Sometimes I wonder why my life has been nothing but pain. I was unhappy being in my older brother's shadow and, once he died, I had always blamed myself, remembering that I was always wishing for him to just disappear. It was selfish to wish such a thing on someone I loved, but I was young – I didn't know any better. I just wanted the pain of being ignored to stop.
For years I reflected on Sam's passing, the memory of the car hitting him fresh in my mind, even when I was in my deepest sleep. The horror at not knowing what to do, the agony of watching paramedics cover my brother with the blanket – it had all been my fault for wishing Sam away.
In order to escape my suffering, my self-loathing, I hurt other living creatures. Creatures with feelings. I turned them against each other, laughed as they died right before my eyes. I wished for nothing but pain to befall on them, and by my own hands, it did.
Wormmon, my best friend, had been the one to open my eyes. Seeing the way my only friend had sacrificed himself in order to save me, after everything I had done to him... It was my fault he was dead. Just like Sam.
I'm an evil person. I've done nothing but hurt the ones I love. I hurt my parents over and over again, I killed my brother, my best friend... I'm a monster. I don't deserve the love my parents try to give me, the love I brush off like dust from my jacket. They deserve a better child, someone who would love them – they deserve Sam, not me. It should have been me who died, not Sam! Sam...
Sometimes, I think to myself, Ken... You should kill yourself. The world would be better off without you. I don't know why I don't do it. I've wanted to, but... I guess I'm too much of a coward, picking on those weaker than me...
But... Daisuke... Daisuke had tried so hard to be my friend, even when the others hated me. He wanted me to be his friend in return, to help them, to... to be loved... It was a frightening prospect – too frightening. I couldn't do it. I wanted to be left alone. Daisuke didn't seem to understand that. Every chance he got, he may as well have been on his knees begging me...
And when I gave in... When I made friends... The loneliness... The pain... Maybe it was still there in the back of my mind, but... I wasn't screaming anymore... I could focus on things other than the consuming hatred, anger, suffering... I had friends... People I could talk to, who would help me manage my feelings... I wasn't... I wasn't alone for once... Not anymore... Now I would never be alone... Because... There were people in my life who had never given up on me... My parents... Wormmon... And someone whom I didn't know and had put through hell; Daisuke...
"Hey, Ken, what are you doing?"
I looked up from my desk where I had been doing my homework. Daisuke was standing in my doorway, his hands behind his hand in his usual carefree manner as he beamed at me. Without invitation he walked into my room and plopped himself down on my bed, jostling Minomon from his sleep.
"Daisuke?" I blinked, still unused to having anyone come to visit me. "What are... you doing here...?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Daisuke patted my Digimon's head, his caring nature shining through in his gentleness. "I came to see you. DemiVeemon and I were hanging out in my room but I wanted to know if you'd come over and play video games with me."
"Play... video games...?" I blinked.
Daisuke nodded, chuckling a little. "What, have you forgotten what they are? C'mon! DemiVeemon has probably eaten all my food by now!"
I was startled when the brunet ran at me and grabbed my arm in an attempt to drag me away, but I knew this boy would never hurt me; he was far too kind and caring. I was pulled out of my own room and down the hallway, the only chance I had to say goodbye to my mother was to shout, "Bye, mum!" before the front door closed after me.
Even though I was literally being kidnapped, I couldn't complain; this was the kind of thing I had always wanted but been too afraid to go after; a friend. And Daisuke was the best friend anyone could only wish for.