A/N – Alright, new story idea. This just happens, I can't control it. Lol. I am not going to disclose the plans I have for this, I apologize but I don't want to announce anything unless I am 100% sure and I am not 100% sure. Please let me know what you think!
I don't own FSOG
Love and Letting Go
Chapter 1 – The hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I hate this. I don't revel in this feeling. Making this decision has broken my fucking heart. This is going to kill him. This is literally going to tear him apart, and I'd rather cut off my own arm then put him through this. I love him so much, and I don't want to do this to him.
After an hour of forcing myself up from the floor of Ted's room, I pull my princess cut Tiffany's engagement ring off my hand. I place it on the side table, and pick up my suit case. I look down in the crib, and I see the Ted is fast asleep. I run one of my hands through his soft brown hair and kiss him softly.
Am I ruining Ted's life? Am I making life harder on him? He will grow up in a broken home because of me. I broke our home. I am rejecting the only man I have ever loved. My son is going to be a statistic. My life is going to be a fucking statistic.
But I just have to do this. We're too young. We're too naïve. This is why you have babies when you're older; this is why you have back up protection when the first barrier falls through. His Dad said it himself, he is too smart and has too much promise to get married this young. He has to go to college, he has to use that insanely smart brain to take over the world, and he has to reach his full potential. He can't do that with a kid and his high school girlfriend that he married out of obligation. I am dead weight, I will drag him down.
I very carefully pull Ted out of his crib and place him in his carrier. Christian is with his Dad right now, and so the house is completely clear so I can make my escape. His Dad forced him to meet with another Harvard recruiter this evening. I encouraged Christian to go – he needed to go. Christian was reluctant but I am relieved that he is giving this a chance. This is how it should be, Christian can see it yet, but I am making the right choice. He deserves this opportunity.
I have no idea how I am going to get all of these bags out the door. I move the baby carrier first and set him right next to the front door. I go back and retrieve a few bags. I've left a few of Ted's personal items in the bedroom. I don't want Christian to think I am taking his baby. I never want Christian to think I am taking his baby. He will get to see his son as often as we can make it work.
Finally I am able to move all of my bags out the door. I walk quickly for my beetle and try not to drop anything. I stuff my belongings in fast, nervous that Christian will eventually show up and catch me before I can leave. I need to get to my parent's house before I lose the will to do this. He'll convince me to stay, he'll convince me to marry him, and he'll throw Harvard and his future out the window.
I walk back up the drive and open the door. Ted is still asleep in his carrier and I try to carefully walk him down to my car without rattling him. I carefully place him inside and get the seatbelt secured. I run to the driver's side, feeling nervous and anxious that Christian is going to pull back into the driveway.
As I start up my car, I see car lights shine through my back window. I stop, unsure of how to move next. He's here and he deserves an explanation, no matter how weak I am right now. I hear his feet rustle on the driveway and I open my door. Christian stops as I stand, and we gaze at each other. For the next couple of minutes, all either of us is able to do is stand and stare.
Christian looks inside my car and then looks back up at me. "Where are you going with our son?"
I take in a deep breath. "My Mom's…."
He breathes sharply, "What? Why?"
I look at the ground, praying for guidance. This is going to be so hard, and I can't give in. "How was your Harvard interview?"
His brows furrows and his eyes grow with confusion. "What?"
"I hope it went well, they need….. They need to accept you. You need to go to Harvard like your parents planned for you."
"Ana, I'm not going to Harvard…." He says, his voice shaking with each syllable.
"Yes you are…."
"No," he says, shaking his head wildly, "I'm not leaving you or him."
"You have to," I plead with him, "I can't ruin your life like that."
He shakes his head wildly, his hands running through his hair. "No….. Ana. I don't need Harvard. I need you."
"We're too young…. We can't rush into this." My voice is firm and strong despite the fact that my body could cave in at any moment.
"You listened to my fucking father," he replies, his voice hoarse, "Baby, I told you not to do that."
"He was right."
"NO HE WASN'T," he screams, "He doesn't understand anything. He doesn't understand us. You were made for me, he doesn't get that…."
"We're eighteen years old. You're going to hate me in ten, twenty years when you realize you've lived in Seattle Washington your entire life, tied to the girl you knocked up in high school," I sob, "I can't let that happen to you, I can't …. I love you too much…."
He grabs the sides of my face and kisses me tenderly on the lips. "Don't leave," he whispers, "Don't do this."
"You'll get to see him. Not when you're in Boston, but I'll never keep him from you…."
"Stop," he whispers, shaking his head, "Don't do this. Please, I am pleading with you. We can talk to my Dad; we can talk to my family. I can't be without you." I kiss him, running my fingers through his soft hair. He holds me close, and I am not completely sure that he is going to let me go.
I eventually pry myself from his body and move back to the driver's side. I check the car, making sure Ted is really asleep. Despite his parents screaming and crying, my baby is blissfully unaware of his surroundings.
"If you want to see him before you leave for Boston, call my Mom," I tell him, "We can work out custody. Whatever you need."
He seems to ignore my words, and goes around to the side of the car where Ted is sleeping. He opens the door as I climb in. He caresses Ted's small cheeks and leaves several kisses over his face. Finally after several moments of silence, Christian closes the door.
I take a second before I throw my car into drive. I'm actually doing this. I am actually walking away from him. I am doing the right thing. Before I get a chance to move, Christian is at my window.
"Don't do this, please," he says through the window, "Ana, you're wrong. I love you. I would never hate you, I would never stop loving you. I'll never regret you or Ted…."
"Go to Harvard," I say back to him, "Conquer the world. I love you."
In this moment, I do the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I put my car into drive, and I leave. I leave our house, I leave my fiancé, and I leave the life I could have had behind.