Saturday, September 5th 2009
I can't believe how long it's been since we met. Twenty weeks last Monday, which feels more like twenty years. The good thing about it is that we're really close to seeing each other again and I can't wait.
I'm glad you had a good time in Alexandria and I hope you've got a lot of photos to show me. Maybe one day, if things go well, we could go there together when you've left the Navy.
I know it's not easy for you, being on that ship with those guys who make jokes and annoy you. But I want you to know that I'm actually proud of you for keeping your head up and not letting it get to you. That proves you're so much better than them, Ennis. Hopefully one day you won't need to be so secretive about who you are.
I'm happy that your parents are okay with you seeing me; could create problems if they weren't, you know? My mom worries sometimes about me missing you so much and spending so much time alone, but I've reassured her that it's okay. They're both happy for us and maybe one day you could meet them. Maybe I could meet your parents too.
I keep thinking about our first night together, and I've made a decision. I want you to be on top this first time. I don't know why, but for our first time I would prefer it like that. You said you wanted to spend time on the sofa first and go to bed at night, with you staying afterwards. This is fine with me and I'm looking forward to that. I want you to make love to me and hold me all night long, safe and warm. Nothing would be more perfect for our first night together.
Anyway, I was thinking. You know already that my birthday is October 12th. If you're going to be here for that, I would love to spend the day with you. Maybe we could have dinner one night; I'd enjoy that. You don't have to worry about getting me a present; just you being here would be enough for me and that's all I want.
There's something I want to tell you, Ennis. It's something good, that I think you'd like to hear. But I want to wait until after we've slept together because I think it would mean more then. I can't wait to see your face when I tell you.
I'm going to wrap this up now, but I want you to know that I miss you every day and I'm always thinking of you. I can't wait to kiss you again, and to hold you close to me. I can't wait to have you in my bed at last and I hope the next few weeks pass quickly.
Take care of yourself, Ennis. Don't let the other guys get to you; they're not worth it. See you soon.
He put his pen down and looked over the letter, smiling to himself. Jack hoped that Ennis would get this before he arrived back in the States; he wanted Ennis to know what he wanted for their first night to give him something more to look forward to.
He knew that Ennis would be intrigued by what he had to say, and he wondered if Ennis would guess it. Jack wanted to hold off saying it until they were in bed together and cooling down from their first time. Jack shivered at the thought of having Ennis inside him and making love to him. There would likely come a time when he returned the favour, but for now he wanted Ennis to be in control when they were in bed.
Jack sat back in his chair and thought about his birthday. He would love to have dinner with Ennis, possibly in a romantic restaurant. But they would have to be cautious of anyone that Ennis knew seeing them together and figuring it out. He didn't want Ennis to be found out and face the consequences just for being who he was. What if Ennis blamed him for it and broke up with him as a result? He couldn't risk that happening, not even for himself.
Still, he would be happy to have dinner with Ennis at his own apartment; they could have candles and wine and it would be very romantic. He liked that thought. He honestly didn't want Ennis to worry about getting him a present; having Ennis there with him would be more than enough as far as he was concerned. He hoped that Ennis would be there for it and wouldn't have to go the day before or something.
Jack knew he couldn't complain about when Ennis could be here with him; he knew what he'd signed up for when they'd agreed to this relationship despite the obstacles. He knew full well that they would be spending a long time apart between shore leave stays, and he just had to deal with that. He would wait for Ennis no matter how long it took, and Ennis knew that.
In his mind's eye he tried to picture what his confession of feelings might be like, after their first time.
"So what did you want to tell me?" Ennis murmured, rubbing his arm. Jack smiled and stretched, rolling over to face him.
"I love you," he said simply, kissing the tip of Ennis's nose. Ennis blinked a few times in surprise, and then a smile appeared on his face.
"I love you too, Jack," he replied, pulling Jack close for a deep kiss.
Jack smiled and folded the letter up, ready to send it off when he went out. He looked around his empty apartment and sighed; he wished that Ennis could be here right now, holding him and talking, or maybe kissing him on the sofa. Hopefully soon, he would get that again and everything would be perfect.
A little bit later, Jack felt lonely and didn't have anything to do. Lureen was working and he guessed that Ennis was busy; he texted when he could but he still had work to do. Jack knew it was safer for Ennis to text rather than call, in case someone should overhear him.
Jack hated how Ennis couldn't be open about himself when all of the other guys on the ship could. He wasn't worth less than them just because he was gay; Jack actually thought he was worth more because he was so brave. He didn't back down when they started spewing nasty comments and kept himself to himself. Jack admired him for that and he hoped Ennis knew how proud he was of him.
His phone started ringing and he picked it up; it was his mother. "Hey, Mom."
"Hi, sweetie. Just wanted to see how you're doing."
"I'm fine, really. It's not easy, without Ennis...but I'm fine. Looking forward to seeing him again. He told his parents about us, you know."
"He did? How did they take it?"
"He said they were okay with it. They've always accepted who he is and they know they can't dictate who he sees. So they've wished us well."
"That's great, Jack." She sounded genuinely happy for him, but Jack sometimes wondered if she wished he would find someone local that he could be with now. Only the passing of time would solve that one, for there was no way he was going to break up with Ennis just because it might be the easier option. He loved Ennis and wanted to be with him, no matter how little time they had together when he was here.
"Mom...I want you to know that I'm really okay with the situation. I know you worry and I appreciate it, but I'll be fine. He'll be back soon and things will be so much better."
"I know, Jack. I just want you to be happy, you know?"
Jack smiled; he appreciated how much she cared about his wellbeing. "I know, Mom. But Ennis does make me happy, and I can't wait to see him again. You know...we've been talking about meeting each other's parents one day, if we get enough time together."
"I think your dad and I would enjoy that," she replied, sounding happier. "We'd love to meet him."
"Good. Because...I know we've only spent a few days together but I'm really sure about him. I know we'll be happy when he leaves the Navy and stays here."
"Then...I wish you all the best," she told him. "Listen, your dad and I are thinking about your birthday. We can't make it down until the weekend after, is that okay?"
"That'll be fine. Ennis might be here to celebrate it with me and we want to spend some time alone, you know?"
"Absolutely. That's fine with us, Jack. We know Ennis is probably not ready to meet us just yet."
"Not really. I'm not ready to meet his folks yet either, to be honest. We've got so much to learn about each other yet and so much to catch up on. And...you know..." He didn't want to go into details about Ennis's first night back; that was a very private thing between just the two of them.
"Say no more, honey. I completely understand. Give my best to Ennis when you talk to him, and I hope everything goes well."
"Thanks, Mom. I really appreciate it. Say hi to Dad for me, alright?"
"Will do. Bye, Jack."
"Bye." He clicked off and went to sit on the sofa, thinking. He missed Ennis a lot, and each day was dragging by. Why did it have to be six months between visits? He really hoped that Ennis was here for longer this time, so that they could enjoy more of each other.
He laid down on the sofa and looked through the texts on his phone from Ennis, smiling at the conversations they'd had. He enjoyed picturing Ennis working on the ship, with his shirt off and his back gleaming with sweat in the sunlight. The image was very appealing.
Jack bit his lip as he thought about what he'd said; licking the sweat off for him. Maybe after their first time, he'd be able to do that and he hoped that Ennis would like it. He wanted to do so much with Ennis, and he wondered if they would have enough time. Apart from having sex, there was so much he wanted for them to do. He hoped that they could have a romantic dinner together and maybe go for a walk in the park or something. Or they could remain in the apartment and watch a movie together one night. Either way, he knew that they would have a lot of fun together and he couldn't wait.
He was aware that as he and Ennis spent more time together, the more he would fall in love and the harder it would be to say goodbye to Ennis later. But he could deal with that as long as he had some idea of when Ennis would return and that they remained in touch. If that continued, it would be enough to keep him going until Ennis returned.
I love you so much...please come home soon. I miss you and want to be with you more than anything else right now. I want you to kiss me and hold me...and tell me that you love me because I know you do.
He sighed and flicked the TV on, trying to distract himself from his boredom and loneliness. It was all he could do for these final few weeks until Ennis returned and made him feel complete again. Things had been quite tentative last time, since they'd hardly known each other, but it would be different after everything that had happened in the meantime. He was looking forward to Ennis taking him to bed and giving him what they both needed.
September 18th, 2009
On Friday, Jack was working in the store and looking at one of the calendars on display. As far as he could see, it was almost twenty-three weeks since he'd met Ennis. Just a few more weeks and Ennis would be back with him; he just couldn't wait for their reunion.
Jack didn't yet know when Ennis would be around, but he hoped that his friend would be here for his birthday. His parents wouldn't make it to the city until the weekend after, so he hoped to spend it with someone else he loved. One thing he would love to do was to spend all day in bed with Ennis, maybe having breakfast in bed together and kissing, and maybe more than that.
He looked around and noticed that the shop was fairly empty; nobody needed his help so he sat behind the counter and allowed himself to think further about Ennis. There were many things about Ennis that he liked; some were physical and others were more about his personality.
He liked Ennis's hair. It was blonde and slightly curly, but cut in the accepted way for being in the Navy. Ennis had told him that before signing up, it had been of a more normal length and a lot curlier. Jack liked the image of this and wondered if one day he would get to see that for himself; maybe when Ennis quit and stayed with him.
Then he thought about Ennis's eyes. A deep brown colour that sometimes showed a fleck of green. Jack had seen it once and he hoped to again; he wondered if Ennis's eyes went dark when he was aroused, and that was another thing to look forward to. He loved Ennis's dimples too; how they showed themselves when Ennis smiled. Jack hoped he could make Ennis smile more.
Jack loved Ennis's voice; how it seemed rough at first but how he had soon realised that he was simply soft-spoken. Jack couldn't believe how such a strong man could be so gentle and he wondered every day what the sex would be like. He had no real frame of reference, but he'd heard from Lureen what it was like when the two people were in love. He'd heard her description and wanted to feel it for himself.
"It's like nothing else," she said, nodding as she thought back to her last boyfriend, whom she had loved before he'd cheated on her. "I mean, I know he broke my heart but when we were together it was amazing. I know he loved me, and I loved him."
"So...how does it feel when you're in love with the other person?" he asked. She smiled.
"Like...everything suddenly makes sense. And that you were supposed to do this incredible thing with this person. And they make you feel wonderful, in a way which you never knew you could."
He looked at her and thought of Ennis, wondering if it would be like that for them. "I want that with him," he sighed, feeling more in need of it all the time. "I want him to...hold me and kiss me...whisper to me..."
She took his hand and squeezed it. "I'm sure he will when he comes back. You'll get all of that and so much more, I know it. Don't worry, okay?" Jack nodded and tried to think about something else.
He shook himself from his memory and tried not to worry too much. He was fairly sure that Ennis loved him; why else would he be so looking forward to coming back, and why else would he tell his parents about Jack? People didn't do things like that if they weren't sure about someone. Clearly, Ennis was sure about him.
Jack smiled and heard the bell as the door opened; he looked up and smiled; Lureen was arriving for her shift. "Hey, Lu."
"Hey," she replied, taking her coat off and putting it in the back room. "How's it going?"
"Pretty quiet. Been thinking about our talk the other day. About sex."
"Ah, I see. You dreaming about your sailor again?"
He smiled. "Maybe. I have to admit...I'm really looking forward to being with him. He makes me feel so good already, just by kissing me or being near me. Can't imagine how it'll feel when he..." Images filled his head of Ennis laying him down on the bed and kissing him all over, before gently pushing his legs apart and-
"Earth to Jack," came Lureen's voice as she tapped his forehead. "Are you thinking about sex?"
"Maybe," he replied, cheeks reddening. "Can't help it. Every time I think about it I get these vivid images in my head. I think about him, and me...at my place..."
She smirked. "If you keep that up, you're gonna have a problem. And I'm gonna send you to the bathroom if that happens. Just calm down, okay?"
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, shifting slightly. "Um...let's talk about something else. You seeing anyone right now?"
"No, not at the moment. How's Ennis coping with those guys on the ship?"
Jack sighed. "It's not easy for him. I let him vent to me when we talk and maybe it helps him, but...he still has to deal with it every day. They're bigots, Lureen. From what he says...I dread to think what they'd do if they found out he's gay and seeing someone. If they report him he could be sacked and...as much as I want him around I don't want it to be because he's got no choice. It should be because he was ready to leave on his terms and it was his choice.
She nodded. "I know what you mean. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Ennis seems smart enough to handle himself if he has to. Don't worry too much."
Jack smiled at her and she walked off to clean up, leaving him to think about everything she had just told him. Deep down, he would always fear Ennis being exposed.
That night, Jack was lying in bed and trying to get to sleep. It wasn't easy when he kept thinking about Ennis and what it would be like when he was here, in this bed. The more he thought about it, the more he became aroused and the harder it became to clear his mind. He was too far gone now to just drop off to sleep.
He groaned when he moved in the bed, knowing that he was getting harder as images of Ennis filled his mind. He was so attracted to his future lover and wanted him so much. Jack figured they would need to fuck at least a few times on Ennis's first night back just to satisfy them both after six months of yearning. He wanted Ennis to just take him to this bed and make love to him, both hard and long until he was seeing stars.
Jack knew he had no choice; he had to do something about this predicament or he'd never get to sleep. He tugged his boxers off and let his erection spring free, wondering what it might feel like to have Ennis's mouth on it. That was something to think about; he'd had a blowjob before but it hadn't been much good. He knew that sex was supposed to be wonderful when the two people loved each other, like Lureen had said.
He bit his lip and closed his eyes, picturing Ennis's wonderful mouth and remembering what it felt and tasted like. He tried to imagine it down there on his swelling erection.
"Ennis...come on..." he pleaded, tugging at his lover's hair. Ennis was slowly moving down his body and kissing his bare chest as he went. Jack whimpered when Ennis reached the space between his legs but didn't touch him there. "Please..."
"What d'you want?" Ennis teased him, eyes glittering. Jack was close to begging.
"Want your mouth...on me..." he moaned, lifting his hips. "Ennis, please..."
Ennis obliged him, wrapping his mouth around Jack swiftly and starting to suck hard. Jack sighed and closed his eyes. This felt even better than he'd imagined and he thought that both of his heads would explode soon.
"That's it," he groaned, enjoying the warm, wet mouth as it lavished attention on him. "Ennis...I love you so much..." Ennis couldn't reply verbally, but he reached up and squeezed Jack's fingers for a moment. He kept on going and slid a finger up between Jack's legs, pushing in and making Jack yelp. "Oh God!"
He shot into Ennis's mouth and prayed that he wouldn't choke him. Ennis took it all and spilled onto the bed beneath him, groaning as he did so.
When Ennis pulled his mouth away, Jack could see that he looked a little dazed but happy. "Baby...come here..." he sighed, gesturing to Ennis. His lover crawled back up and settled down onto the bed next to him. "That was amazing..."
"Yeah..." Ennis smiled and kissed him deeply, sealing their love.
Jack opened his eyes, still breathing heavily. His stomach was covered in fluid and he felt a lot better. He smiled to himself and reached over for the towel he'd put on his nightstand for such an occasion; he couldn't always make his legs work after an orgasm when they felt so shaky. But he wasn't about to complain; he always liked to dream of Ennis and he'd enjoyed that vision of being with him.
He knew that the more he dreamed of Ennis, the more he yearned for him in real life. But there was nothing he could do about that; he was in love and nothing could stop him from dreaming of Ennis. Jack wanted to tell Ennis all about his dream and looked at the clock; he wondered if Ennis might be asleep yet. It was worth a try.
He picked up his phone and started typing a text to his friend. He had a mischievous, flirtatious side that he wanted Ennis to see so much.
Had a dream about you just now. You had your mouth on me and were giving me a blowjob :)
He bit his lip and wondered what Ennis might have to say to that. If he knew Ennis at all, he knew that Ennis wanted it just as much as he did. Whatever they would do together after their first time, Jack knew it would all be amazing because of the feeling in his heart.
After a few minutes, his phone buzzed and he eagerly opened the text.
You never know. Play your cards right and you might just get one of them xxx
Jack grinned and couldn't resist saying something else; he loved talking dirty with Ennis.
It would be later on. Our first time, I want you inside me. Want you to make me see stars for several minutes afterwards, at least xxx
He smiled and thought about that first time; why did it have to be so far away?
I think I can manage that. I can't wait to be with you. Gotta go to bed now so I'll say goodnight xxx
Jack felt slightly disappointed that they couldn't do this all night, but he understood that Ennis's work had to come first while he was on the ship. He knew that when Ennis came back, his priority would be spending time with him.
Okay, night xxx
He put his phone back after sending the last message and curled up on his side, facing the window and staring up at the moonlight shining through the curtains. One day soon, he and Ennis would be in this bed together and they could kiss and embrace after sealing their connection for good. Jack knew what he wanted, and knew that Ennis wanted the same thing even though it might not happen in the usual way. He knew that Ennis would be spending long periods of time away from him and that was okay; he knew that one day they would be together.
September 30th, 2009
It had now been twenty-four weeks since their first meeting, and Jack was stretched across the sofa as he watched TV and waited for his dinner to finish cooking. He knew that Ennis would be back sometime next month and he was very much looking forward to that, for various reasons.
He wondered if Ennis would call him before landing or if he would just turn up and surprise him. Jack hoped he would call first; he wanted to get some things together for a romantic dinner one night while Ennis was here and he would like to be forewarned of Ennis's arrival.
Jack often wondered if they would need to use protection; neither of them had had full sex with a man before but he knew that there were other ways in which Ennis might have caught something; a dodgy blood transfusion or something. He had no idea if anything like that had happened so he would at least need to ask Ennis first. He would buy some condoms anyway just in case, and he already had lubricant. If it transpired that they were both clean, then he was happy to leave the rubbers in the box. He knew that Ennis would never lie to him about that.
He checked the dinner and heard his phone ringing; he saw Ennis's name on the screen and grinned widely. "Ennis?"
"Hey, bud. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Missing you, though..."
"Well...I can do something about that. We got our dates sorted for shore leave today...you wanna hear them?"
Jack grinned even wider. "I sure as hell do. What are they?"
"I'll be here on the 6th, Jack. That's next Tuesday, six days away."
"Oh my God," Jack breathed, sinking into a chair at the table. "Six days? That's great! How long do you get here?"
Ennis sounded almost as excited as he did. "Jack...we get a week this time. I get to spend six days with you, leaving on the last one."
Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing; Ennis would be here for a six full days and they could wake up together on the last one. "Oh, Ennis...this gets better. I can't believe it!"
"Me neither, darlin'. I've missed you so much..."
"Me too, I...hang on," he paused, doing the maths in his head. "But...that means you'll leave on the twelfth...my birthday..."
Ennis sighed; clearly he had realised this too. "I know. But I can't ask them to extend it now just for me; they'll pry into the reasons why I wanna be here and...I'll just get uncomfortable. And I know you wanted us to spend your birthday together, since we couldn't spend mine together." Ennis's birthday had been four days ago and Jack had sent him a text but they had missed each other even more. "I'm so sorry, Jack..."
Jack would be a liar if he said he wasn't disappointed, but he swallowed it down because he knew how things had to be. "You know what? Don't worry. I know how things are, Ennis. So...we'll just have to celebrate my birthday the day before, okay?"
"Sure. We'll have dinner then if you want. And maybe...we'll wake up together the next morning," he suggested, and Jack grinned.
"Yeah, that sounds good. Ennis...I'd like you to spend every night of that week at my place, if you can. Do you have to go back to the barracks?"
"Not if we've got somewhere else to go," he replied. "Those barracks are always there for us, but it's not strict. I would rather spend every night with you, Jack."
"That's what I want too," Jack told him, smiling. "There's still so much about each other that we've got to learn...so I want to spend as much time with you as possible."
"When do you work? You didn't work that day we met..."
"Right. It's shift-based so I won't know until Friday what my hours are next week. But I guess that when I'm working you could go back and get clean clothes or whatever, right?"
"Yeah, okay. And I'll explore the city until you're finished. Just let me know so that I can meet you. You're not working on the 6th, right?"
"I don't think so...I never work Tuesdays unless the place is busy and Lureen calls me to get my ass over there. We're rarely that busy."
"Good. 'Cos I want you all to myself on that day," Ennis said in a low voice that sent shivers down Jack's spine.
"Sounds good to me. Ennis, there's something I need to ask. When we do it...do we need protection? I mean, there's other ways one of us might have caught something..."
"I've never had a blood transfusion, never done drugs and never been with a guy. Any girls I was ever with, I always used a rubber. That covers all the bases, right? I had a feeling you might ask."
Jack grinned. "Right. Well, I'm clean too so I guess we don't need to worry. I've got some lube, but...maybe I'll buy another if you're planning to put a hitch in my step."
Ennis laughed. "Yeah, I guess. I can't wait to be with you, Jack. It's gonna be something else, I just know it."
"Sure is...I'll be counting down the next six days, Ennis. They'll go really slowly, but it'll be worth the wait."
"It will, I promise," Ennis told him. "Listen, I've gotta go now but I'll call you again soon. And I'll let you know when we're about to dock."
"Alright. I'll be waiting," Jack promised, picturing Ennis's smiling face and feeling more in love than ever. "See you, Ennis."
"Bye, Jack." Ennis clicked off and Jack sighed, trembling slightly with anticipation. Just one more week on his own and then Ennis would be here to make him his. Jack got up and went to his wall calendar, picking up a pen and turning the page to the next month. On the box for the 6th, he simply wrote one word: