The two men walked into the small restaurant and were greeted by a casually dressed man that was, apparently, their host. "Mr. and Mr. Harness-Jones?"
Ianto nodded and nudged Jack. The server held out a hand and directed them forward. "Follow me."
He wove them between tables of quietly conversing couples, towards a small booth nested in the corner, with what could arguably be the best view of the sun setting over the beach.
The two men sat down and picked up their menus and skimmed over their contents, neither one daring to break the brittle silence that had fallen over them since their walk from the store.
It took a few minutes before Jack spoke. "Alright. Yan. Harkness-Jones? Really? You had to use that?"
Ianto smiled and flipped a page in his menu. "It was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up. Besides, Tosh would be proud."
The immortal shook his head and glanced over his menu, his smile slowly turning into a frown. "This is nearly all seafood."
The Welshman nodded. "Yes Jack. If you hadn't noticed." He pointed out of the window. "That's the Mediterranean."
Jack rolled his eyes. "I don't like seafood."
Ianto was about to interject when Jack raised his hands defensively. "Fish and chips, sure. But this?" He squinted at the menu. "'Burrida. A traditional Italian dish containing prawns, mackerel, and lemon sole.' You hear that Ianto? Soul."
Ianto sighed and placed his hand gently on top of Jack's. "It isn't pronounced like that, first of all. And second, didn't you live on a coastal peninsula? Oh how did you describe it? 'The white sand stretched for miles and miles and the waters were the purest of blues.' What did you colonists eat there? Sand bacon?"
The immortal glared at his Welshman disapprovingly. "No, Ianto, we had replicators. If I wanted Plomeek soup or a Raktajino, I got it. If I wanted an ancient Earth Cheese Burger, I could order it. I never had to eat what was caught."
The waiter arrived to take their orders before Ianto could laugh at the absurdity that was his captain. Ianto quickly skimmed the menu and selected the first item that caught his attention. "I'll have the Polpi in Purgatorio." The waiter smirked and then turned to Jack. "You sir?"
Jack fidgeted and looked worriedly at Ianto who sighed and gestured that he would be ordering for his compatriot. "He'll be having the Culingionis with tomato and basil sauce." The waiter nodded and took up their menus replacing them with a wine list that Ianto quickly waved away. "We'll be having Vernaccia di Oristano."
The waiter nodded and walked away, leaving Jack to glare at Ianto. "What did you just order for me?"
The Welshman grinned broadly and shook his head. "Nothing that will kill you, I can assure you of that."
Jack glared playfully across the table. "And how can I trust you? I mean for all I know this-" He gestured broadly around them. "Is some elaborate set up to-" He started chuckling "t-to murder me."
Both men fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, interrupted only by the arrival of their wine by a pink cheeked waitress who nearly dropped the bottle when Jack turned to grin at her.
She muttered something in Italian and hastily poured the drinks with trembling fingers. Ianto smiled at her kindly. "Thank you ma'am."
The girl froze as if she transfixed to the spot by the Welshman's words.
Jack nearly bit through his fingers in an attempt to contain the laughter that threatened to fall from his lips as the waitress blushed and stared longingly at the Welshman, her green eyes pulled wide with disbelief.
Ianto glanced away, the tips of his ears turning pink as he cleared his throat. The girl jumped and bolted away from the table, leaving Jack to laugh openly. "Yan, I have completely underestimated your prowess for attracting the fairer sex."
He made a show of peering over his shoulder in the direction that the girl had gone. "You think that she'd have any interest in joining us this evening?"
Ianto blushed furiously and stared at his partner in complete and utter disbelief. "Please tell me you're joking."
When the immortal shrugged and took a sip from his wine glass, Ianto groaned. "You are serious, aren't you? Christ, Jack, we've only just started our vacation. Can we at least wait a day before we start discussing adding strangers in the middle?"
Jack leaned over the table, a triumphant grin on his face. "Ha! So you would be open to it!"
The Welshman shook his head. "Not on your life, sir."
The immortal was about to make a comment about how he could easily end this life and start another one when Ianto held up a hand. "If you make a joke about your inability to die I swear we have repeat of the last time you told the story about your executioners and hyper-vodka."
Jack cringed at the memory of the last time he had forced Ianto to sit through that story. "We did keep in touch though."
Ianto sighed and sipped his wine. "I'm sure you did."
There meal was promptly brought out by the same waitress as before, who was still red eared. No sooner had she placed the plates onto the table did she scurry away again.
Jack stared in abject horror at the plate set before his partner. "What the hell IS that Yan? Will it move?"
Ianto chuckled and hook his head. "No Jack, It's just braised octopus with spaghetti. It isn't going to attack me or suck off my face."
He slowly sliced into the steaming plate and took a slow bite, his eyes closed rapturously as he enjoyed the savory bite. The Welshman swallowed and grinned at the nearly green Captain before him. "Delicious."
The immortal nodded and slowly poked at the plate of dumplings before him. "Ianto." He said softly. Ianto sighed and took another bite of his food. "Yes, Jack."
"What did you order me?" His voice was so soft and imploring that Ianto could not help but draw the moment out. "Did you not hear me? Culingionis with tomato and basil sauce."
Jack groaned and pushed one of the morsels around on his plate. "I mean what's in it?"
The Welshman took pity and reassuringly patted Jack's hand. "They're just potato, pecorino cheese and mint stuffed ravioli. Totally harmless. No shellfish, no meat, nothing. Just good food. And pretty. Just look at how intricately the dough is pleated."
The immortal nodded and pretended to examine the design of the food before he stabbed one of the ravioli viciously and popped the whole thing into his mouth.
Once more the Welshman sighed and shook his head, his attention turning from the boyish smile of his chipmunk cheeked partner to the meal on his plate. "Several hundred years old and you still act like you're 12."
Jack swallowed his food and ate another one in a much more civilized manner. "There your Majesty, is that better?"
Ianto playfully kicked his captain under the table as retribution for his snark. "Much."
The Captain started to giggle and he pointed at Ianto's plate. "You ordered Octopus."
The Welshman nodded. "So? I like Octopus?"
Jack shook his head. "Think about what brought us here in the first place."
Ianto paused and paled at the association between Glib and Fall and his dinner. He shoved his plate away and glared viciously at the immortal. "That was not funny Jack."
He simply continued laughing. "You should see your face!"
Ianto shook his head, his jaw set with mock anger. "I can't believe you let me eat that! You are unbelievable."
Jack wiped a tear from his eye. " I said that I didn't like seafood."
Ianto groaned and took a few moments to settle is churning stomach when letting Jack calm from his fit of laughter. He cleared his throat after a time. "What's something that you absolutely must do while we're here?"
The immortal was about to speak when Ianto stopped him. "Aside from shagging me in various locations and positions."
The Captain feigned shock. "Ianto! You must know that I had more planned for this vacation than sex."
Ianto rolled his eyes and took a sip of his wine. "That's all you've talked about since we got here."
Jack nodded and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "I guess it is, huh. Well then, let's do something absolutely crazy. Picnic on a nudist beach."
The Welshman frowned. "Jack. You do realize that I'm Welsh, ya?"
He pursed his lips and shook his head "So?"
Ianto rolled his eyes. "So I burn. Like paper. I'm already going to be red from today, sunscreen be damned. The last thing you want on our vacation is for me to be head to toe sun-burnt."
Jack chuckled. "But rubbing aloe onto burns can always be fun."
"You do realize that my penis is included in that. There would be no chance in hell that I'd be doing any of what you want on this trip if THAT gets burned. We'd be on the first flight back to Cardiff."
The immortal winced and shook his head violently. "You are right, I agree, that was a bad idea. A really bad idea."
Ianto nodded his agreement which prompted Jack to produce another brilliant idea. "What about doing it at night? Finding an unoccupied stretch of sea and going skinny dipping?"
The Welshman considered it and then shook his head, pushing back his plate further and downing the rest of his glass of wine. "I can one up that."
Jack looked confused as he followed Ianto's lead and waved for the check. "How?"
"Our villa has a pool."