Moo Mesa's Heat Wave

It was a hot day in Cowtown. Marshal Moo Montana made sure he kept himself hydrated with water, for a cattle drive could be very exhausting. Cowlorado and Dakota had no trouble, for they loved the heat. They were prepared for anything that came their way. It was also common to see heroes from the modern world, like the SWAT Kats, Sonic the Hedgehog, and more recently, the Biker Mice from Mars. "I figure that the way it is," he said to Sheriff Terrorbull, "those annoying law cows have prevented me from becoming richer. I hate that."

"Same here," said the Sheriff. "What do you make of it? I hate it when some of those guests who come to Moo Mesa to team up with the cowboys. It just makes us look even more stupid. Not to mention myself as the Masked Bull."

"Well, there is one consolation. Sometimes I have no choice but to turn to them for help."

"True." Sheriff Terrorbull paused to take a drink of water. "Phew! It's hot! Wonder if you want to try and hog the water again?"

"No, that's old business. There has to be some way to take the heat. I think we can manage without hogging the water. Perhaps I should just rest for a while." The mayor closed his eyes, indicating he was deep in thought. Sheriff Terrorbull waited patiently for the answer.

Meanwhile, Cowlorado brought up the same scenario as the cowboys finished up their cattle drive. "I don't recall it ever being this hot. Do you?"

"Nope," said Dakota.

"It is pretty hot, that's for sure," said Moo. "But like it says in the Code, 'If you can't take the heat, your sweat will prove it.' I've been in much hotter weather than this in my 10+ years experience as Marshall, and I ain't never broke a sweat yet. Perhaps we should all stop by for a sarsaparilla."

"Okay," said Dakota. "Miss Lily should be pleased to see you again. She felt you were really taking a chance last night during that all-out war against Billy the Kidder."

"Yeah, that was a tough battle, but it weren't for calf-pint, we'd all be toast. Such a brave kid, isn't he?"

"No doubt about that," Cowlorado nodded. "He'd do anything to see justice is done, just like us." The cowboys rode on back to Cowtown, where Miss Lily was waiting for them. "Well, howdy, boys," she greeted. "Glad to see you made it back safely. Hot out there, isn't it?"

"Yup," said Dakota.

"Three sarsaparillas, I'm assuming?"

"That's right." Lily walked over to the place where she brewed her famous homemade sarsaparilla drink (which was non-alcoholic, by the way) and handed each cowboy one. After they paid Lily for her trouble, she asked, "By the way, is Cody doing all right?"

"Yes, he is," Moo nodded. "Actually, if it weren't for him, we'd probably be scratching ourselves by the minute into our graves. Calf-pint is a great kid. He's definitely got what it takes to keep the law and order process going whenever I pass on."

"I agree, but I wish he'd be more careful."

"Well, Miss Lily, like it says in the Code of the West, 'One who doesn't take risks isn't going to make an excellent law cow.' His age doesn't stop him from taking risks."

"No kidding." Lily paused to shield herself from the sun. "What do y'all think about the heat?"

"I've been in much worse heat than this," said Moo. "Wonder how J.R. is doing? He's not used to this much heat. It must be 114 degrees out there."

Moo wasn't kidding. J.R. had problems with the heat. On this particular day, he was handling it better with the shade that his niece, Tejua, was providing, from the teepee. "Hot enough, Uncle J.R.?" she asked.

"It's not so bad, Tejua," J.R. smiled. "Now I once camped out in the jungles of Mexico because of how the Masked Bull, in one of his decoy plots, was using me as bait to trap the cowboys. Now that was hot!"

"Really?"

"Yep. I'd prefer the desert over the jungle any day of the week." J.R. continued to rest.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Terrorbull, as the Masked Bull, was out on patrol, looking for someone to rob who just couldn't take the heat. He was about to give up when suddenly Puma came into view. Puma was the town alarmist who was also legally blind (he couldn't see past his nose). He was being helped by one of Cody Calf's friends, Jake, to get home to Cowtown after a vacation to Elbow's Bend (due to the doctor appointments he had down there).

"Perfect!" the Masked Bull exclaimed, whistling for his two henchmen. "Saddlesore! Boot Hill! Grab him! We'll make him scare the town into fleeing!" Saddlesore and Boot Hill Buzzard did so. Puma began screaming, "Help! Help! The Masked Bull has got me! He's on a rampage! Run for your lives!"

"If you want me to spare your life, lame brain," the Masked Bull threatened, "you'll lie to the public about the heat and how it will destroy everyone if they don't take action!"

"Honesty is the best policy," Puma argued. "I never lie to the public. I wish they'd believe me, however. I want it to cool down. I hate hot weather."

"Then I'm going to put you on the chopping block. You just can't take the heat, can you?"

Puma managed to break free and continue his alarmist ways. The Masked Bull chased him down through Moo Mesa. Townspeople fled for safety after seeing Puma wasn't lying. Mayor Bulloney watched with intensity, hoping to see the town alarmist's actions mean the end of the cowboys. But as you all know, no one gets away with crime in Moo Mesa with Marshal Moo Montana on the job!

Jake, who had been helping Puma, took a safer route and found Cody. "Cody! Cody!" he screamed.

"What's the matter, Jake?" Cody replied, noticing Jake's sorrowful looks.

"The Masked Bull is going to put Puma on the guillotine because Puma hates heat, and find some way to blame it on the cowboys. We've got to stop him!"

"Good thing I have the junior deputy star, but the best thing to do is let Marshal Moo handle it. Follow me." Cody and Jake to the saloon, where the cowboys were still talking to Miss Lily, even though they were standing outside, keeping themselves hydrated. "Why, Cody!" Miss Lily exclaimed. "You're sure in a hurry, aren't you?"

Cody and Jake paused to catch their breath. "Marshal Moo! Am I glad we found you!" Cody finally managed to spit out.

"What's your problem, calf-pint?" asked Moo.

"It's nothing I have anything to do with, Marshal Moo. It's Puma. Jake overheard the Masked Bull threaten to kill Puma all because he couldn't take the heat and because he wouldn't lie to the city about how the heat would supposedly destroy us all if we don't take action. This has nothing to do with the mayor's get-rich-quick schemes; it's all about the Masked Bull. Puma also told us he thinks Sheriff Terrorbull is the Masked Bull, and when he's not imitating it, there's the off-chance his brother, Horrorbull, is, when he's not in jail, anyway."

"Do you think that's true, Moo?" asked Cowlorado.

"Yes, I do," Moo nodded. "One day, I'm going to prove it. Right now, it's time to save Puma's life—again. But it's all part of the job. Come on, boys! Let's rodeo!" The trio saddled up and headed towards where Cody indicated the Masked Bull was headed.

"Help! Help! I'll do anything in return!" Puma kept screaming. "Oh, woe is me; what a wretched man I am, cursed with blindness so that no one loves me, not even the Marshal!" All these statements are entirely random, you understand; Puma's not only blind, but being the town alarmist, he sometimes says entirely random things that either aren't true or don't make any sense.

"Cowlorado, why don't you teach Puma the ropes?" said Moo, turning to his adventure-loving deputy. "That might give him a shake up for a bit."

"You betcha, buddy!" Cowlorado smiled. He grabbed his lariat and proceeded to yell "Yee-haw!" while roping Puma to safety. Puma kept screaming, not knowing what was happening. When he finally took a breath, Cowlorado turned to him and said, "Settle down, Puma! You're safe now."

"Oh, thank heavens!" Puma replied in gratitude. "I thought I was a goner. You know that there Masked Bull was going to back up and kill me?"

"I heard that, yes. But don't worry. You're going to be just fine. Moo and Dakota will take it from here."

Gunfire from the Masked Bull's two laser-style guns and starfire from Moo's six-shooters soon emerged. The fight took the duo past J.R.'s teepee. J.R. and Tejua came to watch. "Go get him, Moo!" J.R. cheered. "Show him he has no business here!" J.R. saddled up on his horse, with Tejua on a small pony of her own, and the two followed the cowboys.

Dakota had finally gotten close enough to grab Saddlesore and Boot Hill before they could make an escape in a wagon. He stood posed, ready to fling the two henchman sky high.

"Yah!" Cowlorado cheered. "Go, Dakota! Get 'em, Dude!" In response, Dakota took one fling of the wagon and the two henchman went flying. They landed on top of the Masked Bull before he could make an escape and Moo's golden stars knocked Boot Hill unconscious.

"Going nowhere fast?" Moo taunted. "You seem to a pro at that."

"And I would've gotten away if you hadn't been such an eavesdropper!" the Masked Bull argued.

"On the contrary, it wasn't us who were eavesdropping. Someone else did and reported it." Moo turned to his deputies. "Lock 'em up, Dakota!" he called. Dakota took the two henchmen and the Masked Bull back to the jail/mayor's office, where the Masked Bull was ready to confess to the mayor that he failed again after Moo locked him in jail. The mayor pretended to be overjoyed.

"At least it wasn't something I was doing," said the mayor after Moo left. "You do have better plans that I do."

"It's true, Mayor. I guess I just couldn't take the heat."

"Nope," Dakota said to himself, hearing the remark. The cowboys took some afterwards to talk to J.R., who proceeded to explain why he was following them and how happy we was to see justice done. In the heat of the battle, the cowboys proved no heat was too hot for them.

THE END

Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa © Ryan Brown

Sonic the Hedgehog © SEGA

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron © Hanna-Barbera, Warner Bros. Cartoon Network

Biker Mice From Mars © Rick Ungar, Tom Tataranowicz, Tom Tataranowicz Animation, Brentwood Television Funnies, and whoever else owns the rights