A/N: Hey guys! I've been a long time lurker on this site, but I've never actually posted any stories. I always wanted to, but never had the time. But apparently going on college road trips gives you a lot of free time. So here's my first silly little one-shot. Enjoy! *crosses fingers nervously*
While a five-year mission certainly meant a lot of adventures and flying around exploring and saving the universe, it also meant a fair amount of down time while Starfleet's most famous vessel took her crew from place to place.
So what do the heroes of the U.S.S. Enterprise do in their free time? Certainly they engage in serious, mature activities. Right? …right?
"Enemy team, come in. What is your team name?"
"Leonard McCoy rolled his eyes at the communicator. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor – not a team name generator!"
"Come on, Bones, it can't be that hard! Team Enterprise already has our name."
Leonard huffed to himself. "First off, patience is a virtue, Jim. Maybe you should look into it sometime. It's only been five minutes since we left you." (In an impressive show of self-restraint, the good doctor ignored the green-blooded hobgoblin's solemn "8.573 minutes, approximately.") "Secondly," he continued over the hobgoblin, perhaps a little louder than strictly necessary, "we're ALL "Team Enterprise'. So that's an awful name."
Jim's voice came back to him through the communicator with a mock-hurt that he quickly recovered from. "'Team Enterprise' is an awesome name, thank you very much. You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first! Now stop stalling and tell me your team name, captain."
The doctor frowned. It was weird being called that, even though he was captain of his team. Of three people. "Scotty wanted 'Team Sandwich', which Nyota and I agreed was stupid. Nyota wanted something in Andorian no one else can pronounce, so that's out. And apparently 'Team Hypo' is a stupid name." He took that moment to distribute one of his famous glares to his team.
Jim had told him on multiple occasions that he should look into getting his glare patented. It had been known to cause several nurses minor breakdowns. Nyota stared coolly back at him, completely unphased. How could someone as cool as her ever have dated the hobgoblin? He didn't think he'd ever stop being confused by that.
"You're right, Bones," Jim was saying cheerfully, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Those are all terrible names."
"Oi!" Scotty protested, forever defending the honor of sandwiches everywhere.
"Sorry, Scotty," Jim said, the grin in the enemy team captain's voice evident even through a communicator. "Listen, you three; if you can't decide on a team name in five minutes, you're officially going to be 'Team Red Plus Bones'."
"Dammit, Jim, that's the most idiotic name I've ever heard!"
"Enemy team, come in!"
"…Team Red Plus Bones is in position." Chekov and Sulu broke into grins at that, and Jim noticed through his own laughter that even Spock was doing his 'I'm-not-laughing-but-I-really-am' thing.
"About time!" Jim exclaimed in mock-exasperation.
"Good." Bones' voice dropped to a low and ridiculously sinister tone that just made Jim grin more. This was going to be awesome. "Then I hereby declare war on Team Enterprise. Once pushed in the pool, as every member of Team Enterprise will soon be, they will be out of the water war and our prisoners. The last team standing wins. Do you accept these terms, captain?"
Jim rolled his eyes at how much fun his friend was having sounding like the bad guy. And promptly decided to retaliate in kind. His voice dropped in a way he hoped sounded dark and sinister, but that felt appropriately ridiculous. "I do. Let the water war begin." He snapped the communicator shut ominously, and turned back to his team with a grin.
"Team Red Plus Bones is so going down. Right – Chekov, you're our spy. Try to figure out their defensive strategy, and then do everything you can to mess it up."
The adorable little Russian's head bobbed enthusiastically. "I can do zat!"
"Good. Now Sulu, you're our resident ninja and on offense. So take down as many of them as you can and help Chekov when necessary."
The Asian man nodded at that, sporting an evil grin that could've rivaled the ones Bones had when he cornered Jim with a whole tray of hypos.
Yeah, Jim thought to himself, my team is awesome.
"Now, Spock-" he began, rounding on his favorite Vulcan first officer even as he was cut off.
"I will stay here, captain. As Vulcans do not appreciate being surrounded by water, I find it illogical for me to partake in this 'water war'. My participation in said 'war' would additionally result in uneven teams, which would not be fair. Furthermore, I find the entire concept highly illogical. However, I will observe the proceedings from a safe vantage point as they promise to be quite fascinating."
Jim shook his head, his personal theory that Spock was secretly a cat more confirmed than ever. He doesn't like water, he prefers to sit back and observe, the ears… And then, of course, Jim's overactive imagination supplied him with the image of Spock in a cat costume. It was just too much to handle. Oh god.
"I fail to see what is so amusing, Jim," Spock was saying in a Vulcan deadpan.
"Don't worry about it, Spock," he said with a faint smile before turning back to Chekov and Sulu. "Now, Team Enterprise – in your positions!"
"Aye, sir!" they chorused, probably a little too excited to push Scotty, Uhura, and Bones into the Enterprise pool. Jim was in no position to judge, though, considering he was probably more excited than any of them. Particularly about the whole 'valid excuse to push Bones into a giant pool of water' part.
Chekov peered around the corner, and then darted past it into the pool room, followed by a crouching-ninja Sulu. When a quick look back at Spock resulted in an eyebrow raise, Jim followed his team into the Enterprise pool room.
When you're chief engineer on the U.S.S. Enterprise and spend way too much of your time running around trying to save all of the bloody idiots messing up your ship and all the while having to get Keenser down from crazy places because dammit you're brilliant and Scottish and people need to listen to you more! …ahem. When all of that happens, you learn pretty quickly to take advantage of an opportunity when you see it.
So when Team Enterprise (Which was so unfair, by the way! If anyone deserved that team name it was him!) was distracted by McCoy wielding an armful of hypos (to loud cries of "that's cheating, Bones! And "RUN!"), Scotty took the opportunity when he noticed the ship's resident Russian prodigy crouched and ready to sneak up on an 'unsuspecting' Uhura. A smirk and a firm push sent Chekov plummeting into the pool. Team Red Plus Bones cackled when the pool kid came up spluttering and spewing water.
Of course, this sent Jim and Sulu glaring in Scotty's direction furiously.
"Ai regret nothin'!" He declared proudly.
"You will be avenged, Chekov!" Jim yelled dramatically. Sulu didn't even bother with vengeful threats; his murderous gaze said it all.
"Ha," Scotty scoffed loudly. "Ai'd like to see ya try!"
…ten seconds later, he found himself spluttering in the pool next to Chekov.
Nyota couldn't help a small smile when she noticed Spock standing solemnly in the box above the pool deck. Hands clasped behind his back, she could practically hear the soft "fascinating" that she knew he must be thinking to himself.
She shook her head, refocusing on her more immediate surroundings. Leonard was still attempting to chase Kirk down. You'd think he'd get tired of it eventually, considering he basically did it every day. He certainly looked enthused, though. You had to admire the man's persistence.
Still, it looked like Kirk has having just as much fun avoiding him as Leonard was chasing him down, both of them yelling horribly clichéd insults at the other. ("Did your mom teach you how to do that?" and "So have you broken the bad news to your face yet?", to name a few.) Just a year and a half ago at the Academy, she never would've believed that she would've been so amused to Jim Kirk as she'd grown to be. (Secretly, of course.)
These observations only took a few seconds as she turned to subtly check Sulu's progress towards her. The poor guy should really know better than this, she tsked happily to herself. Truly catching her off-guard like this would never be so easy. And just like perfect clock work, the second he held his arms out to push her into the pool she dropped to the floor in a duck and tripped him.
Sulu had impressive reaction time – even a little better than she'd been expecting, but with the element of surprise and gravity on her side, he was doomed from the start. Nyota couldn't help a grin when he hit the water and came up looking completely shocked. She stood up from the pool deck on cloud nine – that is, until she felt warm, firm hands on her back and gravity forcing her into the water.
When she resurfaced, it was to see the blue eyes of her captain and a triumphant grin that really should've been criminal. She stared back at him in blank shock. No doubt enjoying the irony of her situation, Sulu was laughing.
From his safe little vantage point, she could've sworn she saw Spock smile for a second.
Somehow, Leonard McCoy had known that it would come down to this. Just Jim, the pool, and him. It was the epic face-off at the end of a hero movie, or an old western shoot-out. But he also knew that his best friend had a love of overly dramatic speeches at times like these. Jim would draw it out. This could potentially go on for days – unless he took advantage of the very small window of opportunity rapidly closing in on itself.
For the next few seconds, Jim wouldn't be expecting him. He knew that Leonard shared his love for being overly melodramatic in situations like this. Admittedly, this wouldn't have been Leonard's first choice. It felt a little dirty. But hey, beggars can't be choosers.
And so while Jim was distracted by grinning at Nyota and Sulu in the seconds after he'd pushed Nyota in, Leonard allowed himself a huge smirk as he firmly shoved his best friend into the pool.
…the next few seconds were weird.
Jim flailed as he hit the water, bright blue eyes full of surprise meeting Leonard's when he resurfaced. Nyota laughed.
His smirk only grew at that. "Victory is mine! I take team Enterprise as my prisoners!"
That's when he noticed that every single person in the pool had dropped their jaw staring at something behind him. The doctor whirled around to see…
-what the hell?! The hobgoblin had literally jumped twenty feet down to the pool deck and was now rapidly advancing on him, dark eyes glinting dangerously. And before he could do anything other than stare at the Vulcan like a fish, Spock pushed him – hard, dammit! – into the pool.
The doctor came up spluttering to the sounds of his friends' laughter, and that damn hobgoblin still glaring at him. Glaring! The Vulcan!
"Stupid green-blooded hobgoblin, taking everything too freaking seriously…" he muttered darkly to himself to the sound of more laughter.
"Captain," Spock said then, leveling his serious gaze with Jim's laughing one. "Your rescue can now commence."
Leonard just kept on staring at the Vulcan. That day, he had an epiphany that he never told anyone. The hobgoblin really was the perfect first officer for the Enterprise. In every way.
Maybe… maybe it wouldn't hurt to call him "Spock" every once in a while.
A/N: So seeing as this is my first story and all... It'd really be awesome if you guys reviewed. :)