Here's the first real chapter! Each story will start with a brief description of the location, followed by a funny story of Gollum getting into all sorts of chaos there.
Travel Brochure: The Eiffel Tower was built in 1889 by Gustav Eiffel for the 1889's world fair. At an impressive 1,063 feet, the three-leveled tower was the tallest structure in the world for many years.
Gollum wasn't happy. He scurried through the back alleys of Paris, diving behind dumpsters or any other shelter when someone walked by. He'd found out long ago that this modern world didn't deal well with Hobbits. Especially big-eyed, sharp-toothed, skin-bleached crazy hobbits who wore nothing but a loincloth. Even hiding in the bad slums of the city, where every other person was a pick-pocket, gangster, or killer made no difference. They were all scared as hell of Gollum.
Sméagol crept into an old abandoned building and sat down on the floor to sulk. People were so cruel. Even crueler than evil hobbits like him who would eat those people whenever he got the chance. For years Gollum had wandered from city to suburb, suburb to town, town to country, and country to city right back again. He had no clue what to do. His life consisted of only three goals, three reasons to keep living:
First off, to find food. As previously mentioned, he rarely preyed on humans, as those nasty blighters could really put up a fight. But he'd steal their pets, he'd eat bugs and fish, and if he had nothing else, grass.
Second, he kept moving, searching for a home. There were plenty of places like his original cave left, the problem was finding one far enough away from people.
And finally, he was always on the search for a new precious. Gollum saw tons of rings on people's fingers, but none of them looked the same or somehow felt the same as the original had. That didn't stop him from trying though. The crazy once-hobbit was convinced he'd find another ring someday.
But for now, he was sick of wandering around aimlessly. He wanted to know where he was going, at least for a little ways. What he needed was to climb something. Something high.
A tree? No good. Too many buildings blocked out the view. A building itself? No. How on Middle Earth could he ever get to the top of one of those? Come to think of it, he'd seen a few ladders going down almost to the ground. Fire escapes, although he didn't know that. If he could get to the bottom of one of those, little ol' Sméagol would be on his way up!
Gollum quickly dashed down the street, keeping his eye peeled for one of those outside staircases. He rounded a bend onto another street, and crossed over to yet another. Then he saw it. The answer to all his problems. Er, one of his problems.
It was the top of a gigantic tower, literally towering over the building Gollum stood next to. The Eiffel Tower.
The former hobbit crept slowly along tue street, expecting there to be lots of people near such a masterpiece. He wasn't wrong. As a crowd approached him, he dove into the bushes next to a sidewalk, and hid behind a tree. Then the crazy creature started working his way towards the magnificent structure, stealthily hiding behind each tree he could find.
Sméagol made it there undetected, and quickly stole underneath the huge thing. It was supported by four wide metal arches, but the arches themselves weren't solid, instead made out of sturdy metal bars, like a framework. If he was lucky, Gollum could wiggle his way inside the arch and then climb up inside it without being spotted. Turns out, he was lucky.
It was by no means an easy climb, but the filthy creature had gotten used to that sort of stuff by spending years in caves with huge depressions and cliffs hidden deep inside them. After about ten minutes, he passed the first level and kept climbing. Not too much later, he arrived at the second and pulled himself up onto the sightseeing platform. Everyone took one look at him and ran away screaming.
That was good. It let him continue with no interferences. The climb to the third and final level looked hard, and he was debating turning back when he heard a ding. Turning to his left, he saw an elevator. Gollum knew those things! He'd seen them before, and they could lift people, or hobbits, magically into the sky. Perfect.
He dashed on all fours and made it inside just before the doors closed. Riding up with him was a plainly terrified couple. The guy was staring at him in shock. "What youses looking at?" spat Gollum. "Gollum Gollum."
The poor man fainted, and his girlfriend whimpered. Sméagol turned to her and shook his fist. "Youses wants a pieces o's us too?" The woman also collapsed. Gollum shrugged and started whistling along with the elevator music. "We's startin' with thes manses in the mirrorses, woo-hoo..."
After two or so minutes, the elevator doors opened. Gollum snuck out quietly, and pulled himself onto the roof, where he scaled the antenna spire. He'd barely had time to look at the view, what he'd came there for, when a large toy plane flying around started getting on his nerves. Hanging on to the antenna with one hand and one foot, he swatted at it and growled. It was King Kong all over again.
Being unfamiliar with modern technology, Gollum thought the toy was a very big bird. And not of the Sesame Street variety. However, since he didn't know it was remote-controlled, he didn't think to look down at the kid controlling it. If he had, he would've seen a security guard yell at the kid to stop. Flying planes, even toy ones, near the tower wasn't allowed. The kid, startled, accidentally dropped the remote. It hit the pavement and broke. Up above with everyone's favorite Gollum, the plane went haywire.
It crashed into Sméagol, knocking him off the tower. Plummeting down, he luckily grabbed the plane's tail and pulled himself onto it. Now he was glad that the "bird" was so big. Gollum had no control over steering or direction, but he didn't care. The plane kept on flying, and he just enjoyed the view. Whatever had happened to the remote, it sent the plane on a straight course for mile after mile. Eventually the hobbit left Paris behind, and flew over a country-side full of rolling hills and wide streams.
This was where Gollum wanted to get off. But how? He couldn't jump, that'd be fatal. And he didn't know how to get the bird to land. Well, trying never hurt. He banged his fist on the wing several times and shouted. The wing snapped off.
The plane tilted right and veered towards the ground. It wasn't quite free-falling, but it was nowhere anear actually flying at this point, and the steep descent continued. It was all Sméagol could do to hang on.
He looked down and saw the ground rushing up to meet him. This was the end. He closed his eyes and prepared for the inevitable when the plane gave another roll and he lost his grip. He then fell for a few feet before landing in an icy cold pond. Ouch.
However, his miseries were soon forgotten when he saw there were fish to catch. Gollum was content. For the time being.
Thanks for reading! I know this was random, the next chapter will have more plot, and will also be funnier if I have anything to say about it! Also, please review. :)