Don't worry, I have an excuse for being gone so long. I was, well, um, er, asleep. Yeah. That's it. I pulled a Rip van Winkle for 5 months. It was fun.

Anyway, I'm back (in black) and so is Gollum, who's ripe for more insanity! In this story, he visits the fictional island from 'Jurassic Park', although no knowledge of the movie is required to enjoy this chapter! :) This chapter isn't the best, but at least it's a good deal better than a half-year hiatus, eh?

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Lord of the Rings or Jurassic Park, or the character of Gollum. I am not making any profit from this fanfiction.

Travel Brochure: Isla Sorna is an uninhabited (by humans at least) tropical island in the vicinity of Costa Rica. Its sister island, Isla Nublar, once contained a theme park of cloned dinosaurs before things went wrong, the island was abandoned, and the dinosaurs died out. Isla Sorna had been where the dinosaurs were cloned, raised, and bred. Although it was also abandoned, the dinosaurs there thrived and continue to roam the island to this day.

Gollum got to Isla Sorna in much the same way as he'd gotten to Antarctica: by sea. However, he didn't go of his own free will. Oh no, he'd learned his lesson last time; boats and the ocean in general are bad news. Having the luck of a Gollum, of course, a series of unfortunate coincidences ended up in him getting stuck on one anyway.

Gollum was in California, where he was currently living on top of a giant redwood tree. He got water from rain, and his food source was any birds stupid enough to fly anywhere near him.

Sméagol was perfectly content to live out the rest of his days there, when some lumberjacks ruined his day. The hobbit awoke to the sound of a chainsaw, and his beloved tree started shaking. He looked over the edge at the men chopping down the tree, and was determined to stop them.

First he broke off a Y-shaped branch, and tied a twig around either end, forming a really crappy slingshot. Then he grabbed a few birds out of the air and started firing away.

One of the birds hit a lumberjack in the head. Dazed and confused, he swung his chainsaw around drunkenly and accidentally cut through the rest of the tree. The behemoth leaned to one side and started falling.

"Timberses. Gollum Gollum." Sméagol was sent flying through the air, soaring over the Golden Gate Bridge. He prepared to hit the water of the river gracefully, but instead crashed headfirst into some dude's surfboad.

"Hey dude! Ain't this bodacious?! We got all these good vibrations out here, surfin' U.S.A. with the California girls all after us, surf's up in this summer in paradise, y'know what I'm saying, dude? Naw ya don't, cause God only knows, and that's why God made the radio, see? I can hear music all the way from Kokomo!"

Gollum was rather confused by the pop-culture-referencing surfer, but he stayed on the surfboard as he didn't want to get wet. They surfed on, into the open ocean. They kept on surfing for a few days, at which point they ran into an island.

The surfer hung ten as a wave brought them to the beach, but he did it wrong and ended up crashing headfirst into the sand. Gollum rode the surfboard smoothly onto the beach. The surfer joined him there. "So, what'd ya think, dude? Bodacious, eh? California' dreamin, that's what I always say. This ain't California but there's still bluebirds over the mountain, now we got some time to get alone, eh?"

As creepy as that last sentence sounded to Gollum, something far creepier emerged from the jungle. A Tyrannosaurus Rex stood looking down at them, obviously confused. The surfer dude grinned. "Hey man, you wanna surf too?" The dinosaur roared and swallowed him whole. It attempted to eat Gollum as well, but the slippery hobbit smacked it on the snout with the surfboard and ran. He dodged into the jungle and quickly left the dinosaur behind in the thick undergrowth.

Sméagol came out of the jungle into a clearing, where giant sauropod dinosaurs like Brachiosaurus stood. He shimmied up the leg of one and crawled up its back. Then he climbed its neck and perched on top of its head, hoping to get a good view of the surrounding area. Unfortunately, the dinosaur leaned forward to eat a handful of leaves, and Gollum smacked into the tree trunk. He slid down far too quickly and crashed into the ground.

All he wanted was to get off the island. Once back to the mainland, he could resume his quest for a ring, but for now, he wanted off!

It didn't take long for the clever little bastard to formulate a hare-brained scheme. He'd seen big flying reptiles, Pteranodons, soaring around the island. If he could get on board one of those, maybe it'd carry him back to the mainland.

Sméagol climbed up a Brachiosaurus again, this time being very careful not to lose his balance. After a bit of waiting, one of the winged Pteranodons flew by, and he catapulted himself forward. Successfully landing on its back, he instantly regretted his hare-brained scheme.

The reptile gave him an evil look, and swirled around, catching the poor hobbit in its mouth. It carried him through the sky and back to its nest, where it dropped him. The baby Pteranodons gathered around the meal their mother had brought, eager to dig in. Gollum was understandably less excited, and he quickly tried to dive out of the nest, which was locating on top of a rock spire over a river.

The mother Pteranodon was determined to make sure her kids got fed, however, so she flew in front of him, barring his way. Gollum wasn't stupid, so he didn't mess with her. Instead, he dove off the other side before her kids could eat him alive.

The reptile dove after him, but he landed with a splash in the river and stayed submerged as he was swept downstream. After a few minutes of tossing and tumbling through rapid after rapid, he was spit out into the open sea. Sméagol realized he was sitting on the back of a giant prehistoric sea creature, which was swimming along just below the surface. He sat down as the beast swam off into the sunset.

Thanks for reading and please review!