Disclaimer: I own nada.

Warnings: Language, overrated comical traits, attempted humor, Hardcore T (not sure what that means, lol), characters coming out of nowhere as I please, boy x boy interactions, mostly an excuse to release my bullshiting in the form of a fic, OOCness due to alcohol with stupidity ensuing them all.

A\N: So this is my first time posting a story here. Hope I'm not breaking any of those many rules. I'm a veteran reader though. So you can tell me where I fucked it up as a writer, dear fellow readers. This is Kagami centric. I tried to make it as much Kagami X Everyone as I can since I've always wanted to read something like that. OOC blames go for drunkenness. I'm the beta reader of myself and English is not my native language. Yeah figures right? Anyway let's play nice. Though I play dirty. No, I don't. Sorry. I'm a doofus.

Kagami Taiga Is Not Allowed To Drink

There are certain reasons why everyone, who attended last New Year's party, prevents Kagami Taiga from drinking ever again with all their might. After that traumatizing experience at the party, people are still trying to erase the memories from their minds which most likely has burned there for the rest of their lives.

The oblivious Kagami is not happy about the attempts. He realizes others' efforts for keeping him sober but he doesn't understand why. Why are they being bunch of assholes? How is anyone able to survive bearing such noise nuisance with a clear mind through all night? So he demands reasons whenever he comes across with a physical obstacle in the form of a human body, blocking his way to the alcohol stand. But he only gets a stiffed looking friend who pales first, then blushes and then pales several shapes again, and starts chuckling nervously while shaking his head implying a universal "no". Of course, Kagami is not satisfied with it and shows it with his scowl on his ever frowning face. But he still can't get any logical answers from them and he is made to leave the issue at there.

'If he just knew...' muses the friend. Really though, why don't they just tell him everything and retire from this rather tiring mission already? Oh, right. They don't want their dear friend to be embarrassed for the rest of his life. He probably won't believe them anyway, claiming it as all lies, accusing them being pricks… Maybe they should let Kagami get drunk and record everything as a proof to show him afterwards. Really, that would shut him up for good! The friend feels a cold shiver running down his spine thinking over a drunken red-headed basketball junky. No, best to leave everything as it is. It is not worth it.

Why indeed though? Why does everyone try so hard? Well, the answer is easy. It is scarring for human souls otherwise.

There are 5 stages to drunkenness of Kagami Taiga. Each of them shows a different and mostly unimaginable side of him. Even though the first four stages are amendable, the fifth one is the cause of a definite trauma. Even the corrupted minds cannot bear with such a sight.

TIME : 21:23 / 12.31.20XX
LOCATION : Tokyo/Japan
Residence of Kagami Taiga

Stage 1-The Maji Tenshi

After four tequila shots and drinking a beer in one gulp, Kagami Taiga becomes tipsy.

Tipsy ace's character does not change much at first but his expression gets softer, ever existed frown is erased instantly from his masculine face, making him look more handsome and less intimidating. Slowly but surely, the character changes begin too.

After the facial alteration, his quick temper reduces.

Accidentally spilling sour cherry juiced vodka on Kagami's new expensive beige shirt doesn't wake up his rage. A quick apology from a swaying Furihata, who has reddened cheeks by now, is enough to forgive. But redhead can't look like a softie, no; he has an image to protect as a wild tiger. He accepts the apology with a curt nod while trying to look annoyed. Probably thinks the natural frown of his does the job for him - not realizing the sloppy smile planted on his face.

Drunk Furihata has enough control over his brain functions to be surprised by a rare view. Because even though the smile is getting looser and looser as the time passes, and making the redhead look goofy, it is still a smile. Noticing the brunette's slightly widened eyes, Kagami thinks he's accomplished the mission of intimidation. Happily continuing to sip his second beer, red-headed ace leaves an even more shocked Furihata behind while smirking triumphantly. At least, he thinks he smirks but what's seen is a bigger, more sincere and warm smile which melts some poor hearts mercilessly.

To refill his drink and stuff himself with more of the delicious lemon flavored cheesecake, the glutton orients his legs towards his kitchen.


"It's moving, Aominecchi! You sure about this?" Kise looks as if he might throw up any moment.

The moving thing is a sick brown colored substance on a plate which Aomine is holding with one hand. On his other hand he has a spoon - daring to take a bite.

"O-of course! This is not enough to chicken me out!" Aomine answers immediately while looking like the opposite of what he says.

"So this is how the Ace of Miracles is. So brave." With a voice dripping with sarcasm, Miyaji from Shuutoku retorts. "You can back up from it if you want since now I know how tough you are. I promise I won't make fun of you afterwards." The smirk on blond's face gives him away that he plans to do exactly that.

Kagami watches the ordeal from entrance of the kitchen. He hears the conversation before entering; realizing Miyaji of all people is there too, his interest peaks. So he decides to watch what will happen quietly without making the other three realize his existence in the room.

'Ahomine shouldn't get worked up this easily.' Being he is the one to talk, Kagami feels sick just thinking to take a bite from that thing. 'It really is moving too.' Disgusted, but also wondering if Aomine really has the guts; red head continues to watch amusedly.

"I said I'll do it, so I'll do it damn it!" angry, slightly terrified and definitely appalled Aomine barks at Miyaji.

"Aomine-kun should not be worked up easily." Kuroko deadpans.

Kagami; scared out of his mind but still managing not to make a sound, is shocked to see Kuroko standing next to Kise. Even the Shadow seems like he is not picking out redhead's presence. But Kagami is more surprised to hear the same thing he is thinking from his teammate. 'I guess we really are compatible.' the Light gets smitten.

Strangely not throwing a retort to Kuroko, Aomine slowly proceeds to dive the spoon in the substance. Mockingly, the thing on plate starts moving faster, shaking on its own. Aomine gulps and dives the spoon suddenly as if he is afraid to lose his courage by taking his sweet time.

The five participants of the room gain an unasked bond that will connect them to each other forever at that fateful night. While making an unspoken vow not to utter a single word about what takes place in Kagami's kitchen, it takes a long while for them to process what the hell is actually happening.

Right at the moment spoon makes contact with the substance, the thing explodes.

"…Did ...Did that just blow up? On your faces?" being the first one to find his voice is still not helping Miyaji to comprehend what beholds, so he loses it again after asking one final question. "How is that even possible…?"

"I… do not know, Miyaji-san." Kuroko takes upon himself to give an answer. With slightly wider eyes and a small gape between his lips, the shadow simply looks perplexed. Also, he doesn't notice he has that brown stuff a little under his right eye.

As his brain comes back to his skull again wherever high places it went to, Kagami detects the thing on Kuroko's face and is quite grossed out by it.

Though nothing can compare with what Aomine and Kise are going through. Not only most of their faces are covered with the brown substance, their cloths also have it on many areas. Both of them look as if their souls are exorcized from their bodies. The two miracles are still not moving; they keep looking at the plate and Aomine's spoon holding hand as their expressions deserve to be immortalized with a lot of photographs. While Kise seems he really threw up in his mouth a little this time, his chin almost touches the floor; Aomine's eyes are the size of a saucer, mouth gaping a planet, he cannot stop himself from looking to the point where spoon and plate are making a contact. Still out of his mind, indigo miracle doesn't seem to function for a while.

Silence ensues Kuroko's words for a couple of minutes. Finally, Aomine's soul returns to his body but loses a part of it permanently in the process; he screams a manly scream.

"ARGH! An alien baby committed suicide on me!" But he is still in shock; his brain concludes a very convincing conclusion.

Thanks to ganguro's manly scream, Kise releases a girly scream.

"Kyaaaaaaa! Some of the alien baby got into my mouth! And I accidentally swallowed it!" He hurries to drink an already filled water from a glass that is on the counter. Gulping it in one go, Kise becomes uncharacteristically quiet afterwards.

The other four are too busy with paling and being appalled by his declaration while thanking to the Gods they are not in Kise's shoes right now that they don't realize blond's character change.

"Hey Tetsu… They won't come after their baby right? Aliens…" As he is terrified with the sudden realization, Aomine seeks comfort in his ex-shadow's logical brain.

"Aomine-kun. I can assure you that was not an alien baby." Kuroko returns to being his usual self rather quickly.

"Then what the hell was that?!" Miyaji questions Kuroko angrily due to shock as he finally finds his voice for the second time.

"I am not sure but I believe Aomine-kun and Kise-kun got it from the pot. It should be one of the dishes we ate earlier." Using his analytical mind, the shadow continues to create wonders with his observation skills as always.

They all pale though, thinking they actually ate it few hours back.

"But it tasted so good then and its color wasn't brown too. How did Kagami's delicious food become a creator from outer space?" The tanned miracle is still horrified with the thought. Not bothering to correct Aomine again (more surprised that the ganguro has a word like 'outer space' in his vocabulary), Kuroko proceeds to inspect the pot.

By Aomine's last question Kagami finally realizes a very crucial detail. He saw his coach entered the kitchen a while back and returned with nothing in her hands. He also remembers how his captain and teammates were complimenting him about the amazing dinner and how they could still eat some even though they all stuffed to the full. 'So coach wanted to cook for them…?' But thinking about Kuroko's statement about that thing being the food from their dinner, maybe the coach wanted to reheat it? 'And really, with her magical final touch, it is possible.' Kagami answers inwardly Miyaji's previous question.

At one of their cooking sessions Kagami witnessed how much of an incredible cook his coach is. As they were preparing one of the basic dishes, the pot his coach using exploded much like just now. Red headed ace had the scare of his life time then, nothing can compare to it. Well maybe this incident can, but that's beside the point. When the pot blasted, coach looked strangely self-satisfied with a triumphant smile on her face. Apparently, that was how Aida Riko figured out the food was ready. She was surprised that no, this wasn't Kagami's way of knowing; she explained that this always happened when she cooked, especially after adding her secret ingredient. Yes, the not-so-secret ingredient was sportsman's food supplement. It apparently causes dishes to burst.

Getting that his coach is the culprit Kagami is amused beyond belief. Really, that woman's abilities are not limited with being an excellent basketball coach. He decides to finally reveal his presence to the occupants; he gets ready to explain what he knows, but something interrupts him. No, more like some noise.

Kise starts wailing. Very loudly. More high pitched cries than usual, he weeps his eyes out all of a sudden. After they overcome their startled states due to blond's unexpected reaction, the quadruple worries for his sanity.

"O-oi Kise, don't just start crying like that. What's wrong?" Aomine concerns for copy cat's mental condition, and Miyaji, too, rushes two miracles' side. Kagami is surprised, standing; Kuroko just stares.

Kise's wailing becomes louder and louder. Now Aomine is sure it's because of what he accidentally ate moments ago. So the tanned ace drops the plate and spoon he's been holding all this time, and causes the plate to be crushed to many pieces as he doesn't give a shit.

"Kise! Fight with it! Don't let the alien baby capture your body! You can do it man, come on!" Aomine is certain that the blond miracle is possessed by the explosive creator. He begins to shake Kise's shoulders vigorously which only makes model's cries be weirder. So high pitched and strange that being the nearest ones to the blond, Miyaji and Aomine have to clutch their ears. After a while Miyaji speaks.

"You don't think he is signaling to the mothership… Right?"

"Oh fuck NO! Kise! I said fight with it damn it! Don't attract the fully matured aliens! Stop that!" Aomine is petrified; he tries to find a way to shut his friend up. 'I guess the only choice is force him to sleep; he can't allure them if he is unconscious.' He figures the only way for managing that is to punch him to sleep; he is just about to do that when another strange voice erupts.

Kagami is laughing his ass off. He is too busy fighting a losing war with an evil cramp that he misses the hell of a jump scare he gives to other participants. Freezes Aomine and Miyaji, silences Kise effectively, and perplexes Kuroko for the second time. Kagami's laugh eases to more controlled chuckles. The other four are kind of lost in the melodic sound as they just stare at the tipsy redhead as if he's lost his mind.

Aomine is ready to conclude that Kagami must be possessed too, so he proceeds to shut him up first even though the noise red headed player's making sounds really nice. But he has to do it; there are aliens coming after them for revenge, for fuck's sake! Though Kuroko beats him to it by asking.

"Since when have you been here, Kagami-kun?"

"I was here when Aomine tried to eat an alien baby-" Kagami's chuckles are out of control again.

Miyaji is now sure that Seirin's Ace definitely lost his mind. Kuroko understands Kagami's urge. Aomine, then, becomes more suspicious than the possession theory that redhead is just being a prick about the serious situation.

"Shut up Bakagami! If you are not gonna be helpful then take your laid back ass to somewhere else dumbass!"

"Who are you calling idiot, you Ahomine?! You guys are the stupid ones here!" Kagami riles up.

"Oi, oi. Are you saying I'm stupid too, you shitty junior? Your seniors are going easy on you." A vein visibly pops out on Miyaji's forehead.

"N-no! I-I mean there might be other things than aliens. Sir!" redhead nervously gulps. Blond Shuutoku player awfully reminds his captain.

"Kagami-kun knows what is going on." Kuroko states it.

"Yes. Kuroko, it's the coach." Kagami looks pointedly at his shadow and Kuroko comprehends immediately.

"Ah. Then it is possible." Kuroko and Kagami both nod together in sync.

Others don't understand it yet.

"So? What is it?" Again, a question comes from Miyaji. At the moment Kise quietly sniffs and sobs.

"Our coach's cooking is famous… with being startlingly inedible. If the ingredients and temperature are correct, I believe she can create a living life form with her skills." Kuroko explains.

"Huh? Are you serious Tetsu? That's… kinda amazing and scary. She can do something like that?" Aomine joins back to the conversation as he eyes the proof of Kuroko's words: the pot.

"Yeah she can do meals like that. I saw her coming here a while back. That's the only explanation I got - she must be reheating the food." Kagami takes his turn to explain further.

"But that explains nothing at all! You said when she cooks. How come reheating ended up the same then? And what the hell can even cause an explosion dammit?!" Miyaji is good at asking questions.

"Sportsman's food supplements."

"Sportsman's food supplements."

Kagami and Kuroko answer at the same time.

"Why would anyone-?!" Bewilderment is dancing on Aomine's face as he can't find enough words to finish his question.

"To make a more balanced meal. We often tell her to stop but…" Kagami says with a bit of a painful expression.

"I just can't believe someone could be worse than Satsuki at cooking. No, scratch that. This is the worst of all."

Miyaji suddenly smacks Aomine in the head, hard. "And I can't believe I was being such a fool. It's all your fault stupid junior! I should use Kimuro's pineapples on you." He smacks ganguro again. Now there are multiple popped veins.

"Ouch! Hey how is this my fault?! You are the one who said Kise is signaling to the mothership!"

"You bastard…" Looks like Miyaji is going to lose his control; Kagami interrupts to prevent indigo miracle's death. There are many more one-on-ones he is going to win against the miracle after all.

"So what's wrong with Kise?" As if on a cue, Kise starts wailing loudly again. Kagami worries for blond and skips to his side immediately.

"I think I know. I believe what Kise-kun drank wasn't water but sake. He told me once he apparently cries a lot when he drinks sake until its effect reduces a little. His sisters made an experiment on him once, that's how he knows it." Kuroko enlightens the situation.

"Oh… So what should we do about it? Are we gonna let him cry like this?" Aomine wonders.

Kagami puts his hand on Kise's shoulder to calm him down a little. But with the contact Kise throws his arms around redhead's neck, wraps him almost chokingly and buries his head in Kagami's shoulder as he continues sobbing loudly and painfully. Not knowing what to do with the sudden attack from the model, Kagami stands still for a while. Then he wraps his left arm around Kise's middle section as his right hand caresses blond hair. He tries to soothe blond miracle's sobs while murmuring calming nothings to him.

Kagami is actually panicking. He is not good with crying people; he doesn't know what to do. He humiliates himself every time he attempts to calm the other. He is sure he does that right now too. So when Kise's weeping lessens noticeably and turns into quiet sniffs, he feels accomplished. Smiling triumphantly, he pushes blond a bit to look at his face. A sincere and warm smile blooming on his face as he asks if Kise feels better now with a smooth voice.

Kise wasn't ready for such enigmatic Kagami as he is at the directly receiving end of the enchanting sight to boot. His sniffs and sobs stop completely. Now he is blushing madly and his heart beat quickens at the angelic view of the redhead; his mouth's gaping slightly.

The other three is watching the scene beholding in front of them. They were unprepared for sweet and nice Kagami either. Their hearts' beats quicken as well. All four of them are in a trance; gazing at Kagami's nice smile, listening his sweet chuckles.

Kagami, being the oblivious one he is, waits for an answer from Kise but he can't get one out. Not aware of his irresistibility, he just doesn't realize he makes the four participants fall for him a little.

Sorry. It gets better. Maybe. I'll be uploading quickly. Thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated.