I own nothing but my genius mind, which cranked this idea out at three in the morning.
"Tony, over here!"
Flash flash flash!
"Do you have any comments on the recent scandal of animal testings at Stark Industries?"
"Mr. Stark, could you answer a few questions for me?"
"Tony, what are your thoughts on the new direction that your company has turned in?"
Flash flash flash flash!
"Mr. Stark! Can I have a few more moments of your time?"
Tony smiled winningly at the crowd of reporters smushed in his doorway, told them he had no comment, and retreated into his tower. Horrible day. First off, he had woken up to find all the toast and eggs mysteriously gone. Noramaly, that was no big deal. But if you were a certain billionare, and toast/omelettes were the only breakfast food you knew how to make, then it was a big deal. Since he was already late for his meeting (he wouldn't usually care, but Pepper had threatened him with no lab privileges if he didn't show up) he just had to skip breakfast. In the middle of the meeting, somebody kept phoning him and hanging up, earning 'The look' from Pepper. All in all, everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
Loki was sitting on the couch, eating a slice of buttered toast.
Suddenly everything made sense.
"Afternoon." said the culprit simply, taking a bite out of the toast. Tony snatched the toast out of his hands, and devoured it. Loki snickered a little bit, watching the reporters that Tony's security was pitching out into the lawn. "Bad day?" Tony stared at him a moment.
"Yes, and you would be in no way involved in that...?" All the eggs that had been stashed in the air vent above Tony fell down and broke on his head, leaving him covered in egg yolk, shells, and gooey grossness.
Bruce Banner stared around his room, horror written all over his face. This could not be happening. It was impossible. It was scary. It was TO MUCH TO HANDLE. His eye twitched in a worry some manner.
No, it was not a hallucination.
The 1D fan club paraphernalia was still there, and very much real. He closed his eyes, remembering all the deep breathing that his teacher back in Caluta had told him. His careful, calm, focus evaporated when 'What makes you beautiful' blared out of his radio. His first thoughts: Tony. Then remembered that Tony had been dragged around to meetings all day, and wouldn't have any time to do something like this. He could safely rule out himself, Steve, Tony, Pepper, and probably Natasha. So that left Clint and Loki. Deciding that he would confront Clint first, he kicked a cushion with Harry's face on it out of the way. He took a deep breath to contain 'The Other Guy,' who seemed to think it would be a great idea to smash down the door, the room, and the entire floor, just to anialate the photos pasted everywhere.
He staggered into the elevator, and pressed the button for Clint's floor. When he got out, his jaw dropped open.
He could safely rule Clint off the list of pranksters, unless he would design his own room like a tropical jungle, complete with noises and live monkeys. He glanced at Clint, who's bed was precariously perched in a palm tree, and still asleep. He would get a nasty surprise when he woke up...
Bruce quickly retreated back into the elevator before a monkey could, and went down to Loki's floor. When he opened the door, Loki was just sitting there, on his bed, smiling creepily at him. Bruce closed the door sold slowly backed away.
Then problem wasn't Steve's notes mysteriously disappearing, the problem was the public humiliation that came from it. He smiled blankly into the live TV camera that was broadcasting his face all over America. Then Steve glanced down at his card-with-the-speach-on-them-less hands, and shuffled awkwardly. He took a deep breath, and decided to just wing it. I mean, nothing to worry about, right? Tony did it all the time. How hard could it be? Steve took a deep breath, looked into the camera again, and promptly forgot what he was supposed to be speaking about.
Loki turned on the TV and flipped to channel five, humming 'What does the fox say,' quietly to himself. Steve was there, face flushed and embarrassed, clearly randomly blabbing about faith and hope and believing in yourself to get through it. He fumbled around for a few more minutes, before finally managing to bring the impromptu speech to a close.
"Yeah," he finished, flustered, "And that's my view on... yeah." The newscaster smiled at him, consolingly.
"Of course, Mr. Rogers. But you didn't answer my question. What is your view on animal testing?" Loki grinned as he bent over and fed Steve's notes into the fireplace. The look on Steve's face was totally worth whatever was going to happen later.
Loki's next plan needed more planning and foresight. There wasn't much that could shake the unflappable Black Widow, and she was next on Loki's list. There was an uncomfortable couple of weeks, while Thor and Natasha tried to judge who was next to be pranked. Loki was acting as normal as he could, but you could still practically have cut the tension with a knife. At last, the opportunity to get Natasha presented itself.
"Nat," Loki asked Natasha, sweetly, when it was his turn to play, "Truth or dare?"
"Dare." Natasha replied promptly, never one to back down from a challenge. Loki smirked. His plan wouldn't have worked if she had said Truth, so, point for him.
"I dare you to go into the attic and spend 5 minutes there." Natasha gave him a That's the lamest dare ever- Really, that's all you could think of? look, but disappeared into the elevator. Loki hummed quietly to himself, grinning at the others in the room, who were watching with bemused expressions. He didn't have to wait long.
"GGAAAHHH!" she shrieked, and there was a thumping noise as she trampled down the stairs. Loki burst into laughter as Natasha flew by him- and only Clint's eyes were good enough to see the spiders in her hair. However, even Bruce could see the bat.
"This has gone on long enough, brother." Thor boomed, managing to corner Loki on his way to the library. Thor scowled, to hide his amusement. His brother was a wreck. Loki had bags under his eyes, his stomach was growling with a need for food, and he was balancing a stack of books that was so high he could hardly see over it.
"No, really, Thor-" began Loki, "I'm good, I just need to finish this chapter-"
"-No, Loki, you need to eat something, and sleep for a good long while. Maybe take a nap. I will bring you sustenance." Loki rolled his eyes, which was pretty cute. The kind of thing an annoyed little brother would do when told to clean out his room.
"Thor. A nap? What are we, five?" Thor snatched the books out of Loki's hands, pointing down the hall.
"You. Kitchen. Now." Loki scowled, but yawned, which kind of blew any chances he'd had. Seemingly realizing that the battle was already lost, Loki skulked into the kitchen and started to peck at a bowl of cereal. (A rather delightful sugary Midguardian creation) Thor took the books up to Loki's room and dumped them rather unceremoniously down on th bed. Then he saw the book on the top of the stack, and couldn't help but chuckle.
Loki. The Trickster God of Asgard.
Loki wolfed down his cereal, but kept a ear open for Thor's yell. He had yelled himself when reading that particular book, and it had prompted him to do some research of his own on his family tree. After proving all the claims from that... that... abomination of a chapter four, he had decided that, well, it would be most amusing if Thor 'found' the book.
Chapter four: Children.
Loki had 6 kids. The first 3 were sired upon a giantess named Angerboða. Váli (or Áli) and Narfi were Loki's sons by his wife Sigyn, who was a giant goddess of Ásgarð. Sleipnir's birth is a bit strange since Loki was his *mother*! Loki transformed himself into a mare (female horse) in order to distract a stallion named Svaðilfari, which belonged to a certain giant. The stallion impregnated Loki, and the eight-legged Sleipnir was the result.
Loki did something similar in the poem Lokasenna, a lot of which is taken up Loki hurling insults at his fellow gods. At one point during the exchanges, Óðinn accuses Loki of spending eight years in the form of a woman on earth serving as a milkmaid to a troll or giant to whom he, in his female form, bore children. We are not given the number, gender or names of these offspring, but if Óðinn's accusation is true then Loki had *more* than six kids.
Thor screeched and came hurling down the stairs.
When Thor thundered (A/N: Thor thundered? Anybody else getting my genius?) down the stairs into the kitchen, the Avengers were gathered (A/N: I spared that time. I seriously considered saying the Avengers Assembled.) around Loki and his cereal, most of which seemed to be slopped down Loki's shirt, the rest of which was soggy from being ignored to turn mushy all by itself. Loki was cackling like crazy, laughing his face off, but Thor did not care.
"LOKI! WHAT?! WHEN?! KIDS-!" he couldn't even form full sentences which- of course- only made Loki laugh harder. "EXPLAIN YOURSELF BROTHER, FOR I AM MOST ASTONISHED AND ENRAGED AT WHAT I HAVE FOUND IN THIS BOOK!" he howled, "AND I CARE NOT WHAT YOU EXCUSES ARE!" Loki managed to pull himself together somewhat.
"Careful, Thor, your Asgard is showing. And how can I explain myself if you care not what I say?" Thor just scowled until Loki burst into laughter again.
"What," interjected Clint, "Is going on here?" he fixed Loki with a death glare. "Not more monkeys, right?" Loki positively howled, and fell off his chair. Natasha put her foot on his chest, then ever so slowly moved it so it was smushing his face.
"You have," she said softly, "three seconds." The threat was clear, so when the foot was removed, Loki sat up and explained himself as best he could.
"It's fake. I found the Midguardian book and almost had a heart attack, but I have conducted extensive research on this subject. Besides, I would know if I spent all that time as the opposite gender. Rest assured, Thor, you are not an uncle. I just though it would be funny..." he laughed again, then quickly stopped and glanced at Natasha.
"Could you?" Tony asked curiously, "Turn into a girl? I mean, is that even possible?" Loki shrugged.
"Probably. I mean, there are spells for practically everything." Loki saw Natasha's evil smile, and the way that she and Tony smirked at each other, but didn't think much of it.
"Loki," she called across the room, later that night, "Truth or dare?" Loki frowned, debating.
"Dare." Then, when he got his dare, and when he remembered the smirk from earlier, and recalled the unusual question...
... THEN he got it.
Karma always comes around...
Ta-Da! That's the end of ch. 2. COUGHCOUGH ExceptForTheSurpriseChapter3ThatIMIGHTPostIfEnough PeopleTellMeThatThey WantGirlForADare!LokiAsAnotherChapter COUGHCOUGH
I would really love and appreciate reviews! I mean, this chapter is more then twice as long as the first one!