to…"
Connie's voice cracked and he stopped speaking altogether, praying that Jean would take the hint.
Thankfully he did, and Connie led the sandy-blond slowly to the dining hall.
There's an empty place at our table now, and our eyes are wet with tears.
When Jean sat down, the first thing he noticed was the empty seat next to him.
He felt the blood drain from his face and suddenly didn't know where to rest his gaze. Everything felt so…cold without Marco…
The second thing he noticed was the complete lack of any sound at all.
Despite his earlier words, Connie was staring at his plate of food as if waiting for it to get up and walk away; Sasha was still eating, though much slower and with the lovely detail of tears running down her cheeks.
Even Eren was subdued, wordlessly munching on a piece of flavorless bread.
Looking down at the food in front of him, Jean had to slap a hand to his mouth. He'd been resisting the urge to vomit all day; there was no way food was getting into his stomach tonight.
He turned away from the table, trying his hardest not to lose the meager contents of his stomach in front of everyone.
Behind him, Connie dropped the fork he had spent the last few seconds tentatively picking up, and Sasha actually threw down the food that was halfway to her mouth, hiccuping and scrubbing viciously at her face with her sleeve.
How could we have know what would happen that day, when our very lives were tried?
No one saw it coming, that's for sure.
They all knew it was possible, it happened, but it still caught them off guard.
They still mourned.
And Jean's heart was still broken.
Those horrid beast wanted us all brought down, and innocent people died.
Titans were monsters, that was another given.
The casualties had been expected too.
Jean just wasn't counting on one particular casualty.
When he smiled goodbye I never thought that's the last of him I'd see…
But when he flew away out of my sight, he was leaving me…
His last smile.
Jean remembered. Right before they broke formation, Marco had flashed him a brilliant smile, different in some way from the others, that had left Jean somewhat dazed.
No one smiled like Marco. No one.
He never suspected that was the last time he would see the cheerful, freckled boy…alive.
Oh Lord I miss my best friend, keep him safe for me.
Hold him in your arms tonight, because he can't hold me.
After dinner, if it could be called that, Jean made his way back to the barracks.
He was keen on sleep, if you slept, you didn't have to think. But just as he was about to climb up into his own bunk, he paused.
It took him less than a second to change his mind and fall into Marco's bed, wrapping himself in the covers until he resembled a very messy cocoon.
Everything around him was soft and warm and smelled like Marco Marco Marco.
Later on I somehow recalled, I never got to say goodbye…
Never told him that I loved him, and I began to cry…
It seemed to Jean as if his heart really was breaking.
It was to the point where he could feel physical pain when he realized that Marco had died alone. Without him there…
He tried to shut his eyes against the flow of tears, but to no avail, as he wished desperately that he could have had a chance to say goodbye, to tell Marco he loved him.
Marco had been the first to act interested in that way, but as time went on, Jean found himself falling for the beautiful freckled boy with a smile like the sun.
And even just before they had departed, Marco actually kissed him for the first time, in the form of wishing him good luck.
Jean's sobs grew louder, his body curling in on itself as he buried his face in Marco's pillow, wanting nothing more than to completely disappear, to feel nothing, anything but this raging pain in his chest that made him want to tear his heart out and get it over with.
Though some say that he's gone, I know he's right here…
Watching over all of us, and we've no need to fear.
His sobs finally lost their power as exhaustion began to take it's toll.
Jean's waterlogged eyes finally slipped shut, and he let out a long, shuddering breath.
Just before sleep claimed him, Jean murmured. "I wish I could have done something for you…anything…"
And he could have sworn he felt a hand gently petting his hair and Marco's voice next to his ear.
"You can live."
Oh Lord I love my best friend, keep him safe for me…
Hold him in your arms tonight, because he can't hold me…
Hold him in your arms tonight
Because he can't hold me.
I JUST MADE MYSELF FRICKING CRY GODDAMMIT! *flips a table* FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! im not sorry. for anything. I love(d) Marco and then GUESS WHAT? YOU GUESSED IT. HE DIED. *is flipping tables* HE IS SERIOUSLY THE SWEETEST CHARACTER I HAVE EVER SEEN, AND HE DIED. i will never get over this. i think im getting waaaay too into Attack on Titan, but i have no more fucks to give. i do as i please. you can do whatever with this. love it, hate it, laugh, cry, scream and rant (like im doing) i dont care! im out.
characters © whoever the fuck owns Attack on Titan
story (Result of build up feels and me actually losing important people and a REALLY bad mood is what i mean to say) © MarluxiaSutcliff116